Rating: 
Summary: This movie could have been A LOT better!
Review: In my opinion, this movie could have done much more. The plot was so simplistic with a group of college kids going somewhere and getting massacred. Second, the producers of this film did not do that great of a job on details for the monsters. They seemed so unrealistic and it looked like the producers tried to hard to keep attention which ended up blowing up in their faces. If you want a real horror survival film, I would recommend "28 Days Later". It may not be the greatest movie for visual effects, but, it did keep my interest throught the movie and didn't bore me for one minute! "House of the Dead", on the other hand, nearly put me into a deep sleep.
Rating:
Summary: Absolute Crap, DO NOT BUY OR WATCH THIS SHOW!!!!
Review: Trust me, you may feel that I am exaggerating but I am not. The Show was so ridiculous, it is not even funny. The acting was horrible, the dialogue was horrendous and the special effects & Zombies were atrocious. The director of this movie needs to be shot. I cannot understand how a movie like this could have ever been made. I watched this show on Pay-per-view and about 30 minutes into the show, I wanted to strangle myself along with the people in the show. I can't believe that they actually tried to blend in actual footage from the video game into the show, this is by far the dumbest idea ever. Do not buy this DVD, I would prefer to flush my money down the toilet than spend it on this rubbish. I would prefer to stare at a wall than watch this garbage. This movie is a waste of time (1hr. 30mins.), this was probably the only time I actually regret wasting 1 hr. 30mins. of my life and I want it back. Unfortunately I cannot post this review unless I give the show a star, but otherwise I give this piece of crap 0 stars out of 5.
Rating:
Summary: DUMMIEST MOVIE EVER AND I'M NOT LYING!
Review: I SAW THIS MOVIE AND IT AIN'T WORTH ANYTHING. I MEAN DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS I'M TELLING ALL WHO ARE READING THIS AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE. I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY MOVIE AS DUMB AS THIS IT LOOKS AS IF IT WAS MADE BY A 13 YEAR OLD. USUALLY I'M ALWAYS IMPRESSED BY SCARY MOVIES WHETHER OR NOT THEY'RE SCARY BUT THIS ONE ABOUSULTLEY SUCKED. TO ME THIS MOVIE IS ONLY WORTH $0.99. SO DON'T BUY THIS MOVIE FOR NOT EVEN $20.00
Rating:
Summary: This is to that idiot charlie v1 what ever his name is
Review: Listen up kid. Yeah I'm callin' you kid.
FIRST OFF!!!!!!!!!
You cant review for......
You cant spell right and you keep acting like youre one cool dude. Youre probably some stupid 9 year old who doesnt have a life so you just say crap about things. OH HEY SMART ONE IF THIS MOVIE SUCKED WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE IT 5 STARS! I sware to god man If I ever knew who you were I would kick your ass.
THis movie does suck though. And so does charlie. AND WHY THE HELL ARE YOU REVIEWING NEED FOR SPEED UNDERGROUND LIKE 9 TIMES. GET A LIFE YOU #$%#$%#^^^!!!!
Rating:
Summary: worst movie i have ever seen
Review: this is by far the worst movie i have ever seen... the only reason to buy the dvd is to reveal the true director's commentary which must be a 12 year old kid who made this movie and sold it to a retarded producer. the best part must have been when you get to see spliced in clips of the video game
Rating:
Summary: Horrible, but watchable in a car-crash kinda way
Review: Wow was this a stinker ... It was really god-awful. Horrible in a way that I can barely put into words. Terrible in a way that will make you feel like your IQ dropped after you saw it. Rotten to the point where you question if you want to live in a world where garbage like this can be churned up for the masses. Ranicd to the point where you wonder how anyone from this production will ever get work in Hollywood. It's such a staggering, earth-shattering, mind-numbing mess that you have to tell others to watch it to see for themselves the kind of depths this "film" can sink to. You know it's bad when ... ... The audience is informed IMMEDIATELY who lives and who dies; robbing us of at least having a little fun picking out who will survive. ... The production team will earn an R rating for all the gratitutius topless scenes, but 90% of the killing will take place off-camera. ... The production team (I was cracking up over this) uses CUTS FROM THE VIDEO GAME as scene transitions. ... Some of the zombies running around in the background aren't in any kind of makeup. ... The outrageous number of times they used a matrix-style "bullet-time" camera pan. It must have been a dozen times, right in a row. I was actually starting to get a little dizzy. ... The leading actress can take a broad-sword RIGHT TO THE CENTER OF HER CHEST and survive the night with no medical attention. It may be one of the top three worst movies I've ever seen. You've got to check it out ...
Rating:
Summary: The Biggest Mistake Ever Made
Review: "...Why?" That's what countless numbers of people must've thought as they sat in the theater or at home and watched the sorry excuse for a movie.
If any guy had been taking his new girlfriend to this movie, she would've gotten up and left him there. It's literally that bad. First of all, let's discuss the original 'House of the Dead', which is a video game.
'House of the Dead' is a pretty simple first-person shooter in which you shoot zombies (duh). The graphics were considered great at the time it came out, and the storyline was an addition to keeping the players interested.
I'd consider this game a classic. 'House of the Dead', the movie, however, completely trashes the legacy with shameless aggression, and leaves many people wondering why this was even made. Let me highlight all of the bad things about this movie (basically...the whole movie). First of all (but not most importantly), the storyline is messed up. Instead of the infamous agents G and what's-his-face fighting their way through a mansion infested with zombies to rescue their girl and stop the evil Curien, a bunch of people pay a captain to take them to an island at which, supposedly, the greatest party of the year is to take place (it's actually a rave with about 20 people, and given a cheap reference to SEGA; God rest them). Once there, they find the island crawling with the undead, all led by a ressurected Spanish pirate. That should've been bad enough. Secondly, you'll notice at once how terribly...unrealistic the 'zombies' themselves look.
It seems hard to believe on paper, but you will immedietly tell yourself that you've seen better costumes at your annual Halloween-party.
There has never been a worse use for rubber and latex...and electronic lights for eyes. You will know at once that this could've been better. These zombies now run through the woods, and leap from plainly-revealed podiums. Acceptable with movies such as '28 Days Later', but silly when considering the video-game's slow, lumbering cadavres. On another level, the action is unevenly-spaced. The one big shoot-out between the heroes and the zombies is the only good thing about the movie, but you'll notice after about 10 minutes that it's just a bit dragged-out. Wouldn't they have run out of ammo by then? The nudity was uncalled for. Sure, these girls were more than happy to show off (...) The actions in the movie are tainted as well. People become zombie-food when they could've been saved easilly...I guess the director couldn't find any better ways to kill off a buncha teens that to have them pulled away by zombies while their friends (armed fully with pistols and rifles) stand and watch...what a bunch of cruel people! There is more to go on, but I won't go on. The message is simple doesn't need to be voiced professionally: stay away from this piece at all costs...or watch it without a need to give anything in return; rent it and refuse to pay.
Rating: 
Summary: HAAAAAAA HAAA OH MY GOS THIS SUCKED!
Review: MOST WORST DUMBEST MOVIE OF 2003 THE MOVIE SUCKS ITS JUST I CNAT EXPLAIN IT AL THEY DO IS WALK AROUND GOING HAAA BAD ACTORS DAWN OF THE DEAD DOESNT EVEN COMPARE TO THIS MOVIE IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHATS WORST THIS MOVIE OR LEPERCAHUN BACK IN THE HOOD CAUSE THAT MOVIE SUCKED TO THEY JUST CANT MAKE GAMES INTO MOVIES THEY ALWAYS TURN OUT BAD AND SUCKY I HERED SUPER MARIO BROS. THE MOVIE LOST CL;OSE TO 30 MILLION YEAH BUT THAT MOVIE WAS AWESOME I DONT CARE WHAT THEY SAY THE POINT IS I LOVE VIDEO GAMES IM CHARLIE V1 BUT THIS MOVIE DOSENT CUT IT NEVER RENT IT OR BUY IT IF YOU DO YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IT WORKS IN YOUR DVD PLAYER WOW BEST PART ABOUT THE MOVIE BUT THE GAME CAUSE THE GAME ROCKS THIS MOVIE SUCKS!
Rating:
Summary: COULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORSE...The credits are the best part
Review: *House of the Dead(2003)*...A TOTAL FLOP! There are some really neat special effects and camera tricks that really could have made this a classic zombie flick. It's just that all the horrible acting and pointless dialog, which infected this movie from beginning to end, it's impossible to watch. Seriously, even Clint Howard A.K.A. Chahka(Ron Howards brother) is terrible in this "horrorible" flick!
To me, the scariest thing about House of the Dead is the DVD cover! I'm very dissapointed and would NOT recommend this to anyone with a brain, except the jokers that approved and produced it(I'm not sure if they have a brain between them, though?). They should be forced to watch it over and over for at least a week straight. Perhaps, after really watching their own poison, they'll stop releasing these horrible movies? They should also be forced to pay us back for our time and money. I've got an idea, how about a class-action lawsuit?
I give it 2 thumbs DOWN and THE FINGER!
Rating:
Summary: Lord have mercy!
Review: There are people out there who will greenlight anything! That is the only explanation I can offer as to why the House of the Dead movie exists. And that's only scary part to the whole movie. It's so bad you'll go off movies forever. I seriously wanted to switch this off and turn the TV over to the Paint Drying channel but I was bound by my word to suffer the whole thing. I don't know why I do these bad things to myself. As if it matters, here's the basic jist of the 'story'. A group of twenty-somethings are so desperate to go out to some island in the Pacific Northwest (Canada actually, because it's cheap) for the 'Rave of the Century' (which consists of about 8 people and un-raving music) that they pay some craggy old fisherman $1000 to take them there after they miss the main ferry. That's gotta be some rave to be worth all that dough! The fisherman warns them that the island is also known as the Island of the Dead (hang on-I thought this was HOUSE of the Dead?) and that they are all doomed yadda yadda yadda. First faults here. Why would a tiny little rave (of the Century my foot!) be held on some remote island? Why would anyone willingly pay loads of money to get it? Why pay even more to the craggy old fisherman to take them back when they could just come back with the others? Once they arrive they discover that the rave (which consists of about 2 tents, a small stage and a port-a-john) has been smashed, there's blood everywhere and no one is around. What would any rationally thinking person do? Run for their lives of course. But no, these clueless, obviously blind people decide to go look for them. Soon enough they discover an old ramshackle house that's 50 times as big on the inside as it is on the outside. Another half hour of stumbling around in the forest follows, as an excuse to kill of some of the lesser characters, and after much tedium they arrive back at the house again. The characters, like the movie, go nowhere. Jammed into this ghastly disaster is a superabundance of gibberish dialogue, heinous acting, mumbo-jumbo exposition and zillions of clips from the once-popular arcade game of the same name. Why this was universally accepted as a good idea with the filmmakers I'll never know. The clips have no reference to any of the scenes and only degrade this trash even further, if that is at all possible. It has nothing to do with the game save for some cheap, throwaway line at the end. It makes Resident Evil look like cinematic glory. Hell, even the Double Dragon movie seems multi-Oscar worthy in comparison to this junk. The only one who comes out of this with his dignity still intact is Jurgen Prochnow. He could have just taken his money and ran but he tries his best with the awful script and brings a tiny bit of pathos to his character. The rest of the cast suck I'm afraid. The characters are idiots and deserve to die. Plus, if you cut out the swearing and pointless nudity, I see no reason why this film cannot be shown on Saturday morning TV. It's not frightening in the slightest. Pirates of the Caribbean is more scary than the skeletal bad guys in this film. And where did all those bad guys come from anyway? There were only a few people on the island to begin with. I guess this justifies the reason they chose to reuse footage over and over. I kid you not, you'll see the same zombie die a dozen times. Who's ultimately to blame for that scandalous waste of celluloid? None other than director Uwe Boll. His control over the movie is non-existent. You can clearly the see actors have no idea what they should be doing and that the zombies aren't really taking it all seriously. The actors seem like they're reading off cue cards as they constantly pause in the middle of long sentences and carry on talking as soon as they see the next card. It all feels very unnatural.
Plus the film is shot like a two-part mini-series. I have indeed seen better TV productions. And don't get me started on the editing. The film is an incoherent babble with thousands upon thousands of pointless shots and dozens of meaningless camera pans. No real skill or talent was put into making this at all. It truly baffles and boggles the mind how movies this unfathomably bad can get made and George A. Romero can't even get anyone to take his calls. House of the Dead makes some idiotic reference to Romero in a lazy attempt to be 'post-modern' but it only irritates that they think THIS is in the same league as a REAL zombie movie. For what it's worth, the 1.85:1 anamorphic picture looks great and the Dolby 5.1 soundtrack is clean but very unimpressive and only serves to pronounce the heavily over-used ADR even more. The DVD comes with extras but why torture yourself. Isn't this review warning enough? Stay away! You are all doomed I tell you! Doomed! Doomed!!!
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