What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works

Rating:
Summary: Been there,done that,John Gray Clone
Review: Gray might as well sue Gurian for plagerism,because this book
is not only not any different from John Gray's deceptive
simple minded rant about men and women,but it takes some of
Gray's nonsense a step further into a one sided sexist look at
what Gurian calls "nature-based male behavior".
Gurian is caught up in a world of hormones,oh those magical
substances which are supposed to make us worlds apart from one
another.Truth is testostrone and estrogen are cousins in the
hormone world and have no effect on who steals the remote controll,can read a map or can't find his emotional nerons
to save himself.Gurian makes it sounds as though men are nothing but insenstive,bubbling idiots in the emotional and
relational area,while he gives them all these great intellectual manifestations.
He makes it sound as though a male should be proud of his
inability to connect emotion to situations while by proud of
his "innate" ability to find his way around a maze and watch
TV.
One very tiring thing about these gender books is there rant about only men having math,science and spaital abilities.What
about women like me who excell at those things?Is no one to
give us credit and believe us? Ability is given by a
Merciful Creator.Man and woman are one soul.
These books are dangeeous,reinforce sterotypes and destroy
relationships by causing the static of confusion so no one
can see how this behavior is learned and instilled.
The future will be heading into a dark and ingorant world of
blind acceptance and cowardly guru worship.

Rating:
Summary: Wish I had this book before I got married
Review: I bought this book when my husband and I started having marital problems. He kept accusing me of not listening to him and I knew that wasn't true. I was listening to him I just wasn't getting it. As I read each chapter, I kept getting these enlightened moments. Ahhh....that is why he is like this. To know that some of it is biological helped me considerably in dealing with the communication issues. I now know that my needs conflict with his on a biological level and this makes him exceedingly uncomfortable. This has helped me improve my life and our marriage 100%. It may have actually saved my marriage. I have many friends who are dealing with the same issues with their husbands and I am going to buy them all this book for Christmas. If women who are planning to get married would read this book, they would have a better chance of marrying a secure, mature male and their prospect of having a long lasting marriage would improve. This book would also be good for any couple if they want to improve their marriage.

Rating:
Summary: Enlightening and Informative
Review: I heard the author speak on a radio talk show a few months ago, and his book sounded good. I found it quite informative. Maybe I've missed something in my long marriage, but some of his revelations were new to me. I suspected many of the differences were true but didn't have the supported facts until now.

I particularly enjoyed such topics as intimate separateness, "earn this", the heart vs life journey, "wouldn't have war" remark (pg. 61), the current decades long dominance of the woman's view, and stages of marriage, among many others. One could quibble with the stages, but it is nevertheless food for thought and gives some good insight into most marriages. Don't miss chapter 7 on the male at home.

... Martin Gardner, a science writer of some considerable note and talent, put together something of a quack detection list of 10 or so items. I don't think the term quack has any place here. Gurian does at least give very specific material that one can go to for additional information on sex difference research. This or Gurian's interpretation of it doesn't look like quack information to me. If one can question something about the sex difference argument, it is some educators' views (I think female organiaztion driven) that girl's are equivalent of boys and should be treated as such. There seems to a view that nearly two million years of evolution has not produced brain and other differences between the sexes. That view comes a lot closer to quackery than anything else on this subject.

My biggest beef about the books is about some of the organization. Some of the last few chapters seem out of place, but still useful. I did find myself skimming a few sections of the book, since they really do not apply to me. Rearing children, for example. For some reason, he did not include any index. There are plenty of times when I wanted to refer back to info and an index would have been valuable--also for future reference. One saving point on this is that thankfully Amazon has a facility to search the entire book. There's also an abundance of brain terminology that would be served well in an appendix. I finally resorted to taking notes and found a good web site to get additional info ...

I'd suggest this book be required reading for men and women.

Rating:
Summary: A Bittersweet Introduction
Review: I was looking for a greater focus on neurobiology and neuropsychology and less on sociology. This book speaks to stereotypes of males and draws connections between the male brain and stereotypical male behavior, but its simplification of both men and women leave something to be desired. It makes dangerous leaps from biology to behavior and then to culture - the sharp reader will note statements inserted here and there that are broad or deep in meaning but are backed my little explanation and even appear off-topic. Be open-minded as you read this book. Use it as a learning tool in developing your understanding of the psychology of the genders, but by all means, don't blindly accept the explanations or recommendations this book makes.

Rating:
Summary: A must read if you have, want or are a man
Review: If you want to explore the biology of the brain, search elsewhere but.... If you are a woman who can't seem to keep a man or a woman who loves a man who drives you nuts this is a book you need to read. It's also an excellent resource for a man who knows his mother is an issue in his life but can't quite figure out why.
My partner and I have had many evenings of excellent conversations reading it together. It's helped us voice our needs for intimate separateness and discuss our perspectives on daily activities. The chapter on the nature of being a dad is a great discussion of a role that has been far too undervalued in our society.

Rating:
Summary: JAH what say you about this?
Review: Marianne J. Legato's Eve's Rib makes very similar claims to Mr. Gurian and she is a well respected feminist doctor/women's health activist.

Rating:
Summary: What could he be thinking
Review: This book is not P/C. But even Newsweek says men and women are different so it must be okay to read heretical books like this.

If you are a feminist, or male in denial about what testosterone does to your brain when in utero, you will not enjoy the time reading this book. As a husband I am now at peace with myself on many issues, including why I can't ever load the dishwasher correctly.

As a father I am now far more able to parent my teenage sons because I realize how we are the same. Further, as a result of my confidence from this book, and insights from "Every Mans Battle' (stoker and arterburn) I am intervening and helping shape my teeneage sons lives on on issues of sexuality, pornography and other behaviour traps that face them daily.

As a husband I have better understanding of my wifes view of work, the home, and what she values in a elationship. There are countless communication and value styles, and day to day, head to head issues in our relationship where this book has helped me. This proves you are never too old, or too married to learn.

This book is chock full of "aha's" as you realize why things work the way they do, either in a male to female or female to male manner. Here are a few of mine. Why I seem to go blank, look for a quick summary or resolution, or am unable to concentrate and get frustrated when discussing complex relationship topics after 30-45 minutes (women have more parts of their brains dedicated to speech and cache information more quickly). Why my wife can remember staggering deatils about the times she's been hurt or happy (its not because I'm stupid its because of how womens memory is structured).

If you are a guy and thinking about reading this, buy it and quit wasting time.

If you are a women in a "relationship" buy it for your man and tell him it is only one of three books you'll ever ask him to read, even if you have to use sex to get it read. You already know the chances are slim he'll never buy a book like this (self help books are like directions - you don't buy them and you don't ask for them).

Rating:
Summary: Read it with a grain of salt...
Review: This book offers an insightful perspective on some of the "male" behaviors that are complexing to many women. In general, the author's assertions ring very true. I will certainly approach my relationships with men differently having read this book. However, the author makes strong suggestions that women avoid certain sexual activities when dating. This goes back to the old adage that a woman is solely responsible for chastity and I think that's archaic and demeaning to women and men. It implies that men have no control over their sexual urges and are not part of the process of deciding when and if they want to become intimate with someone. So, read this book with a grain of salt. It's always beneficial to relationships when you attempt to understand someone and respect their differences. This book gives some pointers on beginning that process.

Rating:
Summary: Nice Thinking --- Not Necessarily Constructive
Review: This book was clearly intended to attract a female audience and to cater to, or reinforce, some civilized-era female training. If you want to have quasi-traditional values reinforced, this is the book for you.

Mr. Gurian clearly has a handle on brain chemistry, but, I believe his attempts to interpret the brain chemistry of men and women in directly analogous terms are misguided; the same "chemical" reactions don't induce identical emotional experiences in both sexes --- and he proceeds through much of the book as if they are directly analogous. As reassuring confirmation of our likeness it's helpful to observe that we are of the same physical composition, however, it is not helpful to understanding to interpret male and female brain chemistry in identical emotional terms. One must engage in a bit more nuanced and seemingly exotic analysis than presented in this book to truly understand the symmetrical qualities of our emotional responses.

And while I am, sincerely, all for the maximization of feminine capabilities, I don't believe that leveraging our gifts against one another results in our flourishing together. It is through the reciprocal understanding of one another's strengths, weaknesses, desires, aversions, prowess and clumsiness that we truly become worthy and mighty partners for one another; not through promotion of power over one another. If there is anything inherently civilizing about the process of modernization that we endure then it is reaching toward, once again, restoring our respective, but specialized, peer statuses with one another.

Peers we should be; adversaries we should not be. Promoting "power" over one another is not constructive to our collective journey.

This offers some enlightenment about brain chemistry, but, I'd be very cautious about taking its guidance to seriously --- unless you've tried everything else and failed; in which case, anything's worth a stab.