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Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood

Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood

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Rating: 2 stars
Summary: A last resort.....
Review: "Demon Knight" was a great first venture into the realm of full length feature for the people behind "tales from the crypt". This follow up, however, relies on humour rather than a mixture of scares and laughs to drag the story along. It almost seems like it was made for television. If your hunting for something horrific to watch, make this your last resort..

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Cool movie...
Review: "Tales From The Crypt" aint your average style in horror movies. TFTC combines awesome comedy with great special effect horror/action. I'd recomment this movie to ever horror fan out there. Its a blast...

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: A GOOD MOVIE TO WATCH WITH FREINDS
Review: A so-so movie with good gross out scenes and a lot of humor, but not much in the scares department. A good one to watch with freinds.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: ABSOLUTELY AWFUL! ;O
Review: As a fan of both the HBO series and the general horror genre, I can say without a doubt that "Bordello of Blood" is THE WORST movie I've seen thus far. Not only is the script more poorly written than in "Demon Knight," but even the gory effects appeared fake. Basically, Corey Feldman plays a rebellious heavy metal freak named Caleb who (along with his drunken friends) enter the McCutcheon mortuary for one purpose: to have a good, dirty time with XXX prostitutes in a single night of sex and alcohol. However, these bare naked girls turn out to be a coven of ravenous, lustful vampires who want to eat the boys' hearts out...literally! And, of course, they are all led by Lilith (Angie Everhart), the most bloodthirsty Madam from Hell.
Later on, Dennis Miller steps into the picture as Rafe Guttman, a mumbling detective who is hired to investigate Caleb's disappearance. Rafe is given the assignment by Caleb's virginal sister Katherine (Erika Eleniak), who couldn't get any aid from the police because they won't take her seriously. Meanwhile, Katherine herself provides spiritual support to Reverend Current (Chris Sarandon), a televangelist who regularly broadcasts from his own high-tech, crystal cathedral (the robotic Devil was a nice touch, by the way!) Then, of course, it's discovered that the Reverend isn't as righteous as he pretends to be, since HE was responsible for financially supporting Lilith's resurrection (all for the Lord's work, no doubt!) As Rafe gets closer to solving his case, he's repeatedly seduced by Lilith's obscene charms, and soon it's up to him to kill all of the vampires and destroy the bordello.
I'm sure "Bordello of Blood" will be a cinematic pleaser for anyone wanting to see mindless violence and sleaze. Splatter movie fans will undoubtedly enjoy witnessing topless vampire vixens ooze and explode in the out-of-control climax; this is the part where Rafe and the Reverend shoot holy water out of toy super-soakers. Even better is the moment when Rafe chops into Lilith's shoulder blade with an axe, and she flips the bird just before vanishing into thin air. Even Reverend Current reminds Rafe that the only way to kill Lilith is to cut her heart into four pieces (how nice!). Sadly, such grisly sequences are all this movie has to offer. I personally became offended in seeing the overabundance of Playboy nudity and bondage. There's even a scene where Aubrey Morris's mortician character fondles a female corpse, who he named "Mrs. Fat." WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?? HOW DISGUSTING!! As far as the acting goes, it's even MORE HORRIBLE! Dennis Miller is an unfunny comedian. Chris Sarandon does nothing more than adapt a sore stereotype of any televangelist. Erika Eleniak and Corey Feldman are more decent performers; to me, they appeared to struggle hard with the putrid dialogue written for them. Out of everyone in the cast, Crypt-Keeper was probably the best actor in the entire film! I beg you, kiddies, PLEASE AVOID THIS FILM AT ALL COSTS! OTHERWISE, YOU WILL HATE YOURSELF!!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Dennis Miller Live?
Review: As anyone who has followed Dennis Miller's film career knows, he usually dies at some point in each movie. In the last frame of this one, he seems to have survived (or did he?). At any rate, this is a great tongue-in-cheek horror film, done in the best, campy style of Tales from the Crypt. Miller's biting (pun intended) wit is perfect for this genre. If you find yourself thinking that this is a stupid movie, Miller's sarcastic and self-deprecating humor reminds you that it is what it is and it doesn't try to be anything more. If you liked Tales from the Crypt or like Miller's brand of humor, you'll enjoy this film.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Vampire Prostitutes
Review: Bordello of Blood is the second Tales From the Crypt movie, and I found it very enjoyable.

Unlike the first movie (Demon Knight) this movie did not start out with the television show's opening. It opened more like a movie than an extra long episode.

Bordello of Blood is the story of a down-on-his-luck private investigator (Dennis Miller) looking for a missing teenager. The search leads him to a funeral home that is a front for a bordello run by vampires. Miller's client tells him to drop the case but he really needs the case to succeed if he is going to get his license back. Miller investigates and plays a very savvy investigator who doesn't fall for anyone's lines and is not surprised by what he finds. Added to this is television evangelism, the lore of vampires and their origin, and the key from the first movie.

The action is similar to the series with the same tongue-in-cheek humor (possibly even more so). I particularly liked the investigator's resourcefulness in eliminating the vampires (a long-range, large-capacity squirt gun filled with holy water) and the vampire applying the SPF100 sun block.

If you like Tales From the Crypt, there is no reason you will not like this one.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Vampire Prostitutes
Review: Bordello of Blood is the second Tales From the Crypt movie, and I found it very enjoyable.

Unlike the first movie (Demon Knight) this movie did not start out with the television show's opening. It opened more like a movie than an extra long episode.

Bordello of Blood is the story of a down-on-his-luck private investigator (Dennis Miller) looking for a missing teenager. The search leads him to a funeral home that is a front for a bordello run by vampires. Miller's client tells him to drop the case but he really needs the case to succeed if he is going to get his license back. Miller investigates and plays a very savvy investigator who doesn't fall for anyone's lines and is not surprised by what he finds. Added to this is television evangelism, the lore of vampires and their origin, and the key from the first movie.

The action is similar to the series with the same tongue-in-cheek humor (possibly even more so). I particularly liked the investigator's resourcefulness in eliminating the vampires (a long-range, large-capacity squirt gun filled with holy water) and the vampire applying the SPF100 sun block.

If you like Tales From the Crypt, there is no reason you will not like this one.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: totally awesome
Review: Bordello Of Blood is totally funny and leaves you laughing from start to finish Miller does a great job as P.I. Rafe Guttman who jst can`t resist a damsel in distress and Angie Everheart is hot as Lillith queen of the vampires who runs an underground whorehouse it`s hard to beleive that there isn`t alot of nudity in this.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Make that "-1" star
Review: Dear sweet Jesus, what an AWFUL waste of time. Buy this for people you hate.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: It's good not-so-clean fun
Review: Dennis Miller is really funny in this. He's got these one-liners throughout the whole movie that are priceless. And whats-her-name gets an A++ on the shwing-o-meter. That guy from Fright Night is pretty good too as the evangelist/rock star. There's one scene in patricular with him that alone makes this movie worth owning. There are lots of [body parts] throughout (er, mammery glands) and an HBO production factor that gives it the extra ooomph a movie like this needs. I'd give it four stars (because I liked it more than the average joe) but I don't want to be misleading. Grab one if your a collector, you won't be dissappointed, and they're going fast- this is currently out of print. It also fairs much better than the other "Tales From The Crypt" that are available on DVD.


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