Fat Spy

Rating:
Summary: A landmark film for American cinema
Review: Describing this movie is like describing the love of a child or incense smoke rising, but I will do my best. The Fat Spy is a story as old as time itself, the ongoing search for the Fountain of Youth. Only this time our heroes discover that the Fountain is not actually a fountain of water, but two black twin roses growing from the same stem.

Well I'm sure everyone buys or sees this movie for one reason, Jayne Mansfield, so let's talk about her. I've never seen her as heavy as she did in this movie. Granted she is still beautiful and stunning, but the hourglass figure is gone as she is a bit thick in the middle. By modern spaghetti-thin model standards, she could even be described as fat, but to me who can appreciate a fine woman, she looked great. One scene has her wrapped in only what can be described as the happiest towel in Hollywood. You get some great cleavage and chest shots as she dries herself. She also sings a number to her love interest 'Irving'. Unfortunately, this film will not cement Jayne's acting abilities for immortality. Let's face it, she was what she was. A great body and a rival (ha ha) to Marilyn Monroe. Jayne seems to go out of her way to act just like her with the dreamy, whispery voice and dumb blonde routine that Marilyn found inescapable as her career went on. In one scene where Jayne is tied to an AC unit she screams for help. She suddenly pauses and turns to the camera and pathetically starts doing the Marilyn pout and blowing kisses.

This film which was probably filmed on a budget that couldn't drive a car across the country was shot on a lake which was supposed to be a beach. This film is actually a musical and any excuse possible is used to throw in bad singing and worse dancing. Take for instance the song sang before the opening credits even start. "When people got money, they sure act funny". One scene has the teenage group on the beach deciding they need to go to Cape Coral after 'discovering' a sign posted by a Florida Tourist attraction. All the girls swim out to the boat to start it up, while the guys all make their way to the dock, where quite handily, drums and guitars are found. They sing a number while waiting for the girls to pull up with the boat. Another song is sung by Phyllis Diller. She mostly talks words to music rather than singing, so there is some mercy here. However the drop on the floor and laugh until you cry scene is the 'Everybody do the Turtle' song. The song is so terrible, it will linger in your head for days.

There are some loose ends that don't quite tie up as the movie ends. One kid goes fishing in a rubber raft (he sings a song while fishing of course), and catches a mermaid. Well after going back to shore he decides he loves her and wants to go find her. He starts moping around and the last mention of him is his clothes are found on the shore. Reckon he swam out naked to find his love.

The film quality is terrible, even on DVD. The picture is grainy and the sound is horrible. At times you can't hear the lines because the surf is too loud. Then there are the cartoon balloons that try to move the movie along and attempt to assist the viewer in the progress of the film. Just before the ending credits there were promises of upcoming movies: The Return of Fat Spy, Bride of Fat Spy, and Son of Fat Spy. I'm still looking, but haven't found them yet.

Rating:
Summary: Big laughs are like a giant feast too much of a good thing..
Review: Off the coast of Florida, a nearly deserted island is rumored to have the fountain of youth. A boatload of teenagers are headed there for a scavenger hunt. Wellington, the island's weathly owner, is none too happy about that, so he sends his daughter, Junior (Jane Mansfield) to get ride of them. She is happt to go, because her boyfriend, Irving, is the island's only resident. Is the fountain of youth real, and if so, who will get to it first? The laughs along the way are bountiful, not unlike the remarkable mansfield.