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Conan the Destroyer

Conan the Destroyer

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Just Awful
Review: With this film, the epic grace of the original Conan itself sinks to the level of all the B movies that followed it. An utterly pathetic sequel that Schwarzenegger should have shunned. The movie is stripped of its epic theme as sinks to a slapstick adventure motif. The only time I saw this film is when it was originally released on the big screen: I don't care to ever watch it again.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Strange casting decisions quickly sink this Conan sequel
Review: The 1982 film "Conan the Barbarian" is the film that gets the credit (or blame) for turning Arnold Schwarzenegger into a movie star, but it should be remembered more as the best Sword & Sorcery film produced to date. The main reasons, besides Schwarzenegger cutting an imposing figure as Conan, flexing his muscles and swinging his big sword, was that director John Milius treated the characters seriously and avoided descending into camp. But for the 1984 sequel "Conan the Destroyer," the key factor seemed to be coming up with casting in a similar vein to the logic that had landed Arnold the role.

The story of "Conan the Destroyer" was by Roy Thomas and Gerry Conway, a pair of writers for Marvel Comics. Thomas was the writer for Marvel's "Conan the Barbarian," often adapating Robert E. Howard's stories, whether they were originally Conan stories or not. The story is a basic quest story where Conan escorts a virgin princess to bring back a powerful gem from a crystal palace, which will then be returned to a queen (Sarah Douglas), who turns out to be evil and wants to sacrifice the princess so the gem can used to summon an ancient demon, at which point wackiness will ensue.

The problem is not in the story, which certainly allows you to string together a series of Sword & Sorcery adventures, but in the casting. The princess is played by Olivia d'Abo, who simply looks too young (i.e., Conan was forever leaving pregnant princesses behind in his various adventures but there is not chance for that sort of chemistry here). Her body guard, Bombaata, is played by basketball Hall of Famer, Wilt Chamberlain, while Zula, the warrior woman who joins the group is played by Grace Jones, the singer/dancer/model/crazy woman. Comic relif, which was relatively absent in the orignal film, is provided by Tracey Walter as Malak. With such casting the descent into camp becomes inevitable. Besides, there is nothing in this film even close to rivaling Arnold's best moments in the original (especially since the final shot of the old King Conan is recycled from the first film).

Those who have actually read the originally Conan stories will also find it rather distressing that Toth-Amon, the great Stygian wizard who was Conan's biggest enemy in the Howard stories, is reduced to a pit stop on this quest (I remember thinking at the time that this was the equivalent of Darth Vader being one of the guys that got dispatched at the Cantina in "Star Wars"). Thomas and Conway were upset by Stanley Mann's final screenplay, as well as the finished film, and ended up turning their story into the graphic novel "Conan and the Horn of Azoth," with art by Mike Docherty (all the names got changed to avoid any confusion).

Ultimately, "Conan the Destroyer" gets three stars because we round down simply to make sure that it is clear that "Conan the Barbarian" was a better movie. Besides, this 1984 film pretty much killed the franchise, although Milius is apparently preparing a 2005 film "King Conan: Crown of Iron," which there being a lot of speculation as to who will play Conan now that Arnold is Governor of Cal-e-fornia (the hot names are apparently all wrestlers).

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: An ABSOLUTE EMBARRASEMENT!!!
Review: This movie was a waste of time and money! As a huge fantasy fan I am completely embarrased. An absolute POS. Avoid purchasing this AT ALL COST!!

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: An entertaining adventure/fantasy with a fun cast
Review: Arnold Schwarzenegger is back as Conan in this fun and entertaining sequel. I have to watch the first again and then I'll write a fair review for it because as of now it did nothing for me. The sequel though I find a real treat, it's funny, has good fantasy and action and the cast works good together. Don't get me wrong the movie isn't fantastic. Arnold literly does 80's WWE style wrestling with a monster with bear hugs and bodyslams with a really bad action scene. It's the only bad action scene of the movie though I think.

Although the film has some bad 80's effects the actors are charming in there roles and are a lot of fun and make you forget it's not a perfect film. When Grace Jones tells the young Princess you get a man "by GRABBING HIM!!" is very funny. Arnold's small fight with a camel gets some laughs as well. It's nothing compared to recent Fantasies like Lord of the Rings but it's still entertaining and is better than a lot of Arnie's recent films.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: The more 'family friendly' Conan
Review: First of all, let me just say I've read probably 45 to 50 of the Conan novels put out by Tor Publishing, read quite a few of the comic books when I was younger, and so, while not the most knowing in Conan lore, I do have some ideas of what a Conan movie should be like. And this wasn't really it. Conan the Destroyer was close, but didn't quite make it. The first movie was excellent, even with the few minor liberties that were taken with the character, but this movie just seemed more goofy and silly, and rated PG? How in the world can you have a Conan movie rated PG? Whatever....

In this movie, we find Conan lured into a mission to retrieve the sacred horn of whatever, with the promise that he will get his Valeria back, who died in the first movie. He's inconviently saddled with a fairly lame group including a greasy little thief/comic relief (Tracey Walter), a somewhat over enthusiatic Amazon type warrior (Grace Jones), the Asian wizard from the first movie (Mako), a princess (Olivia d'Abo), and her protector (Wilt 'the Stilt' Chamberlain).

Now the set up and such is fairly standard with the Conan stories, a quest frought with all kinds of peril an such, but the movie is lacking a lot of what was in the first movie, violence. I am not a gorehound by any means, but to lighten up on this aspect, most likely to get the PG rating is really a rub the wrong way to the fans and anyone who loved the first movie. I am not saying you have to have entrails and such flying about, but the amount of blood letting was extremely toned down. The same could be said for sexual content. In the first movie, Conan had three encounters with women, which is par for the books, but in this one there is none of that. I thought for sure they were going to throw in a liason between Conan and the princess, as such a big deal was made in the beginning of the movie that she remain pure (a virgin), but she was kinda young, so I am glad that didn't come about, as it would have been creepy. If it were a story from a book, Conan would have shagged her rotten and that would have set up for the whole ceremonial sacrifice to be [messed] up. They did have the princess show her attractions to Conan, but that never led anywhere.

Well, they finally complete the quest, and Conan and most of his group find out they've been had, and decide to go and rescue the princess. This sets up a climatic battle between a funky lizard god-man.

While they took out or lightened up on the sex and violence, they added in more comedic elements, which isn't all that bad, but got to the point of being ridiculous at some points. Too much levity in this type of movie is not a good thing. I would have rather seen a smaller group and more action than what we got. I liked Mako from the first movie, but what was the deal with him and anytime he performed magics in this movie he had to make grunting noises? That got really annoying...can't he perform magic without making all those silly noises? The first movie did have Conan join with a small group, but all the main action focused around him, and the rest was secondary. Not so in this movie. I felt like this was more like Conan Lite than a real, honest to goodness sequel. Something else this movie lacked was a really strong villian type. In the first we get Thulsa Doom, played wonderfully by James Earl Jones, but in this movie we have no real villian until the end of the movie. You could count Bombatta, but they didn't really mix it up until the end. You could count the evil Queen Taramis, played by Sara Douglas, but she's only in like 10 or 15 minutes of the movie.

Well, anyway, that's my rant. I did enjoy this movie somewhat, but I was disappointed in what it could have been. Instead of using what made the first so good and popular, they changed the formula and missed the boat. I really felt if this one had done well, we could have seen a couple more Conan movies. I have heard rumors about a third Conan movie, so who knows...and anyone seen the Conan television series from 1998 with Ralf Moeller? Probably not, as it didn't last too long. I think I saw one or two episodes and thought it was too goofy and riduculous, as I think did many other viewers and it died a quiet, yet thankful death.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Conan returns in this second story to help a virgin princess
Review: This review is for the VHS version. The sequel to Conan the Barbarian (1982). The story continues with Arnold Schwarzenegger back as "Conan". He is almost captured by a net, but wins the fight. Then Queen Taramis (played by Sarah Douglas, whom you may recall from Superman (1978) and Superman II [1980]) makes her presence known. She makes Conan show her the deepest desire in his heart. His thought appears on the rock. It is Sandahl Bergan who's character died in the first film. Queen Taramis says she will bring her back, but Conan must first take Princess Jehnna (Olivia D'Abo) on a journey to find a key only she can touch. Queen Taramis wants her to come back still a virgin. The key is in a castle guarded by a wizard. Also in the cast: former basketball player champion Wilt Chamberlain and Grace Jones. Mako continues his character "Akiro" from the first film. After this film, Grace Jones went on to film the "James Bond" film A VIEW TO A KILL (1985). The film KULL THE CONQUEROR (1997) was meant to be a third "Conan" film, but when Arnold S. refused to reprise the "Conan" role, the script was rewritten as "Kull" for Kevin Sorbo. As of this writing, according to E! Entertainment Television cable network, Arnold Schwarzenegger is developing a new "Conan" story.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: A fun entertaining movie
Review: Conan The Destroyer, toned down de violence and the sex of its predecessor, Conan the Barbarian. This sequel features more fantasy oriented action and some fun for younger audiences. Some people may think this is not right, but I think it makes the movie more enjoyable. The feeling of adventure is more fast paced and so its the action you get Arnold Schwarzenegger on the lead role trying to get away with some humor (the scene with a drunken Conan teaching the princess how to fight is hilarious) and some things that maybe purists wouldn't like but after all, Conan wasn't always that dark.

Grace Jones, Wilt Chamberlain (that Will Chamberlain!!!), Olivia D'Abo and Sarah Douglas are among the cast. Somehow it lacks the feeling of the original big cinematic stance but this is more fun to watch.

If you like fantasy adventure movies this one needs to be in your collection.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Beyond embarassing sequel
Review: After director John Milius crafted a classic with the big screen adaptation of Conan the Barbarian, Universal pumped out this sequel two years later aimed at a younger crowd. Arnold Schwarzenegger returns as Conan, and is undoubtadly the best thing about this film which almost parodies the original. Also featured is one of the campiest casts ever assembled which includes Grace Jones and Wilt Chamberlain. All in all, Conan the Destroyer isn't a bad film on it's own when you don't compare it to the original or take it seriously.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: A "fun" advenure filled with magic! (Oh, please no)
Review: After a (short) 3 year break, the inevitable sequel to "Conan the Barbarian" was made. While "Conan the Barbarian" was a true classic, packed with epic shots, great music, well-paced action, etc., "Conan the Destroyer" can be described as a campy sequel that almost makes fun of the original.

"Conan the Destroyer" takes place shortly after the original. Conan is wandering the lands, looking for adventure and danger (Sound's weak, right?) with his new sidekick, a guy you'll hope you NEVER SEE AGAIN IN ANY OTHER MOVIE after you see this one. Completely randomly, some queen hires him to escort her daghter to find a magical horn thing, and off he goes.

Much more in the fantasy vein than its predecessor, this film finds itself with one of the most, uh, interesting casts ever. Grace Jones and Wilt Chamberlain are the main standouts. (Wait, hold the phone! WILT CHAMBERLAIN?!) Yes, you read correctly. Actually, his role in this film is actually pretty decent, for he does well in the action scenes and acting.

As mentioned earlier, this a FANTASY FILM. While the original had Conan battling Snake Cult worshipers, Thulsa Doom, etc., this movie has him battling a big creature thing and other "fantasy movie enemies." But, the action is pretty good. While the first film is mostly hacking and slashing, this movie actually has SWORDFIGHTING. And it's well choreographed. Also, the cinemetography is great as is the music. (All of the themes are enhanced versions of the themes in the first film, but who cares.)

You might be thinking now that the movie sounds kinda decent. Good action and epic cinemeography, Wilt Chamberlain, etc. But here comes the real problem: IT'S RATED PG! HOW CAN A CONAN MOVIE BE RATED PG?! The first one had lots o' violence and sex scenes galore (all an integral part of the "Conan world") but in this one there is almost no blood! The whole feel of the first one is changed to the "fun, happy" tone in this one. Now, if you can get over that, (which you won't) you MIGHT like this film.

All in all, here's the overview:

Good action and cinemetography, "fun" adventure, IT'S CONAN!

Bad acting, stupid plot, too much fantasy, it's rated PG.

2.5 stars; at best, a C-

1984; 101 minutes; RATED PG for sustained sequences of sword violence, some mildly disturbing images, breif language, and sexual innuendo.

NOTE: There are rumors that a third Conan movie is in pre-production. According to "Cinescape" magazine, the third entry will star Arnold Schwarzenegger and will be directed by John Milius (the director of the original.) Apparenly, it is belived that it will begin with Conan already a king, and will be about Conan training his SON in the ways of the kingdom. Right......

Well, at least it's rumored to being directed by John Milius.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: It really wasn't that bad, but not that good
Review: "Conan the Barbarian" is the last word on epic fantesy epics. Now that that's out of the way, "Destroyer", with all it's faults, is far from the gonk that some people think. There are three major bad scenes. 1) The scene where Conan gets drunk and clowns around with the princess. 2) The arguement at the bared hole in the waterfall. The third is so sexist it's offensive; Grace Jones, a great African warrior, is afraid of a mouse. That's dispicable. But the action scenes are well done and exciting (though not as bloody as I'd have liked), and it is an average quest story, and I liked the double battle at the end against Wilt Chamberlin and the Monster Dagoth, that was very cool. I said that it's average story, but it could have been so much more that I have to penalize for that. The acting is secondary to action and special effects, though Conan's mooping get's old after awhile.


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