Neon Maniacs

Rating:
Summary: Idiocy.
Review: If you ever happen to be viewing the Sci-Fi Channel at around 2 a.m. and begin to wonder what the perpetual image of dung with monsters floating around in it is, then you may be watching NEON MANIACS. This little piece of bad 1980's shock-and-scare tactics should be ranked amongst the worst films ever mentally conceived, let alone actually produced. But hey, do not simply take my word for it. Listen to the brilliant storyline. Basically, it all starts with a crusty old fisherman in San Fran who discovers a pile of trading/tarot cards depicting various monstrous creatures in stylish poses. Old salt is subsequently killed by the REAL heathens, and he isn't the only one! The Halloween rejects then commence with their trek to the inner city to prey upon unsuspecting teens, thus finding a tasty group and slaughtering all involved sans the beautiful blonde with no acting ability. For some reason, the goobers sweat a green goo, this being the only evidence true evidence in the murder case. Naturally, no one believes the impressionable young blonde was attacked by corporeal comic book monsters, and the only one who can bestow any form of comfort is the young Bobby Vinton wannabe who has a crush on her. The duo end up running afoul of the goobers some 20 times before staging the final battle at the school dance, a lengthy scene depicting everything from death by waterguns, mutant disco, and even a rotund character who falls victim to a goober dressed like a surgeon while watching T.V. in the bowels of the building. Sound cute? It certainly is not. The driving question of this film can oddly be summed up in word: Why? Why do the goobers emit green goo? Why can they only be destroyed with water? Why is the acting so bad? Why is their a ridiculous attempt at a poetic monologue at the beginning of the film? Why are the goobers referred to as the 'Neon Maniacs'? Is it because they only attack at night, i.e. like neon signs, implying that they work best at night? Why do the goobers live under the Golden Gate Bridge? Why does San Fran have Subway systems? Why are the goobers all humanoid except for the diminutive cyclopian reptile? Is he their leader or a bad plot device? Why doesn't the 80's metal band Judas Priest come to the school dance to show the goobers what a real rock group looks like? If this were so, would it make the film any less incomprehensible? Would it actually make it more difficult? Where did the trading/tarot cards come from? Do the goobers have their own printing company? Why do they decide to kill instead of bring peace? Why do they exist AT ALL? What exactly is their mission? What ARE THEY ANYWAY? Where in the name of the vortex did these things come from? Why won't they JUST GO HOME!? Why didn't I TURN THE CHANNEL!? The best answer is that their is no answer. If David Lynch had wrote and directed this film, there may at least have been some fraction of artistic merit to it. Even Lynch ties his films together in some manner. THIS is just scattered nonsense. The make-up/prosthetic effects are anything but special, the soft music score is completely out of place, and the screenplay is so absurd that it was probably defecated rather than written. To be honest, I would not even give this excrement one star. This is easily one of the 10 worst films ever made, alongside such winners as "Street Trash", "Space Mutiny", and "Freddy Got Fingered". So, viewer beware, for the Neon Maniacs are out to get you and your aesthetic judgment. Be sure to pack plenty of waterguns and common sense, because they happen to be the only defensive weapons against this garbage. You have been warned.

Final Rating: 0 (zero) out of 5 Stars
Final Grade: F-
*Dishonorable Mention: One of the 10 Worst Films Ever Made.*

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Rating:
Summary: maniacs on the loose
Review: Neon Maniacs is an 80's horror movie about monsters that live under the Golden Gate Bridge and can only be killed by water. Each maniac is different like one samuri and one is a doctor. The thing they all have in common is that they are ugly. They are on the hunt after a girl after she is the only survivor of a slaughter. It is strange how they always know where these people live or where they are going to be. She and her friends have to battle with the maniacs in order to survive. This movie suffers from some of the things that typical 80's horror movies do, like lack of emotion in the actors and predictable story lines, but all in all it is an okay b movie. Especially the maniacs train chase and when they crash the terrible 80's battle of the bands. The music is the scariest part of this movie.

Rating:
Summary: maniacs on the loose
Review: Neon Maniacs is an 80's horror movie about monsters that live under the Golden Gate Bridge and can only be killed by water. Each maniac is different like one samuri and one is a doctor. The thing they all have in common is that they are ugly. They are on the hunt after a girl after she is the only survivor of a slaughter. It is strange how they always know where these people live or where they are going to be. She and her friends have to battle with the maniacs in order to survive. This movie suffers from some of the things that typical 80's horror movies do, like lack of emotion in the actors and predictable story lines, but all in all it is an okay b movie. Especially the maniacs train chase and when they crash the terrible 80's battle of the bands. The music is the scariest part of this movie.

Rating:
Summary: Recalling days Past
Review: Neon Maniacs takes me back to my younger days when late night television was a veritable smorgasboard of underrated and highly enjoyable B horror films. This film makes me long for the days of USA Saturday Nightmares and TNT Monstervision. Set in San Francisco, this far fetched tale of crazed monsters on the rampage is a great way to recall those low budget horror masterpieces from the 80's. If you are looking for a film with big name actors, highly developed storylines, and million dollar FX then this film is probably not for you! If, however, you are searching for a fun way to waste some well earned R&R and love this film genre then look no farther than Neon Maniacs. For anyone who is a fan of B horror films I give this film 4 stars, and highly recommend it!

Rating:
Summary: This is Amazing stuff
Review: Ok, here it goes, i was around the house one sunday afternoon, when i turned on the sci-fi channel, becausei know that around sunday, they have some awesome low budget movies, i love those!!!(most of them anyway) I had only missed the beginning by around 10 minutes, so i didn't miss a whole lot. But what i did see astounded me. the frst thing i saw was a low budget, so i was intrigued, and i'll aggree with phantosmos that the acting was a little on the bad side, but what hit me hardest was that the makers of this fine piece of film had a very low budget, but they used every bit of that budget to the very maximum. i thought that the individual motifs for the monster guys was pretty cool.

Rating:
Summary: HORRIBLE! I LOVED IT!
Review: There is one virtue in having a movie that just jumps headlong into a mindless and disoriented story---at least there's no slow beginning to put you to sleep. Not coincidentally, this is the case with Neon Maniacs, a movie that involves a little maniac but virtually no neon. I remember as a young lad of about sixteen seeing bits and pieces of this movie, and since I had never again endeavored to look for it, until, by happenstance, now, I had begun to believe the movie to be something mythic. But no, it's real, right down to the latex masks. Apparently, these cataclysmic goons live inside a bridge, and they have a deck of Tarot cards with their likenesses. The Neon Maniacs are the Village People of the Horror world. You have Samurai Maniac, Biker Maniac, Army Maniac, Doctor Maniac, Indian Maniac, Monkey Maniac, Crossbow Maniac, Robo-Maniac, and the list just goes on and on.

Earlier on (like in the first five minutes) you have this pretty high school girl emerge unscathed from the massacre of her friends by the Neon Maniacs, because the Maniacs are chased away just before they can finish the last girl, by rain, because the Maniacs, for reasons unknown, turn to green slush when they come in contact with water. So, the pretty girl, the sole survivor, bravely goes back to school, where she is pestered about the disappearance of her friends, and then suspended from school because she claims monsters (the nefarious Neon Maniacs) as the culprits. Fortunately, her time spent lounging around the house gives us the opportunity to see her poolside in a bikini. Hoo-wah! Anyhoo, eventually she teams up with her boyfriend and a younger horror-fan girl, and they prepare to do battle with the Maniacs. This improvised warfare involves ponderously complicated strategies like water guns and fire hoses, and at one point, one of the Maniacs is actually driven back by a spilled cup plastic cup of beer or something. At one point, the younger horror fan expeditiously fires a hose at the Straight Jacket Maniac, and knocks his head clean off, like a pop-top on a big can of puke-colored slime. Throw into the action the big highschool "Battle of the Bands", featuring Jerkweed and the Sissy Mary Combo, and Twisted Sister Reject Band with the Loverboy rip-off lead singer. Oh, wait a minute, did I forget to mention that this move takes place in the very hairspray vortex of the 80's? This of course adds an additional level of difficulty to the old cheez-o-meter. But, guys, stay with me. Hang in there; I know you can do it. Skip back to the bikini scene if you have to, but keep at it.

In short, if you like horrible movies, you will love this movie. It has pretty much all of the key elements: Indiscernible plot, terrible acting, terrible music, Space Giants special effects and a pretty girl just to keep it interesting. More than that, the DVD is pretty inexpensive, so I personally cannot see any flaw in the equation.

Rating:
Summary: Nothing special but very watchable
Review: This is pretty much a classic 80's horror movie. Well there isn't just one killer, but a large "gang" (couldn't think of a better word) of killers. They seem to have their own special way to kill, as there is a hangman, a doctor, ect., and this leads to diverse deaths. While the plot may be lacking (how many horror films from this era actually have a great plot?), the movie itself is pretty fun to watch. With the group of killers, it had a Hellraiser feel to it, yet kept its own originality. All in all its not a must see that you go out and buy or rent right away, although if you see it and pick it up it wouldn't be a waste of money.

Rating:
Summary: Great '80s Fun
Review: This movie has everything you need to make a great '80s horror film work. Young, defenseless teenage girls for vicitms, great FX, and creative murder sequences (the acting abilities basically have no importance in these kind of movies, so don't waste your time trying to analyze the characters!) I remember this film as a child growing up in the '80s. It was one of those movies you stay up until midnight to watch. The Neon Maniacs consist of: ape. archer. slasher. soldier. axe. decapitator. juice. hangman. doc. samurai. mohawk. biker. All giving different forms of tourture to their vicitms of San Fran. I urge you to see this film if you are a fan of the horror genre and if you are a fan of films like Basket Case, Prom Night, any Friday the 13th entry, and Waxwork.

Rating:
Summary: Great '80s Fun
Review: This movie has everything you need to make a great '80s horror film work. Young, defenseless teenage girls for vicitms, great FX, and creative murder sequences (the acting abilities basically have no importance in these kind of movies, so don't waste your time trying to analyze the characters!) I remember this film as a child growing up in the '80s. It was one of those movies you stay up until midnight to watch. The Neon Maniacs consist of: ape. archer. slasher. soldier. axe. decapitator. juice. hangman. doc. samurai. mohawk. biker. All giving different forms of tourture to their vicitms of San Fran. I urge you to see this film if you are a fan of the horror genre and if you are a fan of films like Basket Case, Prom Night, any Friday the 13th entry, and Waxwork.