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Things That Go Bump

The Item

The Item

List Price: $14.98
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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: The Stupidest Movie I have Ever Seen!
Review: This movie is the stupidest movie I have ever seen -

NOT even worth the 3.99 Rental - It deserves to be thrown in the garbage or for target practice ;)

I will Stick with Dario Argento.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: This movie was so bad.....
Review: This movie was so bad that I got the feeling that after the movie was over and after the credits were shown both the director and producer would look into the camera and say "fooled ya!"

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: can't we have some fun?
Review: This was a very funny film. I loved the DVD , The violence is obviously fake, it is in fact hilarious. The worm is a bad little dude with YOUR attitude. I though it a clever little movie , with a twist. I think Artisan released a winner. I thought it much better than Blair Witch with a lower budget . All I can say it was like Roger Corman on acid.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: One of the sickest films ever!!!!
Review: Warning for all horror movie fans,this isn`t what your looking for:(

I shouldnt have I rented the Item.This movie is so sick with a million cursewords and gay people and beyond gallons of blood and how about the gal having a good time the fake puppet? That scene was so low i [was sick] all night from just thinking of it! STAY AWAY FROM THIS ...!!!!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Another straight to DVD nightmare
Review: Well well, The Item. What can be said that hasn't already? Plenty! The acting in thjis movie is what makes it a thrill to watch. It is so horrible you have to wonder how the director could take any of this seriously. Rita the art student has got to spew some of the most gawd-awful lines ever recorded on camera. They are so fake and so far out in left field that youll wonder if she thinks she's in another movie.

The star of course is Alex and here's a real winner. He talks waaaaay to much and gets annoying really fast. He is also sporting possibly the worst goatee in the history of facial hair. He kills fatty, kisses a ninja transvestite before blowing his head off and is finally killed himself by another criminal as they both go for the glock.

What is the 'Item' you ask? Well it's hard to decribe. It appears to be a three foot creature that looks like male genitalia. It's eyeballs were removed, so it has large sewn on patches of skin. He can get into your head and knows your fears and frightens you to the point of madness with the voice from a bad cartton. It obviously has a thing for third rate Asian actresses, because it makes love to her in the final scene.

I would recommend this movie to drug addicts. If you believe your life is over and meaningless, fear not. You have a future as a movie director or actor.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: just like the creature the movie came in a cool looking box
Review: Yeah, ya see I've done the same thing before. I've had a good idea, but not enough resources to make it materialize. So the idea was cool, but the movie sucked. I give credit to anyone who goes ahead and makes a movie, but I cannot recommend this one to anyone. It's one of those that makes you say, I could have done a better job than that (with crayons and glued maccaroni). Ouch! I'm sorry, but I paid money for this. I'm a little upset.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: THE HORROR....THE HORROR...and not in a good way!
Review: You know how people sometimes refer to a movie and say: That was the worst movie ever made!"? Well...guess what? The Item should be known as the most worthless piece of garbage ever to corrupt a videotape.I actually feel contempt with myself for having watched it through to the end.I even feel as if I've lost a few I.Q. points for having spent the time trying deduce if there was a point, or a plot, or even a THOUGHT involved in the making of this video. Not only is is low-budget horror with no-name worthless actors, but most of it is shot on what appears to be videotape. They couldn't even afford a camera!
The creature involved looks like the mutant child of kermit the frog and a worm, the only thing missing is...well, the ability to suspend disbelief. On one hand,(literally) you have an ugly muppet, and on the other an amateur porn star trying to break into the "big time" by having sex with a hand puppet. The only KIND thing I can say about this movie is that it is WRETCHED. It is not even clever enough to make you laugh. If you value life as you know it, do not watch this movie. You will hate yourself for months afterwards. I, personally, may never recover.


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