How to Be the Best Lover: A Guide for Teenage Boys

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful support for parents and teenagers!
Review: I recieved my copy of Howard Schiffer's "How to be the Best Lover: A Guide for Teenage Boys," with eager anticipation as I have two teenage children. My son is 18 and just started college. I am delighted that Eric is so much better off than I was so far as having close loving relationships with other young men and women. I am all too painfully aware that my own involvement with Eric as a father in talking about sex has been far from what it should be. So when I read Howard Schiffer's short, but very real and moving account of his own awkward determination to talk to his son about sex in a meaningful way, I felt connected to him. As I read the book, I was very impressed with his style and substance.

You know you are onto something good and true when it embraces paradox. "How to be the Best Lover" is bold and sensitive, sacred and profane, funny and serious. Schiffer covers the practical realities of sex, but more importatnly, he supports and encourages an exploration of authentic intimacy and is not at all cowed by the specters of fear and shame that so erode healthy, robust sexuality. I got the book with my son in mind, but as I read it, I found myself talking about sex with my 14-year-old daughter who still lives with me. I liked the book so much that I offered it to her. Vanessa spent an evening with it and returned it to me. I am now going to pass it on to my son when he comes home to visit from college.

I was already aware of James Prescott's cross-cultural research, which found that next to carrying and breastfeeding babies, the best way to differentiate between peaceful and violent cultures was whether there was a loving and supportive embrace of teenage sexuality. It took me a very long time to partially recover from a repressed and distorted sexual conditioning, to get to a point in adulthoood where I could enjoy relatively robust sexual intimacy. That ordeal I share with so many fellow adults is not necessary and inevitable. It is not about promiscuity or abstinence, or any of the dynamics that go with fear and shame. It is about how to support our young people to really enjoy authentic intimacy. I for one need all the help I can get to pass on as little of my own sexual distress as possible to my children. I highly recommend "How to be the Best Lover" for parents and to share with their teenagers.