Terror Firmer

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Summary: Let me apologize...
Review: ...for my son JT Boyd/Ghenghis and his disturbing reviews. A father of at least one son one wonders whether if perhaps Child Services should be called to Murray Hill Road to save the little boy. God willing, the cops will be on their way.

1 Thomas Hale Hawkins Jr Tomstone!

Rating:
Summary: Terror Firmer
Review: A film writhing in dark humour, gore and a wonderful storyline, Terror Firmer is a must for anyone who loves Troma and anyone who doesn't. The film is one of the best black movies I have ever seen, and I recommend it to you, because it is fantastic and a classic.

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Summary: Trash, trash, TRASH!!!!!
Review: Another typical piece of Troma Trash, I am unfortunate enough to have a brother who enjoys this waste of celluloid, please kill me...

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Summary: A Tasteless Treasure
Review: but this went far beyond that. It was pychotic with a capital "P"
Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed other Troma movies, "Toxic Avenger", "Tromeo and Juliet", but this was pure madness.

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Summary: Wheres my damn poster?!?!
Review: Decent flick, but where the hell is the mini poster advertised on the front of the movie?

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Summary: Lloyd's best movie
Review: I like some of Lloyd Kaufman's movies and despise others. This is, by far, my favorite. Unlike Troma's War or Class of Nuk'em High, this movie is actually funny. The writing is excellent, the story is absurd, the acting ranges from inspired to perfectly adequate, the effects are silly, the characters are engaging (I absolutely dug the Toddster and his death by bong scene is fantastic. "Brain go Bye Bye,") and there are a lot of fun cameos to look out for.

I have a feeling that Douglas Buck had a lot to do with the success of Terror Firmer. I only say this because I have seen his short film, Cutting Moments, and it is absolutely amazing. So I suspect that he might have elevated this effort from the level of the usual Troma production. Just a guess.

It's not perfect; some of the stuff with Ron Jeremy towards the end gets a little hokey for me. But hey, what the hell, this is a seriously fun movie.

The short at the end with Trey Parker and Matt Stone is hilarious.

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Summary: DOES ANYBODY WANT A PICKLED EGG?!
Review: Something's rotten in the city of Tromaville, and Lloyd Kaufman's "Terror Firmer" stinks like an unwashed toilet seat. Yesterday, I was unfortunate enough to sit through this 1999 amalgamation of putrid porn, rancid raunch, flammable flatulence and vomit (among other things.) Sickened to my stomach and offended beyond words, I know now that "Terror Firmer" is the most disgusting piece of trash ever to be captured on film. With jiggling breasts, awful acting, and plenty of bodily fluids to go around, this movie stops at nothing to make brain-dead viewers regurgitate. Not even the surprise cameos of the Lunachicks, the Toxic Avenger, and Sergeant Kabuki Man can save "Terror Firmer" from sinking into its own filth.
I will take the time to unveil the synopsis (if you could call it that): "Terror Firmer" concerns a zero budget film crew led by a blind, idiotic director named Larry Benjamin (Lloyd Kaufman himself!). Some of the members include Christine, a blond bimbo actress (Debbie Rochon), the Toddstar, an obnoxious sound man (Gary Hrbex), Popo, a potty-mouth ventriloquist (himself), and Jerry, an effects specialist who thinks that blood and guts are the only two elements needed in a good film. In the center of all this tasteless insanity, romance blossoms between a seemingly wholesome Jennifer (Alyce Latourelle) and a weightlifting boom mike handler named Casey (Will Keenan). I don't want to get too explicit in my writing, but let's just say that their love centers around a jar of pickles. Meanwhile, a mysterious redhead in a slinky black dress (Sheri Wenden) is killing off the crew members one by one. Fans of cinematic gore will drool at the movie's numerous death scenes. At one point, the woman murders Jacob Gelman, Larry's grossly obese investor (Joe Fleishaker), by crushing his bulging carcass under an escalator floor, causing his intestines to spew out of his mouth! In another scene, Jacob's son (a spoiled punk with spiky blue hair) gets his legs lopped off after he's smashed in-between two oncoming trucks! At first, audiences might think that this murdering mascara monster is a feminist seeking revenge. However, in what may be the stupidest ending ever written, she turns out to be none other than Casey himself (or should I say herself?)! As a horrified Jennifer discovers, poor Casey is a psychotic hemaphrodite who collects body parts pickled in jars. I'm won't even bother revealing the split-screen finale, for I am struggling to block its inane vileness out of my mind.
Anyway, I give one star to "Terror Firmer's" impressive and grisly effects. That's pretty much all this movie has to offer. But if you seek a horror movie that contains a decent storyline and spine-tingling terror, I beg you to avoid Tromaville AT ALL COSTS! I dare to say that this movie is an embarrassment to all of independent cinema. PLEASE DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS GARBAGE!

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Summary: TERROR FIRMER
Review: TERROR FIRMER has to be one of the sickest and craziest movies that Troma has ever made, and I mean that as a compliment. I finally bought the Unrated Director's Cut 2 DVD-Disc Box Set of this film.., and I have to say that it was worth the [money] that I paid for it.

The plot of TERROR FIRMER is very simple: the cast and crew of a Troma movie are being stalked and murdered by a serial killer. There is plenty of violence, cheesy acting, male/female nudity, jokes, and 'mystery guest' cameos.

The special features on the DVD set include: 3 cool music videos, a behind-the-scenes documentary, trailers for other Troma movies, audio commentary, deleted scenes, alternate footage, and much more!

Anyone who is a fan of Troma films should pick this up immediately!

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Summary: Good troma!
Review: Terror Firmer is actually tromas biggest production. It contains a loot of blood (of course) manny sexy chicks and stupid people. The story is about a troma team who is creating a independent movie, but on the movieset there is a freakin meaniack who kills one by one of them. If you like splatter movies, you would problary love "Terror Firmer".

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Summary: TERROR FIRMER: The One Troma Fans Have Been Waiting For!
Review: TERROR FIRMER is one of Troma's newest films to be released and now it's making it's debut on DVD. I can't wait to get it. I haven't seen the movie but I know the straight plot of it: A low-budget independant film crew find themselves being stalked by a maniac killer. There's plenty of nudity, sex, Troma-tic violence, and bad cheesy acting in general...only from Troma, of course! Well, since I'm a big fan of most Troma movies, I'm giving this one 5 stars before I even watch it. Any Troma fan with a DVD player should just pick this one up!