Rating: 
Summary: "He's got my badge. Could you get it for me?"
Review: *That was one of the best last lines ever said in a movie!I saw this on MST3K(hence my nickname)and it was one of the worst ones I have ever seen(made for a funny ... episode). A stupid plot(portly sheriff who says "Son of a..." a lot goes to Malta for no reason), bad acting, and shoddy scenery. Seems strange that a movie this bad is on DVD. If you like to see a movie where a main character gets out of bed in the same way over and over, and where a man gets shot TWICE in the same scene, get this movie. Or else you can watch it when it reruns again on MST3K. PS: One star for how bad it is, another one for Best Brains for having the guts for air this, and another one for them making fun of how bad it is. *=sarcasm
Rating: 
Summary: Get it for the shower scene!
Review: Bad Bad Bad movie. It's rare to find a film not worthy of even 1 star, but this is one such film. The above reviews pretty much say it all, but I will point out the films good parts. I have not seen the MST3K version but I seriously doubt they showed the "GOOD" scenes. The poolside scene isn't bad. (MST3K probably edited this scene.) But the shower scene is awesome! I can't desribe it here, but most men will like it. (If MST3K didn't cut this scene completely out of the film, they probably showed a CHOPED up or ZOOMED version, but the unedited version is great!)
Rating: 
Summary: Malta?
Review: I know, I know watching Joe Don Baker movies are worse for your health than smoking two packs of unfiltered cigarettes. So let's see if I can summerize what is going on in the movie. After about twelve times I admit I'm still lost but I'll try anyways. Deputy Sheriff Geronimo (Pronounced Her-an-Emo because the blue eyed 6'1 white guy is of course really Indian presumably Cherokee) is a rouge edged Deputy somewhere in Texas along the border between Mexico who shoots some Malatan Man after the shoot up some undescribed place. Our Deputy chases both men into mexico after one of them shoots the real sheriff. Alright, Ok a small piece of unreality number one: Our AMERICAN DEPUTY SHERIFF crosses the border illegally, after they show them their DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY (Glad they just hand those out to any Maltans that come across the border!)and HE SHOOTS ONE, never mind that he's on foreign soil and he shoots a guy with diplomatic immunity, which happens to be the brother of a drug lord who is ALSO THERE. He throws a gun towards one of them and tells them to DRAW... what the hell? Ok maybe I'm not a cop and have never been in law enforcment but I would think that common sense would dictate that after you shoot the brother of a powerful drug lord who has diplomatic immunity none the less while on foreign soil I wouldn't throw a gun in his direction and egg him on with an almost drunken cult chant of "Draw, Draw you son of a B*tch". This guy would be working at the mall getting the extra $1.00 an hour after taking that Orange Julius attack meant for the Sears manager. So after the guy who's brother just died doesn't pick up the gun but allows himself to be beaten up by our 300 lbs Indian friend. After destroying about 20 different treaties and obvious police brutality the FBI yes you heard me right one of our top agencies here in the states decides to let our deputy escort that same powerful drug lord back to Malta because I guess they wouldn't like to go to the the socialist paradise of Malta during the summer. Oh never mind this movie just has Joe Don Baker trying to pull a "Linda Evans" with some reporter and the key stone cops of the Mediterranean trying to stop him while he rants about "Drawing on Sum "B*tches" and some unknown incident concerning him, I guess something bad happened. But However as much as I loathe Joe Don Baker, I love his movies and have to give this 5 stars!!!
Rating:
Summary: A five start MSTing......a negative 3 for the movie
Review: I loved this MST3K episode. It's great fun, poking fun of a great B-actor, Joe Don Baker. As Tom Servo puts it, "Awww, can't I have just one more justice?"
Rating:
Summary: A five start MSTing......a negative 3 for the movie
Review: I loved this MST3K episode. It's great fun, poking fun of a great B-actor, Joe Don Baker. As Tom Servo puts it, "Awww, can't I have just one more justice?"
Rating:
Summary: A five start MSTing......a negative 3 for the movie
Review: I loved this MST3K episode. It's great fun, poking fun of a great B-actor, Joe Don Baker. As Tom Servo puts it, "Awww, can't I have just one more justice?"
Rating:
Summary: Malta! Violence! Nudity! DVD!
Review: Man, oh man, where to start....Like most of the reviewers, I first saw this movie on Mystery Science Theater, the season SciFi made them switch to all SciFi movies. Did this movie cause them to be cancelled? Who knows. I DO know that this is an amazing movie: Car chases! Boat chases! Church chases! Float chases!
The plot sort of focuses on a dispeptic, murder-obsessed Texas cop played by Joe Don Baker and his oh-so hot side-kick: a black-eyed, raven haired Maltese beauty whose name escapes me (Helena Abella?). HOT, I SAY! Anyway, they are in Malta tracking a bad, bad Italian that killed Joe-Don's partner, and in return Joe-Don killed the Italian's brother and then the Italian's flunkies arranged for the plane he and Joe-Don were on to land in Malta and that's the back-story. The dvd is great, because all the dancers that you see on stage on MST3K are here and they are all NAKED! Yes! But, Joe-Don's partner is not naked. NO! Well, it's true and this thing was made in 1980-something, so it's too late now. Anyway, if you want ACTION, if you want ADVENTURE, if you want THRILLS, CHILLS and lots of high-fat sauce SPILLS...you just "go ahead on" and buy FINAL JUSTICE!!!!!!
Rating:
Summary: An Inspiration to all wannabe filmmakers!
Review: NOTE: The 5 STAR rating goes not to the film, but to whoever it was who got it financed. You are the TRUE star of the movie! Final Justice is the touching and at times tearjerking story of a big fat Texas deputy sherriff who orders MYLANTA at every restauraunt and bar he goes in to. There won't be a dry eye in the house. At least there wasn't when the films producers saw the final edit! This low budget film looks like it was shot on bad 16mm, and is proof that no matter how bad your screenplay is, there is someone, somewhere willing to put up the money and make it into a picture. A true inspiration to us all!
Rating:
Summary: Meatballs fried in Lard!
Review: Oh god....You think you can take this movie? Well, goa'head on. It's your move.
Rating:
Summary: Meatballs fried in Lard!
Review: Oh god....You think you can take this movie? Well, goa'head on. It's your move.
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