Hot Vampire Nights

Rating:
Summary: "Hot Vampire Nights" Doesn't Deliver the Goods
Review: I ordered this video specifically looking for erotic content. I had seen the preview on another Seduction Cinema release and thought it would deliver. Unfortunately, the movie was horrible and had little to recommend.

First of all, annoying video texturing was added to most of the footage, wiping out detail and creating a hazy look during a lot of scenes. Considering the amount of flesh uncovered, it didn't make sense to make it look unattractive.

Secondly, the movie was obviously filmed in a more explicit manner than is usual for non-XXX erotic films, but the poor camera-work and editing combined with the aforementioned hazy appearance of the flick make it damn hard to get a good look. It would be one thing to create simulated erotic scenes and make them appear explicit through angles and editing; it's another thing to create an actually explicit flick and lose whatever benefit you might get from the increased sexiness by botching the exhibition.

Thirdly, there is NO PLOT in this film. It simply consists of vignettes relayed by the lead character, played by Shelly Jones, to a Radio DJ. No character development. No insight into its vampiric subject. And the running time is only 57 minutes-- LESS THAN ONE HOUR!

And, finally, relating specifically to the unrated COLLECTOR'S EDITION DVD:

There was a sticker on the wrapping on the DVD when I received it announcing that the DVD is "Loaded with EXTRAS!" This is far from true. There are, in fact, fewer extras than other Seduction Cinema DVDs. Besides the ridiculously short running time of the feature, there are only:

1) Scene Index (which is pretty much standard these days) 2) 13 photos from "Hot Vampire Nights" 3) 7-minute "Interview" with star Shelly Jones during which she gets ready to go onstage at a strip club. She doesn't come across very well. The only good thing about the interview is the 2 1/2 minutes she spends naked while changing clothes. 4) A 7 minute video of one of Shelly Jones' strip club performances. 5) 9 previews to Seduction Cinema releases (including "Hot Vampire Nights")

PRO: lots of naked girls involved in sexual displays. Very graphic nudity. Some VERY BRIEF explicit sexual acts.

CON: hazy video, no plot, best nudity and sex not visible due to poor camera-work and editing and haze. VERY SHORT even with the extras. Total running time including interview and strip club performance (not counting previews): 70 minutes.

Rating:
Summary: Incredibly boring vampire nights
Review: Shelly Jones plays Mina, the world's most boring erotic vampire, in this thoroughly disappointing film. Hot Vampire Nights is tepid at best in terms of intensity and eroticism, woefully short in length, and just mind-numbingly boring. Mina is a little hot under the collar because of the negative image of vampires coming out of Hollywood, so she decides to change this mindset and get the real facts of vampirism out to the public; her master plan - call in to a sorry excuse of a really late overnight talk show. When the female host learns that Mina is supposedly a lesbian vampire, all she wants to hear about are stories of some of Mina's seductive conquests. We, of course, are treated to a bird's-eye view of each of these encounters, which sounds like it should be a very good thing. Alas, though, each scene is about as exciting as stale bread, and the very few moments of possibly explicit activity is presented so poorly as to be, to repeat myself, boring. The ending is easily predictable less than ten seconds into the movie (except it's much more uninteresting than I expected), although the final moments of the film do stand out - unfortunately, this is due to the fact that the ending credits take up eight minutes of a film that only runs seventy one minutes to start with.

There is virtually no acting to be found in this entire movie. The woman playing the radio host never takes her eyes off the desk in front of her, for reasons which quickly become obvious. She is reading her lines the whole way through, and she is reading them as if she is reading them, which is my way of saying she can't act her way out of a dark room with a flashlight. Even if she were a terrific actress, it wouldn't matter anyway because the dialogue of the film is so artificial and stiff that you could hammer nails with it. Horror fans in particular need not pause at this entertainment mirage, as we never see anything actually vampiric in nature; not only is there no blood, we never even see the hint of a fang. I think I'm being quite lenient in giving Hot Vampire Nights two stars; it really has nothing to offer.

Rating:
Summary: Incredibly boring vampire nights
Review: Shelly Jones plays Mina, the world's most boring erotic vampire, in this thoroughly disappointing film. Hot Vampire Nights is tepid at best in terms of intensity and eroticism, woefully short in length, and just mind-numbingly boring. Mina is a little hot under the collar because of the negative image of vampires coming out of Hollywood, so she decides to change this mindset and get the real facts of vampirism out to the public; her master plan - call in to a sorry excuse of a really late overnight talk show. When the female host learns that Mina is supposedly a lesbian vampire, all she wants to hear about are stories of some of Mina's seductive conquests. We, of course, are treated to a bird's-eye view of each of these encounters, which sounds like it should be a very good thing. Alas, though, each scene is about as exciting as stale bread, and the very few moments of possibly explicit activity is presented so poorly as to be, to repeat myself, boring. The ending is easily predictable less than ten seconds into the movie (except it's much more uninteresting than I expected), although the final moments of the film do stand out - unfortunately, this is due to the fact that the ending credits take up eight minutes of a film that only runs seventy one minutes to start with.

There is virtually no acting to be found in this entire movie. The woman playing the radio host never takes her eyes off the desk in front of her, for reasons which quickly become obvious. She is reading her lines the whole way through, and she is reading them as if she is reading them, which is my way of saying she can't act her way out of a dark room with a flashlight. Even if she were a terrific actress, it wouldn't matter anyway because the dialogue of the film is so artificial and stiff that you could hammer nails with it. Horror fans in particular need not pause at this entertainment mirage, as we never see anything actually vampiric in nature; not only is there no blood, we never even see the hint of a fang. I think I'm being quite lenient in giving Hot Vampire Nights two stars; it really has nothing to offer.

Rating:
Summary: "Hot Vampire Nights" Doesn't Deliver the Goods
Review: This was a cheesy movie, but the plot kinda grows on you after a few times. I would recommend this to all vampire lovers

Rating:
Summary: Hot Vampire Nights
Review: This was a cheesy movie, but the plot kinda grows on you after a few times. I would recommend this to all vampire lovers