Rating: 
Summary: 13th isn't your lucky number
Review: I could go on and on for 3 paragraphes about how bad this movie is but you probably won't believe me . I was warned too but didn't believe it either , wandering what could go worng with Antonyo ( Desperados ) Banderas , big production , sword fights and fantasy story so I rented this movie - I guess I deserved it .
Rating:
Summary: An epic disaster.
Review: I've enjoyed quite a bit of Michael Crichton's novel to film adaptations, such as Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Sphere, Disclosure, and Congo (the last film on a very campy level). The 13th Warrior, of all the ones I've seen, is his only truly bad adaptation. It's weak on all levels, even on action. When it should be exhilarating, The 13th Warrior looks incompetent. When it should be bold and stirring, the film is muddled and boring. As a matter of fact, I have yet to understand how so many people could even like this movie. The acting is fairly bad, the plot is a pointless rendition of The Road Warrior, the battle scenes are filmed in almost complete darkness or slow motion, and the film offers nothing substantial in way of history.
Rating: 
Summary: Where did this Wannabe Epic lose its way?
Review: "What on Earth Happened Here" is a question that surrounds this film, it had all the makings of a Classic Modern Epic akin to "Braveheart" and "Conan the Barbarian", but somewhere (most likely the Editing Room) the film Dramatically lost its way. There are no Sub-Plots, no Romances, the Battle scenes are so Hastily Edited it's near Impossible to know what's going on, it also makes the battles boring and lacking in Blood and Gore (and that's the reason I wanted to see the movie). The Supposedly Terrifying Bad Guys are also non-existent; they have been replaced by a bunch of Bear Skins on Horses. The Best acting the film has to offer is given by every actor who has to pretend these things are Scary, give them all an Oscar. Omar Sharif and Diane Venora are Criminally Underused; together they have about 15 minutes of Screen time. The film is stocked with Giant Viking Warriors who are actually Nice, Funny and Interesting Characters. It's a Real Shame that the film wastes these Characters by never letting them Develop or have a moment to shine. All in all, the film is an Ok way to kill an hour and a half. I just expected A LOT more from the Director who gave us "Die Hard", and the Writer who gave us "Jurassic Park".
Rating: 
Summary: It really could have been good
Review: I read Crichton's book, entitled Eaters of the Dead and found this film adaptation to be mildly disappointing. Others have adequately described the plot, consisting of an Arab ambassador's adventures with a band of Viking warriors on a quest to defend a far northern Viking kingdom from attacks by savage monsters. The very first, most basic problem with film is that the enemy "monsters" are portrayed as human beings, albeit savage, cannibalistic ones. By contrast, in the book, it is clear that these Wendylls (sp?) are not human, but are the last existing band of Neanderthals who have somehow managed to remain hidden for thousands of years in far northern Sweden (they have remained hidden and mythical because of their nocturnal activities and obsession with not leaving behind their dead or injured). This is a problem in the film because tremendous feats of strength and savagery displayed by the Wendylls (e.g. being able to rip a man's head off in a single jerk of their hands and being able to burst open a strongly barred log door merely by ramming it with their bodies) might be theoretically possible for another, stronger species, but not for humans. Other implausibilities and historical inaccuracies: the hero's sudden ability to speak Norse/Swedish after his first night of sitting around the campfire with his new Viking friends; the previously undiscovered existence of a major camp of Wendylls (at least 200 male warriors plus females and children, more than double the number that Crichton's book suggests) only 3 miles as the crow flies from the king's encampment; the Vikings' possess armor and weapons (elaborate plate mail and a bardiche-style pole arm) from the renaissance period, whereas this story was set in the tenth century; the Vikings swim through waterfalls in the Wendylls' cave, yet their torches stay lit; they carry those same torches within fifteen feet of several Wendylls yet go unnoticed; the Wendylls not only had horses but had reins and stirrups which had only been recently developed at about that time in mostly-civilized France, etc... There were other problems that were surely caused by excessive editing. In the midst of the book there was a major side plot involving the jealous and scheming son of the ailing king and the need to strike fear in him by the the hero's band of warriors. In the movie none of this was explained and most viewers are puzzled why one of our 13 wandering protagonists suddenly picks a fight with the prince's friend and kills him; the prince is shown no more in the movie. Also, there was no adequate explanation of why the movie hero went from a clumsy weakling, pitifully moaning "I'm no warrior" to suddenly becoming a master swordsman after he had the blacksmith rework his Viking broadsword into a curved Arab warrior's scimitar. There was a brief snippet of romance between the hero and a Viking girl, but the bulk of that subplot seemed to have been left on the cutting room floor. All right, it was too short to provide adequate explanations for everything and the director require viewers to suspend their disbelief to a substantial extent. However, it was an entertaining movie. There was suspense during most parts of it and Crichton's original plot is an intrigueing one, even a moderately believable one considering the historical and geographical setting. There was lots of action during the combat scenes and even a touch of romance. As action films go, this one is just as good as any Schwarzeneger movie (although a different sort of action movie compared to any of his more recent ones). For viewers who don't require perfect plots or who won't get freaked out by the somewhat significant violence and bloodshed in this movie, I can recommend it. Unfortunately, I don't think this film did well enough financially to raise sufficient studio interest in a three hour "director's cut" version - if that ever comes out, I would likely rate that version at least another star higher.
Rating: 
Summary: A BEAUTIFUL ADVENTURE VIKING TALE!!....
Review: Antonio Banderas stars perfectly in this fantasy Viking story. Banderas plays a young embassader who's banished from his Arab country for loving the wrong woman. Then after he associates with a band of Vikings he sets sail with them to battle some magical beast's. I don't understand why some people criticize the monsters for looking like bears on horses. Its fantasy, not reality. Banderas then becomes-you guessed it, the 13th Warrior, after a fortune-teller wanrs them they won't last without him. The goryness (which is why its rated "R") is done tastefully, as well as the violence in the battle scenes of this movie. This tale is adventure, beautifully directed, greatly casted (staring the best), and is awesome for everybody.
Rating:
Summary: THE BOOK IS BETTER
Review: You figure it out: does having an English-speaking actor (Antonio Banderas) with a Mexican name playing the role of an Arab among Vikings make any sense? It's not so much the Arab among Vikings part that I'm worried about, because it was in the book EATERS OF THE DEAD. I HATE the other title, it sounds boring. Eaters of the dead is so much more exciting-sounding. Anyway, I've been around many Saudi Arabians in college so I know how they look like, and personally, I thought those Hollywood casting gurus could have done a better job. With so many people out there wanting to be actors they should have had no problem finding an ARAB for the part of the ARAB. Duh! While you watch this movie you find yourself saying, "isn't that that charming romancy guy from Zorro?" Banderas is not near as charming in this movie--thank goodness!--but I didn't find him come across as very violent. The battle scenes are full of blood and gore, but could have used more. The Vikings were casted very well, but they looked too clean at times. In the book I visualized them as dirtier, the women were uglier, and the book made them sound FAR more violent. The scene where Beowulf-equivalent kills the Grendel-leader is not all that great. Slow motion and you don't get to see much of the action. Guess the camera-man was asleep on the job or something. The movie follows the book about half of the time. But there are some parts where I felt that the book was better. The ending in the book was better, the part with the dwarves was neat. I didn't find the Grendel all that scary, either. In the book they were far more hairy and violent and I'm not sure they were even human. I'm more than sure that the Momma-Grendel was very hairy and ugly, not hairless as in the movie. Overall an okay movie, worth seeing once or twice. But I wouldn't bother buying it unless you need to maintain your daily dose of blood and gore.
Rating:
Summary: Wonderful movie that falls short where it shouldn't
Review: Hmm....this one is a real toss up. First, let me say that the DVD is nothing special. The only bonus is the trailer, which is very unfortunate. What's the point of releasing a movie on DVD, especially at that price, without adding anything interesting? As far as the movie goes, I enjoyed it, it was interesting, and when it was over I felt it was time well spent. I loved seeing a movie with Vikings that actually has some accuracy in terms of Vikings being more than grunters and hitters. The fight scenes were amazing, and being set at night, the lack of lighting really puts the viewer into the midst of the confusion that battle is. I also like that very little of it is cliched. However, that said, this is a story and a film that could have been so much more. Apart from Banderas' hit-and-miss acting style, that's my only real beef with the movie - it falls short of it potential. The guys playing Vikings, who may or may not have acted before (I don't know) are so natural and so good, and Banderas, the Big-Name-Star of the movie, isn't as good as them. The plot is great - an Arab poet who ends up being chosen the 13th in a group of 13 warriors to go battle the mythical northland Wendol, learns the languages, teaches the leader how to write in Arabic, and they end up saving the people, but not before having a lot of their people killed. The Arab, a poet, also learns courage and confidence on the way. But, still, it doesn't deliver the goods it is constantly promising. Another 30 minutes worth of scenes, to let us know who these people are, and to offer some more development in between the battles, would be an immense help to this movie, and would have taken it from a great fantasy movie to an incredible epic. The cinematography was there - great landscape shots, fantastic battle scenes, simply some wonderfully creative and impressive film work. The acting, mostly, was topnotch and natural. You have mythical beasts of an almost mythical time and a story of one man coming to learn he is much more than he ever thought he could be, learning from a foreign people and an win-or-die situation, and those people also learning from him. Beowulf and other stories all mixed together. Enjoyable, fun, really cool movie that really should have been, and easily could have been, a lot more than it ended up being. And please stop comparing it to Braveheart - the subject material is so different, and the stories are so different, that to say "It's no Braveheart" is meaningless. Please don't think that just because a movie has swords and guys with long hair that it must be "Braveheart-like".
Rating:
Summary: I'd give it 1/2 a star, but Amazon won't let me
Review: I know I'm going to get shot down for this one, but I just have to disagree with all the people who think this is an excellent film. Antonio Banderas plays an Arab poet who joins a group of Vikings to slay some beast in the north. Taking leaps and bounds, Antonio's character suddenly learns their language almost instantly (although it's hard to tell, there's very little sense of time throughout the film). That's not the last giant leap, either; this movie plays out like a bad Dungeons and Dragons game with the dumbest person in the world running it. The other characters in the film are completely uninspiring, and much like "The Cell", I just wished everyone would die so I could leave the theater. The cinematography is good at some points, but horribly murky at other times. The costumes, especially the armor, are laughable, and the filler scenes between the gratuitious battle scenes are just that, filler. They are supposed to give the characters "depth" and "emotion", but it's about as deep and emotional as a kindergarten play. No explanation is ever given as to why the creatures Antonio and company are out to slay have started attacking the local residents. This is a horrible rip-off of the Seven Samurai, as someone else pointed out. Long, dull and contrived, the only way you'll like this movie is if you actually thought "The Cell" was a good movie too. Don't believe everything you read others, and avoid this film!
Rating:
Summary: Sven Ole Thorson may not be Olivier but he's a good Viking
Review: Sven Ole steals the show. He is perfect as the wandering Viking prince. I read the book in the 70s(my edition has some neat line drawn illustrations) and frankly, I prefer the film. I think they edited out some unnecessary bagage. The storyline is about 1/4th Beowulf, 1/4 actual history, and 1/2 Seven Samurai. I'd like to address a common complaint I've seen about them all having different armor, weapons etc. Of course they had mix match equipment. Outside of the Roman Empire, standard issue armor was exceedingly rare. People picked up whatever they could, from whatever sources they could. The Vikings had access through trade and conquest to many cultures. Battle scenes are well done, showing comraderie, bravery, and poignant symbollism. Also nice that it showed Vikings as intelligent and Muslims as good people.
Rating:
Summary: Great movie.
Review: Antonio Banderas got top billing but the true star of the movie is the actor called Vladimir Kulitch who plays Beowulf. He is the true star of this movie. The action sequence is excellent and the DVD picture quality is very good despite most of the movie took place at night. The final battle sequence is a little bit short so I assume there is a longer version. A director's cut is hopefully be released someday but since the movie was a financial failure during its theatrical run, a special edition of this DVD is probably unlikely. Too bad, but in the meantime, this DVD is worth owning. Great story, great acting and great DVD.
|
