Beowulf

Rating:
Summary: Hideously Awful!
Review: Wow. I really didn't know they made movies this bad. While Lambert has been known to star in a few clunkers this one has to take the cake. The script is just the pits, the soundtrack is an incessant techno-type music that seems out of place, the setting is terribly unconvincing, and the actors (to the extent that they can act) are worse than just about anything I've ever seen.

Avoid this film unless you are a connoisseur of bad movies. Otherwise, it'll subtract at least 5 points from your IQ.

Rating:
Summary: The profanation of Beowulf
Review: After reading Beowulf I was curious how this great epic could be translated into other genres. Part of what makes the poem great is its language. It's chant-like use of alliteration, caesura and compound wording makes it beautifully nuanced reading. Moreover, the story itself has all the essential parts and themes to keep the reader intrigued. The film adaptation, however, had none of this.

I was very disappointed to find that besides ignoring all of the above, the movie created such ludicrous plot twists as a weakly contrived love interest and far fetched psychological melodrama. To treat this fundamentally christian-pagan poem this way is near sacrilige.

Rating:
Summary: Beowulf - I'd have made it this way if I'd directed it...
Review: Absolutly great film. Soundtrack is already in my wishlist, as I am a great fan of the unknown band. Great action sequences, script a tad predictable in places, but the monsters are cool and all together original, Beowulfs secret does keep you guessing for a bit, and you always watch, I didn't take my eyes off the screen.

If anyone knows anything AT ALL about the soundtrack contact me at [e-mail]

Rating:
Summary: How to waste a 1st class actor in a 3rd class movie
Review: This movie promises a lot - a story arround a classic legend, one of the best actors up to date and a nice fantasy flair. What you get is different. The fact that the creators of the Mortal Kombat Movie did this picture says already a lot. What you get is a superficial techno fantasy movie with a silly story, boring acting, trashy tekkno music, cheap special effects and Christopher Lambert, yet in one of his worst roles cause the plot doesn't give him any chance to show up his great acting abilities or even just his charme (in beowulf everything he says sounds boring and that's not his fault, it's cause the dialogues are very flat). All that makes you feel like watching a mix of that hercules tv series and the mortal kombat movies. There is no point in wasting money on that one. Those who like simple entertainment should better watch Hercules or Xena on TV for free and Lambert adorers can save their money here and buy the great new "Ressurection" where you get that great acting again that made him so famous. You may noticed that i gave 2 stars still - well, Lamberts appearance is at least worth one even though he could do a lot better and the second star is for the dvd menue & extras - they did better work on that as on the whole movie.

Rating:
Summary: This movie should be on Mystery Science Theatre...
Review: I recently saw this movie at a friend's house, and it was quite good... for a great many laughs. I usually love post-Apocalyptic movies like the Mad Max series. The difference is that the Mad Max trilogy does a much better job of mixing modern and ancient and futuristic set pieces, scenery and props. Beowulf just screwed it all up on so many levels. The outpost has a PA system and zippered-plastic body bags but no electricity. Some of the people are dressed in armour then you have the girl running around in Doc Martens and torn red thigh highs. My favourite was the porn-queen, crimped hair, succubus with way too much blue eyeshadow. She belonged in a Motley Crue video. Grendel was the least scary thing in the whole movie.

I really loved the oversized Barber's razour "chopper" thing at the beginning. At least the person being executed gets a last laugh when they see that ridiculous thing.

Now for me to vent about how thoroughly they screwed up the storyline. Hrothgar was not (NOT!!) Grendel's father. Beowulf was not born, "half of Heaven and half of Hell," whatever, that sounds so stupid. He was a Danish king, no more, no less. Lastly, he killed Grendel's mother in a lake and did not run off with Hrothgar's daughter.

I did have lots of fun ripping this movie apart while watching it so it does have it's good points.

Rating:
Summary: Good Story, Bad Writing, Bad Acting, Bad Directing
Review: And worst of all was the techno music, which in no way fit the setting of the film.

Rating:
Summary: His best film since Highlander
Review: Good: special effects (very gory looking monsters), some of the fight scenes and the story.

Not so good: ALL of the fight scenes in a movie of this type should have been good; the "backflips" during some fights were excessive. Lambert is not as nimble as he used to be and it shows.

Rating:
Summary: Part Xena, Part 13th Warrior, Part Playboy
Review: I couldn't figure out why they made this movie. The set was the coolest part of the movie, but the acting was really bad. Christopher Lambert does not shine in this one. And the guy from Night Court has a very short part as the weaponsmaster. As an adaptation of Beowulf, it lacked any epic quality. Xena tells history better. 13th Warrior has creatures much cooler and scarier than Grendel. And Grendel's mother was straight out of Playboy (either give more of her and make this movie a naughty treat or less and not broach the subject). I bought this because I like fantasy movies and I should have know when the box copy listed Dragonslayer as a comparible movie, at least Beastmaster had a plot.

Rating:
Summary: Not really worthwhile on any level
Review: I rented this film knowing it would have nothing to do with Beowulf, the book. In fact, I rented it expecting very little, except for maybe a couple good action scenes and some Rhona Mitra cheesecake. There's one passable action scene in the first few minutes, and Rhona Mitra is appealing in her low-cut leather bodice, but she doesn't really do anything in the movie, and frankly, neither does anyone else. This movie is ten minutes of excitement jam-packed into two hours. It's not really "funny bad" in a B-movie way, and it's not really interesting on any other level. The biggest laugh you will get out of this flick is the "Mortal Kombat" rip-off opening credits. If you're looking for a cheesy B-movie to watch, re-rent an old favorite and don't waste your time with this one.

Rating:
Summary: Its not made to be a classic...
Review: C'mon really, why else would you buy the movie other than to see a bunch of crazy post-apocalyptic slicing and dicing?!? If you're looking for a epic battle film that will go down as a classic for its acting and storyline, buy Braveheart. If you want a film that doesn't expect you to consider the laws of physics while watching (let alone picking out all the flaws), buy this. Its a good, entertaining movie if you're interested in "Mortal Kombat" type movies or if you're a fan of "Highlander"... if you're looking for Oscar material, you've got the wrong film. They shouldn't be put on the same level.