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Planet of the Apes

Planet of the Apes

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Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Wrong Director + Poor Script = Bad Movie
Review: When it was announced that Tim Burton would be directing the new Planet of the Apes movie, I cringed. To me, Burton is goth (i.e. Beetlejuice, Batman, Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands). Putting Burton at the helm of a classic sci-fi/adventure film was wrong. His directing style is painfully incongruent with what fans expected from a new Apes film. This dud of a movie is the byproduct of that terrible Fox decision.

Tim Burton aside, the other major problem with this movie is its script. The story is confusing, rushed as well as predictable. With twenty-some years since the release of the final Planet of the Apes movie, you'd think someone could have written a great script. Instead, we get another "dumb down the audience" McMovie complete with a large breasted female character.

Skip this one. It's only a renter. Instead, buy the 1968 classic of Planet of the Apes. A much better film which I have never tired of viewing over the years.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: So disappointing!
Review: There are, of course, problems associated with being a movie geek like me. One is the tendency to get neurotically attached to the work of favorite actors and directors, to become emotionally involved with their work. They become like family, and there is nothing more irritating than a family member disappointing one.

Director Tim Burton [Batman, Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow] is one of my favorites. His new, 'reimagined' version of Planet of the Apes is weak. So, I wasn't merely disappointed, I was angry. How could Tim do this to me? What was he thinking? Why would anyone so imaginative even think of redoing a classic? How could he bring shame to the 'family'? Yet, what difference can my feelings make? Burton doesn't know me from Adam.

In this version of Planet of the Apes, Capt. Leo Davidson [Mark Wahlberg] is part of a space mission that is studying the effectiveness of training primates to pilot small space craft. [Don't ask.] When one of the chimps gets lost in a freak magnetic storm, Davidson goes after him. He, too, gets lost and winds up on a planet where apes rule and human beings are the lesser species. He does battle with the apes. Aided by Ari [Helena Bonham-Carter], a kind ape and sort of an animal rights activist in reverse, he escapes, along with a band of humans. Ari helps Davidson and the others find the apes' sacred city, where Davidson hopes to rendezvous with his spacecraft.

The movie shifts between comedy, satire and serious action-adventure, leaving the viewer to think that the director was uncertain about which direction his 'reimagining' was supposed to go.

Big budget Hollywood spectacles aren't expected to be realistic, but Planet of the Apes completely disregards anything even remotely logical. Davidson crash lands into the planet. He must have been going three hundred miles an hour. He walks away. Minutes later, he encounters the ape army for the first time. One soldier hits him hard enough to throw him about thirty yards. Another then kicks him hard in the head with his heavy boot. Our hero cannot only still get up and walk, he hasn't a single scratch nor even a hair out of place. It's a ridiculous scene and a prime example of bad screen writing.

Walhberg's Davidson is a curiously flat hero. Burton has 'reimagined' him as a character with absolutely no imagination. He's not even curious as to why the apes speak English, a fact that would astound most people. He shows little desire to help free his fellow human beings from bondage. He cares only about escaping from the planet and, by extension, only about himself. If he's the hero of the future, I don't like him much. When he achieves his objective and gets back to Earth, the climatic scene there is simply a blatant setup for a sequel.

Visually, Burton hasn't lost his touch. This is a lush and handsome movie, filled with the rich, dark tones that are the director's signature. The apes are realistic. They are ingeniously designed so that they are easy to tell apart from one another. I loved the way they reverted to ape behavior whenever they got angry. Oddly, this was one of their more human characteristics. But none of these pluses makes up for a lame story and a lack of vision. I can highly recommend Planet of the Apes - the original 1968 version, that is.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Strange and confusing
Review: I really didn't like this movie. For one when I movie was perfect the first time why try and go back and make it better? The characters where comical to the point of being unable to tell if the scence was supposed to be serious or not. I saw this movie in the theater and the acting confused the person next to me so much they asked me if it was supposed to be a comidy. My main point of consternation with the movie come from the ending. It absotutly made no sense. Up until that point i was ok with the movie as being something to watch and not really pay attention to but that ending ruined its status for me as just being a silly little flick. It was if they suddenly realized that the original was a serious movie and decided they should throw in something from deep thought. By all rights this movie should not be watched by someone who has seen the original, what they have done to the movie will just make you mad.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: A total waste - stick with the original
Review: There is not one thing I liked about this movie. There is no reason to compare it with the original, because this film is nothing like it. Even on its own merit, however, it's no good. There was basically nothing to it. It is not even that interesting that the astronaut lands on a planet populated with intelligent apes, because in this version the humans are just the same, they are just inferior beings. It really doesn't make any sense. The movie is basically just a typical "good guy must escape from the bad guy" story. I guess if you're only looking for some action this movie is for you. It if you want even the slightest bit to think about this is definitely not the film for you.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Better than I heard it was
Review: I thought this was a much better movie than I'd heard critics and friends tell me. I'm a big "Planet of the Apes" fan -- have the entire collection of movies and used to watch the short-lived tv show when I was young. I thought the characters and the plot were complex enough to be interesting and the special effects certain put the earlier series to shame. But the ending, which I won't spoil, didn't make a lot of sense. Perhaps it wasn't supposed to but it contradicted everything else in the movie and seemed to fall back onto tipping its hat the older series.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Nice looks but poor story
Review: Everything was lacking here. There's a social/religious message here, but it definitely doesn't get far. It's shallow, empty, boring, dumb. Unnecessary may be the best word. Avoid.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Way to go Mark!
Review: In this movie I thought Mark did a wonderful job. And this was a wonderful movie for him to star in. I love how they turned the old shows into a new modern movie. I love this movie.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Burton's visuals the only raison d'etre
Review: The best thing about this remake of the classic 1969 science fiction movie are the opening titles. Danny Elfman's typically dark them and Burton's wildly gothic images promise two hours of over the top entertainment. Unfortunately, Burton doesn't deliver on that promise.

PLANET OF THE APES works reasonably well on a mindless escapist level, but the story has been horribly diluted. Although the original film has not aged particularly well, it is a sophisticated piece of political satire. All that is missing from this remake, leaving only some rather broad commentary on racism. It's as if Burton didn't care what the studio suits dictated as far as the summmer-movie plot (or lack thereof) is concerned, as long as he could do what he wanted with the visuals. This version is just stupid.

Most of the acting is solid, though, except for the great big blank space that is Mark Wahlberg. He's fine as a none-too-bright patsy, but not as a strong charismatic lead. The costumes are outstanding, and so are the special effects, especially Estelle Warren. At least, I think she's a special effect.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: TOO MUCH MONKEY BUSINESS!!
Review: I wonder how many people like me thought this was gonna be a scorcher.After all TIM BURTON at the helm .big budget,solid cast,well boy were we disappointed.Its an absolute stinker and people listen if you havent seen this yet be prepared for the worse movie ending EVER!! oh and one other thing.
Who ever told MARK WAHLBERG he could act??whoever did their nose must be 2 foot long.He is rank.TIM ROTH is all grunts and rolling eyes in a performance that is so over the top its hurtling down the other side and as for HB CARTER you just cant take her seriously as she is the spitting image of WHAKO JACKO!!
The film looks mucho tacky in parts,totally rushed, and has a storyline that is wafer thin and totally implausible but truly the funniest thing about the whole shambles is the way the apes leap about and i do mean leap like 30 FEET into the air.What is that all about??
Why BURTON got involved in this is anybodys guess.There will be a sequel but who cares??
A prime turkey.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: I'm Going Ape! OOOOOOOOOOOO!
Review: I'm going mad over why they had to make this stupid, stupid movie! I never had any respect for Mark Wahlberg or Timmy Burton, but this just even lowered it. It's like the writer said,
"Let's see how awful we can get this flick!" I can just imagine them sitting down and laughing hysterically over the part where they made the humans talk. I bet they were rolling on the floor when they added the dialogue. Or what about the ending? They must have had a field day over that.

Some questions, maybe spoilers: Was that earth? If so, why did the apes overtake humans and how? Or was it another planet that the spaceship with apes crashed into? If so how the hell did they overtake the humans then? Where did the horses come from?
If not, and it was earth, what was the thing with the spaceship crashing? You may think I'm an idoit, but hey, it doesn't make any sense! I only watched this movie twice and the talking is so jumbled up and the plot is unbearable. Look, I don't expect an Academy-Award film (it wasn't even nominated for make-up, it was so rejected!) but I wishes it could have been worked on a little longer before beeing throwen out there. I mean think about--not one thing fits with contradicting with another. Take the primitive houses the apes had with advanced rap blasting on stereos. Then they go around and hop like animals--which they are, but aren't they suppose to be more evolved?

The acting in here was as stiff as cardboard. No drama. No comedy for levity.
(Okay, okay, not nessecary). No suspence. (The original creeps me out from the beginning!) No emotions. Doesn't Marky Mark have any discomfort with switching to a new planet? Also, it's not important, but why did Estella Warren have such evident make-up?
I know they always do in movies, but take stories with other women stranded on desserted islands--at least their lipstick isn't glossy red. Someone on here said that the women apes too didn't need to be made up. Maybe so, but that wasn't bothersome, I found. Afterall, they have rap, and basket ball right? Talk about plot holes--there's a mediveal-like battle raging between the apes and the humans and then digital music? I already said something like that, but I found it too big to ignore.

Tim Roth has lost it. He may be interesting in this but he doesn't stick in your head for long. Besides he moved on do to "The Musketeer", so I guess there is no hope for him. As for Helena Boham Carter, all I can say is she looked better in "Frankenstein"--the last half. Tim Burton, please shave or get a hair cut or something and leave the industry. Either that or make sure a movie like this never happens again, even if it means to nuke Hollywood to save us from one more.


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