Rating: 
Summary: Oh yeah!
Review: A new filmmaker looking to make his first big hit horror movie will probably make one of the following three pictures: a slasher movie, a vampire movie, or a zombie movie. It's not surprising to see why. Most likely the director in question grew up watching George Romero's Dead Trilogy, "Friday the 13th" and "Halloween," and Hammer films starring Christopher Lee as Count Dracula. You go with what you know at first, and you also go with a format you respect and enjoy. The result of most of these first directorial efforts on the slasher, zombie, or vampire canon is negligible; they add nothing to the canon due to their derivative nature. That's acceptable, however, because out of a hundred or so carbon copies will come one or two films that are original enough to redefine the genre. The Canadian ultra-low budget film "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" is just such a movie. Here is a film so fun and unique that you almost don't realize, let alone mind, that you are watching what is essentially another vampire movie, with all the attendant baggage that label brings. Extremely low budget films set off warning bells nowadays, but "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter" is the rare diamond in the rough.
Right from the start I loved this film. Why? Because the opening credits and music were the best I've seen in a long time. Imagine seeing headshots of all the characters done up in a style reminiscent of early 1980s video game graphics with a robotic voice (vox?) reading off their names. Trust me, it's far cooler than I'm making it sound. I replayed the credits at least three times before I even started watching the film! As for the picture itself, I think describing it as a horror/comedy/action/musical covers all the bases. Jesus Christ (Phil Caracas) returns to earth at the behest of Father Eustace (Tim Devries) and a few other men of the cloth to help prevent vampires from taking over the planet. It's a daunting task made worse by the evil machinations of Dr. Praetorious (Josh Grace), a mad scientist type churning out new vampires by the dozens in his laboratory. The forces arrayed against the Son of God are formidable, including the beautiful Maxine Shreck (Murielle Varheiyi) and leader of the vamp pack Johnny Golgotha (Ian Driscoll). After a kung fu battle on the beach that sees Jesus fending off Shreck and her minions, the messiah hooks up with an unlikely ally in the form of Mary Magnum (Maria Moulton), who helps our hero acquire the necessary clothing and haircut one apparently needs in a battle against the undead. Unfortunately, Christ must also stray from his mission to battle a vanload of atheists who take exception to a challenge of their belief system.
The war against vampirism finds Jesus enlisting unlikely allies, primarily a Mexican wrestler named El Santos (Jeff Moffet) but also the advice of his father, the Supreme Being himself, channeled through an ice cream sundae. Even a priest sporting a mohawk arrives on the scene to lend a hand when needed. Christ and his helpers are surprisingly successful in their campaigns. They bring the fight to the bloodsuckers at a bar featuring the dubious musical talents of Blind Jimmy Leper (Lucky Ron), a fight where El Santo and Jesus uses everything from stakes to toothpicks to drop the evil ones in their tracks. The denouement is a highly amusing kung fu fight to the finish in a junkyard, with the principals leaping over cars, zipping around on motorcycles, and delivering swift karate kicks with all the panache of a novice just signed up to their first marital arts class. In between these bouts of bone crunching mayhem, Jesus spreads his father's message to the masses while prancing through the streets of the city singing, dancing, and healing those unfortunate wretches consigned to walkers and wheelchairs. It seems the man from Judea has lost none of his ability to perform miracles, even when transplanted to the icy climes of the Great White North.
Horror/comedy/action/musical film indeed! Director Lee Demarbre is either totally insane or has a sure eye for the subtly brilliant. While there are a few things that don't work at all or run on far too long, "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" screams cult classic for the ages. We've all seen filmmakers that set out from the beginning to make a cult classic only to fail miserably (see "Jane White is Sick and Twisted"), apparently because they don't understand that you cannot intentionally make a cult classic. A movie becomes a cult fave through an inexplicable confluence of events totally beyond the control of a director or anyone else associated with the picture. Fortunately, "Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter" pulls it off. The acting, the soundtrack, the pacing, the musical numbers, the beautiful girl next door actress in the role of Magnum along with the goth sleekness of the babe playing the Shreck character--all of these things and more work wonderfully. Moreover, while Demarbre and his script take sly jabs at the Catholic Church, the jabs are never done out of malice. Heck, Jesus opens up a can of you know what on all those atheists.
A huge number of extras graces the DVD version of the film. A commentary track, trailer, interviews with most of the principals, stills, deleted scenes, and a short kung fu spoof called "Harry Knuckles" also starring Phil Caracas all give the viewer more insight into this amazing production. The only thing missing in the supplements are interviews with Maria Moulton or Murielle Varheiyi, an unfortunate omission one hopes will be remedied on a future disc release. I enjoyed the film so much that I'm hoping and waiting for a sequel!
Rating:
Summary: Finally, a coherent movie
Review: After receiving such positive feedback from my review of the 1964 suspense thriller, Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo, I've decided to focus my writing once again on shamelessly hyping a movie I've never once seen.Any person considering viewing this movie needs to know a few things before taking their considerations to the next level. This is not a shallow movie in any way, nor is it a satire. It is a cinematic exploration into the deprivation of the human soul-a malady of discontent. At face value, the plot revolves around Jesus Christ, amply portrayed as a licentious card shark by George Clooney, in his overzealous quest for world domination in eighteenth century Russia. Christ's plan is simple: portray the aesthetic of a weak man in order to be taken under the wing of the venerable vampire Stepan Arkadyich Oblonsky. Once trust is earned and a bond is formed, Oblonsky agrees to give Jesus Christ the powers of the undead...but there's a catch: Jesus must first marry Oblonsky's sister, Anna Arkadyevna (played by Angela Bassett). On a deeper level, this is a story about hope and loss; the hope that Jesus Christ carries with him that one day fascism will come to an end and we will all live in a free market economy, and the loss of his faith in Judaism-his abandonment of God-after toiling for so long to help his country win the Space Race only to find his efforts in vain. A period of self discovery follows his release from mortality as Jesus Himself finalizes his transformation into a vampire. Faced with an unnerving imbroglio regarding conflictions between his marriage and aspirations, he finds himself vis-à-vis his former confidant, Stepan Arkadyich. With an askance stare, Oblonsky beautifully delivers one of the most moving soliloquies in all of film. It would be irresponsible of me to divulge anything else about this movie, so I'll end by saying this: if you're in the mood for a heavy, thinking movie with a dramatically surprising ending, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is for you. If you don't think this movie is for you, or don't have the time to invest in a 5 hour film, you can always pick up Goosebumps: The Werewolf of Fever Swamp, on which the movie is loosely based.
Rating: 
Summary: Don't expect too much
Review: At first glance you have to admit that the concept of this movie is hilarious. Jesus Christ? Fighting vampires? With mexican wrestler El Santos? Defending lesbians? It really does sound great. However, the key to enjoying this movie is not expecting too much from it. It was cheesy on purpose and they pulled it off pretty well. Once you get past a somewhat slow beginning (and a somewhat poor audio and video quality)and into the fighting scenes that's when the real fun begins. The park fighting scene and especially the junkyard fighting scene are both horrible. In that it's so horrible it's funny kind of way. The acting isn't very good but once again as long as you don't take it seriously it only adds to the humor of the movie. Also make sure to watch this movie with a group of people. As with any bad movie it's always more fun to watch it with a group of friends. Heckling and and even laughing is always better with others. This movie never takes itself seriously so, don't take it seriously. Laugh at the bad acting, laugh at the errors and laugh at the bad fight scenes. Just laugh, you'll enjoy it. Don't pick it apart, unless you intend to well... hmm... what was it? Oh yeah, laugh about it. If there's one thing that'll stay in your head it's the song "Everbody gets laid tonight". God, that song is catchy. Pun intended.
Rating:
Summary: You want cheesy? You got cheesy!
Review: Don't get me wrong...there is nothing wrong with the occasional cheesy movie. This is a low-budget vampire film with Jesus and El Santos the wrestler fighting the vampires and saving lesbians. This film did win some awards. If you are a big fan of vampires, you will want to give this one a skip. Most of the scenes are during the day, which goes against typical vampire lore. To explain this, there is a mad doctor who uses skin from victims to help protect the vampires during the day. Either way, the special effects are minimal so don't expect a lot of visual effects for the vampires. The DVD version has some outtakes and deleted scenes. If you had your heart set on bloopers, this isn't really the case. Some of the footage shown here is merely out of focus. It was deleted because of that. The redeeming quality for all the outtakes is the commentary provided by the filmmakers who explain what happened and what is going on. I found myself laughing more at the commentary than at the outtakes. If you don't take vampire films seriously, or religion for that matter, then you should watch this. It is good for a laugh. If nothing else, get this to watch the big dance sequence.
Rating:
Summary: Mary Magnum steals the show
Review: First, let's get one thing out of the way: This is not a b-movie, it's a z-grade movie. We're talking about a self-financed picture starring a bunch of students at Ottawa's Carleton University made on a reported budget of $100, 000. That said, viewers weaned on safe and sound Hollywood fare of the silver screen will want to stay far, far away. People as myself who love trash cinema however will likely get a kick out of this, although this film is by no means a masterpiece of bad cinema. A strange plague has overridden the city of Ottawa. Daylight-walking vampires have invaded the city, slaying many and causing a shortage of lesbians (don't ask...). Two priests then call to the chosen one, Jesus H himself, to restore order to the once peaceful Canadian capital. Jesus, using his magic powers of Kung-Fu, does the best he can but soon finds himself way outnumbered against the hordes of the undead. Down in the dumps, Jesus calls Mexican wrestler El Santos to the rescue. Together, Jesus Christ and El Santos form a Tag Team to rid the city of the undead. The first thing one notices right away is how much fun everyone seems to be having making this movie. The film is filled with awkward acting and dialogue but the exuberance and joy of the people involved more than make up for that. It really looks like a film made by a bunch of friends with too much time on their hands. Most of the actors in this are either punk rockers (the people on Jesus' side) or Goths (the vampires). One of the priests who calls for Jesus' help has a red-couloured Mohawk and a leather jacket filled with spikes just to give you an idea. This film is somewhat of a musical but not the whole way through; it switches styles every 20 minutes or so. As the actors in this film are all punks and Goths you can imagine just what kind of music plays during the musical parts, mostly hardcore old-school punk. The problem that I have with J.C. vampire hunter is its length. Although only 87 minutes long, it still seems to drag on forever. It is simply too cheaply produced and ridiculous to sustain interest for that amount of time. The first 20 minutes or so had me laughing uncontrollably but then things started to grow wearisome. Once El Santos appears toward the third tier of the movie things get interesting again but it seems a little too late at that point. Really, this film would have worked better as a 30-minute short if say, the first 15 minutes were combined with the final 15 and then I would have awarded this five stars. Still, if you love cheap B-Movies you owe it to yourself to watch this. Just to give you an idea how crazy this movie is imagine this scene: El Santos and Jesus enter a bar and order a couple of beers on tap. As the two of them soon realize the bar is overrun with Vamps, Jesus blesses his beer and proceeds to spit it in the ghouls' faces, who then burn to death. Yes folks, crazy stuff. Recommended as a party movie, for this is guaranteed to make everyone laugh out loud at least a dozen times throughout.
Rating: 
Summary: Canuck film with gallows humour and buckets of sloppy gore
Review: First, let's get one thing out of the way: This is not a b-movie, it's a z-grade movie. We're talking about a self-financed picture starring a bunch of students at Ottawa's Carleton University made on a reported budget of $100, 000. That said, viewers weaned on safe and sound Hollywood fare of the silver screen will want to stay far, far away. People as myself who love trash cinema however will likely get a kick out of this, although this film is by no means a masterpiece of bad cinema. A strange plague has overridden the city of Ottawa. Daylight-walking vampires have invaded the city, slaying many and causing a shortage of lesbians (don't ask...). Two priests then call to the chosen one, Jesus H himself, to restore order to the once peaceful Canadian capital. Jesus, using his magic powers of Kung-Fu, does the best he can but soon finds himself way outnumbered against the hordes of the undead. Down in the dumps, Jesus calls Mexican wrestler El Santos to the rescue. Together, Jesus Christ and El Santos form a Tag Team to rid the city of the undead. The first thing one notices right away is how much fun everyone seems to be having making this movie. The film is filled with awkward acting and dialogue but the exuberance and joy of the people involved more than make up for that. It really looks like a film made by a bunch of friends with too much time on their hands. Most of the actors in this are either punk rockers (the people on Jesus' side) or Goths (the vampires). One of the priests who calls for Jesus' help has a red-couloured Mohawk and a leather jacket filled with spikes just to give you an idea. This film is somewhat of a musical but not the whole way through; it switches styles every 20 minutes or so. As the actors in this film are all punks and Goths you can imagine just what kind of music plays during the musical parts, mostly hardcore old-school punk. The problem that I have with J.C. vampire hunter is its length. Although only 87 minutes long, it still seems to drag on forever. It is simply too cheaply produced and ridiculous to sustain interest for that amount of time. The first 20 minutes or so had me laughing uncontrollably but then things started to grow wearisome. Once El Santos appears toward the third tier of the movie things get interesting again but it seems a little too late at that point. Really, this film would have worked better as a 30-minute short if say, the first 15 minutes were combined with the final 15 and then I would have awarded this five stars. Still, if you love cheap B-Movies you owe it to yourself to watch this. Just to give you an idea how crazy this movie is imagine this scene: El Santos and Jesus enter a bar and order a couple of beers on tap. As the two of them soon realize the bar is overrun with Vamps, Jesus blesses his beer and proceeds to spit it in the ghouls' faces, who then burn to death. Yes folks, crazy stuff. Recommended as a party movie, for this is guaranteed to make everyone laugh out loud at least a dozen times throughout.
Rating: 
Summary: 90 minutes I'll never get back
Review: For the love of mike, avoid this movie! I purchased it based on the review and in the belief that eveything is either funny/dumb, or dumb/funny. this movie was just BAD. This makes the Story of Ricky look like an oscar winner. The script was pretty bad, the acting is worse. The charachters have a problem conveying realistic emotion and either look like their reciting lines they've memorized, or they're so over the top, its stupid. It just wasnt good. I've tried giving away my copy to everyone I know, they watch it and give it back, blaming me for having poisoned them with this bad, bad movie. you could do so much better by watching paint age or grass grow. I'd rather get fat than watch this movie again. If I could have given it negative stars, I would have.
Rating:
Summary: If you like Vampire movies SKIP THIS ONE OUT!
Review: Honestly! If you are a true vampire fan... don't waste you money on this movie... it's pathetic!
BUT, If you like foolish, brainless, B-type comedies... then this is the one for you... and enjoy it!.
Rating: 
Summary: Too Good To Be True
Review: I could hardly contain myself when I saw this title. The waves of blasphemous joy than ran through my body must have silenced the little voice in the back of my head that told me this movie was going to be awful. To be fair, I don't think that the movie could have ever lived up to the premise, even if this was a multimillion-dollar production (the budget was around $100,000 Canadian). And the premise is this: after an outbreak of vampirism that seems to be plaguing the lesbian community, Jesus is called upon to stop the infestation. Along the way, he teams up with the hot Mary Magnum, and "El Santos" (either the film maker didn't know that the Mexican wrestler is Santo, not Santos, or they were avoiding copyright infringement). Anyway, the three of them fight the forces of evil, and fight, and fight and fight. There is a LOT of fighting. If you think that seeing Jesus Christ beating up vampires and atheists can't be boring, you've never seen this movie. The worst part of the movie by far is Jesus. After about 10 minutes of the movie, he ditches the robe, and wears regular clothes. Even worse, he gets rid of his hair, so all the potential magic of seeing the longhaired, robed Messiah fight bad guys is ruined. Mary Magnum and El Santos are the best parts of this movie, but Santos doesn't even show up until halfway through the movie, and Mary Magnum doesn't have nearly enough screen time. There are a few funny one-liners in the movie, but not enough to save it. With such a blasphemous title and plot, you'd think that the filmmakers would have made a bigger attempt to offend viewers. After all, if you're going to watch a movie called Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, you're probably interested in the shock value. The movie isn't very offensive, and in the end, the story has a moral! Also, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter was apparently shot with a silent 16mm camera, so not only does the film quality look like it came from 1973(which actually helps this movie), the actors voices don't always synch up. It's a shame that such a great premise wasn't used to the degree it should have been.
Rating:
Summary: The Newst Testament Kicks [Butt]!
Review: I first saw this film at a special screening during the 2002 annual meeting of the American Academy of Religion (one of our members had written a paper on the film). I attended out of curiosity over the title & was not disapointed. Its an odd combination of JC Superstar, Rocky Horror Picture Show, WWF Wrestling and Kung Fu. Its a very low budget movie with an ultra lame plot, but it is also gut bustingly hysterical. I mean, how can you go wrong with Jesus vs Lesbian Vampires?! The room at the AAR showing was packed & we were all rolling on the floor. And keep an eye out for the sequel, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter II: A Romn Holiday, in which the lesbian vampires travel bck to the firstcentury, take over the Roman Empire an cremate JC after the crucifixion so he can't be ressurected. The present day JC must goback in time and save himself! I know I can't wait!
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