Sabertooth

Rating:
Summary: Direct to video horror lacks bite
Review: "Faster than a raptor. Deadlier than an anaconda. Smarter than a killer shark." Obviously not a member of NZ's Parliament.
This direct to video horror concerns a sabertoothed tiger brought back from extinction which has escaped from the laboratory and is now running amok at a nearby summer camp where new counsellors are being trained. It's FRIDAY THE 13TH without Jason!
Enter fearless game hunter Thatcher (David Keith), sexy scientist Catherine (Vanessa Angel) and her colleague Anthony (John Rhys-Davies). Catherine wants the creature captured alive for further research. On hearing the news of its escape Rhys-Davies intelligently exclaims "Hells bells! What if its killed someone?!". So the trio head for the woods to track and capture the beast before it chews up the counsellors and poops them out.
The story is predictable... This helpful advice, straight out of HANSEL AND GRETEL can only lead to nerd boy becoming: TIGER TUCKER!
The actual tiger FX are pretty cheesy, the movie switches between a none too convincing animatronic model and computer generated graphics that could have come from the old WOLFENSTEIN 3D computer game. As if that isn't bad enough, director James D.R Hickox has a cameo in the movie as a scruffy guy named... Silent Bob. I kid you not. Will Kevin Smith sue? And finally there are a couple of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK references, which fail miserably because we ALL know Rhys-Davies was in it. Who hasn't seen RAIDERS at least 20 times by now? Nudge nudge wink wink, this gag just fell flat on its face. Admittedly this cast deserves better, but if you love bad movies you might want to give SABERTOOTH a try.

Rating:
Summary: Oh the humanity!
Review: "Sabretooth" is yet another entry in the tiresome "animals gone wild" genre. You've seen a lot of the other ones already, such as "Octopus," "Crocodile" or its many derivatives, and the numerous shark films. Perhaps we should blame Steven Spielberg since it was his film "Jaws" that inspired every two-bit hack interested in making a beastie film to go to Hollywood with nothing more than a script, the know-how to work a camera, and a dream. What is startling about "Sabretooth," and various other films in the same vein, has little to do with its mediocrity. Mediocrity and these recent monster films go together like white on rice. Rather, it is the horrific realization that for every film like this one there are ten or more that never cleared the bar. Imagine how terrible the films that didn't see the light of a straight to video release are! Who keeps making these things? I strongly suspect the Sci-Fi Channel bears some of the responsibility. They occasionally show these atrocities in their desperation to fill up airtime. Why? The network can only show so many episodes of the few successful science fiction television programs before the threat of dead air looms large.

An hour and a half of dead air would be vastly preferable to watching "Sabretooth" again. The picture starts in a laboratory as we see a janitor wander into a special holding cell containing...well...we aren't supposed to know at this point. Predictably, the door locks and he can't escape before the monster in question (Do you suppose it's a sabretooth?) shreds him into tiny pieces. We don't see the massacre in gory detail, sadly, just a bunch of blood spraying on the glass door. Then the movie switches to a truck driving through the countryside, a truck carrying something in a large cage (Do you suppose it's a sabretooth?) that breaks open when the vehicle just happens to overturn. Something attacks the truck driver (Do you suppose it's a sabretooth?) and then runs off into the woods. Finally, the film lets us in on the identity of the creature by introducing us to Catherine (Vanessa Angel), a busty scientist lacking in the morals department. Thanks to the support offered by billionaire industrialist Anthony (John Rhys-Davies), she plans on winning a Nobel Prize for creating a sabretooth tiger from fossilized DNA. At this exact point word reaches the pair about the animal's escape. Off they go to hire tracker Bob Thatcher (Keith David) to capture the beast alive.

The other plot thread of "Sabretooth" involves a group of camp counselors taking a hike through the same forest in which the sabretooth now roams. Led by Casey Ballenger (Jenna Gering), the group consists of another experienced counselor named Trent (Josh Holloway) and three trainees called Leon (Lahmard Tate), Lola (Nicole Tubiola), and Jason (Phillip Glasser). With teeth grinding predictably, we learn that Trent and Casey quibble constantly because they had a relationship that didn't quite work out. The other three characters also provide little in the way of originality: Leon is the token black character, Lola is the scared girl, and Jason is a white hip-hop wannabe and all around goof. Long scenes follow showing us the miseries inherent in hiking through rough terrain, largely consisting of the city slicker trainees complaining about life in the wilderness and bickering with one another. Trent even strikes up a romance with Lola, much to the consternation of Casey. Of course, all this stuff goes out the window once the campers run into the sabretooth tiger. Congratulations are in order if you haven't given up on the film by the time the counselors meet up with Thatcher, Catherine, and Anthony for the final battle with the beast.

"Sabretooth" is dreadfully boring and inept. The only positives I saw was a single good gore scene and the attractive actresses in the roles of Catherine, Casey, and Lola. Everything else tanks. What Keith David and John Rhys-Davies are doing in this straight to video schlock is a question for the ages. David once starred opposite Richard Gere in "An Officer and a Gentleman," and Rhys-Davies appeared in a couple of the "Indiana Jones" films. How did they get from there to here? What's worse, one of the no talent hacks in the film actually tosses out an Indiana Jones reference. The same thing happened in "House of the Dead" involving Jurgen Prochnow and a "Das Boot" comment. Isn't it bad enough these actors stooped to accept a role in these lousy films? Why must the scriptwriters rub it in? The problems don't stop here, though. One need only look at the CGI sabretooth tiger itself to see a massive, unforgivable crime. It's a terrible, cheesy design that looks so fake that you will howl with laughter the first time you see the tiger waltz across the screen. This mediocre effect almost overshadows the ridiculous scenario in which the Leon character attempts to fight the sabretooth with a couple of small knives. You know something is wrong when you start rooting for the monster to win at the end of the film.

I could go on and on with the numerous problems in this film. Fortunately, the DVD spares us the pain of a director's commentary, giving us instead a trailer for "Sabretooth" and one for the Angela Bettis horror movie "May" as extras. I ought to rethink my policy of watching as many of these creature feature flicks as possible; few of them shoot for originality and most contain no name casts. Even the ones with a few recognizable names, like "Sabretooth," are more embarrassing than anything else. But since I enjoy heaping sarcasm on bad movies, I'll probably keep watching. It's the least I can do.




Rating:
Summary: Dental Emergency
Review: After watching an edited version of this movie on the Sci Fi Channel the other night, I can assure you that the ONLY reason any of you should EVER watch this movie can be summed up in two words: Josh Holloway. Holloway, a Viggo Mortensen lookalike, whom I predict will be Hollywood's next big star, does as credible an acting job as he can and believe me, folks, it couldn't have been easy! The plot of Sabertooth is mildly interesting -- a genetically engineered sabertooth tiger is accidentally released into the wilderness and quickly becomes a man-eating terror. Unfortunately, the result is unintentionally hilarious with the computer graphics of the sabertooth so poorly done as to defy belief. (It might even make you yearn to see Godzilla in a rubber suit). The violence in "Sabertooth" was absolutely gratuitous and disgusting, and I had to cover my eyes through a good portion of the movie. (Even in the edited version there is a LOT you would want to fast forward through). And the victims were, well to put it kindly, just plain STUPID! Honestly, what person being chased by a vicious beast will run inside, close the door and then brace himself against the (flimsy)door? Yup, folks, lots and lots of DUH moments! A few of the other actors weren't bad but they sure didn't have much to work with. I almost felt sorry for them being in a stinker like this but I suppose there were bills to pay...But John Rhys Davies? Explain that one! Anyway, if you skip most of the movie and just watch the Josh Holloway parts, it's watchable. Better yet, just catch a look at Josh on ABC's "Lost" every Wednesday night. At least then you won't feel sorry for him...

Rating:
Summary: Oh man, what a agonizing movie to watch!!!
Review: I had to give it a two for it's comedic value. Some of the cheapest effects you'll ever see. To hell with this being one of them potential "Straight to video" movies. How about straight to hell movies. This was bad. You gotta give it props, no wait, what props! The plot was pretty cliche, but would have worked for a better done B-flick horror movie. David Keith was horrible, but is better than this tripe. ON A PLUS, the gore in some spots was fairly good. The Sabertooth tiger must have been pretty desperate to land this gig, he needs to get a new agent, or eat him up.

Rating:
Summary: What Did You Expect?
Review: I've been watching SciFi original pics religiously for a couple of years now. I've seen "Sabertooth" three times. Many of the reviewers of this movie would probably choke to death if they watched this flick more than once. The fact is, SciFi makes some pretty shoddy flicks. Most of them aren't very tolerable, but every once in awhile, a film like "Sabertooth" comes along with some reasonably solid actors and a stiff plot that manages to hold my attention long enough to see the end credits roll.

When watching a SciFi original movie like "Sabertooth," you have to understand three things: a) The budget for this flick is somewhere near the monthly take-home earnings of a fry cook at a fast-food joint b) The "stars" of the film are usually good actors who've never been in the spotlight but are recognizable and, finally, c)The plot, acting, special effects, music, etc., will be bad, really bad.

With those things understood, you'll see that "Sabertooth" is just a tad sharper than most SciFi productions. The primary cast is excellent(David Keith, John Rhys-Davies, and Vanessa Angel). Keith has been in a number of really good films, but he's never been a major star in Hollywood. Rhys-Davies seems to relish cheesy sci-fi, because he's been in a number of SciFi productions, including the upcoming "Chupacabra" flick due on the SciFi channel very soon. He's also played key roles in the "Indiana Jones" flicks and "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Angel is probably the least known of the bunch, unless you happened to watch the TV series "Weird Science." The rest of the cast is tolerable, though the kid playing Leon seemed a little bit too gung-ho about playing GI Joe in the woods. "I told him to take my knife!" is one of his better lines.

The music doesn't play much of a role in this flick. It does attempt to scare up a little suspense at moments, but the cheese-factor outweighs the music in this production. The cheese comes into effect when the sabertooth pops up on the screen. He looks fake in CGI and in animatronic form. As a matter of fact, Diego from "Ice Age" would have probably looked more realistic in this film than the big cat that they used. He isn't scary at all.

But, when comparing "Sabertooth" to other current SciFi heaping helpings like "Frankenfish," "Larva," and "Marabunta," you quickly see that it is one of the better movies on the channel. The story is pretty neat, though not original, and it is a pretty good way to pass a lazy afternoon. It isn't the best "B" movie around, but it suffices.

Recommended to fans of really cheesy "B" flicks with some decent action. If you liked "Frankenfish," you'll probably like this one. Fans of movies like "Anaconda" will probably enjoy this one, too. If you expect your sci-fi to be some sort of sweeping epic with great effects and breathtaking battles on strange worlds, pass this one up and settle on something reliable like "The Lord of the Rings-Return of the King."

Rating:
Summary: Watch Jurassic Park or Ice Age instead
Review: Jurassic Park is a good movie in which prehistoric predators are cloned, Ice Age is a good movie with sabertooths. This is why SciFi should never have canceled MST3K. Basically its just another disgrace to horror/monster/sci movies. The characters are about as bright as slasher victims are, the plot takes stupid twists, the killer animal eats way too many people for it to believably have actually killed. Bloody gory deaths, only a few characters live, one dumb blond goes crazy and for some reason thinks her monster will obey her ,blah, blah, blah blah,
You get what I'm saying. Besides Diego is so much cooler a sabertoothed cat.

Rating:
Summary: LITTLE BIT LONG IN THE TOOTH
Review: SABERTOOTH joins the countless direct to video shockers that would have been better with a bigger budget and a more talented cast.
David Keith, fresh from his non-acting role in DEEP SHOCK, plays an Indiana Jones ripoff great tracker, who delivers his lines as if he were on Ex-lax, and afraid the motion may motivate? Vanessa Angel should probably take Acting 101 to remember the basics; John Rhys Davies should just be ashamed at himself, and Josh Halloway looks good in tee-shirts, and tries to maintain a sense of character.
The effects on this go from bad to horrendous, but even then, credit is given that the film does have some suspenseful shocking sequences.
Not a real howler, nor a real horror, this movie is one you could rent, but don't buy.

Rating:
Summary: Watchable
Review: This is about a scientist who creates a sabre tooth tiger (Why? I don't know). It gets loose and goes after some campers up in the mountains.

I give it an above average 4 stars because it's got some pretty good characters. They're likable and not boring. The scientist who created the thing is evil in a rather cool way. The campers are a likable bunch of tiger chow. Some nicely filled out tight T-shirts there, but nothing in the budget for T&A I guess (just one girl in her bra). They certainly didn't waste any money on special effects, as the CGI sabre tooth looks quite amusing. He's so badly done that he doesn't even look like he's running on the ground at one point; they just sort of CGI'd him up in mid air.

The story moves along well, that part was satisfying enough. It never got boring. It never got exciting either, but I wasn't really expecting that. It does have a little bit of suspense. The one annoying character gets muched in mid-sentence by the sabre tooth, that was fun.

Overall, not a bad film.



Rating:
Summary: Okay
Review: This movie was .... Okay. For people who like movies like this will like it. But it's not got very good actor's. The story line is good, There wasn't much cursing at all. The monster. He wasn't very real looking at all. Violence. It was okay.All in all if it's like on sale for $9.99 or $5.99 or less. I'll buy it. If your looking for a bloodfest scary movie, this isn't the one. But if you like all the movies likethis you'll injoy it. I did.

Rating:
Summary: Snorefest
Review: To predictable and to utterly stupid to get any higher, but still it wouldn't make the top 100 worst movies ever made. It is very bad, and you already know the plot. A beast of some sort terrorizes and kills a few people, and team set's out to investigate what did the killings, they meet the beast, they run around and scream for 45 minutes and magically defeat the beast at the end, and everyone lives happily ever after. Typical monster movie schlock. I suggest seeing something else, cuz I can't really find any redeeming qualities about this reched movie!