Rating: 
Summary: The BEST Mike Nelson episode EVER!
Review: This movie is pure dreck, but Mike and the Bots are at their best when they shred it into what must be hundreds of hilarious jokes and references for our enjoyment. I am a long time MST3K fan, and I can assure you that this particular experiment is absolute gold! It is one of my episodes of choice for showing to those who are uninitiated to MST3K or "don't get" the whole Satellite of Love thing. This one sits on my shelf next to "Manos" as the best duo by both MST3K hosts. If you haven't seen it, or wish to aquire one of the best shows, it is well worth the price.
Rating:
Summary: He ran all the way to hell
Review: Ah, Coleman Francis, what would we do without you? Well, for starters we wouldn't sit through Red Zone cuba, a truly horrendous film directed by and starring Mr. Francis himself. This movie features three cons who get recruited into an invasion of cuba/New Mexico. The sheer badness of this film must be seen to be believed, the acting is bad but the editing was worse. There are scenes that make no sense, such as the scene where two of the cons try and put up a convertable top, endless talky scenes, and about 20 minutes of training for the invasion. After the failed invasion the cons escape and search for a tungsten mine with the wife of one of their fellow invaders Sgt. Justine (Chastain). The film leads off with John Carradine and a young journalist, ("Kid looks like a reporter from the Catholic Digest" Servo) and features a guy named Cherokee Jack,("I'm Cherokee Jack!") a diner owner and his blind daughter,("she's been blind sense her husband was killed in the war.") coffee,("Ah, coffee a Coleman Francis staple") light planes,("Look peanuts aren't important just pick one!") a junkyard owner and his young daughter(father:take this to the house MTB(as daughter): What house?, MTB(as father)the blue Chevy MTB(as daughter):oh" and a police chase at the end.("Griffin. He ran all the way to hell, with a penny, and a broken cigarette") This movie is a good testing point for newbie MSTies, If you can survive this in one sitting you can survive any other MST. There is also a short about posture. favorite lines (by Mike and the bots)
"Crap, I'm locked out of my car" Mike
"Dis is a Hazelnut sumatra blend, I think you'll like it" Crow
Rating:
Summary: "like a William Burroughs novel read backwards"
Review: Yes, I borrowed that line from the brilliant author Donald Westlake, and the dialog in this film sounds like that as well...in its more coherent moments. At one point one character begins, for no apparent reason ("for no apparent reason" being the leitmotif of this film), to strangle another, and you can't help but want to join in, strangling every (?)human being associated with Red Zone Cuba. No high school student wielding a video camera while high on glue fumes has made a less coherent movie. Best Brains, I have read, wrote the MST3K riffs while watching the movie several times through as a typist recorded improvised lines. How they made it through this movie several times, I cannot imagine. Watching RZC, I laughed so hard I wheezed. And the riffing is funny, too. I prefer MSTed films that make a tiny bit of sense on their own--The Brain that Wouldn't Die is my favorite of the Rhino offerings--but for my money the worst MST3K episode is better than 99% of television shows or blockbuster movies.
Rating:
Summary: coleman francis: a national treasure
Review: fans of mst3k know that 3 coleman francis movies were riffed in the show's history: skydivers (available on dvd box set vol. 1), the beast of yucca flats (unfortunately not available for purchase), and RED ZONE CUBA. i feel that while beast of yucca flats is the best coleman francis episode, red zone cuba is a close second, and it tops yucca flats for the title of worst movie by coleman francis. i've watched this dvd at least 20 times. i have NO idea what the hell is going on in this movie. i guess either coleman or those other two guys (one is carradine) escaped from prison, and somehow some guy's name is cherokee jack and he flys people to cuba in exchange for old trucks and these guys get paid to fight against castro? why? is the fbi funding this? is it SECRET AGENT cherokee jack? anyways i'll stop with the questions and get on with the review this is one of those all time great episodes of mst3k. all fans should own it, and it's a good place to start for newbies (manos is a great starting point, too). in short, it's a full out five star episode, and i can't really say much more about it. "we drove all the way to hell..."
"night train to mundo fina..."
"i'm cherokee jack"
Rating:
Summary: Made me dizzy from laughing, grief, confusion and pain...
Review: This is hard core stuff. I had to laugh in tears for a minute or 2 after this movie. Keep on the back shelf with Manos for viewing with special friends that like the pain of a truely bad movie.
Rating:
Summary: did they even need to GO to cuba?!
Review: someone said this movie was worse than Manos: Hands of Fate. I thought so too, immediately after watching this one... but sitting down and thinking about it, and then popping in Manos for reference, Manos is definately worse. All i have to say is "there is no way out of here. it'll be dark soon. there is no way out of here..." and "she's my girl, she'll understand. she's my girl, she'll understand" and "my god what kind of place is this? my god what kind of place is this?" That aside, this is easily one of my favorite episodes. The short is very funny (knees-test anyone? try it in a crowded restaurant). the episode is equally as fun. it always happens right about when they break out of prison/cuba... i surrender and give up on trying to follow the plot. the rest of the movie, im still unsure as to whether or not they are still in cuba...
absolutely histarical. "ok... so what plot points still need resolving?"
"well... theres the guy in the well... they still have to do something about cuba..."
Rating:
Summary: DEEEEEEP Hurting
Review: To begin, I highly recommend purchasing this video for Mike and
and bots solid riffing, but as for the movie itself, I just can't believe how bad it really is. I didn't think any film could even be in the same ballpark of bad movies with "Manos, The Hands of Fate", but unbelievably "Red Zone Cuba" gives it a real run for its money. Coleman Francis is a really, really bad writer, but his acting is worse! He is one of the worst actors I have ever had the misfortune to witness. The editing of this dog is as bad as any home movie, prompting Mike at one point to exclaim, "Ow, I've just broken my neck from that jump cut!" As for the plot, well all I can say is WHAT PLOT? It's as if Francis filmed a bunch of scenes, mixed them up in no particular order, patched them together and called it a movie. Numerous times I was left scratching my head saying, "What just happened?" On a side point, if you like watching people smoke, this is the movie for you. I swear Francis must have smoked 100 butts in this thing. If you are still unsure whether to buy this episode, you absolutely must hear John Carradine singing the theme song, what a hoot! To sum it all up, I have to give "Manos" credit because it really was meant to be creepy, but "Red Zone Cuba" wasn't (I don't think anyway) and still managed to totally creep me out. It's just soooo bad. Mike and the bots are hilarious as usual, but still after this movie ended I actually felt depressed. Buy this episode for the great riffing, but for God's sake, DO NOT watch this thing without the Sattelite of Love to help you through it. By the way, the short "Speech" shown before the "feature" film is top notch as usual.
Rating: 
Summary: So are they still in Cuba?
Review: This is not one of the funniest I've seen. Red Zone Cuba bores me to tears because it's disjointed as hell and I don't know what's happening, and M&TB just couldn't save it for me. Even the skits weren't all that great. Folks curious about MST3K might want to choose another episode.
Rating: 
Summary: She's been blind since her husband was killed in the war
Review: Some important people in Hollywood obviously lost some bets; that is the only way I can possibly rationalize the fact that someone let Coleman Francis write, direct, and star in this incredibly lousy movie. Francis lumbers through this movie like a zombie-a very lazy zombie. His penchant for close-ups is probably explained by a desire to show as little of the set as possible. He doesn't even bother about making smooth transitions between scenes; he just cuts each one off and jumps immediately to the next one. Of course, bad movies make for great Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiments, and this is no exception. While Mike and the Bots add a lot of humor to the viewing of Red Zone Cuba, even they are powerless to mute its incredibly boring and bewildering effects on the viewer. When the best part of the movie is John Carradine's singing, you are in trouble. Carradine also apparently lost a large bet; unlike everyone else in this movie, he at least has at least a semblance of a reputation in the industry, and his "guest appearance" is totally unimportant and generally unexplainable. Here's what might be the plot if Red Zone Cuba had one. Coleman Francis' character has apparently broken out of prison, and he ends up tagging along with two of the most uninteresting characters you would ever meet. When you are on the outs, running from the law, and in need of money very badly, where do you go? Why, to a secret training camp where a handful of men are planning to invade Cuba and take up where the Bay of Pigs invasion failed, of course. Much to the frustration of our three heroes, they are not actually paid up front the thousand dollars they are expecting, and after training for about a day (it's hard to tell because night and day change continuously and look pretty much alike), they're off to Cuba. For a second, it looks like the invading forces (all seven of them) stand a chance-there can't be more than 10 Cubans there to oppose them (including a fellow with the worst Castro [imitation] beard you will ever want to see). Despite being captured and never attempting to flee through the incredibly big hole in the wall of their "prison," the trio somehow make their way back to the States (presumably, but all of the locations look alike) and try to go legit-the key word here is try. There are some quite funny bits by the guys on the Satellite of Love. Mike, Crow, and Tom Servo are hilarious as they begin the show pretending to be rich, smarmy, pompous gamblers. Halfway through the movie, Mike begins to think he is Carol Channing, thus providing Crow with a golden opportunity to do his wonderful Carol Channing impersonation. There is a short before the film, but it is quite forgettable; posture was seemingly all the rage in the 1950s, and this little film seems to argue that, when giving a speech, how you look is more important than what you say (let me clarify the fact that this is not the famous "plenty of lip and tongue action" short on how to give a speech). For me, the funniest moment of the whole movie has nothing to do with Mike and the Bots-one of the characters says that his daughter has been blind ever since her husband was killed in the war. What? Oh, man, they just don't write movies like this anymore-or if they do, moviemakers have enough sense not to film them.
Rating:
Summary: I'm Cherokee Jack!
Review: One of the worst movies ever, and one of the best MST episodes. A rambling, pointless plot, repulsive characters, glacial pace, and the vocal stylings of John Carradine make this one of the most hypnotically grotesque spectacles you'll ever see. A must for MST fans.
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