Rating: Summary: a friendly critique Review: I've read both of Harris' books, and liked both of them, too. Nevertheless, the first book seems to me greater than the second, and that because of the following reason. Seems to me, that the central theses of the first Joshua's book ("I kissed dating goodbye") is that "intimacy costs commitment." This is a great statement, for which the culture has an urgent need -- and one can see that from the most enthusiastic reviews of the book at the Amazon itself. Therefore, Harris worns people to not rush into the dating or romance stage of friendship. So you follow from casual friendship to the deeper friendship, and than reduce your speed -- for you want to become more intimate with the person only in case 1. you are ready for marriage in a forseeable future, and, 2. you get to know the person enough in order that the risk of breaking up (and braking your own and other's heart) is significantly reduced. The getting to know during the phase of a deeper friendship and not yet intimacy is beneficial for many reasons, of which Harris so eloquently speaks in the first book: you "see" better when not yet owerwhelmed by the romantic emotions, your are still able to look at other people, you can explore the possibility of a friendship, which lasts longer than the passionate attraction, you have time to use God's gift of singleness well etc. It takes great discipline not to plunge oneself into the sea of romance, but the reward to this effort is even greater. Joshua is extremely bright in his description of the struggles one has to take in order to remain faithful to Christ and not use the intimacy just for your own pleasure. This book, as is evident, helped many, many people. Then came the second: "Boy Meets Girl..." I agree, that it is also very good, and has many inspiring stories, but, in my oppinion, it has one weaker side also. Namely, when Joshua describes what ought to be happening during courtship (i.e intimacy, after the deeper friendship), he basically repeats what he said in the first book about the objective of DEEPER FRIENDSHIP phase. Look at p. 86,87, where the tasks of courtship are listed. I think it is unfortunate, if you still have to figure out such things about your friend in THIS phase, for you HAD to get to know about them during the deeper friendship -- and that in order to avoid the breaking of hearts if the friendship "does not work". But while people are still in friendhip they can do this relatively safely -- and that is the important point of the first book. On the other hand, once they have passed through the threshold of intimacy, they got attached to each other, and it is too late to have so many questions of a general nature about each other at this phase. If you have so much of them, it means that you did not do the preparatory work before you were ready to start more intimate relationship -- and did not reduce the risk of breaking up substantially. Why does Harris do such a mistake? It seems that the force which pushes people to become intimate earlier then they explored the possibility of success on more neutral grounds -- this force is quite powerful. And even Joshua himself seems to have missed his deeper friendship phase with his bride. For, he started thinking of proposing courtship to her NOT after he thought a lot abouthe character etc, but when he had an "empty space" in his hear after his friend Rachel got married to somebody. Well maybe Joshua just did not describe the deeper friedship phase with Shanon, and than I was mistaken. But in other stories of the second book (egz. Rich and Christie, David and Clare) the deeper friendship phase is somewhat missing. So, it seems to me, that those who are reading ONLY the second book (fortunately, everybody seems to have read the first one also) -- that those guys could be given impression that you can come to know a person during the courtship phase -- which is "a purposeful INTIMACY with integrity" -- while having no need to do the important work before it. To have the discipline of not getting romantic, and to "see" better. I do not deny that the second book has many valuable points (splendid love stories, Joshua's impressive internal dialogue in the hammock etc. good advices on how to choose the marriage partner, or to stop the friendship in case it is not working out). Nevertheless, I hope that Joshua continues to preach the main -- and saving, really -- statement that INTIMACY COSTS COMMITMENT and that people should explore the chances of success in courtship very carefully before they start it. After all, he is a great preacher!
Rating: Summary: Not just for dating Review: I greatly enjoyed this book. Not only did it give me good, Godly guidance on my relationship with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years, it helped me greatly when it comes to my own personal walk with God. I have read certain chapters over and over again -- the truth in them keeps drawing me back! The chapter on God's love and powers (and willingness) of redemption. While I'm not a "bad" or "immoral" person, I have never felt good enough for anyone -- even God. I often wonder why He put me on this earth, and whether I make Him happy even though I consider myself a failure (with 3 college degrees and a great job and tiny home and loving family and boyfriend, at only 25, I guess I'm not truly a failure, but I feel like it). The chapter on redemption and love brought me to tears, and I feel closer to God since reading it -- He really does love every one of us, no matter what we do, and in His eyes, we are perfect, successful little beings that he just adores. Harris' advice is quite good. While some feel he is too strict (and I agree in some areas), I think his heart is in the right place -- he is trying to please God, and trying to help others do the same thing. Additionally, he is giving couples guidelines for dealing with each other physically, which is something our society desperately needs. Overall, the book is very encouraging and filled with solid advice. I definitely recommend this for anyone who feels and thinks they are ready for marriage, as well as to pastors. Great book!
Rating: Summary: A great follow up Review: Joshua Harris is a great person and I don't even know him. I can just tell after reading I KISSED DATING GOODBYE and this book that he has great love for God and he, himself, is a great person. The messages he conveys are throught proviking and like-improving as well. I encourage everyone to read his two books.
Rating: Summary: interesting book Review: Helps improve communication with Jesus. It's a real eye opener. I recommend to any guys confused about relationships.
Rating: Summary: Finally,,, Review: I am so glad that there is a positive movement back to courtships instead of "going steady" that has led couples to get intimate well before they are ready and prepared. I give copies of this book to everyone in my youth program.An excellent site for questions should ask each other while courting is questionsforcouples dot com.
Rating: Summary: Singles do not read... Review: To you singles out there, don't read these books. Even though a lot of them say that singleness is good and all that, they are filled with too many feel good stories to warrant any emotional credibility to its "being single is good" chapters. it's just that they don't want to leave those people out. i'm single and my friends are single, and after reading this book, i kissed dating goodbye, god's best, etc., you just want to have a significant other... kinda ironic, isn't it? Boy Meets Girl is a better attempt than his first one, he is a bit more mature and supports his arguments a bit more with biblical verses.... but these verses can be used out of context, which happens so much when you mix a fluffy book with verses.
Rating: Summary: Mostly man's point of view AGAIN Review: After trying to read through this book because of one friend saying it was good, I am surprised I didn't quit reading it sooner. First of all, it is boring. Second, it is mostly written from a man's perspective. If the author wanted to reach women about the "role" of women, he should include more of a woman's perspective on it. Why would you want to read more about what a woman's role is from another man? Man and woman were created to complement each other and be partner's in life. The book makes it sound like men are the only ones who will get a vision from God and that women just need to tag along and clean up after them. Joshua needs to add more about communication with men and women and how to become partners in life and make decisions together. Not all men are able to make educated decisions and they need their partner in life(wife's) input. Thanks for leaving that out Joshua. Also, dating Christian-like is going to be different for so many people. This method to dating is great if your life happens just like the story goes. All the examples are of Joshua's friends ONLY who all grew up similar to him. This book only really applies to those who grew up Christian, have always been Christian and are completely perfect. Joshua did include great points from the Bible that need to be taught more often, such as respect for parent's opinions. "Fit to be Tied" is a better book to prepare people for marriage. It has a Christian husband & wife talking about their daily lives and how they made their communication better in their marriage. It doesn't just talk to the audience and point fingers on what to and not to do. Also, the "Song of Solomon" is a great tool for Christians to use to understand God's plan for dating and marriage. It is also very entertaining and funny. I had great Christian thoughts about dating & marriage from Fit to be Tied and Song of Solomon until I read this book.
Rating: Summary: Too Far Ahead In Growth For "IKDG"? READ THIS BOOK!!! Review: When I first got this book (I ordered it with its prequel, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" from Amazon a week ago) I had already gone through IKDG and was not looking forward to it (see my review on IKDG) because I got nothing out of IKDG. My friends really loved it and everyone claimed it to be better than the first, so instead of just dropping it in my endless drawer of textbooks, I read it. I must say, I really liked this book, it was really weird. No one I know ever expected me to be reading something like this, they assume my maturity is strong enough by now anyway, but I needed something to tell me if I'm doing this whole waiting thing right. To my surprise, I wasn't put down when I read it. It had nothing but good things to say, and could only reassure if not teach. This book did not really teach me anything new (though it is VERY informative), but assured me of this: God can have me perfectly ready for a relationship in every way, ultimately, as Josh says, wisdom with romance, and still choose for me to remain single because before He brings the woman of my dreams into my life, He wants want me to fulfill His Will first. Until I do that and am fully content in Him and serving Him first and just letting go of worrying for her, then I can meet her. Hey, makes sense! Why do you think so many couples meet when they least expect it? Courtship is so misunderstood nowadays, and I'm thankful that I got my head on straight this past year in college about it, that God gave me 2 years after a harsh breakup to train me. I read this book to test myself and now that I'm fully trained, all I need to accomplish is to be patient and grow content in Him. This was always a hard thing for me to accept before, I haven't dated in 2 years and chose not to, but now all my friends are either courting, engaged or married. This does not make it easier, and when I got the book in the mail and saw this picture of an incredibly beautiful woman on the front cover, it didn't make me feel a whole lot sure of myself. I wanted that companion to share Christ with, but she just wasn't there. I had no choice, I couldn't feel worse, so I read it. Needless to say, the pages turn so fast that you forget about the cover. As I said before, I didn't learn anything new, but I've been trained by God for the past 2 years now to learn all I need to know for now. But this book made me feel so secure in being single that when that time does come around and that special girl is brought into my life, I can smile with joy and praise the Lord...along with her! If you're not sure about courtship, read this book, especially if you're out of highschool. And unlike the first book IKDG, I agreed with a whole lot more stuff in this one, it seems that Josh Harris has grown in the Lord quite a bit since the last book, and that makes me trust his teaching much more, because after the first book, I did lose much respect for him. It is an important book for late teens and early 20 somethings to read, and a blessing from God that it is available to us. What it won't teach you, it will only strengthen. THANKS JOSH!!!
Rating: Summary: I Don't Get It Review: If Joshua Harris is advocating courting based on his willingness to serve God, why does the first chapter of this book deal with how he fell in love with a woman based on factors in her physical appearance like her eyes and her height? He says he was ready for marriage and so he started courting; and yet he had not seriously spoken with this woman! Plus, nervously calling and asking her out sounds like....uhoh..a date. The appeal of this book among young readers especially bothers me. It is geared toward older persons who are ready for marriage. What are younger readers supposed to do during the important years in which they are discoving and developing their sexual feelings? I gave BMG two stars because of the way this couple has chose to live a Godly life and practice what they preach. Otherwise, all of Mr. Harris's fuss over the wisdom of courting seems strange and convoluted in comparison to the ways of most Christians.
Rating: Summary: Pragmatic and Refreshing Review: With this book, Josh and Shannon wed the ideology of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and quite a few of his articles in "New Attitude" to the pragmatic, hands-on approach of their own relationship and marriage. The result is a refreshing, down-to-earth narrative that carefully analyzes the various aspects of courtship/dating, and balances mature insights with Biblical principles. Most importantly, however, this is not a handbook to marriage, a methodological standard to be rigidly adhered to. Throughout, Josh consistently points us back to his source - the Bible. Another aspect of this book that makes it highly readable is Josh and Shannon's amazing sensitivity and discernment regarding many crucial issues that most writers seem afraid to touch on. With their strongly God-centered approach to such topics as virginity and sex, they effectively skirt prudish suggestiveness and strike at the heart of the matter. Previously, where the obvious discomfort of some authors in discussing such topics has made me feel uncomfortable and even guilty, the impression you get from this book is of being privileged to talk these issues over with an older brother or mentor. All in all, this is an excellent, God-glorifying read that is refreshingly human and pragmatic. Taken into context with the obvious precedence of parental instruction and the study of the Word, it is extremely beneficial and informative to those who are interested in being challenged to deeper thought and uprightness in regard to the issues it presents. - Benjamin Gene Gardner
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