Rating: 
Summary: A Horrible Movie For People Without A Life
Review: I'm writing this review to warn people about this movie. Whatever you do, DO NOT BUY IT, DO NOT RENT IT, AND IF SOMEONE GAVE IT TO YOU DO NOT TAKE IT!!With faulty reviews and setup, it makes you think the movie was going to be a real thriller, but after about a couple of minutes, you'll find yourself saying "oh my god I wished I didn't get this movie". I got to say, it is a major waste of time and if you don't have a life or you can't tell the difference between what a good movie and a bad movie is, than go ahead and see it. I thought this movie was a college class project, that's how horrible it was, it's a joke! A lot of lame bloody scenes, a major lot of cussing, some nasty offensive moments, combined with some dumb trigger crazy peeps and a worm-like creature COMBINED with bad filming, bad directing, bad plots, and bad everything is what this movie is all about. I stopped about 3/4 way through, trying to see if the movie ever gets better. In the end I wasted time and I couldn't get a refund. I rented it, don't worry!!
Rating: 
Summary: The cover does not fit the movie
Review: If you're looking for this "item" to jump out of a box and start mauling people left and right, you're in for a surprise and you shouldn't buy the movie. But, if you leave your expections behind and just watch it you'll find really funny and outragous characters (incuding the item itself) with some hilarious shooting scenes; they shoot guns like they cuss, it never stops.
The premise is exciting and the ending makes you think beyond just what is going on in the plot. (Why is it really there?)
One downside is the acting, it's not the greatest but it fits the look and feeling of the movie ( but who cares anyways this isn't "a beautiful mind 2" or anything!!)
Watch the movie. It's weird and sick but that's better than boring and stupid.
Rating:
Summary: Fatty and the tube looking at the rabbit.
Review: Look! Here's Fatty. Oh, and here's the tube! There's a rabbit. Oh, and here's Fatty again. Look! Quick! Its the tube! There's Fatty. Watch out, its the rabbit. Goodnight Fatty. Goodnight tube. Goodnight rabbit.
Rating: 
Summary: FUNNYEST HORROR FLICK EVER!
Review: My god! Ninja Transvestites! HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG!? The movie looks horrible as a horror but as a comedy it is hillarious! Thinka bout it...when they ran through out the movie it looked like they were on a little trolly or something...they were gliding darn it! Watch it, hate it, laugh at it...that is what it deserves to have done. Watch it one time...and it is like a virus...you wanna spread it around and tell others to see how stupid it is...I gave it 4 stars just because I laughed my arse off the whole movie!
Rating:
Summary: FUNNYEST HORROR FLICK EVER!
Review: My god! Ninja Transvestites! HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG!? The movie looks horrible as a horror but as a comedy it is hillarious! Thinka bout it...when they ran through out the movie it looked like they were on a little trolly or something...they were gliding darn it! Watch it, hate it, laugh at it...that is what it deserves to have done. Watch it one time...and it is like a virus...you wanna spread it around and tell others to see how stupid it is...I gave it 4 stars just because I laughed my arse off the whole movie!
Rating:
Summary: Don't Let the Cover Fool You
Review: OK, I admit, I am a big fan of low budget horror films. But The Item is just plan rediculous and an embarrasment to horror movies! I should have rented it before spending [money] on this piece of [junk]. It has a good story, but the filmmakers did a terrible job on this film. The DVD quality isn't so bad, but damn! Where'd they get these actors? It starts off with a cool opening sequence with weird happy-go-lucky sound track to it, and then it gets darker. I've only watched about fourty something minutes into the film, and I was like, "I can't take this anymore! I'm gonna cry!" I can't believe Artisan would release such [junk]. I mean, if they're gonna make a horror movie, at least be realistic here for cryin out loud! When I saw the "creature" that emerged from the box, I couldn't help but die laughing! It's totally puppetized! On the cover of The Item, you can see like a green scaly eye-ball looking at you, but in the flick, it's a plastic rubber puppet! I mean, come on! One thing I was interested in this movie, was the camera angles they used, I thought it was something new and cool to watch. But other than that, I'd sue Artisan for being an embarassment to B horror movies. I'm ashamed! Please, take my word for it. Don't judge a cover by it's looks. Rent it before you buy it. I'm warning you, you'd thank me later.
Rating: 
Summary: What the hell?
Review: Okay, what the hell is this? I'll tell you what: another form of false advertising. The box makes it sound good, but in reality, it's the motion picture equivalent of having your unmentionables caught in a meat grinder.
The movie started out pretty good, what with very bad acting and all, but then it all goes downhill. I mean, the plot is OKAY...people watching over a box with some deadly creature in it. But when you add rollerskating(?) transvestites, it just gets worse.
And even worse, the creature looks as threatening as a Keebler Elf. And even WORSE, it talks to people and makes them see that their lives are doo-doo and they should kill all who are around them. What the hell? I paid good money for this!
Then, after a long, LONG, time, the ending comes and makes me ill. Then I bash my head in with a steel-pedal guitar, hoping to make the pain go away. Why I have a steel-pedal guitar with me, I don't know, but the damn thing cost me $2,100. And that's as much as I would pay NOT to see 'The Item'. Luv,
Muttz!
Rating:
Summary: ...
Review: Sleaziness -cursing-foul language (especially the F word).Artisan is bad about releasing such trash.If there is a market for this ...-well we've sunk to a new low.I tried, but could't watch this thing through.Absolutely terrible in every way a movie can be terrible.
Rating:
Summary: PUPPET SEX-- no joke!
Review: That's right, folks: puppet sex. I'll get to that.
A lot of movies make their dime off the artsy-look of wobbly video images (Blair Witch?) and that's what this film attempts. And fails at.
The plot is so thin that I can barely remember it... these Gen X'ers are supposed to obtain a certain item for someone. They end up killing the creator of "The Monkey" as they call it, which looks like a huge penis with it's eyes (eyes???) sewn shut.
They take it back to a woman's house (she's the pretty asian actress, the only real plus of the whole movie even though her acting in this film was almost impossible to stomach) where her friends interfere and get killed. The penis monkey wakes up and turns the friends against one another.
That's when the penis monkey decides he's going to have sex with the asian woman. The passionate love scene that ensues is very graphic and embaressing to watch. What are you supposed to tell your friends when they find you watching muppet porn?
The acting is terrible, the settings are dull and the story is a weak attempt to lead up to the puppet lovin, which quite obviously took more time to film than the rest of the scenes.
Overall, only rent this dvd if you seriously want to know how to NOT make a movie. If you find yourself asking what to avoid when filming, I would suggest you steer clear of any ground covered in this "movie". I'm only giving it a star because 1 is as low as I can take it.
Rating:
Summary: ....................................(Cricket noise).........
Review: The cover looks nothing like what the movie is all about. The monster isnt reptilian. It is a worm-like ... monster. It plays mind games instead of the violent portrayal that you would expect from a movie with this cover. I would rather have put my face in a blender than watch this atrocity. If you like soap operas crossed with naked muppets, please watch it.
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