Reel Horror

Rating:
Summary: "Eye Patches by Tony Mack"
Review: "Reel Horror" is one of the most odious films ever made. It is dreadful beyond all ability to comprehend. I knew that I was in trouble when the opening credits announced "A Ross Hagen Film" and "Conceived and Directed by Ross Hagen." You may be familiar with Ross Hagen for his role in "Sidehackers" (made famous by MST3K) as "Rommel". Eventually Rommel was shot in the back in "Sidehackers", which less politically correct viewers may think too kind a fate after viewing "Reel Horror."

The film is basically unrelated snippets of eight different (awful in their own right) horror movies combined with "host segments" featuring the least talented cast in film history, including a one eyed woman and the creepiest dwarf sidekick I have ever seen. The only thing I found entertaining in the entire film was the closing credit reading "Eye Patches - Tony Mack." It is true: there were a lot of eye patches featured here, and they were the best thing in the film.

I can't even begin to know where to start in discussing the "plot", but the film jumps right in with both feet in some footage of Donald Pleasance as a black panther jumping around in some haunted woods. The only other significant performance by a name you would recognize is that of Vic Tayback portraying an insane and abusive Italian butcher, with an idiotic apprentice butcher in training who has to hunt down a mute girl pulling an American Flyer wagon in his hearse full of pig carcasses. (It makes even less sense when you actually watch it.) This part of the film is actually genuinely gross, featuring shocking and disturbing actual chicken beheadings. The box says it features John Carradine, who I have seen in many, many movies. I never saw him show up. Either his was a very small part or my eyes had glazed over and rolled back into my head when he was onscreen. Others I did recognize included Victor Buono, Ross Hagen, and Julie Newmar.

This movie has the worst editing I have ever seen, period. It makes "Manos" appear well crafted and thoughtful, and "The Wild, Wild World of Batwoman" appear logical and intelligent by comparison. There is an overriding principle at work in this film: Never let the audience know what is going on, at any cost.

One other aside before I go throw my copy in the trash compactor: the host segments are physically uncomfortable to watch, particularly the musical segments, the "fat demon", segment, and the "pig seance" segment.

This movie is best actually viewed in a vomitorium.


Rating:
Summary: horror is right!
Review: there should be a law against letting just anyone take advantage of cheap video cameras to make a movie. imagine a bunch of doped up young people with lots of ideas and not much experience but enough resources to make a movie and spread their "horror" through the Internet to the unsuspecting public. It seems this movie was never viewed previous to release. long segments are barely audiable. the only reasson to buy this movie is to see just how horrible it is possible to make a movie, and to help us appreciate the skill of good movie makers. every aspect of a film--lighting, sound, the dialogue, the acting, all STINK!