Rating: 
Summary: Terrific B-movie, great T&A!
Review: This movie is a riot. It involves an alternate vampire world a la Buffy or Anita Blake, but does not take itself too seriously. If you've seen the Steve Martin movie "LA Story", this is the LA Story world with vampires. The acting is sometimes wonderfully over the top (Kim Cattrall from "Sex in the City", Rod Steiger as Van Helsing and Craig Ferguson as a terrific British Vamp) sometimes merely adequate (Casper Van Dien of course), but its the ridiculous situational comedy scenes that make this movie. Modern Vampires has TUNS of terrifically bizarre scenes. The "people as food" motif is hilariously done in an LA sort of way. You have a crazed Dr. Van Helsing aided by Crypts gang members going after bizarre fun-loving and weird LA Vamps, who are themselves enmeshed in trying to help a trailer park trash vamp (played well by Natasha Gregson Wagner) in learning how to be civilized while not incurring the wrath of the local head vamp who wants her "dead." For a T&A rating, this movie gets a big 2 thumbs up. There is a good sprinkling of jovial and perky nakedness throughout that helps makes this movie a nice grade-B gem. While Modern Vampires did not make it to the big screen, it certainly deserves to be watched at home. 5 stars on the B-grade movie scale.
Rating: 
Summary: Vampires, Gang Members and Dr. Van Helsing, oh my.
Review: Somewhere there must have been an axiom written that all vampire movies must be horribly written and acted. This film definitely falls into that category. Never the less, I find this film highly entertaining. Casper Van Dien stars as Dallas, a vampire who appears to be the protagonist. Interestingly, this film seems to portray vampires as both evil and good. (As witnessed by the Count and Dallas, respectively.) All in all the film seems to be more of a good time than any sort of chronicle on vampire lore. This film definitely has the most interesting way of making people into vampires I've ever seen though... If you like vampire movies, you'll enjoy this. If you liked Interview with the Vampire, but hated Queen of the Damned, you probably won't enjoy this (it's more on the Queen of the Damned side of vampire films).
Rating: 
Summary: So-So film, funny in spots...
Review: ..But incredibly gory in others. Plus, unlike Buffy, there really is no protagonist. Who do you root for? The gang-bangers, the murderous vampires or the Nazi vampire hunter? I must admit that parts of the film had me laughing at times.
Rating:
Summary: Sexy modern Vampires
Review: This is a welcome change from the normal modern vampire film (usually poor attempts at soft-core; from Seduction Cinema). This film is sexy, and it has a story too! Nastasha Gregson Wagner is a dimininutive actress who packs a powerful punch as the homeless vampire who needs a little help avoiding being staked. She is so sexy, despite her waifishness. I hope there's a sequel out there.
Rating:
Summary: An Excellent and (ahem) Biting Satire
Review: All right, so there are plenty of vampire movies. There are even a number of comedic flicks in the genre. But unlike juvenile tripe such as "My best friend is a vampire" and "love at first bite," "MODERN VAMPIRES" truly excels as a quality adult horror film, ripe and rife with sparkling wit, clever innuendo, hot and sexy vampire vixens, excellent acting, and art direction of a caliber that allows genuinely qualified comparison to major hollywood studio pictures. And unlike "Dusk til Dawn," there was actually good writing and a fun, ingenious plot, nearly gordian in complexity, that kept me guessing right up to, literally, the very last minute of the film!!!... And yet it was just as entertaining to watch this movie a SECOND time!!! I look forward to watching it a third time as well. Certainly a MAJOR achievement in this age of cutting intellectual corners (especially in action films) to leave more room for the sex and violence. And yet there was still plenty of sex and violence, my friends-- hooray for the sex and violence! With enough blood to satisfy even a rather jaded geek such as myself, MODERN VAMPIRES kept me wide-eyed and laughing, entertained from the first scene to the last. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE and wait with bated breath for more such excellent films from clearly visionary director Elfman.
Rating:
Summary: It's not easy being a Vampire
Review: Richard Elfman is on the verge of making it big, all he needs is for a studio to give him a ton of money! Modern Vampires is a well-made serious (yet comic) tale of hunting vampires and survival. Rod Steiger plays Dr. Van Helsing who seems to have a lot more fun overacting than say, the cast of Bram Stoker's Dracula trying to act at all. New to this country, unaccustomed to our laws, and on the run from some strange experimentation charges from WW2, he enlists the help of some local Los Angeles gangsters who introduce him to rap music and give a new meaning to the term, Demon Lover. This film has fun with the ideas of Vampires living today. From a Dead Body Pick-up Service for the rich vampires, blood on tap at the local Vamp dives, previously caught all-you-can-eat meals (people) at the Dance-halls, and the favorite hotels Vampires like to sleep at, Modern Vampires is a well thought-out Comedy/thriller. Casper Van Dien and Natasha Gregson Wagner (who will make any film viewing experience better) do a great job leading a cast of TV actors notably enjoying themselves while playing off the norm characters. Kim Catrall (Vulcan temptress, Mannequin, Sex and the City hottie), Gabriel Casseus, and American Pie's (or But I'm a Cheerleader's) Natasha Lyonne also help round out the cast of this truly silly yet highly entertaining film. It is a very funny film, it gets you right in the heart.
Rating:
Summary: Finally, a Vampire Movie with Bite!
Review: The most entertaining vampire film since "Near Dark". Director Richard Elfman and scribe Matthew Bright have pulled the stake out of the heart of a tired, anemic genre with this raucous, deliciously gory and often hilarious send-up. It's surprising that this buried treasure fell beneath the radar of so many genre fans, especially in an era in which truly entertaining exploitation films are about as hard to find as - oh, say - real vampires. Elfman (brother of Danny, who's along to provide a terrific score) stacks the deck with a wonderful cast: Kim Cattrall, Udo Kier, Craig Ferguson and Robert Pastorelli have tremendous fun chewing the scenery with the same spirit and relish that they chew their unwitting victims, while Natasha Gregson Wagner finds a way to balance cute-and-vulnerable with rapid-bloodthirsty-cougar, and Natasha Lyonne - in what could have been a throw-away role for a lesser actress - once again proves why she's one of the most watchable young talents in the business. But most delicious of all is Rod Steiger, playing vampire arch-nemesis Frederick Van Helsing. It's inspired filmmaking on Elfman's part to have Steiger's feisty Van Helsing recruiting the aid of an African-American street gang to help in the extermination of the film's underground vampire counter-culture. The scenes with Steiger and the gang members are priceless. If the under-appreciated "Modern Vampires" is an indication, Richard Elfman is going to be a real talent to watch. Don't miss this one!
Rating:
Summary: Wry wit *AND* gore, Bravo!
Review: This clever film fits into the netherworld of cinema that the "suits" hate because it's so hard to categorize. Funny, yet seriously gory, sensual and smart, this well cast film (great, though sadly abbreviated performance by the unparalleled Udo Kier) delivers to fans of cult films who prefer to watch actors acting instead of CGI FX eye candy trying to replace engaging dialogue and character development. Rod Steiger is simply perfect as Van Helsing chasing down vampires in modern day Los Angeles. Oh yeah, plenty of T&A to please everyone, as well! Think Kim Catrall does Sex in the City of Angels. Natasha Gregson Wagner will be emblazoned on the retinas of Vampire lore aficionados for decades. This mismarketed film deserves the chance it didn't get the first time around, owing to it's being so difficult to categorize. Equal parts comedy, horror, erotic thriller and campy satire comprise a compelling diversion from reality, if but for a couple of hours.
I welcome the fusion of so many film genres. You *CAN* get your chocolate in my peanut butter to great effect!
Rating:
Summary: Goodn gory
Review: Perhaps not for everybody, but if gore and camp are your bag, then this is perfect. Featuring such things as an overweight Dracula, gangbangers recruited to hunt vampires, and over the top slapstic, this is deffinitly worth a watch. It got a lot of bad press initially as it was espected to be a more serious movie, but taken with a grain of salt, it is hillarious.
Rating:
Summary: Rod Steiger with a stake
Review: As a big fan of Rod Steiger, I can't say enough about his fun filled Van Helsing in this play on Dracula. There's also so many other actors that make Elfman's film a good film. Natsha-Gregson Wagner and Kim Cattrall in the same film? You don't have to be trapped on the SOL to feel this amazing.
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