The McCullochs

Rating:
Summary: What do you get when you cross International Playboy
Review: Jethro Bodine's literary talent, Corporal Agarn's running buddy from F-Troop, Robby, AND Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons, the midget from High Plains Drifter, Frank Nitti from St.Valentines Massacre, the Baker from the Godfather,Madame Queenie from Amos and Andy, the Indian's manager from Major League, and the Creature From the Black Lagoon's leading lady??? Trouble with a capital "T" that's what by doogies!

We begin this lovely trip through the last bastion of stereotypes that the mention of which still gets a laugh, instead of a cap being popped in your a$$....the white Southern male. We begin with Forrest Tucker, all hopped up on Old Forrester I suppose, beating the hell out of another 65 year old character actor that is enjoying getting beat up more than anyone I've ever seen. Actually it's the same guy that played the down and out boxer who was always getting whipped and losing his eyesight but ironically had no other means of paying his doctor bills so he had to keep fighting anyway. Makes sense to me. A few minutes later Forrest continues to make us all proud by dropping the top on his red convertible, and knocking down most of a pint of whiskey as he zips through a number of school zones on his way home to grab him a handful of the little lady, played juicily by a still gorgeous Julie Adams. Very nimbly, with yet another glass of whiskey in one hand, and Julie's rapidly unbuttoning blouse in the other hand he is informed that they are having "green beans" for dinner...all of a sudden his lust is diverted to pork chops and so he pats his wife on the ass as she dutifully, and mercifully trots off to rustle up some dinner. Scuse me, I mean supper--dinner is lunch down here. But before the supper bell rings, Forrest gets a call to advise him that one of the Rhodes Scholars that works for his trucking company had a head on collision as he crashed through a RR barrier, but he was relieved to hear he beat the train with some nifty driving, thus validating why they must have hired the guy in the first place. The driver survived though and one can only speculate that the brain damage he suffered could not have been such a terribly tragic thing. Hang on, that's just the first 5 minutes.

SPOILERS AHEAD. You had to expect that though, I have to share.

Jethro/Culver has a chip on his shoulder from his own personal stereotyping, and the fact that he had to wear a rope for a belt all those years. No vittles here, just the old man's daughter. Oooohhh, this is going to get ugly. And he displays none of the range we were so accustomed too on the Beverly Hillbillies. Takes this writer/director/star thing a little too seriously I think, that could be the reason old man McCulloch hates him so much. Or it could be that statutory rape thing with the 18 yr old daughter? You just know that the old man wants to punch our fledgling brain surgeon in his medula obadala but he is a very classy guy so he defers so he can go spar with his 16 yr old son. Plenty of drunken drag racing, drunken hay riding, and drunken strip poker, and more drunken ass whooping to go around. And if you're a fan of the "beating up your kids is the only way to make them a man" genre you will love this thing.

I won't reveal any of the good parts (giggle snort) but the highlight of the movie is a "homeric" showdown/street brawl, Culver vs. McCulloch and a major, big time ripoff of the Quiet Man complete with odds savvy old ladies, gambling/guzzling priests, and even an old man on his death bed who is miraculously resuscitated by the sound of whooping and hollering as one more right cross lands on it's target. Oh yeah, the contestants even stop to have a beer before resuming the slugfest. I'm not going to tell you who wins the fight but considering Ellie May used to tie Jethro up like a pretzel everytime he'd complain about her biscuits...well, it's the high spot of the (gulp) film so I'll keep that one secret. Clint Eastwood likewise rips off Jethro in Any Which Way You Can. I'm dangerously close to surpassing my vast film knowledge here so I better not draw any more parallels OK?

Believe it or not, the DVD transfer is fantastic and the soundtrack rivals movies like Giant and Hurry Sundown. It's very, very good Jethrine. I like this movie. Somebody slap me but I like this thing. It's really very funny. I've actually never been so hammered that I forgot the words to Old McDonald but in McCullochWorld your punishment is getting dumped out of the bed of a pickup to have your wife turn the sprinklers on you as you simulate a coma on the front lawn. 4 Stars, only cause they just don't make em' like this anymore.

Rating:
Summary: Quiet Man Rip, yeah right...
Review: Leonard Maltin is a stick in the mud. This is not wonderful but it is totally fun and sleezy to watch. It has a great fight scene that lasts about ten minutes and at any rate if you like Max Baer's work you'll probablly like this film. It ain't no ODE TO BILLY JOE, but few things are. Max Baer is a real visionary and auteur in his own right. I love his films.

Rating:
Summary: Quiet Man Rip, yeah right...
Review: Leonard Maltin is a stick in the mud. This is not wonderful but it is totally fun and sleezy to watch. It has a great fight scene that lasts about ten minutes and at any rate if you like Max Baer's work you'll probablly like this film. It ain't no ODE TO BILLY JOE, but few things are. Max Baer is a real visionary and auteur in his own right. I love his films.

Rating:
Summary: Absolutely Pointless.
Review: Max Baer Jr.'s directorial debut certainly isn't what you would call impressive. He also wrote, produced and co-starred in this pointless film.

J.J. McCulloch is the rich owner of a trucking company. He believes that most disagreements should be handled with your fists. His poor parenting causes a lot of strife in his family and results in tragedy.

The main selling point of "The McCullochs" in its trailer is that it features one of the finest brawls ever captured on film. That speaks volumes about the mentality of this movie.

Watching several poorly executed fights and listening to the McCulloch clan be miserable isn't exactly my idea of entertainment.

Rating:
Summary: Great Movie about an unforgettable Family! Move Over Dallas!
Review: Max Baer wrote,produced,directed and co-starred in this superb 1975 movie about a proud millionaire family set in 1949 Texas co-starring Forrest Tucker,William Demarest,Julie Adams,Doodles Weaver as the family is tested by love,tragedy and war!!It's a must see!!