The Bride of Frank

Rating:
Summary: A Demented Masterpiece
Review: A homage to the workingman disguised as an exercise in sickness and depravity. Filled with biting humor and priceless genuine characters. I've seen my share of no budget gross out flicks and they all sucked. Bride of Frank is proof that a talented person can produce something riveting with a camera, a few locations, and a troupe of 'common people'. Although technically very rough, the movie is more creatively photographed than a lot of other higher-budgeted fare. There are other flaws, but not worth mentioning. This is a must-see.


Rating:
Summary: PSYCHOTRONIC and TOUCHING !!
Review: Allright, that movie is insane,violent and extremly shocking. Now that being said, i also want to point the fact that it's way more than that. It's also a sincere tribute to real people : so called ugly people , poor people, lonely people and hard working people. It's like a cross between the crazyest of TROMA and a genuine social commentary. Check this movie out and it will disgust you, it will make you laugh but on top of it all, it will make you think.

Rating:
Summary: What did I step in with this one?
Review: Have you ever seen a movie so shoddily made, so poorly executed, and so offensive to all five senses that you wonder if you will live to see another day? Well, I have, and its name is "The Bride of Frank." Before I list the gory details, I'm going to say a couple of things right off the bat as a caveat to the casual viewer who might read this review and think it's a good idea to run right out to pick this one up. This is a normal reaction because I shall occasionally say something that will make this movie sound cool. No need to thank me--that's the kind of guy I am. First, none other than Sub Rosa Studios distributed the atrocity that is "The Bride of Frank." If you're not familiar with this company, these guys spend their time rounding up the shoddiest shot on video productions, transferring the pap to DVD, and then hyping up the products as though every feature won the Palm D'Or at Cannes. Second, the director of "The Bride of Frank" goes by the name Escalpo Don Balde (he's really Steve Ballot) and states in a text extra on the disc that the movie exists solely for the sake of offending the Hollywood establishment and the American masses. Are you ready? Let's go.

"The Bride of Frank" is the story of Frank, a decrepit street bum employed at a New Jersey trucking firm. He's not a very nice guy except with his loud-mouthed friends at the company, who for some reason allow Frank to sleep in the office when he isn't loading trucks. How do we know the bum isn't a pleasant chap looking to improve his life? Well, he does have a penchant for doing exactly what he says, which would seem to be an endearing character trait. Problem is, when he tells a little girl he just picked up in the lot that he's going to hit her in the head with a pipe, he does exactly that. Then he does the old "tire over the noggin" bit. But that's not all. Frank performs a little operation on a Jersey street hood when the guy questions our hero a bit too strongly. Then there's the incident at Frank's birthday bash on the docks. A lost geek shows up asking for directions, but somehow manages to offend just about everyone at the party. Frank steps in with his usual straightforward approach, promising to perform a most abominable action if the guy doesn't get lost. Sure enough, geek doesn't and Frank does. Was that corn I saw? I'm not sure since the blow up sheep kept getting in the way.

Yep, Frank is a man of word and action. The only thing missing in his life is a woman, a bride specifically, but the guys at the firm will see to that. First, the chaps take Frank to a men's club in the city, which unfortunately doesn't pan out. Then the boss decides to place a personal ad for his main man in one of those special magazines. The rest of the movie introduces us to the detritus that responds to Frank's advertisements. A funny thing happens on the way to see our man, though. The women (and one guy in outrageous get up) keep making the trucker angry. And you know Frankie--when he says something, he means it in spades. Thus we see several gory bits as Frank plows his way through potential brides. I'd like to tell you what he does to his victims aside from the eye socket and chin trick, but I can't. Public decency won't allow it. What I can say is that the idea behind the killings is stomach churning, lose your lunch repellent, but the gore effects look so bad that the whole thing loses impact. Anyway, I digress--Frank does find his bride in the form of the portly Delores. Several touching scenes of the two at the carnival, followed by the obligatory wedding, thankfully bring this atrocity to a close.

There's nothing remotely redeeming about "The Bride of Frank." I'm sure Ballot would love to hear this since his goal all along was to make the most repulsive film in history. Let's start with Frank. I don't know who this guy really is, but he's grotesque and has such trouble speaking that certain bits of dialogue sport subtitles. His co-workers aren't much better. His immediate boss spends the entire movie bragging about his prowess at the top of his lungs--when he isn't insulting forklift drivers, that is. In fact, not one person appears in this film that I would want to know personally. If nothing else, "The Bride of Frank" convinced me never to step within a thousand miles of New Jersey. But perhaps I'm being too harsh. That dream sequence of Frank talking to his mother was well done for no other reason than its sheer bizarreness. You simply cannot fathom the cruddy lows "The Bride of Frank" plumbs. A year's worth of showers won't wash off the stink this one leaves behind.

Amazingly, and insultingly as far as I'm concerned, the extras on the disc are extensive. You get trailers, deleted scenes, bloopers, commentary tracks, promotional materials, an alternate ending, and a short piece on the audio method used for the film, called "Buttersound" of all things. Most of the text stuff tends to cover the same ground--talking about how great the film is, how insulting it is to the average viewer--that type of thing. Nothing will ultimately prepare you for this monstrosity, not even a month's worth of Troma films. Actually, I'll bet even Lloyd Kaufman turned this nightmare down. You've been warned.




Rating:
Summary: Horribly Offensive--Not for Whiney Babies!
Review: I saw this movie at its US premiere at the Chicago Underground Film Festival years ago. It's downright Offensive! Lovers of Troma movies will thrill to this one! Read the other reviews for details. I'm just going to tell you that this is NOT A DATE MOVIE.

Naturally, I loved it!

Rating:
Summary: Bride Of Frank
Review: The Story: The tale of one man's search for love and his trials and tribulations along the way, kind of.

Frank is a bum. He gets taken in by trucking business workers who adopt him like some strange pet. They give him a job, a cot in the back, and even throw him a birthday party with a cake in the shape of two large breast. Oh, did I mention, Frank LOVES breasts?

The guys put an ad in the paper for him in hopes of finding him the perfect bride. What follows are several hilarious scenes of violence and depravity. And when Frank says something he means it. He tells one guy he's going to rip off his head and shit down his neck, and he does, in a scene so repulsively side-splitting that you won't know whether to puke or dab your tears of laughter with a hankie.

Bride of Frank is one of those extremely rare movies that can simultaneously offend you drastically while making you laugh uncontrollably. In the first two minutes alone, Frank picks up a young girl (played, incidentally, by the director's niece), beats her to death with a stick, and runs her head over with a truck.(...).

Don Balde picked his star when he met him on the street a couple years before the film. I don't know who this guy is, or where he came from, but he's an ugly sumbitch and is nearly unintelligible: all his dialogue is sub-titled.

Shot in and around Newark, NJ, Bride of Frank is one of the most offensive, repulsive, violent, sexist, and straight up hilarious movies you're ever likely to see. Don Balde has said that he set out to make a movie which would offend everyone. He succeeds spectacularly. Bride of Frank is the quintessential "so-bad-it's-good" movie.

If you're looking to break up with your girl friend for any reason and want to get the job done right, take the time it will take to hunt this movie down and pop it into the VCR instead of the latest Gwyneth Paltrow drama-fest and have her watch it with you. Rest assured, you'll be single again long before final fade out.

Rating:
Summary: Bride Of Frank
Review: The Story: The tale of one man's search for love and his trials and tribulations along the way, kind of.

Frank is a bum. He gets taken in by trucking business workers who adopt him like some strange pet. They give him a job, a cot in the back, and even throw him a birthday party with a cake in the shape of two large breast. Oh, did I mention, Frank LOVES breasts?

The guys put an ad in the paper for him in hopes of finding him the perfect bride. What follows are several hilarious scenes of violence and depravity. And when Frank says something he means it. He tells one guy he's going to rip off his head and shit down his neck, and he does, in a scene so repulsively side-splitting that you won't know whether to puke or dab your tears of laughter with a hankie.

Bride of Frank is one of those extremely rare movies that can simultaneously offend you drastically while making you laugh uncontrollably. In the first two minutes alone, Frank picks up a young girl (played, incidentally, by the director's niece), beats her to death with a stick, and runs her head over with a truck.(...).

Don Balde picked his star when he met him on the street a couple years before the film. I don't know who this guy is, or where he came from, but he's an ugly sumbitch and is nearly unintelligible: all his dialogue is sub-titled.

Shot in and around Newark, NJ, Bride of Frank is one of the most offensive, repulsive, violent, sexist, and straight up hilarious movies you're ever likely to see. Don Balde has said that he set out to make a movie which would offend everyone. He succeeds spectacularly. Bride of Frank is the quintessential "so-bad-it's-good" movie.

If you're looking to break up with your girl friend for any reason and want to get the job done right, take the time it will take to hunt this movie down and pop it into the VCR instead of the latest Gwyneth Paltrow drama-fest and have her watch it with you. Rest assured, you'll be single again long before final fade out.

Rating:
Summary: A JOY TO BEHOLD!
Review: This is one of the most amusing movies I've ever seen. This is what movie-making is about! The other reviews here give you a good idea of what this movie is about, but nothing can really prepare you for it, and that's good! If you're a jaded movie fan, such as I, you've come to expect let downs from movies. You wish and hope for the scene to go where it really should go. I know I've prayed to the great movie god during movies, "Please, please go there!" A movie rarely does. This one does. This movie also boasts some truly excellent dialogue. You will laugh. You will be repulsed. You will be shocked. Thank you Bride of Frank!