Senorita Justice

Rating:
Summary: Donde esta el bano?
Review: Because, your gonna need to go after you see this mess. Okay, we have a bunch of cuban/latina(o) stereotypes thrown together in a gang/streets of miami kinda-movie. So instead of getting Miami vice, we get a cheapo-psuedo-"fast and furious" pile of junk. (look for the vin diesel look-a-like!) The story revolves around Edith Gonzalez's char. (and while she is eye candy), she can't act her way out of a paper bag. Her brother gets killed, and she tries to find out why. The "cops" in this movie are just awful. The interrogation room is a conference table, and some comfy rollable chairs in a wall-less, floor-less space with 1 overhead light. They always let people go after asking them 2 questions. (What is your name? Did you see anything?) The production value is a tad better than most movies I give 1 star to, but good editing, doesn't necessarily make a good film. If you want to watch an hour and a half of latin swearing and showboatmanship this skid mark on the cuban culture is for you. I do recommend this for MST3K value (goofin' on), the foley artist they hired to do the sound effects went overboard and allowed a 100 pound girl to make a punch that sounds like a rhino going throw a brick wall. Simply hilarious.

Rating:
Summary: Eva Longoria fans beware!
Review: Lately I've seen a lot of press about ABCs DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and its star, Eva Longoria. I've not seen the show, but I later read about her and SENORITA JUSTICE in a movie mag, so I got curious, and bought this film largely to see what all the fuss was about.

First off, although SENORITA JUSTICE's marketing touts Eva Longoria as one of the stars, she only has about 5 minutes of screen time. And even then, she's mainly listening to her partner cop. Longoria has barely any lines.

This is typical of how many films are (bogusly) marketed. One of the bit players in a film becomes a star, so the film is re-released to capitalize on that stardom. So if you're a Longoria fan, you may be disappointed in SENORITA JUSTICE.

Actually, the film is disappointing on other levels too. The production values look like a shot-on-video/direct-to-video grade Z effort. So too the acting, which is very stilted in many scenes, such as when the star (Edith Gonzalez) learns that her brother is dead, and she "breaks down" into tears. I'm guessing Gonzalez mainly gets cast based on her looks, because her acting isn't very credible.

Longoria's acting is more comfortable (less wooden) but she doesn't get a chance to act much.

The story's about a female Cuban-American lawyer (Gonzalez) who "escaped the neighborhood" by getting a law degree and a "rich white boyfriend." This causes resentment when she returns to the 'hood.

She does so because she's also an ex-cop, so when her gangsta brother is killed, she comes back to the 'hood to take revenge. She engages in a lot of fistacuffs with whole groups of male gangstas, and I just couldn't buy that she'd be that tough. In the end, a female Yakuzi assassin is sent from Japan to kill her, and they engage in what's supposed to be a supreme battle, but is actually pretty tame.

The images are pretty flatly lit, in that low-budget direct-to-video manner. However, a few of the shots are nice, and it's mostly well edited (such as when two people are talking, there are shots, we cut to black, see images from the past, then we return and see that one of the people has been shot and has seen his life "flash before his eyes."

The writing and motivations are less credible. One girl in the 'hood hates Gonzalez because she's in love with the same man), but when Gonzalez plans to leave the 'hood, the girl lectures Gonzalez about being a coward and running away. It's all contradictory to her character, but I guess the writer wanted to get that speech in.

Later, another cop engages in murder (killing a bad guy from behind, instead of yelling "freeze") and this is supposed to be both realistic and heroic. It's not, but it's one of the many unrealistic events that made it hard to suspend disbelief."

Not a great film, but okay in a low-budget sort of way.

Rating:
Summary: Awful
Review: Really, really low budget. The acting is bad; the action is laughable, akin to those stupid rapper movies starring Snoop. The only good thing about this movie is the delicious Edith Gonzalez. But don't waste money on this one, just catch one of her many telenovelas on tv.

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful Movie
Review: This movie was, without hyperbole, the greatest movie ever made. The acting was realistic and emotional. The use of "Spanglish" throughout the movie really reinforces to me the fact that, yes, these people really are Hispanic! The low-budget filming gave it a realistic touch and I adored the "street names" like Bones and Lefty. The plot reminded me of Swiss cheese, so I had a lot of room for interpretation, which is tons of fun and lets the director/writer off the hook! I learned tons of new swear words - even ones in Spanish! I saw at least 7 dead bodies! ¡Que fantastico!