The Viking Queen

Rating:
Summary: All Viking and Celts look alike.
Review: In the tradition of Monty Python, The movie starts out with a monologue and map telling of the extent of the Roman Empire.

The old Celtic king dies leaving his kingdom in the charge of his daughter Salina and Rome as co-regents. The daughter is in love with Rome's representative. He gets tricked, she gets whipped, and the fun begins. Will everything turn out o.k. in the end or will Salina be stuck for an ending?

You may notice that this story sort of, kind of, but not much, follows the story of Boudicea of the Iceni tribe. The druids look like Jewish priests from old biblical movies. They naturally worship Zeus. And carry golden cycles as they forecast Roman doom at the hands of Salina (Carita). This may be the reason that all the Stonehenge type structures are not quite square.

Don't miss the fight scenes. Many look like cowboys and Indians. Then there is a scene where the Celts attack with Ben-Hur hubcaps on their chariots. "Stand fast, they are only women."


Rating:
Summary: Cheap and historically inaccurate...but fun to watch!
Review: It's a damn shame that the average American is totally ignorant of the Celtic legacy of the western world; modern pop culture and three centuries of fundamentalist Christianity have done their part in obliterating all accurate memory of our northern European roots from the minds of the masses. That's why I applaud any movie that treats the subject of Celtic antiquity, even if most of these films are a far cry from historical reality. This is certainly the case with The Viking Queen: The Celtic Britons were NOT Vikings (a later Germanic people), the druids did NOT worship Zeus (the druid character in the film invokes this Greek deity), Brythonic Celts never had the name Angus (the name of a Briton prince in the film...the name itself is Gaelic Celtic), and on and on. However, the film does make a somewhat lame attempt to depict the political turmoil in the Britain of the first century of the Common Era; the invading Roman legions never did win the undying loyalty of the entire isle of Britain and uprisings were common throughout the remaining years of the empire. That being said, the film is otherwise good cheesy fun for the non-sticklers: hot chicks, lots of violence, humorous over acting, the typical Hammer offering (and I'm not at all surprised that a movie with this subject matter was produced in Britain and not the United States). Carita's "Viking" Queen character is loosely based on the historical personage of Boudicea of the Iceni tribe, who ravaged Roman occupied Londinium during the Briton uprising against the forces of the general Paulinus. So, this is not the worst film ever made, I'm just a little disappointed that we have countless biblical and Roman celluloid epics to choose from but precious few serious films about our own ancestors;The Viking Queen is hardly serious...it reduces a dynamic period of our history into a lusty comic book farce.

Rating:
Summary: Superbly bad - on the Ed Wood Scale.
Review: No one can write comedy like this, the most superbly worst historical drama (facing stiff competition too) ever made.

This is superbly bad - Ed Wood would have been proud.

This is truly epic!

Rating:
Summary: Historical Hammer Hilarity or something to that effect!
Review: Roman Britain? Not quite. A fun foray into Hammer's skewed history? Definitely. This film works on the most basic level. Warrior chicks and Roman villainy with a mad druid for fun. The best acting in this little sizzler comes from that late great charactor actor Patrick Toughton. There are moments when it seems like he is in a completely different film...yes, he's that good. Andrew Keir is not to be missed as the scenery chewing evil centurion. A mediocre effort at historical film making, but a great deal of fun!

Rating:
Summary: Gloriously Bad!
Review: This is a thinly-veiled retelling of the real-life story of Boudicca, the British/Celtic Queen who led a failed rebellion against Roman occupying forces in the mid-1st century AD. Yes, thinly-veiled, with the names changed to protect the innocent.

This is b-grade movie sap at it's finest, complete with an unbelievable love story, fine British overacting, and... well, it's just plain silly. For instance: Blue-woaded bandits, looking like extras from a Caveman flick; Scythe-wheeled chariots, which neither the Celts, nor anyone else for that matter, ever used in real life; this whole "Viking queen" title -- what's up with that? This film has nothing to do with Vikings, who were Norse raiders starting in the 700's AD; Highly-trained Roman soldiers who let themselves get run down by the aformentioned chariots; And of course Selena, the "Viking Queen" herself, with that out-of-place German (?) accent and Xena-esque corselet... ah yes, the stuff of dreams... On a positive note, the equipment and armor of the Roman Troops are handled fairly well, considering the level of research available at the time the film was made. Not perfect, but not as bad as the rest of the movie!

So if it's so bad, then why do I give it such a high rating? Sentimentality. When I was a kid, I loved this film! And it's still fun. There are worse ways to waste a slow afternoon than popping this in the VCR and vegging out. No, it's not "Spartacus" or "Ben Hur", nor is it the wonderful British documentary of "Boudicca" which was released a couple years back, but hey, what do you expect, anyway? So, toss all your cares (and good taste) to the wind, and revel in this gloriously awful "celtsploitation" movie!

Rating:
Summary: Hmmmm...
Review: Totally fails to live up to any SM expectations you may have.
Carita is an absolute honey, though.

Rating:
Summary: Hmmmm...
Review: Totally fails to live up to any SM expectations you may have.
Carita is an absolute honey, though.

Rating:
Summary: Viking Queen, simply fun...
Review: Viking Queen is a low budget 60's film, with some great costumes, great dialog, and little historical accuracy.

Why did I give it a high rating? Viking Queen, is simply a hell of a lot of fun!

Carita stars as Celtic Princess, Selena, who must liberate her people, the Iceni tribe from the brutal control of the romans. Torn between her love for a roman general, and the needs to help her people, Carita dons a skimpy warrior's costume and leads her people into battle.

Historical purists steer clear of this one, but everyone else might enjoy this film. Be warned, there is a fair amount of gratuitous nudity and violence in this film, it may not be appropriate for all viewers.