Rating: 
Summary: Motorcycle mamas on a highway to Hell!
Review: Ah, the 'other' Ross Hagen motorcycle movie. Reading his bio on IMDb it says at one time he ran an acting school...oh bruther! Well, while Hellcats was certainly prime for the Mystie treatment, a better one to watch is Sidehackers, another Ross Hagen/motorcycle epic. Ross is a some sort of law enforcement agent who goes undercover to infiltrate a goofy biker gang after his brother is killed. For some strange reason, Ross teams up with his murdered brothers' girlfriend to achieve this. I will admit that after awhile, I just stopped trying to figure out what was going on in the movie, and just focused on the humor provided by Joel and the 'bots. I did notice a lot of dancing (cough, cough), beer swilling, and general activities you would associate with a psuedo 60's hippie biker gang. Probably the funniest part in the movie for me was when the leader of the biker gang is challenged to a race by the leader of another biker gang. We're treated to about five minutes of watching the people watching the race. I mean, we don't even get to see the race, only hear the reving of engines as the riders supposedly race around. I'm not sure why they couldn't have included some footage of the actual race, being that this is a movie that's heavy on the whole motorcycle thing, but whatever...it wouldn't have made the movie any better. While this isn't my favorite episode, it's still really funny and worth getting if you're a fan. Not a lot of extras on this one except the trailer and the flipside of the disc has the un-mystiefied version of the movie.
Rating:
Summary: Motorcycle mamas on a highway to Hell!
Review: Ah, the 'other' Ross Hagen motorcycle movie. Reading his bio on IMDb it says at one time he ran an acting school...oh bruther! Well, while Hellcats was certainly prime for the Mystie treatment, a better one to watch is Sidehackers, another Ross Hagen/motorcycle epic. Ross is a some sort of law enforcement agent who goes undercover to infiltrate a goofy biker gang after his brother is killed. For some strange reason, Ross teams up with his murdered brothers' girlfriend to achieve this. I will admit that after awhile, I just stopped trying to figure out what was going on in the movie, and just focused on the humor provided by Joel and the 'bots. I did notice a lot of dancing (cough, cough), beer swilling, and general activities you would associate with a psuedo 60's hippie biker gang. Probably the funniest part in the movie for me was when the leader of the biker gang is challenged to a race by the leader of another biker gang. We're treated to about five minutes of watching the people watching the race. I mean, we don't even get to see the race, only hear the reving of engines as the riders supposedly race around. I'm not sure why they couldn't have included some footage of the actual race, being that this is a movie that's heavy on the whole motorcycle thing, but whatever...it wouldn't have made the movie any better. While this isn't my favorite episode, it's still really funny and worth getting if you're a fan. Not a lot of extras on this one except the trailer and the flipside of the disc has the un-mystiefied version of the movie.
Rating:
Summary: Hellcats And Brimstone!
Review: BEELZEBUB: "You will be watching the movie 'The Hellcats' over and over again for all of eternity." MR. VEGAS: "I remember this film from watching Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was a biker movie with lots of mindless violence. When two characters have a motorcycle race, they show them zooming away until they're off camera. Then, you only see the rest of the biker gang hanging around drinking beer for a few minutes. Then you see the first biker (the winner) followed by the other biker (the loser) zooming back. Actually showing the race would have required more cameras and used extra footage, which would have cost too much money!" BEELZEBUB: "My favorite part is where they have the guy's hands and feet tied up to the back of two motorcycles going in different directions. If you can hold on until the count of 15, you've proven your manhood, they shut off the motorcycles and you can get it on with your favorite biker chick. If your hands let go of the rope before the count of 15, the other motorcycle drags you around by your feet until you're bruised and battered. That's entertainment!" MR. VEGAS: "Thank goodness it's the MST3K version of this movie. That's the only thing that could make watching 'The Hellcats' bearable." BEELZEBUB: "You're going to watch the original version of the movie. Where in hell do you think you are?"
Rating: 
Summary: Milk the cash cow with better episodes than this... please
Review: Don't treat the DVD release of this so-so MST3K episode like a major event. There hasn't been a new MST3K episode released to video or DVD in many many months. Stacked against recent DVD reissues like "Red Zone Cuba" (very funny) to "The Crawling Hand" (depressingly unfunny), this episode hits the straight middle. A fairly early episode, the warm vibe is there even if the jokes are weak. The skits are nothing special, but again, a fun vibe throughout. I actually didn't mind this movie in any case. (I have a soft spot for beer-chugging biker gangs and their corny initiation rites...) There aren't enough jokes to patch up the slow spots between biker fights, but it's fun enough. Whatever. Who cares? My problem is this DVD was already available on video. There are no extras, zip. They used to at least include the "uncut" version of the film - not anymore. If Bad Brains released the episodes that are really good: ("Magic Sword," "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians", "The Girl in Lovers Lane", "Attack of the Eye Creatures") we'd really be in business. But right now, I'm lowering my hopes for a new MST3K of any kind. What next, "The Gunfighter" on DVD? "Catalina Caper"? Yay. (Or is it yawn?...) WE HAVE ALL OF THESE ON VIDEO. ALL OF US. Give us something new. It's time to play the market right, and give us fans what we'll spend money for. I know you're reading this. Yeah, you guys. Make it happen.
Rating:
Summary: Nice DVD package of hilarious, ultra-cheap biker pic
Review: First off, this review is of the uncut, non-MST3K version. I have no problem with Joel and the 'bots; I just generally prefer my cinematic rotgut straight-up, no chaser. The Hellcats inhabits the fringes of that shot-silent-and-looped, stock-music-infested, nearly plotless netherworld of such trash favorites as Beast of Yucca Flats, Hot-Blooded Woman, and Teenage Zombies. In fact, co-producer Anthony Cardoza was one of the producers on Yucca Flats, and he and Hellcats director Robert F. Slatzer later made the atrocious Bigfoot (1970). Plus, writer/assistant director Tony Houston was associated with a number of Larry Buchanan films (Mars Needs Women, Eye Creatures, Zontar the Thing from Venus, etc.) in various capacities. All of which explains a lot. The movie opens in a graveyard at the gang leader's funeral, with each Hellcat laying a knife or chain on the casket. Ranking biker chick Sheila (Sharyn Kinzie), pulls her bra from under her shirt as her offering! Next we're treated to some mis-dubbed dialogue between some cops before repulsive director Slatzer shows up as sleazy drug lord Mr. Adrian. (Pay special attention to the incongruous sound effects in the shot-silent scenes: e.g., a baggie dropped into a paper bag goes 'thump'; a man walking through a grassy field makes an odd sucking sound.) The plot: military sergeant Monte Chapman (Ross Hagen; The Sidehackers, Mini-Skirt Mob, Devil's 8), the brother of a 'narco cop' murdered by the Hellcats on Adrian's order, meets with some senators at an airport, then dons leather jacket, shades, and dorky Then Came Bronson-style knit cap to go undercover, infiltrate the gang, and bust the biker/dope ring, accompanied by wispy blonde Linda (Dee Duffy; Murderers' Row, The Ambushers), fiance of the dead narc. Since there's only enough story to sustain a 25-minute episode of Dragnet, most of the time is taken up by the Hellcats (all in chintzy dime-store 'biker' attire) riding their 'hogs' to the accompaniment of some twangy Davie Allan and the Arrows-style bongo-rock ('The Arrows' are listed on the soundtrack LP but not in the movie credits); drinking lots of beer, then squirting and pouring it on each other; lying around, stumbling, and falling down; lots of aimless partying; some of the stupidest dancing ever committed to film; and tripping out (Biker: 'You ran into a bad cube, man.' Hiney: 'I don't feel so good. Mommy! I don't feel so good! Everything's green!'). Tony Lorea as Six-Pack is a definite lowlight with his cheesy garb, lame comedy bits (including awful Jimmy Cagney impersonation), and particularly mortifying dancing. Hagen is sullen and monosyllabic, trading cringeworthy dialogue with Duffy such as, He: 'Mama, remember the lessons.' She: 'Go for the throat!' Kinzie and Slatzer deliver some of the flattest line readings this side of a Warhol movie and Cardoza appears briefly as a painter who is attacked (and his semi-nude model assaulted) by the bikers. There's a hilarious 'confrontation' between Hellcat leader Snake and beatnik-look rival gang leader Zombie, whose big motorcycle chicken run takes place entirely offscreen (all we see are the blank stares of the spectators!) and ends with a lame chain fight; Hagen is challenged to a 'drag' ('when we say drag, we mean scrape') where the contestants are stretched between two cycles rack-style and/or dragged along the ground; Mexican drug dealers (signified by Flamenco guitar music) play cards while a jonesing junkie chick pleads for a fix; and the film's sole arty moment occurs when a woman's scream segues into the whine of a jet turbine, a la Hitchcock! The soundtrack is as bizarre as the onscreen action, varying from lame 'psychedelia' and generic frat-rock to snippets of bossa nova, harpsichord, elevator music, and even what sounds like a zither! Several horrible vocal numbers (including the mind-numbing theme) that sound like bad Kasenetz-Katz tunes are credited to Davy Jones and the Dolphins and arranged/produced by 'Richard Podlor' (could this dreck possibly be the work of Richard Podolor of Chocolate Watchband, Hondells, etc., fame? No producer is credited on the soundtrack LP.) When the brassy stock music cues from Adults Only skinflick Strange Rampage pop up halfway through, anyone familiar with Johnny Legend's Sleazemania trailer comp will be rolling off the furniture. Curiously for a biker flick, there's actually not a lot of motorcycling until the last 10 minutes, when the gang races to rescue Monte and Linda. The Hellcats in its un-Mystied form is a smorgasbord of ineptness for aficionados of poverty-stricken grade-Z schlock; I noticed even more delicious badness on second viewing. Would make a great double-bill with H. G. Lewis's She Devils on Wheels, with which it shares a similar non-style and crude charm. Serious biker dudes beware!
Fortunately for Mysties and bad film cultists, the source print on Rhino's DVD is much better than one would expect for a movie of this type. The transfer is full frame, which is cool since it wasn't shot widescreen anyway. The brightness, contrast, sharpness, and detail are fine; and physical damage is limited to only some light speckling and blemishing. Color balance is OK, if unspectacular; saturation is slightly above average for quick-fading Eastmancolor. The Dolby 2.0 mono sound is a bit muddy at times (some of the dialogue is difficult to understand), probably due to the original mix, and there is also some soft background hiss. The Hellcats trailer, letterboxed to 1.66:1, is only included on the MST3K side of the disc, but looks about as good as the feature, with reasonably good color, and only some very light speckling evident. For fans of low-budget biker sleaze, a can't-miss package for the cash. 'Easy, mama.'
Rating:
Summary: Nice DVD package of hilarious, ultra-cheap biker pic
Review: First off, this review is of the uncut, non-MST3K version. I have no problem with Joel and the �bots; I just generally prefer my cinematic rotgut straight-up, no chaser. The Hellcats inhabits the fringes of that shot-silent-and-looped, stock-music-infested, nearly plotless netherworld of such trash favorites as Beast of Yucca Flats, Hot-Blooded Woman, and Teenage Zombies. In fact, co-producer Anthony Cardoza was one of the producers on Yucca Flats, and he and Hellcats director Robert F. Slatzer later made the atrocious Bigfoot (1970). Plus, writer/assistant director Tony Houston was associated with a number of Larry Buchanan films (Mars Needs Women, Eye Creatures, Zontar the Thing from Venus, etc.) in various capacities. All of which explains a lot. The movie opens in a graveyard at the gang leader�s funeral, with each Hellcat laying a knife or chain on the casket. Ranking biker chick Sheila (Sharyn Kinzie), pulls her bra from under her shirt as her offering! Next we�re treated to some mis-dubbed dialogue between some cops before repulsive director Slatzer shows up as sleazy drug lord Mr. Adrian. (Pay special attention to the incongruous sound effects in the shot-silent scenes: e.g., a baggie dropped into a paper bag goes �thump�; a man walking through a grassy field makes an odd sucking sound.) The plot: military sergeant Monte Chapman (Ross Hagen; The Sidehackers, Mini-Skirt Mob, Devil�s 8), the brother of a �narco cop� murdered by the Hellcats on Adrian�s order, meets with some senators at an airport, then dons leather jacket, shades, and dorky Then Came Bronson-style knit cap to go undercover, infiltrate the gang, and bust the biker/dope ring, accompanied by wispy blonde Linda (Dee Duffy; Murderers� Row, The Ambushers), fiance of the dead narc. Since there�s only enough story to sustain a 25-minute episode of Dragnet, most of the time is taken up by the Hellcats (all in chintzy dime-store �biker� attire) riding their �hogs� to the accompaniment of some twangy Davie Allan and the Arrows-style bongo-rock (�The Arrows� are listed on the soundtrack LP but not in the movie credits); drinking lots of beer, then squirting and pouring it on each other; lying around, stumbling, and falling down; lots of aimless partying; some of the stupidest dancing ever committed to film; and tripping out (Biker: �You ran into a bad cube, man.� Hiney: �I don�t feel so good. Mommy! I don�t feel so good! Everything�s green!�). Tony Lorea as Six-Pack is a definite lowlight with his cheesy garb, lame comedy bits (including awful Jimmy Cagney impersonation), and particularly mortifying dancing. Hagen is sullen and monosyllabic, trading cringeworthy dialogue with Duffy such as, He: �Mama, remember the lessons.� She: �Go for the throat!� Kinzie and Slatzer deliver some of the flattest line readings this side of a Warhol movie and Cardoza appears briefly as a painter who is attacked (and his semi-nude model assaulted) by the bikers. There�s a hilarious �confrontation� between Hellcat leader Snake and beatnik-look rival gang leader Zombie, whose big motorcycle chicken run takes place entirely offscreen (all we see are the blank stares of the spectators!) and ends with a lame chain fight; Hagen is challenged to a �drag� (�when we say drag, we mean scrape�) where the contestants are stretched between two cycles rack-style and/or dragged along the ground; Mexican drug dealers (signified by Flamenco guitar music) play cards while a jonesing junkie chick pleads for a fix; and the film�s sole arty moment occurs when a woman�s scream segues into the whine of a jet turbine, a la Hitchcock! The soundtrack is as bizarre as the onscreen action, varying from lame �psychedelia� and generic frat-rock to snippets of bossa nova, harpsichord, elevator music, and even what sounds like a zither! Several horrible vocal numbers (including the mind-numbing theme) that sound like bad Kasenetz-Katz tunes are credited to Davy Jones and the Dolphins and arranged/produced by �Richard Podlor� (could this dreck possibly be the work of Richard Podolor of Chocolate Watchband, Hondells, etc., fame? No producer is credited on the soundtrack LP.) When the brassy stock music cues from Adults Only skinflick Strange Rampage pop up halfway through, anyone familiar with Johnny Legend�s Sleazemania trailer comp will be rolling off the furniture. Curiously for a biker flick, there�s actually not a lot of motorcycling until the last 10 minutes, when the gang races to rescue Monte and Linda. The Hellcats in its un-Mystied form is a smorgasbord of ineptness for aficionados of poverty-stricken grade-Z schlock; I noticed even more delicious badness on second viewing. Would make a great double-bill with H. G. Lewis�s She Devils on Wheels, with which it shares a similar non-style and crude charm. Serious biker dudes beware!
Fortunately for Mysties and bad film cultists, the source print on Rhino�s DVD is much better than one would expect for a movie of this type. The transfer is full frame, which is cool since it wasn�t shot widescreen anyway. The brightness, contrast, sharpness, and detail are fine; and physical damage is limited to only some light speckling and blemishing. Color balance is OK, if unspectacular; saturation is slightly above average for quick-fading Eastmancolor. The Dolby 2.0 mono sound is a bit muddy at times (some of the dialogue is difficult to understand), probably due to the original mix, and there is also some soft background hiss. The Hellcats trailer, letterboxed to 1.66:1, is only included on the MST3K side of the disc, but looks about as good as the feature, with reasonably good color, and only some very light speckling evident. For fans of low-budget biker sleaze, a can�t-miss package for the cash. �Easy, mama.�
Rating:
Summary: One of the worst MST3K episodes...
Review: Forgive me for saying so, all you MSTies out there like myself, but isn't this movie just a little TOO bad? I mean, even if Joel and the Bots were in their best-ever form (which they absolutely aren't in this episode), would it really be worth it to sit through this cinematic atrocity? Well, maybe if they were as funny as in Pod People, one of their best, but still when a movie is just too bad, it seems like the writers have too much to work with and just work on the obvious (e.g. bad music, long senseless scenes, corny dialouge, no plot whatsoever). But as in Pod People, where its bad, but its production values are just good enough to have the MST3K writers sweat a bit, the episode seems to be much better than usual. I would provide some of the best lines from this episode, but there really aren't any. By the by, stay away from CATALINA CAPER also, for similar reasons.
Rating: 
Summary: Entertaining, but not the best MST3K motorcycle film
Review: Hellcats begins promisingly enough, with a catchy little theme song ("Heeeellll-cats! Heeeellll-cats!") that you will not be able to dislodge from your brain for days. It's perky and happy in exactly the way that the movie is not. Then the movie descends into extended periods of boredom punctuated by stupid biker tricks. As another reviewer noted, everything in this movie is padding. This is one of those movies that would be intolerable were it not for the MST3K treatment. You get to see unattractive people spray beer on each other, make out, ride motorcycles, and engage in dubious feats of strength, although I fear this description makes the movie sound much more entertaining than it actually is. As for the "plot", Ross Hagen shows up in the US on leave from Vietnam, hangs out with bikers and his dead brother's fiance in some kind of attempt to do something undercover, something happens with the biker gang, and then he goes back to Vietnam. The end. Was it some kind of social commentary, equating the bikers with the Viet Cong? And if so, were they both supposed to be bad guys, or just misunderstood good guys? Was it a failed attempt at a girl-gang film a la the far more entertaining (and non-MST3K) "Switchblade Sisters"? With the truly awful script, direction, lighting and sound, who can tell? While I wouldn't pass up this DVD altogether, I would acquire the MST3K version of "Sidehackers" first. It's a far more entertaining and bizarre motorcycle movie, with Michael Pataki taking it totally over the top, and Ross Hagen as the hero yet again, in case you can't get enough Ross Hagen. I really hope these two films don't represent the peak of that guy's career.
Rating:
Summary: Entertaining, but not the best MST3K motorcycle film
Review: Hellcats begins promisingly enough, with a catchy little theme song ("Heeeellll-cats! Heeeellll-cats!") that you will not be able to dislodge from your brain for days. It's perky and happy in exactly the way that the movie is not. Then the movie descends into extended periods of boredom punctuated by stupid biker tricks. As another reviewer noted, everything in this movie is padding. This is one of those movies that would be intolerable were it not for the MST3K treatment. You get to see unattractive people spray beer on each other, make out, ride motorcycles, and engage in dubious feats of strength, although I fear this description makes the movie sound much more entertaining than it actually is. As for the "plot", Ross Hagen shows up in the US on leave from Vietnam, hangs out with bikers and his dead brother's fiance in some kind of attempt to do something undercover, something happens with the biker gang, and then he goes back to Vietnam. The end. Was it some kind of social commentary, equating the bikers with the Viet Cong? And if so, were they both supposed to be bad guys, or just misunderstood good guys? Was it a failed attempt at a girl-gang film a la the far more entertaining (and non-MST3K) "Switchblade Sisters"? With the truly awful script, direction, lighting and sound, who can tell? While I wouldn't pass up this DVD altogether, I would acquire the MST3K version of "Sidehackers" first. It's a far more entertaining and bizarre motorcycle movie, with Michael Pataki taking it totally over the top, and Ross Hagen as the hero yet again, in case you can't get enough Ross Hagen. I really hope these two films don't represent the peak of that guy's career.
Rating:
Summary: It's Swell, Cats.
Review: HELLCATS contains a lot of the typical bad movie-making decisions that have entertained and pained MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 fans for years. Most of the so-called action is centered on a group of angry bikers. They get into fights, become engaged in terrible musical numbers and don't really do much of anything else besides party. While some MST3k movies are simply entertaining in their awfulness, HELLCATS is not a film whose faults could really enjoyed without the commentary, because the biggest flaw of this movie is its sheer boredom. This movie is one of the most grotesquely padded films that I've ever seen. MST3k often mocked short instructional films that were no longer than 30 minutes, and if HELLCATS had been reduced to that length, it would still have been too long. Everything seems to take to hours to occur and absolutely nothing is worth the wait. Episodes like this can sometimes spell real trouble for the viewer, because if the jokes from Joel and the bots aren't up to the usual standard then there is no obvious entertaining badness to distract us. Thankfully, HELLCATS managed to coax some hilarious one-liners out of the gang, and we're spared the thought of having to survive the film without the needed lifeline of wisecracks and puns. The DVD is packaged with the original trailer, which interestingly would give one the impression that this film is all about the various women who hang out with bikers and their naughty and taboo adventures. Shockingly, the movie is absolutely nothing like the trailer. The DVD also comes with the uncut, unedited original version of HELLCATS, which just goes to show that the people at Best Brains, Inc. are not only funny folks, but also tireless philanthropists, dedicated to wiping insomnia off the face of the Earth.
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