Rating: 
Summary: Get your Hands of Fate on this DVD now!
Review: Manos is an example on how NOT to make a movie. Directed, written, produced, and starred in by a fertilizer salesman from El Paso named Hal Warren, he made this film on a bet that he could make a low budget horror film againsta friend. Guess the friend won the bet, as this, along with Titanic, are the WORST MOVIES I'VE EVER SEEN!! Warren is a family man, trying to go on vacation with his daughter and wife. After getting horribly lost, and the audience bored by the nearly endless driving sequence, they wind up at a lodge, and meet the caretaker Torgo, who takes care of the place while the Master is away. After many attempts at filmaking, the Master comes back to life to terrorize the family, but the audience will be too bored to give a crap. The only version you should see is this, the MSTied version, as Joel and the bots make this a hilarious romp, poking fun at everything from Torgo's oversized knees, to Warren's inept filmmaking. Only get the unMSTied version if you are a seasoned MST3K fan.The video in the host segments is crisp and clear, while Manos is scratched, bleak, and grainy, and us MSTies like it that way. The audio in the host segments and comentary is great too. The episode starts with the second half of a short called "Hired!", which is fricking hilarious. The supplement is a 30-minute blooper reel for the series called "Poopie!". A fine outing. (Even though the episode is great, I rate by movie alone. MST3K gets 5 stars, while Manos gets a 0) MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
(1966, NR) The Master: Tom Neyman
Torgo: John Reynolds
Margaret: Diane Mahree
Michael: Hal Warren
Debbie: Jackey Neyman
Teenager in Car: Joyce Molleur Director: Hal Warren
Writer: Hal Warren MOVIE: 0
VIDEO: 3
AUDIO: 3
EXTRAS: 3
MENUS: 3
OVERALL: 2
Rating: 
Summary: Ouch!! Utterly painful movie.
Review: The four stars are for Joel's and the 'Bots' commentary, but the movie itself deserves NOTHING. This one was more painful to watch than "Mitchell" (ick!). After watching "Manos" (don't forget the quotation marks), I felt I needed to clean out my brain. Only Joel, Crow, and my best 'bot, Tom Servo, could make this one watchable. I'd like to know where the Mads dig up these fossil movies. A family gets stranded at this bizarre house, with this creepy, big-kneed fellow. The movie just goes down hill from there. The only good acting in this film was from the dog. Of course, the women getting into that cat fight was amusing. The evil guy's outfit was laughable. Come on, a robe with really big red hands on it? Ooh, scary. The best words I can use for this movie (despite our Satellite of Love's crew to help us along) are: cruel and unusual punishment. After watching this one, go and watch "Cave Dwellers". It's 10,000 times better and then some.
Rating: 
Summary: Large sausage muhsroom, thin crust
Review: This is easily the worst movie I have ever seen in my life, but then again it may be the best movie ever made by a fertilizer saleman from Texas. This is a Comedy Central "Joel" episode for those Msties who still think that matters, and it's simply outstanding. From the bizarre opening of the film that shows a lot of stock footage of travel by auto, to the random couple making out in a convertible who really like kissin', to the cops working a really long shift whose search of the desert entails standing and pointing a flashlight, Joel and the bots have plenty of riff-able material in this dog of a movie. And they make the most of it. Mike Nelson as "Torgo the pizza man" is a hoot, but it becomes even funnier when you see the outtake from that skit on the "Poopie" reel that Rhino tacks onto the DVD version of this episode. The question is, When will the father/husbdand in the movie ever show basic competence? And how does his wife's scarf keep disappearing from scene to scene? Now you see it, now you don't.
Rating:
Summary: top-tier MST3K
Review: After seeing this and a few other Mystery Science Theater episodes you'll recognize that it's a largely a hit-or-miss show, and you'll recognize that this is one of the hits. Manos has all the elements that make for a clever MST3K treatment-bad acting, terrible production, horrendous plotting-and best of all, it takes itself seriously. As a general rule, the MST3K crew does well with movies that take themselves seriously. Sincerity is easier to mock than irony. The movie, for those who care (oh, but you should!), is about a family that gets lost in the middle of the desert on vacation and ends up staying at the remote home of Manos, who with his faithful and crippled servant Torgo lords over a coterie of women clad in diaphanous evening gowns and forced to stand at attention with eyes closed while Manos sleeps his vampiric sleep during the day. Torgo, who looks like an insane Bob Dylan, has his pillows stuffed in his pants at the knees and walks funny. Manos, meanwhile, who looks like Frank Zappa, wears a black cape with big red hand outlines on its wings. I won't get into any of the quasi-sexual cult antics that Joel and the 'bots deftly ridicule, but suffice it to say the movie and the skits before, during, and after the movie are on-point and bitingly witty. This is a good first MST3K episode to see because it is so representative of what the show CAN be. But be forewarned: not all episodes are this good; in fact, the vast majority of them don't come close.
Rating:
Summary: Simply MST3K at its best.
Review: Since Mystery Science Theater operates on the notion of mocking bad films, one would assume that as a film gets worse, an episode gets better. This isn't always that case (there's only so much the SOL crew can do with blank silences and dim lighting - see "Hamlet"), but if it's that special type of *bad* film with poorly-written dialogue, bad special effects and inept characters, they're ready and willing to tear it apart. Perhaps the best example of this is Manos: the Hands of Fate. In Manos (which is a Joel episode, for those keeping score), a forgettably vapid family on a highway trip stops at a tiny house and ask the tenant (a thunder-thighed wobbler name Torgo) for directions. Torgo has no useful info, so instead of moving on, the father declares that the family will stay with Torgo for the night, despite the following:
* Torgo's own protests
* The fact that Torgo is as lecherous as a carny towards Mrs. Momlady
* A chilling picture of a dark man in robes - "The Master of the house", according to Torgo At any rate, I don't want to give away too much of this cinematic opus, but it involves pretty much every horror convention in the book, from malfunctioning cars to devil dogs to scantily-clad women. The production values are bad, and the dialogue is even worse, which make this one a cakewalk for Joel and the Bots.
It's hard to even explain why this experiment is funnier than most other MST3K eps, though I'm sure the (now-beloved) Torgo character has something to do with it. Watch for a classic scene where a pre-host Mike Nelson plays Torgo in Deep 13. Final note: While most of Rhino's MST3K DVDs are seriously lacking in Easter eggs, Manos includes "Poopie", a collection of MST bloopers and outtakes (from both Joel and Mike eras) previously unreleased on DVD. "Poopie" is actually a pretty substantial feature, and does not disappoint. Manos should probably be the first MST film you pick up - it's hilarious, stands up well on repeated viewings, and it's good for pulling in new fans (this relatively early episode sets up a lot of running gags throughout the series). If I had to select the best of MST3K, this would clearly be my first choice.
Rating:
Summary: MST=5 stars --- MANOS= negative stars!
Review: Oh boy, if you want the ultimate, most painful episode of MST with Joel, you should choose this one! "Manos" garners the distinction of being the ONLY film that the Mads ever apologized for showing, and that says a lot... Plot (ha ha)--an incredibly stupid (and lost) man and his family are traveling to Valley Loogie (really Valley Lodge, but watch the movie). Along the way, they end up on this barren dirt road and find themselves at this creepy house that wasn't there when they passed by the same clump of sand a few minutes before. Depsite this bizarre happenstance, our idiot main character Mike decides that this place is better than any Holiday Inn and enlists the help of the freakish Torgo in removing the bags from the car. Torgo weakly insists "The Master won't approve," but our intrepid moron completely ignores the refusal and invites himself and his family to spend the night. What follows is a goof in a black robe with huge red hands sewn on, a WWF-style "models in nightgowns" wrestling, and the family being assumed into the 'Manos' cult family. Sound ridiculous? IT IS, and to watch this movie any other way would be unimaginably evil. While you can indeed find "Manos" unMistied, I don't know why you'd: a) spend the cash, or b) want to. Is it really a coincidence that Hal Warren (Mike in the film) was the writer, director, and a fertilizer salesman??? Joel and the 'Bots rip on this like no other, and you'll get to see Mike Nelson before he became the captain on the SOL (watch the end segment with Torgo's Pizza Delivery). I loved the Invention Exchange in this episode, and you get the bonus fun of the short "Hired, Part 2" (Electric Boogaloo) at the opening of the video. Worth every dollar and ounce of pain for a devoted Mistie!
Rating:
Summary: "Manos" : The Movie of Fate
Review: "Manos": The Hands of Fate - was there ever a more painful piece of cinema inflicted upon a poor, unsuspecting piece of celluloid? I'd wager the answer is a resounding "no". Yes, this movie is as bad as you've heard - if not worse. For Joel and the 'Bots, this is cruel and unusual punishment. Alot of people laud this as the best episode of MST3k ever, and while I think its definately funny, I wouldn't go so far as to say its the best. But you can't blame the SOL gang: they didn't really have much to work with. Still, I'm giving it five stars for three reasons: 1. The movie "Manos" itself. This is the hands down, undisputed, worst movie that the show has ever featured - it has to be seen to be believed. The plot is indecipherable, the acting makes Ed Wood movies look like Shakespere, and I don't have a clue as to why some of the characters were even in the movie. The camera work make it look like you're seeing through the eyes of a Glaucoma victim. According to the Internet Movie Database (which ranks this as the worst movie of all time), this film was made on a dare by a fertilizer salesman, and it shows. 2. The DVD includes as a special feature the entire Poopie Reel - an hour long collection of outtakes so hilarious that I actually watch it more often than I do the movie proper. This more than balances the palatte against Manos (I think the DVD designers were feeling guilty) and easily justifies buying the DVD. 3. Its got Torgo! What else needs to be said? The bottom line: No MST3k collection will be harmonious without this DVD added. Take the "Manos" challenge.
Rating:
Summary: The Film that Fertilizer made. How appropriate!
Review: "MANOS: the hands of fate" was conceived by Harold Warren, a Texas fertilizer mogul, apparently after a long day of shoveling a big pile of...well, you know, FERTILIZER. "Manos" is probably the worst movie ever made which is good news for MST3K fans because it's also probably the best MST3K episode ever! "Manos" is the kind of movie that isn't released by Hollywood, it escapes! I won't bother trying explain the plot, because there is none. Just suffice to say that some stupid, inept people behave foolishly, repeat themselves alot, repeat themselves alot and end up at the hands of the wobbly 'Torgo' and his 'Master', basically victims of their own bottomless stupidity. All filmed in fabulous "HAZE-VISION". Stars nobody, look for producer Hal "Bag-of-Hammers" Warren as the clueless dad. There's also a short before the feature, "HIRED pt.2", the second half of a Chevrolet sales training film from the 50's. (Don't worry if you haven't seen part 1, the really important plot points are in part 2!) BUY IT! ENJOY! ACCEPT THE PAIN!
Rating:
Summary: Ouch!! Utterly painful movie.
Review: The four stars are for Joel's and the 'Bots' commentary, but the movie itself deserves NOTHING. This one was more painful to watch than "Mitchell" (ick!). After watching "Manos" (don't forget the quotation marks), I felt I needed to clean out my brain. Only Joel, Crow, and my best 'bot, Tom Servo, could make this one watchable. I'd like to know where the Mads dig up these fossil movies. A family gets stranded at this bizarre house, with this creepy, big-kneed fellow. The movie just goes down hill from there. The only good acting in this film was from the dog. Of course, the women getting into that cat fight was amusing. The evil guy's outfit was laughable. Come on, a robe with really big red hands on it? Ooh, scary. The best words I can use for this movie (despite our Satellite of Love's crew to help us along) are: cruel and unusual punishment. After watching this one, go and watch "Cave Dwellers". It's 10,000 times better and then some.
Rating:
Summary: Is this your card?
Review: Oh my, what can one say about Manos. This film is garbage and it flaunts it putridity frequently and without mercy. The MST3K gang however have a knack for turning poo to gold and they do so again with what may be the biggest stinker they ever took on. So what's so bad about the movie? Talk about a loaded question. Well okay, first it looks bad. It was filmed with one camera that could only shoot for 30 seconds at a time. This leads to many awkward cut scenes. It also sounds bad. The camera apparently couldn't pick up sound so every line is dubbed. A couple people sound like they have the same voice. It's directed poorly. A trip through the country turns into an epic trek that seems to reach no end. Joel and the bots stare at the screen and mutter "Manos.....the Hands of Fate" and that is all that needs to be said. Finally it's stupid. It's supposed to be a horror movie, but unless you're afraid of women in nightgowns, a street magician with hands painted on his cape, or a pervert with a speech impediment who has basketballs for knees, it doesn't particularly work. But the MST3K guys really had me cracking up out loud. Seriously, I could barely breath at a few spots I was laughing so hard. You need to know that people who aren't use to this kind of humor may be weirded out just because of the nature of the Manos film. Better to start with something like Mitchell or Eegah. However, if you like the MST3K brand of humor, than you have to get this. Trust me!
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