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The English Patient

The English Patient

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: ?????????
Review: If anyone has ever seen that episode of 'Seinfeld' where Elaine went to see the English Patient, that is how I felt about this worthlessly dull film. The entire time I was watching it, it was like, "Shut up about the plane and die already!" I mean, if a movie is going to be this long, it should at least be interesting, but it's like watching some long, melo-dramatic soap opera where it will NEVER end. I can't believe THIS won 'Best Picture.' 1996 must have been a bad year for movies, cause my college film slides that we gotta take notes over are more interesting than this. My advice: Waste your three hrs. doing something else. If your totally set on drama, watch 'Saving Private Ryan' or 'The Crying Game.' Now those are good movies!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: man, oh man!
Review: This movie is fantastic! It has a big story, big characters and big drama - everything a winner needs! I've seen this movie on TV and will now definitely read the book by Michael Ondaatje - The English Patient just overwhelmed me, and of a matter of fact did impress me a lot. I thought this was just one corny love story, an English somehow involved, but man, was I wrong! This is a story of loss and of the shadow the past than cast over you, a story brilliantly transferred to the silver screen, beaming with power and character. This is by far one of the best movies I have seen in some time, I suppose, and it is worth to own on DVD! Definitely!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A true masterpiece!
Review: After reading some reviews tearing apart this movie, I feel compelled to pay it the ultimate - true - comment. I am not one to sit through boring movies. I will often walk out of movies, my record is 8 minutes (Bedazzled and 'pET sHOP of Horrors')But I, on occasion have watched the English Patient in whole two times in a row. I rented this movie so many times that my parents finally bought it, and it is still frequently watched by all members of my family. I am sure that some people have short attention spans, so maybe this may not be a film for them (it is long), but this isn't reason enough to insult such a fine film, and maybe prevent other people from watching such a magnum opus. This movie in no way drags...It is poignant and a classic. The book is excellent.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Boring...
Review: It took me three separate tries to get through this movie. It is pondorously boring. The characters are not believable, and the story is contrived. I could not have cared less what happened to these people.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: I honsetly don't understand the critical acclaim
Review: The score is amazing, the best part of the movie, which is overlong and cliched. The last twenty minutes, which are wonderful, are the only reward given for sitting through three hours of mostly happily-ever-after trite. The physical love between the main characters, shown through flashbacks, is overdone and becomes tiring and gratuitous. It was rather shallow, and I certainly don't understand the academy awards bestowed upon it.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Nine Oscars was not enough!
Review: A true gem when it comes to movies. This widescreen VHS version let's you appreciate the breathtaking photography of one of Hollywood's best.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Adventures of TinTin
Review: Like any other European, Francophile or other kid, I grew up with Herges "The adventures of TinTin". And while it took me a while I eventually realized that the reason I liked this movie so much was that it was a TinTin adventure. What with the airplanes in the desert (Le crabe aux pinces d'or), mysterious indians, crumbling towers, statues that get blown up (L'oraille casse) well, it quite captures the milieu of the first part of the 20th century.

Therefore, highly recommended for fans of unadulterated romantic adventures.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: WARNING: THIS MOVIE IS OVERATED! WATCH AT YOUR OWN RISK!
Review: O.K - If you haven't seen this movie by now, there's a good chance that you, like me, didn't have a burning desire to see it when it first came out. Also, like me, as the years past you began to get curious, wondering why this film was ADORED by so many people. So, like me, you have finally decided to rent and/or buy it.

I'm going to give you the chance I never had: a fair warning. This movie is EXTREMELY overrated!!!

Why, you may ask, is it overrated? There are several reasons:

1) Its slow. The fact that I say this movie is slow says alot. There are many, many slow movies that I LOVE ('Minus Man' being amoung them). But this movie is slow for no good reason. Its almost like the director was so determined to make the movie over 2 hours that he added scenes just for the ... of it.

2) The 'love story' is more contrived than a Julia Roberts movie. The audience is supposed to believe their relationship is deep and passionate, but its really just lust. Lust does not make a romance. Therefore, its hard to see this movie as a "tragic" love story.

3) There were a hundred, thousand less confusing ways to make this picture, and the director skipped over ALL of them. The viewer has to keep facts straight thoughout the entire two hours,just to make sense out of the movie, while also TRYING to feel sorry for the characters.

4) Last, but not least, there is no greater film sin than the 'contrived - tradegy' ending, the greatest example being "Armageddon". The ending of the "English Patient" is in the top ten of 'Most Contrived Endings Ever'.

So to sum it up, I'm being VERY generous in giving this movie 2 stars. You'll probally still want to see this movie for yourself. I don't blame you, I, too was curious. But I have made my conscience clear in warning you.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Kitchy, predictable love story....
Review: Maybe I disliked this movie so much because of the 'hype' built around it as such a great movie, which I've greatly heard about before seeing it, while I had a hard time sitting and watching it, trying to distinguish it from all other on screen love stories. The title of this review says it all: the story of the patient is predictable, and there is not one original scene or situation in this movie that you cannot find in other romantic films.

The reason this movie deserves 2 stars is the superb acting, which is the only reason I can understand why this movie was made up to be such a great film. I just wish this set of actors and actresses would find a script to fit their great talents next time!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A great movie
Review: This movie ranks with the best movies of all time. It is truly epic.


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