Rating: 
Summary: It's True, I've seen a ninja in action myself!
Review: Ok, this one time, I was forced to goto the local shopping mall with my mom. And this lady was coming out of Old Navy, and she had a shirt on that said Old Navy, and she forced all of her children (who looked void of life) to where Old Navy shirts as well, and they were not even payed a cent by Old Navy to advertise there store for them, infact they charged them for the shirts! What's worse is they payed some indonesian kid like 5 cents a week to make the damn thing, all the while charging this mother $5.00 a pop for to where...
...which was payed for with the kid's colledge funds...
Anyhow, out of no where, this ninja who was standing across the street from the mall parking lot (because we all know ninjas go no where near shopping centers), popped a HUGE boner, at least 300 yards, uper cutted the store manager of old Navy, then went on to decapitate the mother with it, as well as the children, because deep inside they were secretly fond of Old Navy and wore there shirts proudly!
What ever you do, don't piss off a ninja, it's just plain stupid!
Rating:
Summary: Take it from a real Ninja - this book is GREAT!
Review: Despite the fact that I was born Amish, I am now a full-fledged Ninja. It's a complex story, but I was abducted from my farm by Ninjas when I was an innocent Amish teen. They then trained me in the ways of the Ninja. My book about it, I WAS A TEENAGE AMISH NINJA, will be released next year.
Anyway, I want to tell you what I think of Robert Hamburger and his REAL ULTIMATE POWER book. I think Robert is brilliant! He knows the truth about us Ninjas. Normally, I would have to hurt someone who knows all of our Ninja secrets, but I can't hurt Robert. He's too wonderful.
Besides his book being 100% accurate, it's also 100% hilarious. I'd add more %s for other things, but that would require me to do some math. (I'm just not up to that right now.)
This book is fantastic. Read it! You'll laugh a lot and learn a lot.
Rating:
Summary: hearts exploding
Review: Every few years there comes a book so strange and so different from anything that has ever existed that we can only assume the author is an alien. Robert Hamburger is an alien. A very bad ass alien. REAL Ultimate Power is a guide to life, a cry to rebel against everything mundane, and the single most hilarious statement in the English language in the last quarter century. Some people won't get it. Some people will. And for those who do get it will have their hearts exploding with uncontrollable laughter. I recommend this book to anyone who ever wanted to be a ninja or has some spark or enthusiam left in their life. My only problem would have to be that writing was too intense and so unrelenting that I had to get up and get a glass of water several times. It is the single best concentrated experiment in the expansive world of unlimited imagination. Hamburger has created a modern mythology full of outrageous characters and plenty of ninjas kicking the crap out of pirates. The book does contain scripts from the website and A WHOLE LOT MORE. So, for those of you who are willing to get pumped, I mean REALLY REALLY PUMPED, this book will put you in that dark place and when you get to the other side, you'll be different. You were warned.
Rating:
Summary: Ninja Please!
Review: I can't describe how amazingly funny this book is! It's been a long time since I actually laughed out loud from reading a book. Several times while reading I had to put the book down because I got so pumped that I thought I was going to uppercut myself in the nuts! I loved the website and this book follows in the same tradition with its insane, sick humor. I can't believe the people who bash this book for not teaching real ninjitsu! How stupid can you be?! While reading those bad reviews all I could hear in my head were guitars wailing and I got so pumped that I almost threw myself down the stairs!! You guys need to get a life right now or else; just picture yourself covered with ninja stars!
Rating:
Summary: If you don't understand Hamburger, then get mad
Review: I don't know what that previous guy was mad about. Probably screams at math problems when he can't understand them. First, if you sincerely think that Robert Hamburger is pre-pubescent kid, then you probably won't understand the site is really trying to say. That guy is exactly the type of people Hamburger is making fun of. "That kid is so stupid. He doesn't know anything about ninjas."
As for the book, I'll let Robert Hamburger speak for himself-
Ninja Babe
Scene 1:
There is this super rich stupid idiot who lives in a humongous house. At his house, this guy has babes lying all over the place. The next scene is hot. The guy takes this super hot babe back to his room to make-out. The audience will think that the hot babe is a normal babe, but, yeah right, she's a ninja. The ninja woman smashes the guy's head like a melon. Then all these dogs come out of nowhere and the ninja woman has to beat the dogs' asses. First she kicks this one dog right in the nuts. The dog screams and jumps out the window. Then she jumps in the air and kicks two dogs in the nuts at once! Both dogs evaporate. Every time the ninja woman kicks nuts, a guitar squeals hard. Then the ninja woman has to battle the boss dog. The boss dog is huge. Before the boss dog can attack, she uppercuts the boss dog's nuts so hard that the boss explodes. Then the guitar squeals REALLY hard and explodes.
End
If that doesn't make you laugh, then there's something fundamentally wrong with the core of your being. Or you're a moron.
Rating:
Summary: Absolutely stunning.
Review: I got ten copies of this book for cheap Christmas presents for friends; we've all seen the website and nearly peed ourselves laughing at its absurd hilarity. I got the book expecting a literal copy of the website, a coffeetable book visitors could laugh at. However, when I started reading through the book, I saw my favorite pages, but while I read I noticed a much darker undertone, one that tells a story of a boy for whom ninjas are an escapist fantasy where he can run away from his horrible home life, his lack of friends and generally his alienation from the world, where he is a ninja and his hyperactive tendencies become not irritating and unmanageable, but totally sweet.
While the [...] is all about Robert's view of ninjas, this book is most definitely not about ninjas. And when you finish it, you'll find yourself surprised by how moving it truly is.
Rating:
Summary: NINJAS + BABES = TOTALLY SWEET!!!!
Review: I'm reading the Official Ninja Book and now I'm ready to FLIP-OUT!!! When I read about menopause I nearly crapped my pants! I can't wait to be a real ninja so I can pop hundreds of boners and pork. I could use one on Britney. Only if she doesn't know how to menopause yet though. Since I'm on summer break I can watch the yoga shows on TV because the girls on the show are total babes. I can only pop one while the show is on but I'm sure I'll have more by the end of the book. If you don't like read this book you must be a ultimate idiot or your poor. If you are either someone should KICK YOUR PIRATE ASS!! PS Remember the facts
1. Ninjas are MAMMALS
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of a ninja is to flip-out and kill people. Billy
Rating:
Summary: Heart Smooching
Review: If you have the taste for heart-smooching novels disguised as clever parodies disguised as cultural commentaries disguised as post modern poopy humor disguised as ninja guides, the check is one out.
Rating:
Summary: Sheer genius and absolute hilarity
Review: Mr. Hamburger is a genius. Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book is the funniest thing that I have ever read. Don't be fooled either: this book is deeper than meets the eye, as we see a kid who wants to express himself behind all the ninjas and hippos and awesome stuff. So definitely check it out OR else I'll beat your ass.
Thank you Hamburger-san.
Rating: 
Summary: Not funny at all.
Review: Robert Hamburger is a prepubescent kid who thought it would be funny to start an Internet site/parody a la his idol Maddox [...]. The huge difference between Robert and Maddox, however, is the following:
- Maddox is (or was) funny
- Maddox plays immaturity for laughs, whereas Robert really just is immature and doesn't understand the basics of humor nor irony
- Maddox understands satire
- Maddox doesn't rely on utter stupidity, bad spelling and lots of random punctuation marks and capitalization for comedic effect.
Here's something that "genius" Robert Hamburger wrote, taken directly from his (very lame) website:
"Apparently, there was this ninja who was hanging out with some kid. They played basketball and ate hamburgers together. One day the kid was like "Do you want to hear something that will mess up your life?" The ninja was like "What are you talking about?" "A real live ghost story," said the kid.
"O.K." said the ninja.
Then the kid began..."These two buddies were eating tacos together one night at a bar and it was raining really hard (outside). They were just talking. Then all of a sudden, there was a noise, like a gurgle or squirt. The buddies were like "What the heck is that?" And guess what...it happened again! They were both completely freaked out. (One buddy couldn't even finish his meal.) They briefly looked around the bar for clues, but they never found out what it was. And both buddies went home scared to death." After hearing the ghost story, the ninja was so scared that he grabbed the kid and spanked him until both parties squirted urine."
====
Oh yes, very funny, I'm just bursting with laughter. (Insert sarcasm here.)
Furthermore, this kid has some nerve. His painfully unfunny and pointless rip-off website is online and attracts attention (millions of visitors thanks ONLY to Maddox's cross-link), and he decides to write a BOOK?!
If he kept his website updated, and offered something funny, I could understand it. I mean, Maddox releasing a book? That would be completely understandable, as he was "the" pioneer of this OTT Internet humor stuff and has been around longer than anyone can seem to remember.
Hamburger is just a kid who thinks he's really funny. He got his book published because his website gets traffic from Maddox's. I'm surprised by the amount of positive reviews here. Simply put, if you think people saying things such as "I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee)" is funny, you're gonna love this.
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