Rating: 
Summary: Fine print of cheese classic
Review: If you're a bad movie fanatic you've probably seen this movie. If you haven't seen it yet, now's the time! In my book this is one of the few serious contenders, along with Plan 9 from Outer Space, for the title of "Most Enjoyable Bad Movie" (as opposed to "Worst Movie of All Time," in which category neither movie even qualifies). It has that same dizzying, surreal effect as an Ed Wood flick, where you can't believe that sane adult humans were in charge. The plot and dialogue are totally inane, stock footage of dinosaurs (from One Million B.C. and Lost Continent) pops up for no apparent reason, the set (Bronson Canyon) and props (bubble machine, ham radio) are as poverty-stricken as they get, it's never boring like many of these cheapies, and Claudia Barrett gets tied up not once, but twice! The only thing holding it back a bit is that Phil Tucker was saddled with semi-competent actors (unlike Wood's stock company of rank amateurs); check out Miss Barrett's histrionic displays in particular. (I wonder if Nixon got his "peace with honor" line from her.)
As to the DVD, the box boasts a "pristine" transfer from the original source materials. While "pristine" is a wee bit strong (there is still the usual light speckling throughout) this is definitely the best I've ever seen this movie look. Compared to my Admit One VHS pre-record, the tonal scale, sharpness, and detail are vastly improved; there is simply no comparison at all (although I haven't seen Rhino's VHS transfer). The disc contains the usual chapter stops (displayed on the plain-jane main menu), trailer, and five 'advertisement' trailers for other Image releases. Overall a very nice package. The only thing keeping this from a five-star review is the exclusion of the 3-D version of the film. It can be done; Rhino has issued several 50s B-movies in 3-D on VHS (including Robot Monster), and the increased resolution of DVD would no doubt help the 3-D effects on the small screen. Why this wasn't done we can only speculate (MCA missed the same boat with their Creature from the Black Lagoon DVD). Otherwise, this is probably as close to a definitive release as this film is likely to get.
Rating: 
Summary: An unintentional masterpiece
Review: Question:Is a movie bad if it is entertaining?If continual belly laughs constitute awful filmmaking then on with Robot Monster:The sequel!!! This movie is commonly called one of the "Poverty Row Quickies",a term for 1950's B films shot on extremely low budgets and with "actors" and "directors"that generally had no business being anywhere near a movie camera.This little quicky certainly lives up to its reputation as one of the most laughable films in the history of cinema.It features the worst acting and dialogue this side of a porno movie,a plot that a 5 year old would laugh at and cheesy special effects and props that are endearing in their awfulness.Along with "Pieces",an inept early 80's teen slasher flick of laughable proportions, this is perhaps the funniest unintentional comedy ever made.Ro-man trying to tune into planet Ro-man with his short wave radio is enough to make you laugh yourself into a hernia,if not a coma.So Beware!
Rating: 
Summary: "A MASTERPIECE OF INEPTITUDE".
Review: Of all the "SO BAD IT'S GOOD" films, this, I believe, is the best...er, uh...is that worst? I don't know, but its pretty bad and pretty funny.The Earth is invaded by a race of helmet wearing gorillas called "Ro-Men", who are out to destroy the last remaining "Hu-Mans" alive. The acting, story and less-than special effects are laughable, but it is the dialog that is really so atrocious its priceless. When the Ro-Man kidnaps the lovely heroine Alice (the almost lifelike Claudia Barrett) with the intention to, ahem, get to know her, he is chastised by the "Great Guidance" (the Ro-Man's fearless leader). Ro-Man wants to know why he and Alice can't be friends and asks: "To be like the Hu-Man. To laugh, feel, want. Why are these things not in the plan?" Good question. His brainless leader tells him he must kill Alice, and here comes the films best lines of dialogue: "I cannot, yet I must! How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do 'must' and 'cannot' meet? Yet I must! But I cannot!" I feel for ya big guy. But I can't tell you where on the graph must and cannot meet because...I have no idea what the heck you are talking about you! Anywho, its a short, funny, dumb black & white SF disaster from the 50's that I think you'll love if you have a taste for the idiotic. Picture and sound are both quite good on this disc (far better than this turkey deserves). Included is the original theatrical trailer for this film, several Ed Wood oddities ("PLAN 9", "BRIDE OF THE MONSTER", "JAILBAIT") and "ROCKETSHIP X-M" and the George Pal flick "DESTINATION MOON". Funnier than most comedies, this is one disc everyone needs in their collection. It will certainly make you smile when you're down. So pick up a copy today, Hu-Man. -George Bauch.
Rating:
Summary: Surreal Madness
Review: This film is mostly notorious for the...appearance of its villian (a man in a very bad gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet). However, it has so much more going for it. Basically, the Robot Monster (or Ro-Man) has been sent to earth on a mission to wipe out all human life. There are now only 8 humans left (only 6 are seen and it is not clear what happened to the other 2). The rest of humanity was tricked into wiping itself out through a nuclear holocaust (the serious message of the film). However, instead of performing his mission to wipe out the few remaining unarmed and much weaker humans, the Ro-Man spends most of his time either contacting the few remaining humans via a video screen to continuously announce to them that they are going to die, making excuses to his commander about why he is just standing around doing nothing, or walking up and down a hill. Meanwhile, the Ro-Man's communicator for some weird reason is always blowing bubbles all over the place (I kept expecting Lawrence Welk to show up). The whole film has a very surreal and trippy atmosphere to it, partly thanks to the bubble machine and the constant use of film negatives and the often emotionless acting. For an all-ages film from that period, it is also surpisingly sadistic (you should see what happens to the two annoying kids!). There is a wedding scene that outdoes anything Ed Wood ever did, the Ro-Man falls in love with the young human female and becomes conflicted (he cannot understand his strange attraction), and there is footage of really bad animated dinosaurs and actual lizards fighting each other with fins pasted on their backs, all taken from other films, which are completely out of place. And, oh yeah, there is a completely cheat ending that is repeated 3 or 4 times! This is must viewing. It is just too bad it hasn't been released in 3D.
Rating:
Summary: Cinematic perfection
Review: "Robot Monster" is pure hilarity, made all the funnier by the fact that it's supposed to be serious. Pretty much everything you could want from a bad movie is here: laughably overwrought dialogue, plot holes you could drive a dump truck through, a complete lack of coherence, and, to top it all off, a giant alien monster in a gorilla suit and diving helmet. If you haven't seen this movie, you're missing out a classic of vintage bad moviemaking.
The plot (to the extent that one exists) concerns the Ro-man, a gigantic (and randy) alien wearing the aforementioned gorilla suit and diving helmet. Although he manages to get the human race to wipe itself out through some vague sequence of events involving his death ray and hydrogen bombs, a small band of innoculated "Hu-mans," consisting mainly of a scientist and his family, manages to survive. But a far worse fate awaits the few survivors, as they're forced to endure an hour of threats and inane banter with the Ro-man as they try to defeat him and perpetuate humanity. Between menacing the humans and arguing with his overbearing boss in strangely stilted English, the Ro-man spends most of his time very slowly walking around what seems to be the exact same setting (it's rather puzzling why the Hu-mans are so afraid of a monster that seems incapable of walking more than a quarter-mile per hour).
Eventually, romance blooms between the scientist's fetching young daughter Alice and his dashing assistant Roy, who seduces her in a consistently hilarious scene. However, the Ro-man, apparently itching for some female contact, also sets his lecherous sights on the young woman. The result is perhaps the most bizarre love triangle in film history. Ultimately, his desire for Alice leads the Ro-man to question his mission to destroy humanity and ignore his feelings, which is about as close as this movie gets to any sort of moral crisis. When the movie finally reaches its bizarre conclusion with a completely unexplainable battle between stop-motion dinosaurs, it's almost a relief. However, the journey getting there is nothing short of riveting.
Rating:
Summary: Catastrophic Masterpiece
Review: It is hard with mere words to describe this movie; suffice it to say that everything you've heard about it is true, and then some. This is one of the baddest of the bad, a masterpiece of utter incompetence, a cinematic failure in every way. It is a guidebook on how NOT to make a movie, tell a story, or act. It is, in short, a work of genius. What plot there is involves the last humans on Earth battling the "Ro-man" XJ-2 and his boss, the "Great Guidance" Ro-man, both portrayed by actors in gorilla suits with diving helmets and TV antennae. The Ro-men fight with technical sounding gobbledygook babble and stock footage of dinosaurs, against which the plucky human survivors use a lot of bad philosophizing, hand-wringing, and, for some reason, a wedding. Along the way, XJ-2 becomes consumed with robot lust for the pretty daughter of the scientist despite her lack of body hair, but whether this is the result of the overactive bubble machine at the Ro-man's headquarters is not clear. If this summary makes no sense to you, then you are clearly one of the Hu-mans. If it does make sense, then you are still Hu-man, because in the world of "Robot Monster", such contradictions are 0.7652 higher than our planet. Do you understand? So buy "Robot Monster". Watch "Robot Monster". Laugh heartily at "Robot Monster". And have a moment of silence at the end, because this movie is so brilliantly bad that it qualifies as a religious experience.
Rating:
Summary: Gives PLAN 9 a run for its money!
Review: PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is universally considered the worst movie ever because it really is DREADFUL, but also because this sort of "Ed Wood cult" has sprung up. Ed Wood is a fascinating character, and aside from the movie about him (an excellent film) seeing PLAN 9 is the best way to get into this guys head. Also, there are large parts of PLAN 9 that are truly hilarious...laugh out loud funny. ROBOT MONSTER, I believe, may be even worse. The problem is, the movie isn't quite so hysterically funny. It doesn't have quite so many quotable bad lines. It's just patently ridiculous in its conception. I mean, when Phil Tucker realized he couldn't do any better than a gorilla suit and a diving helmet, the plug should have been pulled on the whole darn thing!!! But no, lesser minds prevailed, and this junk was actually filmed. It is wretchedly acted, with a plot that makes absolutely no sense, and special effects a five year old could improve upon! By all means, if you're a bad movie buff, you must own this film! Let there be no question. But in terms of sitting around with a bunch of friends to show them just how fun a bad movie can be, PLAN 9 still wins. Some movies are so bad they're funny...others are just bad. ROBOT MONSTER stradles that line.
Rating:
Summary: FUNNIEST SCENE MISSING FROM DVD?
Review: I originally saw this film on a local television station and recall a scene which does not appear in my copy of Image's VHS release. I have to wonder if Image used a different print for there DVD transfer. The scene I am referring to occurs about two-thirds of the way through the film and lasts all of about 30 seconds. It's where RoMan is walking down a hillside and encounters some bushes blocking his path and then violently attackes the obstruction and contiunes on his way. I regard this as the goofiest and funiest scene in the film and would not wish to add the DVD to my collection unless this scene appears intact. Can someone out there who has viewed the DVD please let me know if this scene is included.
Rating:
Summary: "A MASTERPIECE OF INEPTITUDE".
Review: Of all the "SO BAD IT'S GOOD" films, this, I believe, is the best...er, uh...is that worst? I don't know, but its pretty bad and pretty funny. The Earth is invaded by a race of helmet wearing gorillas called "Ro-Men", who are out to destroy the last remaining "Hu-Mans" alive. The acting, story and less-than special effects are laughable, but it is the dialog that is really so atrocious its priceless. When the Ro-Man kidnaps the lovely heroine Alice (the almost lifelike Claudia Barrett) with the intention to, ahem, get to know her, he is chastised by the "Great Guidance" (the Ro-Man's fearless leader). Ro-Man wants to know why he and Alice can't be friends and asks: "To be like the Hu-Man. To laugh, feel, want. Why are these things not in the plan?" Good question. His brainless leader tells him he must kill Alice, and here comes the films best lines of dialogue: "I cannot, yet I must! How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do 'must' and 'cannot' meet? Yet I must! But I cannot!" I feel for ya big guy. But I can't tell you where on the graph must and cannot meet because...I have no idea what the heck you are talking about you! Anywho, its a short, funny, dumb black & white SF disaster from the 50's that I think you'll love if you have a taste for the idiotic. Picture and sound are both quite good on this disc (far better than this turkey deserves). Included is the original theatrical trailer for this film, several Ed Wood oddities ("PLAN 9", "BRIDE OF THE MONSTER", "JAILBAIT") and "ROCKETSHIP X-M" and the George Pal flick "DESTINATION MOON". Funnier than most comedies, this is one disc everyone needs in their collection. It will certainly make you smile when you're down. So pick up a copy today, Hu-Man. -George Bauch.
Rating:
Summary: The perfect companion to Plan 9!!
Review: This film has to be one of the most inept ever made...which is what makes it so great!! Regardless of Phil Tucker's original intention (to produce a film with a profound message about the horrors of nuclear destruction) or how miserably he failed, this movie is entertaining...just as much so as "Plan 9 From Outer Space". As a matter of fact, it out-Plan-9's "Plan 9" in the effects department...while you can see the strings holding up Ed Wood's cheesy flying saucers, you can actually see the HAND holding up the "space platform" in "Robot Monster"...and it never gets old. Recently a couple of my friends and I watched "Plan 9" and "Robot Monster" in succession and one could not ask for a better B-movie double feature...whatever one lacked in the cheese department, the other more than made up for. Bravo!
|
