Rating: 
Summary: Very Funny
Review: If you watch this with the same attitude that you would 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes', it actually becomes a very funny film. The scene where they use the rockets boosters to blow about a thousand monkeys into the air actually had me giggling uncontrollably in the theatre. Why are the costumes so much worse now than in the original? See it for a laugh, the ending is perfectly rediculous - not really any more so than the rest of the movie though.
Rating: 
Summary: "Planet of the Apes"
Review: Planet of the Apes (PG-13) **/5
Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Clarke Duncan, Estella Warren. Directed by: Tim Burton.
Synopsis: An astronaut tries to save a monkey, and he ends up on a planet full of the little buggers!
Special Features: 2-Disc set: Audio Commentaries, Enhanced Viewing Mode, 6 Documentaries, Extended Scenes, HBO Special, Multi-Angle Scene Studies, Music Video, Concept Art Gallery, Trailers and TV Spots.
Review: Being a big fan of the original I was really looking forward to this. What I received was an over-budgeted, under-scripted mess. This film follows a psychotic astronaut who blasts off to save a monkey, and he travels to a planet ruled by apes. He is captured, and subsequently escapes by running with several humans past a battalion of apes who see them, but do nothing except commit acts of violence against Kris Kristofferson. Them and their ape allies prepare to battle, and just when it looks like it is going to be interesting a monkey lands and the fight stops. It then proceeds to one of the most ludicrous endings in film history. The actors all seem lost and I don't blame them. Tim Burton's brilliance never really shines through. As for the DVD? Lot's of features make this so almost worth buying.
Rating:
Summary: Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch
Review: First off since this movie is not a remake of the original is should not bare the same name as the original so I have given it a new title "Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch" a more appropriate title for this modern picture. This movie had all the makings of something spectacular with a great producer and solid idea to go on with all the new technology to boast, however it fell flat on its face. The character development was horrible, and the soundsets they were filmed on looked about as fake as you could get with todays technology. It's just too bad that todays generation is going to be exposed to a whole series of Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch. Take my advice and stick with the classics and boy cott any future releases of Marky Mark and the Monkey Bunch. It's just too bad the original Planet of the Apes had too be defiled by Tim Burtons mistake, its almost sad to see the modern generation getting ripped off like this.
Rating:
Summary: One word, horable
Review: What on earth was that? The plot seemed to get worse and worse to the point that you want to leave the theater. I mean who on earth would like that, stupid people? the time travel dosent even work. he goes to the past and the future and returns to the present to find out that it isnt the present, WHAT? All in all that was the worst movie I had every seen in my life. please for the sake of your sanity dont watch this movie.
Rating:
Summary: Some Imagination, But Leave A Classic Alone!
Review: As some others have noted, why bother to remake this classic science fiction movie. You actually need to know the nuances of the original film to appreciate this remake. Despite that, the end [is bad]!!!! Burton went too far by trying to repeat the surprise ending of the original movie. You can't. This film clearly tried to put a new twist on the story. If you want that, read the original novel by Pierre Boulle. I give it two stars for special effects, cinematography... I can just see it now....2031 - Hollywood releases the remake of 2001 (renamed, of course) ughhhhhh!!!!! Do yourself a favor, rent this Planet..., own the original.
Rating:
Summary: Grunt. Groan. Ugh.
Review: What in the world was Tim Burton thinking of when he directed this mess? Burton is a very talented director; I loved "Sleepy Hollow", but someone should make him write 100 times on a blackboard "IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT." The original "Planet of the Apes" is one of the best sci-fi films ever made; it didn't need re-telling, so what was the point in remaking it? The story line doesn't work, the apes look like humans dressing up in simian costumes on Halloween, and the dialogue is from hunger. There's a lot of grunting and groaning that I guess is supposed to convince us that this is how apes communicate, but it's only marginally worse than the spoken lines in the film. The mind-blowing scene in the original, Charlton Heston staring open-mouthed and bug-eyed at the ruins of the Statue of Liberty and realizing he was home all along, couldn't be duplicated in the remake, so this time around we get Mark Wahlberg zooming home from Apeland in a rocket ship and crash-landing on the front steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, only to discover that the Memorial has undergone a facelift and Lincoln now looks like the Most High Ape who successfully revolted against human domination and established the reign of the simians. It just doesn't work; but then, neither does the picture. See the original.
Rating:
Summary: Terrible
Review: This film will stand as an example as to why it can be a very bad thing to remake an old classic. Once again the Hollywood cookie-cutter seems to have been in use. Unlike some other reviews of this - to my mind if it was based on the same original novel and it's called the same thing, then it's a remake. Call it what you want, that's what it is, and there are bound to be comparisons to the original. A lot of thought very evidently went into the look and feel of the movie. It looked fantastic and the cinematography was excellent. Unfortunately, as has been the case in the past few years with films of this type, very little thought seems to have been put into the plot or the script. The direction seemed to be lacking more than a little, to the effect of having Tim Roth snarl at the beginning and end of almost every line of dialog. Mark Wahlberg looked to be completely out of his depth, and turned in a poor performance.
The story was loose almost to the point of non-existence, and as for the ending .... There were rumours that several endings had been produced, and, well, if that was the best of them I'd love to see the others just for the sheer comedic value.
I was very disappointed with this effort, and expected more from Tim Burton and Tim Roth. In fact, I think that this was the worst film I saw last year. If you like mindless eye-candy and can forgive the omission of a plot, then this is for you, otherwise look elsewhere.
Rating: 
Summary: Twisty plot, but dragged down significantly by bad dialogue
Review: Tim Burton is my favourite director, and Danny Elfman is, in my opinion, the best film composer there is. (yes, I think he's better than John Williams, etc) That said, it should be pretty obvious that I consider them to be the best director/composer duo (they work together on almost every film) there ever was, is, or will be. Unfortunately, one of that duo has disappointed. While I have never been disappointed by Burton, movies like Mars Attack, and Beetlejuice are really not my type of movie. (That being said, Edward Scissorhands, Sleepy Hollow, and The Nightmare Before Christmas are my favourite Burton films -notice a pattern there?) And, this time, I really was disappointed by Burton. Sure, it was a good movie. But not up to Burton's normal standards in my opinion. The visuals are above average, but again, not on par with his normal vast imagination. His style is less apparent here, seeming like he is toning it down for mainstream entertainment. The problem is, Tim Burton is anything BUT mainstream. The only film he has ever really done that was "mainstream" was Batman, and even that was filled with his amazing imagination and visuals. The plot was one of the most twisty ones that I have seen for a while; unfortunately, the ending was somewhat predictable. As I write this, I am still puzzled, and perhaps this review will be rewritten later on if I understand it. Its hard to explain this without giving anything away. It was predictable that the "surprise" would happen, but they never really explained how it came to pass. It would be nice to get my hands on the dvd and commentary, etc because I still cannot fully believe that Burton would just tack on a surprise ending without clues (like Swordfish) throughout the movie. The video had a small clip showing all the clues leading towards the ending, but some things just don't seem to fit. Anyway, I will definitely try to get my hands on the dvd, which will perhaps explain more. Another thing that brought this movie down further was the terrible screenplay. Not the actual plot, mind you, but the dialogue was very simple, and many lines were just plain silly. I think even a three year old could do a much more brilliant screenplay for this - that tells you how badly this screenplay stinks. The make-up work done by Rick Baker was at times Oscar worthy, but seemed very unevenly spread. It was obvious that the best make-up he did was for Thade (played by Tim Roth) while others were just plain ridiculous to look at. My family had a good laugh at some of the outrageous looking apes. Overall, it wasn't as great as I was expecting. If he could have done something similar to Thade's make-up for the rest of the apes, it would have improved the experience by a lot. I just could not get over the cheesy look of some of the apes for the first half, and that coupled with bad dialogue constantly lessened my enjoyment. The acting was not dynamic by any of the parties involved, but nonetheless, it did not detract from the experience either. The whole cast did the best they could with super lame dialogue. Also, Estella Warren was not too bad in this movie -definitely not as bad as she was in Driven, and not as bad as the reviews have suggested. While one of the dynamic duo may have disappointed, the other one certainly didn't. Elfman does another cool and very different score, certainly up there with his MIB, Edward Scisorhands, and The Simpsons themes/scores. Very unusual, with a marching, and almost "strict" quality to it. I also have to comment that it is great that he finally gets so much on the dvds he does movies for. (Many of the movies he does scores for include an audio track with only the score) Despite all the bad points, I did enjoy the film. After I got over some of the stupid lines, etc, I did manage to find myself involved in the story. I'm really just picking out all the small things as I am disappointed in Burton. But, if you can stand really silly humour, a bit of bad make-up, and some confusing plot points, this is a rather fun movie (with an excellent score). Now that you've done a big mainstream film, get back to arthouse films Burton.
Rating:
Summary: Wahlberg's best performance. Yet still upstaged by apes!
Review: I still remember the stir caused by the original Planet Of The Apes on issues varying from evolutionary theory to race relations to Vietnam to Chuck Heston's tush. The only thing that makes this "reinterpretation" even remotely noteworthy is the excellent performance given by Tim Roth. Other than Roth's efforts the other actors in this turkey appeared to be embarrased to spout out their moronic lines.
Wait for it to hit network TV if you must see it, but please don't subsidize Tim Burton's sorry attempt to cash in on the remake bandwagon by paying to see this in any form.
Rating:
Summary: Marky Mark is a joke and so is his film!!!!!!
Review: Against my better judgement, I went with a friend to see this movie because he was a big fan of the originals. I also enjoyed the originals, but when I found out Marky Mark was the taking the lead role that Charlston Heston played so magnificently, I had about as much desire to go see it as I do watching a bull get castrated or watching a video on the effects of STD's. Ever since Batman, I've been a fan of Tim Burton, but he really dropped the ball casting this film, and he also dropped the ball trying to make it interesting and watchable. Charlton Heston's appearance as an ape was the one redeeming part of this movie, but not enough to save it from total disaster. Halfway through the movie I was wishing my 32oz drink was strichnyne instead of pepsi. The end, which I thought might be somewhat interesting, wasn't. It was actually terrible, and I felt cheated. Do not waste your time with this film. If you are a masagist or if you like to eat your own poop or watch others eat their own poop or if you spoon feed poop to babies, you might enjoy this film. Otherwise, re-rent the originals.
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