Burial of the Rats

Rating:
Summary: smartly-disguised lines like "for every woman a
Review: a chum was enticed by the well-blossomed women on the cover of this
straight-to-video-limbo, includes the finest eye-shadow of the
nineteenth century, smartly-disguised lines like "for every woman a
blow", the raiders of the lost ark alterior soundtrack and a dazzling
bit of paired-off swordplay amongst the thread-draped rat women

Rating:
Summary: smartly-disguised lines like "for every woman a
Review: a chum was enticed by the well-blossomed women on the cover of this
straight-to-video-limbo, includes the finest eye-shadow of the
nineteenth century, smartly-disguised lines like "for every woman a
blow", the raiders of the lost ark alterior soundtrack and a dazzling
bit of paired-off swordplay amongst the thread-draped rat women

Rating:
Summary: Worth seeing for the "curiosity factor"
Review: Adrienne Barbeau plays a scantily-clad dancer who can control the minds of rats and calls herself The Queen of Vermin. When aspiring author Bram Stoker (Kevin Alber) is kidnapped by her secret cult of (also scantily-clad and dancing) women, he agrees not only to write of their exploits but also to aid in the killing of "piggish" males. Men aren't the only ones targeted by the evil queen: When a rodent with four left feet can't keep up with her flute music, she puts the rat's head in a tiny guillotine and ruthlessly severs it. He's like the Marie Antoinette of rats. Need I mention that Burial of the Rats was produced by the infamous schlock-meister Roger Corman? Based upon a short story by Bram Stoker.

Staci Layne Wilson
Author of Staci's Guide to Animal Movies


Rating:
Summary: Even for porn, this is bad
Review: I am so sorry I wasted an hour and a half on this thing, an hour and a half which could have been spent on some thing else, like watching a good movie.

First off, the plot consists of Bram Stoker being kidnapped by a feminist group in the 19th century. These aren't the type of women you read about in history books, these women cavort about half-nude and have lesbian orgies, because after all that's what female supremacy is all about! Every one knows Susan B. Anthony was a big ol' lesbo.

These women, however, don't wear corsets, they wear modern-day underwear. I really wish they had worn corsets, because I probably would have liked the movie better (at least in a guilty pleasure way). I wasn't too ticked off about this film's anachronisms, though, because what really ticked me off was the fight scenes. The movie chooses to have lots of them, and they are AWFUL! The women look like they feel absolutely ridiculous sword fighting in their underwear (I know I would) and some how these women are so well trained they can beat regular soldiers. And how come the soldiers don't SHOOT the women? There are only two scenes where soldiers shoot the women with their rifles, otherwise it seems like they choose to drop their rifles and fight with swords. There's even one scene where men charge into a room with rifles, but when the women go to meet them the soldiers now have swords!! Some softcore, late-night porn movies are still interesting if you turn the sound off, but this one is just dumb all around. The women aren't hot, the outfits cheapens them more and doesn't make it seem like the 19th century, and further more the sex scenes are flat out BORING. They're about as hot as an ice cube in Alaska.

Even if you are a pervert that never leaves his room and is practically married to every porn star on the internet, you won't like this movie. If you aren't, then you should stop reading this review and just pretend this movie doesn't exist.

Rating:
Summary: Pied Piper's Twisted Sister
Review: Last weekend I saw a strange film called Bram Stoker's Burial of Rats. This is a film that at first seems like a cross between Lair of the White Worm and some of the newer Lovecraft films.

Burial of Rats opens with Bram Stoker and his father riding in a coach and arguing Bram's future. Bram wants to be a writer. Before their argument can develop too far, their carriage is waylaid by bandits and rats. Bram saves his father by shooting one of the bandits. Bram is captured and the father is left behind. While Bram's father goes to the authorities and is told to consider his son dead, Bram is taken to the secret lair of the bandits.

The bandits are women. They are under the slightly-mad leadership of their queen who is quite well played by Adrienne Barbeau. The Queen is described as the Pied Piper's twisted sister (she has a flute with which she can control rats). Because he killed one of their number, Bram is slated for execution. He only survives because one bandit realizes that he only acted to save his father. This touches her deeply as she was unable to save her own family. She then goes on to aid Bram's cause. When the Queen learns of Bram's aspirations of writing, she commands that he chronicle their raids to better sow fear into the hearts of men. Thus Bram becomes a part of the raids.

Through some plot twists and clever arguments, the rat women are led to greater victories and ultimately to their demise. In the end only Bram and his father escape alive. Then just as the film is closing, Bram's father gives Bram his blessing to become a writer.

A pretty fun movie all around. Adrienne Barbeau does an excellent job of playing the Rat Queen. Visually the film is quite odd. The rat women tend to wear fur bikinis complete with little tails. The Queen presides from an opulent throne room located beneath the ruins of a palace. There are several scenes of celebration where topless dancers perform for the Queen. Just how these displays fit in with the women trying to end male oppression is only vaguely hinted at. While this film does much to promote the cause of women, it also pokes fun at men in power but the film was obviously planned with a male audience in mind.

Rating:
Summary: Pied Piper's Twisted Sister
Review: Last weekend I saw a strange film called Bram Stoker's Burial of Rats. This is a film that at first seems like a cross between Lair of the White Worm and some of the newer Lovecraft films.

Burial of Rats opens with Bram Stoker and his father riding in a coach and arguing Bram's future. Bram wants to be a writer. Before their argument can develop too far, their carriage is waylaid by bandits and rats. Bram saves his father by shooting one of the bandits. Bram is captured and the father is left behind. While Bram's father goes to the authorities and is told to consider his son dead, Bram is taken to the secret lair of the bandits.

The bandits are women. They are under the slightly-mad leadership of their queen who is quite well played by Adrienne Barbeau. The Queen is described as the Pied Piper's twisted sister (she has a flute with which she can control rats). Because he killed one of their number, Bram is slated for execution. He only survives because one bandit realizes that he only acted to save his father. This touches her deeply as she was unable to save her own family. She then goes on to aid Bram's cause. When the Queen learns of Bram's aspirations of writing, she commands that he chronicle their raids to better sow fear into the hearts of men. Thus Bram becomes a part of the raids.

Through some plot twists and clever arguments, the rat women are led to greater victories and ultimately to their demise. In the end only Bram and his father escape alive. Then just as the film is closing, Bram's father gives Bram his blessing to become a writer.

A pretty fun movie all around. Adrienne Barbeau does an excellent job of playing the Rat Queen. Visually the film is quite odd. The rat women tend to wear fur bikinis complete with little tails. The Queen presides from an opulent throne room located beneath the ruins of a palace. There are several scenes of celebration where topless dancers perform for the Queen. Just how these displays fit in with the women trying to end male oppression is only vaguely hinted at. While this film does much to promote the cause of women, it also pokes fun at men in power but the film was obviously planned with a male audience in mind.

Rating:
Summary: THE BEST BRAM STOKER MOVIE YET......
Review: now if your gonna make a b-movie....this is how ya do it. you cant beat a bunch of half naked chix hacking up guys and letting rats eat the bodies.....plus its got maria ford who just kicks ass.........even the girl i watched it with enjoyed it.......we laughed our asses off.