Frostbiter

Rating:
Summary: Better than most independents
Review: I don't know where all the bad reviews are coming from, but I actually thought this was pretty entertaining. Yeah, Asheton's acting was pretty over the top, but some of the acting was pretty good. The girl who plays Sandy was really convincing in her role. SHe reminds me of a young Demi Moore.The dude who's hand was eaten by the chili was good too. The special effects were better than most Troma pics. as for the soundtrack, I don't know why they drowned out the dialog. Maybe troma should remaster it or something. Anyway, I liked it, and would say don't rent it if you expect Lord of the Rings or some kind of blockbuster film. Do rent it if you appreciate an interesting indie film. And have a sense of humor.

Rating:
Summary: Two Stars Might Even Be a Bit Generous
Review: I love Troma films. I do. Toxic Avenger is a classic. Terror Firmer is hilarious. Cannibal the Musiacl rocks. But for every good movie Troma puts out, it seems they also release a piece of trash, and unfortunately this is one of those pieces of trash.
First of all, this film rips off everything that made the Evil Dead series at all enjoyable, and then ruins it. The zombie makeup, the demons disguised as character's mothers, the camera angle in the perspective of a demon crawling across a dirty cabin floor... Sadly, it's all there. An old lady even chokes out a key line from the first Evil Dead film ( "One by one you shall perish") and it's done in a cabin in the exact same form as in Evil Dead. I think that's called plagiarism. But as wonderful as the Evil Dead series may be, this movie is horrible in every way possible.
And to add to my hatred of this film, a ridiculous eighties soundtrack plays loudly in the background throughout the entire film, to the point that you can't even hear the characters because they're obscured by the noise. The worst part was when a demon comes out of a pot of chile and attacks a handful of people in a cabin where most of the movie takes place. A disgraceful punk rock song is playing loudly throughout the scene and it features lyrics along the line of: "Chile..... no onions. No softdrink. Just chile. Chile..... No cheese. No onions. Just chile." It's meant to be a joke, but I wasn't laughing.
Looking passed the fact that this movie blatantly steals from The Evil Dead Series in almost every way possible, some people may get some enjoyment out of it. But I wasn't one of them.

Rating:
Summary: The horror...the horror
Review: If someone ever cornered me by asking why I waste my time watching Troma films, I would have a tough time giving a convincing answer. It seems like every few weeks I end up watching one of these nightmares. I simply don't know why. Perhaps I am too lazy to turn these monstrosities off once the movie begins. Perhaps my love for low budget junk provides enough inspiration to bravely gut it out after I realize the movie is yet another Lloyd Kaufman sponsored disaster. Who knows what drives me to punish myself. I can tell you that "Frostbiter" presented me with a particularly painful conundrum. I hoped the movie would turn into an all out gorefest at some point, but waiting for it caused so much physical and mental pain that it almost wasn't worth the payoff. Cosmic questions of massive import assailed my brain as I waited for the film to grind to its inevitable conclusion: why are we on this planet? Will I fulfill the goals I have set for my life? And why am I wasting two hours of my physical existence watching this dreck? Some questions have no easy answers. "Frostbiter" now holds the distinction of being the worst Troma film I have yet seen, eclipsing such classic clunkers as "Rowdy Girls" and "Redneck Zombies."

"Frostbiter" ostensibly takes place up in Canada at a place called Manitou Island during the hunting season. When two guys-one of them played by Iggy and the Stooges guitarist Ron Asheton-out for a good time run into an old guy living in a cabin, trouble rears its ugly head. The guy in the cabin is a guardian, living alone out in the woods in a shack surrounded by skulls because it is his job to make sure that the dreaded spirit known as the Wendigo doesn't return. Asheton and his thickheaded buddy murder the guardian, thus releasing the evil spirit. You've probably heard about the Wendigo before, an old Indian legend about a half man half animal beast who steals souls. There's various takes on the myth, at least in the movies, but if you want to read something good about the Wendigo check out the story by Algernon Blackwood. Do not, whatever you do, accept this film as a substitute. All you get from "Frostbiter" is Ron Asheton hamming it up beyond belief, a bunch of guys sitting around in a cabin screaming and yelling, and a conclusion that is so cheesy, so utterly schlock Z budget bad, that it defies description. You want a chili monster? You want an extremely tacky flying Wendigo attacking an airplane? By all means watch "Frostbiter."

The rest of us, at least those of us not mentally incapacitated by watching junk like this over the years, cringe in horror at the atrocious quality of this film. What possibly could have inspired any film studio to release this nightmare? Even Troma should know better than to foist this cheap piece of crud on the general populace. Let's start with Asheton. Imagine the sound of Mariah Carey stepping on a needle, and you'll have some grasp of the vocal intonations with which Asheton delivers his lines. Every time he uttered a line in that shrill tone of his, I could hear glass melting in my house. Then there's the special effects. Let's just say a four year old working with clay could do a better job than the effects techies did in "Frostbiter." The conclusion of the film is prime evidence that proves my argument, when the entire film essentially switches over to a type of stop motion that would give Ray Harryhausen an apoplectic fit. As I watched-more like endured-this film, I suddenly realized director Tom Chaney was attempting to rip off Raimi's "Evil Dead" pictures. Does he realize that in some countries the authorities will cut off your hands as a punishment for theft?

Everything in this film had me grinding my teeth into powder. Check out that "news report" about the snowstorm moving into the region. Could that have been done in a more amateurish way? I got the feeling that the report, and by extension the movie, was supposed to be funny. Ha ha. I haven't laughed this hard since I had my navel reupholstered. Perhaps I shouldn't be so hard on the film. Maybe the filmmakers intended something different from what I heard and saw. I wouldn't know, though, because the audio quality was so mediocre I couldn't hear half of the stuff going on in the picture. Ditto the picture quality. In fact, the transfer to disc is so dreadful that it looks like the tenth cousin five times removed of the tenth generation dupe of my high school video yearbook after it sat in the mud for eight years. You think I'm kidding? You think I'm exaggerating for the sake of humor? Well, maybe ever so slightly, but think very carefully before watching the film to find out.

Troma blithely went ahead and released the film with the usual boatload of extras. You get an interview with Asheton, a music video of Asheton cranking out some tunes with a couple of other musicians, trailers, and the usual Troma self-serving promotions. I am not going to recommend this movie to anyone; I simply can't if I expect to keep any good karma that still might adhere to my soul. Horror fans, science fiction fans, Troma fans, and "Evil Dead" fans must, must stay as far away from this film as is humanly possible.

Rating:
Summary: got troma?
Review: so -- as a troma fan i have to say this movie far exceeded my expectations! if you like your movies bad -- they don't get much worse than this.... in fact, its probably one of the worst movies of all time -- and i love it! the funniest part is the soundtrack; its obvious (seems to be anyway) that after finishing the film they realized it couldn't be salvaged so they put really funny music over the entire movie! my friends and i couldn't stop laughing while we watched.... if you're a fan of cult movies, you must own this one for your collection -- if nothing else, it'll make you laugh.

Rating:
Summary: Good late night fun
Review: This film whilst obviously not a classic is still worth a watch if you like bad horror films. Owing a lot to Evil Dead II in terms of atmosphere and plot it still has its own unique feel. At times it can actually be scary. Some parts are gory as well. For some reason though the best word to describe it is "blue". Not because of porn, but lighting. Nearly every shot within the cabin that the heroes are holed up in are completely blue tinted. The only gripes with this film are the backing soundtrack (which is very funny at times itself) is too loud and the evil monster - when you finally see it, it is clay-mation and just doesn't fit with the rest of the film. Aside from that though this is the perfect film to stay up to watch late at night with friends. It is very enjoyable and a great film, although for no reason you can really comprehend.

Rating:
Summary: The kind of stuff that creates killers and child molesters.
Review: When a couple of ignorant hunters ruin a ritual tribute that keeps an evil dinosaur spawning moose creature at bey, a plethera of little hunting parties turn into hell on ice and only a land dwelling female can save them from the terror. Completely disgusting and wretched excuse for a horror movie makes us afraid to even imagine eating chili or skiing again but it's TROMA, what more could you expect? The effects and a nice poster of "The Evil Dead" do this "film" some justice. Don't pick out a favorite character, if you get my drift. If you liked BLAIR WITCH PROJECT...