House of the Dead

Rating:
Summary: 90 Minutes of my life that I will NEVER get back!!!!!!
Review: I rented this piece of crap hoping that it would be somewhat like the game. Instead they made it into a horror movie like any other teenage horror flick. I mean how many "let get drunk,make some corny jokes, have sex, oops I died" teenage horror movies do we need? Hell thats why we have Friday the 13th around right? Not every other horror movie made needs to be about some over sexed teenagers.
Here are somethings I found wrong with this movie
1.The zombies look so very very fake
2.Acting was BADDDDDDD
3.The story line was horrible
4.It needed to be more like the game
The list goes on and on, but you all get the point. DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS CRAPPY MOVIE!! RENT SOMETHING ELSE!!!

Rating:
Summary: Seriously......this is a joke right?
Review: Ok, I am not sure how to even say this properly but this has to be some kind of joke. This is sincerly the worst movie I have seen since Jeepers Creepers, another abhorrent movie mind you. This can not even be labeled as a "film" this is just another cheap, run of the mill, bad movie. Ok I think the world has had it's run with zombies for one. Secondly are there any good movies fashioned after video games in the world? I mean this is like watching Twister and believing that you are learning about meteorology. The plot is terrible, completely on par with the acting as was the filming and entire story line in general. I know in every teenage horror movie you have the obligitory boob shots but this was outdone before the first twenty minutes. I couldn't even get through the entire feature without thinking that I could have more fun cleaning my bathroom and that is in fact what I did instead of watching this. I do not understand "doc rogers'" justification for this movie. I mean seriously we all understand that this low class director had to pay his rent but why is he ruining all of these young peoples' careers before they even get started? I got so frustrated with this film that I actually went back to Blockbuster and got a refund for it, they do refund you if it is that bad, and this is in fact that bad. Please avoid this if you value your precious feeble minds! Don't waste your time or money......anyone remember Spun? I know it is a harsh comparison but it is that bad.

Rating:
Summary: The Worst Movie Ever Made!!
Review: This movie made Street Fighter look like a masterpiece. Every time I thought it couldn't get worse, it did. The special effects consisted of spliced in clips from House of the Dead 2 the video game. The plot was terrible. Pornos have better scripts. It's not even bad in an amusing sort of way. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! DO NOT LET YOUR FRIENDS WATCH THIS MOVIE.

Rating:
Summary: I didn't think it could be THAT bad. I was wrong.
Review: Everyone kept saying how awful this movie was, but I didn't think it could be THAT bad. Even if it was cheesy, it looked like it would be fun and entertaining. Well, I was proved wrong. The acting in this movie is easily some of the very worst of the year and the lines are hilariously stupid. I couldn't believe my ears. Stuff like this usually makes for good entertainment though, something to laugh at, yet it was actually kind of boring. Don't get me wrong, there's still plenty to laugh at, but this movie just wasn't as entertaining as it should have and could have been. If you're going to make a bad movie, at least make it entertaining! It had too many boring moments. I've seen a lot better horror movies go straight-to-video.

I loved Ellie Cornell in Halloween 4 and 5, and was looking forward to seeing her in something again. But sadly, the awful acting of the other actors must have rubbed off on her, or she lost her touch (she was never this bad in Halloween 4 and 5), because her performance is bad too. Hopefully she'll show up in a good movie giving a good performance soon. Of course, she's nowhere near the worst of the bunch, and next to the others, she actually manages to come out of this unscathed. Clint Howard was downright awful here. Oh my god, I couldn't believe how bad his acting was and the awful lines he said. One of the worst and most hilarious ones was "Why? Why? Why? They always ask why!" It might not sound that hilarious on its own, but when you hear it in the movie and how badly the line is delivered, you'll surely find it hilariously awful too. Another one of the worst performances in this movie comes from Jonathan Cherry as Rudy. Everything he said sounded so bad, especially the ending voice-over. Tyron Leitso was also really bad as Simon. Instead of going through every person though and saying they were bad, I'll just save myself the trouble and say that they're all bad. That includes Jurgen Prochnow as Capt. Victor Kirk and Ona Grauer as Alicia. I did love Alicia's hilariously ridiculous line "Why aren't these zombies alive like the other ones?" (Umm, because they're dead! That's like going to a cemetery and going "Why aren't these people alive like us?") That line was so stupid and so funny. And when Liberty (Kira Clavell) yells out "There must be some kind of scientific explanation for this!" I was immediately reminded of something Anna Faris would say in one of the Scary Movie movies, and the way Clavell said it even sounded like how Anna Faris would say it. It's pretty bad when a line in a movie sounds like it's something out of a spoof. Of course, it's hilarious nonetheless. While watching this movie, you can't help but think that they had to have made it this bad on purpose. How could you not have? There's no way you couldn't know that the movie you were making was awful.

House of The Dead is proof that you don't have to have any talent in order to be an actor. Anyone can be an actor, however, your talent or lack of will determine what kind of movies you're in. For people that have absolutely no acting talent, you will be in movies like House of The Dead. If any aspiring actors out there think that they stink and will never get cast in a movie, watch House of The Dead and you'll be given hope. I mean, this even got a wide release in theaters and didn't go straight-to-video. Speaking of which, it's pretty sad when movies like this can get a wide release in theaters but not actual good/great horror films like May or Ginger Snaps. I highly recommend anyone thinking about renting this movie that hasn't seen those yet to rent one of them instead. Or if you want a zombie movie, get the far superior 28 Days Later.

House of The Dead has its entertaining moments, and the movie does look good, but that's about it. I recommend skipping it.

P.S. Uwe Boll, please pull some strings and cast me in House of The Dead 2, I'm sure I wouldn't be any worse than the actors in this one.

Grade: 4/10 (D+)

Rating:
Summary: House of Garbage
Review: This movie was complete nonsense, from start to finish. The acting was so bad that it leapt from the realm of disgusting to the mirthful land of comedy. I laughed myself silly through most of it. This movie makes video game acting Oscar worthy.
A reviewer a few posts below mine was actually shocked by the negative reviews this movie has garnered. Why? It was a terrible film in every possible way a film can be terrible. There wasn't a single defining moment that could possibly redeem the mental rape I felt I had taken by subject myself to 90 minutes of this nonsense. I felt like a guinea pig in some twisted experiment testing the effects of forced lower standards on a human subject.
Maybe I've been in a coma the last ten years or so, but from what I can remember horror films were supposed to elicit fear...horror...hence the title of the genre. Gun battles and Kung-Fu theatre quality fight scenes have no business in a scary movie. It seems everyone in the industry has Buffy-fever, feeling it's essential for the main character to be well adept in the knowledge of Asian self defense.
This movie reminded me a porn movie without the porn. Take out the sex and imagine trying to sit through 90 minutes of a silly plot and acting that sounded as if the actors were reading their line from a cue card.
If being a "serious horror fan" means having to accept this movie into the genre I love, then I hereby hand in my membership card. Life's too short people. There a lot of great horror films out there, and a lot of great independent horror films being ignored. Don't waste your time with this pop cultural, brainless, uninspired effort. The video game is game. The movie should be buried and forgotten.

Rating:
Summary: Horrible; stick with the games...
Review: I had real high hopes for HOUSE OF THE DEAD, because I am such a big fan of the videogame trilogy. Supposedly, this movie is what happened before the events of the first game. Anyway, it is basically just about some kids who are going to a rave on an island, but they miss the main boat so they take the next one. When they get there, they discover that the island is completely deserted. It doesn't take long for the flesh-eating zombies to come out though, and it only gets worse from there.

I wouldn't recommend this movie, not even as one of those "so bad it's good" flicks. Basically, avoid at all costs.

Rating:
Summary: Perhaps the worst horror film ever
Review: This movie is ZERO stars. To begin, the director uses quick cuts to actual video game footage to save on the special effects when killing zombies ( which look like people in burlap sacks ). Also, there is extensive use of a 360 degree camera shot - which makes the movie seem stupid and dizzying. The acting is HORRIBLE - lines that don't make any sense and you never feel bad for them because they are so STUPID. The writing is even worse - there is no continuity in the movie at all. It is 1 1/2 hours of my life I'll never get back. DO NOT SEE THIS IDIOTIC film. It's not scary, sexy, or entertaining in any way.

Rating:
Summary: So bad its not even good
Review: You know I wanted to like this, sometimes bad zombie/horror movies can actually be fun and campy, like "Resident Evil".
But after viewing this again, its so bad that it can't be fun, it can't be entertaining, it just plain stinks.
Its too bad because the first 30 minutes or so actually has some promise, a creepy set up, lots of naked co-eds, etc., but when the zombies finally hit the screen the movie just goes down the toilet. There's nothing scary or creepy about these zombies at all.

Then as the survivors of the zombie slaughter struggle to ward off the undead minions, the cliches start rolling fast and often.
- "Are we gonna make it?"
- "Maybe we should hide in that house?" etc etc
The Matrix-style filming of the one big battle with the zombies is so laughable and so horribly done that mere words cannot describe it. Oh and lets not forget some glaring examples of ineptness by the director - in one scene Captain Kirk (I'm not even going to say anything about the name) Jurgen Prochnow is seen walking around the deck of his boat in a pounding rain storm.....he glances towards the water....when the camera shows the water, there's no rain falling...cut back to Kirk, its stopped raining, and then a few moments later, its raining buckets again - absolutely stunning how bad the directing is.

This was a film that didn't have to be as bad as it was, a little bit of thought and a little more imagination would have helped. I thought the "U-Boat commander" quip at the beginning of the flick when the party-goers meet Jurgen Prochnow was pretty funny, I thought at that point that maybe the film had a chance, but unfortunately, I was greatly dissapointed.

Rating:
Summary: It's Difficult to Understand These Negative Reviews
Review: I have to wonder what is going on with the popular opinions of many recent horror films such as House of the Dead and Cabin Fever. There seems to be somewhat of a backlash against at least the mainstream examples of the genre--mainstream in the "now playing in a Cineplex near you" variety, not necessarily in terms of the origin or attitude of the film.

I can't imagine that many of the negative reviews are coming serious horror fans, and before everyone gets up in arms, let me explain what I mean by "serious horror fans". I don't mean someone who likes horror films a lot "if they're good", which is tautological and implies a person who probably would think that most of them aren't good. I also don't mean someone who has seen, say, 20 or 30 horror films along the lines of The Exorcist, Halloween, Psycho, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Silence of The Lambs, etc. and who says that they like more of those "classics" than they dislike (whether they really believe this, or think that they're supposed to believe this). I mean someone who has been watching the genre for many years, who tries to see every horror film they can make available to themselves for viewing, and who likes a majority of those films.

Most of the negative criticisms being lobbed at these recent films, although I think they are ultimately unjustified, could be lobbed in the same way against most of the films in the horror genre. So anyone being consistent, and taking a serious look at the objective properties of the films, would have to also not like most of the hundred or so horror films made worldwide each year. Note that I'm not saying anything elitist about "serious horror fans", although I am one of them. I'm merely pointing out that I can't believe that the recent negative reviews of films like House of the Dead, House of 1000 Corpses, Cabin Fever, Wrong Turn, etc. can be written by people who fit the "serious horror fan" description as I have defined it above.

All of these recent films lie solidly within the genre, with characteristic scripts, performances, effects, editing, etc. They are also clearly made by crews (and not just the directors, but scriptwriters, effects persons, and so on) with a deep love of the genre, who are both transparently acknowledging their influences and trying to bring something new to the table.

So what about House Of The Dead? I thought it was brilliant. For anyone who doesn't know already, it is an example of the recent "video game film" subgenre. The game was a first-person shooter with lots of gory zombie action, but the filmmakers were also big fans of the zombie film genre, especially the George Romero films. Additionally, the Sega folks wanted it to not just be an adaptation of either of the House of the Dead games, so the film has an original plot, which could be seen as a prequel to the games.

Yes, you read that correctly, this film has a plot. Most films do. It would be very difficult to create a film without a plot, although there might be some examples of this, such as Brian Eno's Thursday Afternoon, if we can say that it isn't just a music video. But even the Godfrey Reggio/Philip Glass trilogy, consisting of Koyaanisqatsi, Powaqqatsi and Naqoyqatsi, could be said to have a plot. Plots can be poetic as well as prosaic. House of the Dead however, has a fairly straightforward, linear plot.

A quintet of young adults is headed to a rave on a secluded island. They hire a wonderfully campy duo of sailors (one played by Clint Howard, who at this point in his enjoyable career suggests camp the moment he appears) to take them to the island, despite their protests about its safety. When they arrive, things immediately go wrong, and they are quickly confronted with zombies. I don't like to give to much of the film away to anyone who hasn't seen it already, but there are also subplots having to do with the sailors and the police, and two of the young adults who used to be mates. There is also a great backstory about the origin of the zombies, which seems partially like a nod to Spanish horror maven Amando de Ossorio and his Blind Dead films.

Although the story is enjoyable enough, and the performances are good, and standard for a horror film, ranging from campy to a kind of earnest obliviousness, what really stands out in this film is the zombie material, which is just as heavy on action as horror. Director Uwe Boll achieves a thrilling, almost chaotic mayhem, and even better, goes over the top with some postmodern techniques. Rather than shying away from the modern aspects of the genres he's working in, and the peculiarities of the video game film subgenre, he embraces them in a visceral way, producing an emotional effect that is akin to taking a loop in a roller coaster at 60 miles per hour. The most prominent of these techniques is Boll's insertion of actual video game footage into the film, at first under the credits, then as a very creative wipe, and finally intercut with some of the action. These work beautifully, as long as you view them less linearly and more like a Warhol painting. Other embraced techniques include Mach 5 sequences of music-video style edits (during characters' mental flashbacks) and post-Matrix action sequences, which also have to be read more poetically.

Of course, you don't have to analyze any of this stuff to enjoy the film. But you probably have to be a (or at least be a potential) "serious horror fan" to enjoy it.

Rating:
Summary: House of Crapola
Review: I am actually stunningly amazed at how much that sucked. I felt compelled to watch the featturette basically looking for some sort of an appology from the creators of the film. Alas I was again disappointed. It was astounding how seriously the creators took this movie, comparing it to Romero's movies. It kind of makes me laugh that the ancient spanish conquestidors that were brought back from the dead all new kung fu and moved as stealthy as breakdancers.