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Simon Sez

Simon Sez

List Price: $9.95
Your Price: $9.95
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: The Best Movie I Ever Saw.
Review: All I have to say is that Rodman is the man for this movie. Because you got to admit he does whatever he wants whenever he wants however he wants, becasue he's Dennis Rodman. The fighting scene's are so spectacular that you will lose your breath trying to keep up with the movie. This movie should be up for an Academy Award for the best movie of the year. If you love Rodman, you will love this highly explosive movie. It 's as movie you will want to see.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: The Best Movie I Ever Saw.
Review: All I have to say is that Rodman is the man for this movie. Because you got to admit he does whatever he wants whenever he wants however he wants, becasue he's Dennis Rodman. The fighting scene's are so spectacular that you will lose your breath trying to keep up with the movie. This movie should be up for an Academy Award for the best movie of the year. If you love Rodman, you will love this highly explosive movie. It 's as movie you will want to see.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: RODMAN'S BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER!!!
Review: Forget the "NBA" it's all about the movies. Dennis Rodman has a very excellent role in this movie. He doesn't need to be in the basketball league, he belongs on the big screens. If you love action movies, then "Simon Sez" is the movie to buy, and watch over and over!!! 5 stars all the way!!!!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Nothing good
Review: I can't find anything good to say about this movie. The acting is poor; the plot seems to have a mind of its own (like a 2-year-old's); the fighting scenes are some of the worst I've ever seen in a movie. They're so unrealistic, it's more like watching a cartoon. Dennis Rodman does seem to try, sometimes. Most of the time, he's just trying, unsucessfully, to be cool. Half of the characters in this thing seem to be there for comic relief. Seriously, half of them. It's that stupid. Don't pay money to see this movie. And don't EVEN consider buying it.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Nothing good
Review: I can't find anything good to say about this movie. The acting is poor; the plot seems to have a mind of its own (like a 2-year-old's); the fighting scenes are some of the worst I've ever seen in a movie. They're so unrealistic, it's more like watching a cartoon. Dennis Rodman does seem to try, sometimes. Most of the time, he's just trying, unsucessfully, to be cool. Half of the characters in this thing seem to be there for comic relief. Seriously, half of them. It's that stupid. Don't pay money to see this movie. And don't EVEN consider buying it.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: I THINK THIS MOVIE KICKS! 8/24/04
Review: i hapen to think that dennis rodman is cool.i've seen the movie in the past,but it wasn't available on dvd for a long time.i'm relieved that they released it on dvd.this movie is ful of action & comedy but everyone has their own preferences when it comes to movies so you may or may not agree with me.i myself think simon sez is kick butt movie with plenty of action & comedy.the two monks are hillarious so i would definitely recommend this movie!

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: So Stupid it's Funny
Review: It's hard to describe a movie like Simon Sez. I think it's best to liken it to a train wreck: No matter how morbid, you just can't look away. I find myself bizarrely attracted to this film. It's just so....bad. But the thing is not to look at this movie as being good or bad. You have to look at it as just being. If you watch the film, with the knowledge that it is not a *good* film, you'll actually enjoy it. The only way I can accurately describe my feelings is to break this movie up into different aspects.

THE PLOT: The plot itself is not only strange, but confusing. Rodman works for Interpol (Hah!), and is trying to track down an arms dealer, Ashton (Pradon). He meets up with a guy, who is trying to save his boss's daughter from being kidnapped by her French boyfriend's father, but she doesn't realize she's been kidnapped. But, then she *does* get kidnapped. Then some other woman comes in here, for no reason other than to give Rodman a love interest. There's some fighting, some sex, some more fighting, some monks, sheep, a big weapon, et cetera. Eventually, Rodman saves the Eiffel Tower, gets the girl, and rides off into the sunset. Lovely, right? Except you can't help but wonder: "What just went on there?" The plot is confusing. Unrealistic? Of course! But that's the magic of this movie. Nothing's realistic! Don't be fooled for one second into thinking it is!

CHARACTERS/ACTING: Okay, I liked the fat monk. Yes, there's a fat monk in the film. And I liked him. There should be more of the fat monk. The fat monk and his sheep. But I digress. Anyway, Rodman was (as usual) brightly decorated to look not unlike The Illustrated Man from Ray Bradbury's novel. Can Rodman act? Of course not! But you knew he couldn't! So don't worry about it. The other comment I need to make about acting (because everyone else is, more or less, really bad), is about Jerome Pradon. Alright, I admit, Pradon is the only reason I saw the film. I'm a big fan of musical theatre, and I'm a fan of his work (particularly Les Miserables, Martin Guerre, and the upcoming Jesus Christ Superstar movie). He's an excellent singer. He appears to be an excellent actor too. You just can't tell that from this movie. He plays the bad guy *so* camp, that you know he's not taking it seriously. But he appears to be the only one who isn't taking it seriously. Everyone else seems convinced that this is a good, quality film. Pradon, obviously, isn't. So by comparison, his performance actually looks silly and stupid. But you have to realize that he's *supposed* to be silly and stupid. So from that perspective, his performance is actually quite enjoyable. But you have to look at it as someone who is trying to be something, but from looking at someone who is *not* trying to be something. You know? No, probably not. I have to apologise. I'm usually far more articulate. :)

THE GENRE: Some people may wonder why I consider this an aspect to talk about. Well, here's why. The movie, I believe, is categorized as being Action/Comedy. Now, here's the thing. It *is* a comedy, yes. But the parts that are supposed to be funny are just sort of pathetic. When viewing this movie, it is advised to just ignore them. You have to look at the parts that *aren't* supposed to be funny, and then just laugh your head off.

This review has been designed to help movie-goers, whose idea of comedy may be something like "A Fish Called Wanda", to enjoy this movie as much as possible. However, I think the purpose has a very obvious flaw. If you consider "A Fish Called Wanda" to be a very good, humourous movie, then why are you looking at this movie? Why are you even here? What brought you here? Madness, I suspect. That's apparently what brought me (aside from Jerome Pradon). Anyway, this last paragraph was designed to be somewhat of a conclusion, but I've failed miserably, so I'm just going stop now.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: It's so bad it's good.
Review: It's hard to describe a movie like Simon Sez. I think it's best to liken it to a train wreck: No matter how morbid, you just can't look away. I find myself bizarrely attracted to this film. It's just so....bad. But the thing is not to look at this movie as being good or bad. You have to look at it as just being. If you watch the film, with the knowledge that it is not a *good* film, you'll actually enjoy it. The only way I can accurately describe my feelings is to break this movie up into different aspects.

THE PLOT: The plot itself is not only strange, but confusing. Rodman works for Interpol (Hah!), and is trying to track down an arms dealer, Ashton (Pradon). He meets up with a guy, who is trying to save his boss's daughter from being kidnapped by her French boyfriend's father, but she doesn't realize she's been kidnapped. But, then she *does* get kidnapped. Then some other woman comes in here, for no reason other than to give Rodman a love interest. There's some fighting, some sex, some more fighting, some monks, sheep, a big weapon, et cetera. Eventually, Rodman saves the Eiffel Tower, gets the girl, and rides off into the sunset. Lovely, right? Except you can't help but wonder: "What just went on there?" The plot is confusing. Unrealistic? Of course! But that's the magic of this movie. Nothing's realistic! Don't be fooled for one second into thinking it is!

CHARACTERS/ACTING: Okay, I liked the fat monk. Yes, there's a fat monk in the film. And I liked him. There should be more of the fat monk. The fat monk and his sheep. But I digress. Anyway, Rodman was (as usual) brightly decorated to look not unlike The Illustrated Man from Ray Bradbury's novel. Can Rodman act? Of course not! But you knew he couldn't! So don't worry about it. The other comment I need to make about acting (because everyone else is, more or less, really bad), is about Jerome Pradon. Alright, I admit, Pradon is the only reason I saw the film. I'm a big fan of musical theatre, and I'm a fan of his work (particularly Les Miserables, Martin Guerre, and the upcoming Jesus Christ Superstar movie). He's an excellent singer. He appears to be an excellent actor too. You just can't tell that from this movie. He plays the bad guy *so* camp, that you know he's not taking it seriously. But he appears to be the only one who isn't taking it seriously. Everyone else seems convinced that this is a good, quality film. Pradon, obviously, isn't. So by comparison, his performance actually looks silly and stupid. But you have to realize that he's *supposed* to be silly and stupid. So from that perspective, his performance is actually quite enjoyable. But you have to look at it as someone who is trying to be something, but from looking at someone who is *not* trying to be something. You know? No, probably not. I have to apologise. I'm usually far more articulate. :)

THE GENRE: Some people may wonder why I consider this an aspect to talk about. Well, here's why. The movie, I believe, is categorized as being Action/Comedy. Now, here's the thing. It *is* a comedy, yes. But the parts that are supposed to be funny are just sort of pathetic. When viewing this movie, it is advised to just ignore them. You have to look at the parts that *aren't* supposed to be funny, and then just laugh your head off.

This review has been designed to help movie-goers, whose idea of comedy may be something like "A Fish Called Wanda", to enjoy this movie as much as possible. However, I think the purpose has a very obvious flaw. If you consider "A Fish Called Wanda" to be a very good, humourous movie, then why are you looking at this movie? Why are you even here? What brought you here? Madness, I suspect. That's apparently what brought me (aside from Jerome Pradon). Anyway, this last paragraph was designed to be somewhat of a conclusion, but I've failed miserably, so I'm just going stop now.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: So bad, it's great
Review: Simon Sez is, more than anything else, a movie that [stinks]. It is, however, also a movie that isn't likely to irritate because of its badness.

The plot revolves around a bunch of totally over the top characters, one of them being Dennis Rodman... I mean, Simon (played by Rodman), an ex-CIA agent now working for Interpol (although I frankly doubt his are Interpol working methods). Simon works in a small town on the french coast and is helped by two monks of death who live under a church and seem to be equipped with very sophisticated electronics. Whether they are real monks or not is never explained but, then again, nothing is really explained in the movie itself.

Although Simon seems to be investigating on some kind of story about a kidnapped girl, it is only when a former friend, Nick enters the scene that he really gets involved in the whole thing, which turns to be almost a story of some kind of disc for some kind of secret weapon. I guess I can stop here because, quite frankly, the story is absurd and ridiculously illogical.

The characters in this movie are some of the most over-the-top I've ever seen. Nick, for instance, behaves like an idiot most of the time: in the first ten minutes, he imitates a dog and a raptor such in an unbelievable way and in unlikely situations, it would be an understatement to call it a joke. The evil guy himself is a ridiculous caricature, then there are the two monks who are the craziest idiots... well, aside of Nick. Rodman, on the other hand, is absolutely restrained in this movie. He says a few lines, and always with the same facial expressions (some kind of smirk). Then there's a girl who fights against Simon in the beginning, then starts fighting with him and finally sleeps with him. Who is she and what she's doing here is never answered.

The movie is definitely an action/comedy and does provide laughs, but I am really not sure that laughs come they way they were supposed to. To put it clear, most of the time, you laugh at the movie rather than with it. At the end, you will scratch your head, not quite believing what you just watched.

It is a bad movie. Very bad. But if you are a fan of bad movies, or if you are willing to have a lot of laughs with your friends, maybe while drinking some alcoholic beverages, you will find a lot to enjoy here.

In any other case, avoid like the plague.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: Orson Welles, Anthony Hopkins........Dennis Rodman
Review: The heck did I just watch? I really don't know, and fact is I'm not sure how much I WANT to know, but as a reviewer its my job to make you, the gentle reader, know. There's good news and bad news about the movie: the good news is Dennis Rodman isn't too bad in his acting role. The bad news is...he's the BEST actor in the whole dang thing.

The acting by the rest of the cast is minimal, and further tarnished by the atrocious script writing. This is especially true for the character Nick, who cavorts about like a constipated ape. I think he was trying to make me laugh - mostly I was crying.

Don't know quite what was going on - there's a lot of scurrying around, beating people up, shooting one another, crashing into things, mostly for a disk but it seems but there's a kidnapping involved as well. Oh yeah and some love interest between Rodman and one of the villains, but eh...my brain was kind of lost by then. The sad thing is that while there is a lot of action in this movie, it feels really amatuerish. This is especially true in one scene where Dennis Rodman ties a girl up using a sash. I think they were trying to make him look like Jackie Chan, but all it looks like is he wraps a sash around her with some swooshing sound affects added in later. Oh yeah, and look out for the scene where Dennis Rodman deflects bullets with a tray cart.

Watch it if you're in a mood for a bad movie. Just remember its a Dennis Rodman movie.


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