Rating: 
Summary: JUST SAY NO!!!!!
Review: I cant NOT recommend this enough. This is without a doubt the worst film in the history of horror movies, well movies all together. The movie has a plot that falls apart in the first 30 seconds, and from there on its torture.I would recommend that anyone whos curious about this movie, let me put it this way - I would rather bang my head against a wall for a few days then to sit through another minute of this movie!
Rating: 
Summary: I'm being generous
Review: I'm crying as I pan this. It really hurts to do it. I adore the Forbidden Zone and Shrunken Heads. I think it's really sad that Richard Elfman can't get the budget he disserves. He couldn't even get his own brother to score more than the theme song! I tried to like this film. I Really tried. I knew I would never admit that after waiting several years, that Richard would make a bad movie...but this is bad. The acting and script are just not very good. The sound editing sounds like your watching a home video. Rod Stieger's character repeats everything that he and everyone else says too often. By the way...he is Dr. Van Helsing from Vienna, which he tells you ad nauseum. The white trash vampire is cute but annoying. I don't have a problem with Casper Van Deen. I met him in San Diego, and for a pretty boy, he's almost as much of a sci-fi geek as Mark Hamil. Casper's heart is in the right place. Udo (sp?) is great as well. Dracula and Kin Catrell could have used a lot of improvement. The Crips and the finale were high points of the movie. All in all, it was mildly entertaining. I like the idea of the film, I just think it could have been better executed. Watch this movie if you're a Richard Elfman fan or if you get a kick out of watching campy/bad movies. I know a lot of reviewers loved this movie, but even as an Elfman fan, I just couldn't get into it. Sorry.
Rating: 
Summary: Definitely The Funniest Vampire Movie Ever?
Review: If you love Vampires and have a sense of humor then you'll love this movie. It gives you the chance to see vampires in a more funnier lite than you usually see them. Instead of portraying them as serious and non-social creatures of the night, their portrayed as being very funny, social, and family\friend oriented peolpe. It just shows you the Lifestyle of the upperclass L.A. Vampires and there twisted and funny way of life. The hilarious and gory way they view and kill humans is just to funny for words. It simple shows you how modern day Vampires would act in todays society. It sheds new light on another way of becoming a Vampire. A very sick and funny way!!!
Rating:
Summary: Smart funny film.
Review: Modern Vampires is a very funny, very subversive satire. The humor is pervasive and off the wall. Particularly when the gang bangers get hired by the fanatical Dr. Van Helsing (a brilliant Rod Steiger). The story and cast are really good. I didn't expect such a good film, but it is now one of my favorites.
Rating:
Summary: Woof Woof
Review: As a lover of B movies from way back....This movie was really bad not even humerous just bad acting and bad scripting with bad filming....What a waste....
Rating:
Summary: TRUE ART... but false adverstising!
Review: Modern Vampires is a brilliant little satire. It is a gem of an offbeat art movie. But the sleazeballs who released it ought to be arrested, as they TOTALLY MISREPREPRESENT the film with blatant BLADE ripoffs, etc. The film is NOTHING AT ALL LIKE BLADE. Blade was straight ahead, big budget, horror action. Modern Vampires is an an audacious, subtle masterpiece that satirizes society. The art on the cover has people not in the film, acting serious, holding "blades" that one never sees in the film. So much for DEVIOUS ADVERTISING. The film is great if you want off the wall humor and subversive attitudes. But if you want a slickster like BLADE, please don't be fooled by the deliberately misleading attempt to trick people into buying apples whent they expected oranges. This film is totally original and not for everyone. I found it brilliant!!
Rating:
Summary: A really cool vampire movie!
Review: This movie (in my opinion) is like Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Romeo and Juliet. It has two vampires who fall in love but their vampire society doesn't approve. It's an up-to-date vampire movie which you don't see many of those these days. Most of vampire flicks are period movies. This black comedic movie has a good plot and a well written script. The lead character named Dallas, played by Casper Van Dein, comes to Los Angeles to see old friends when the boss of the vampire society Count Dracula, played by Robert Pastorelli, finds out that Dallas is in the city and wants him dead. During this problem Dallas meets and falls in love with a another vampire named Nico, played by Natasha Gregson-Wagner, and that makes for bigger trouble. And on top of all of this Dr. Van Helsing comes into town to kill all the vampires. That's messed up! Plus the fact that Casper Van Dein looks good in fangs(that's just my opinion). This movie is definitely to die for!
Rating:
Summary: BRAVO!!!
Review: This is the wildest, most irreverant vampire film ever made. The cast is amazing. The humor is totally quirky and original. This film may be too gross for some and too subtle for others (and the people who did the misleading artwork on the cover ought to be arrested!). But BRAVO for walking on the wild side!
Rating:
Summary: INSPIRED MADNESS!
Review: There is NOTHING to compare this film to. The humor is gross and subtle at the same time. Rod Stieger, Casper Van Dien and the rest of the cast are great. The scene with the gangbangers vs. Kim Cattrall is obscene and inspired. This movie definitely took cajones to make. It's not for the wimp-at-heart though. If you want to watch something really off the wall and original, this is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
Rating:
Summary: Just watch Buffy.
Review: This movie tries to be hip, but merely comes off as annoying. The acting is average and the characters are bland. The worst of the ensemble is Rod Steiger as the vampire hunter. Sometime during the 70's he forgot how to act and now merely screams his lines. The film has some good ideas, like Steiger's hip hop assistant, but they are squashed under the weight of a poor script. With so many good vampire movies out there don't waste your time with this stiff.
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