Rating: 
Summary: Required Reading for Successful Marraige Relationships
Review: "The Five Love Languages" is a well written, practical and Biblically based book on getting the most out of a marriage relationship. The book is so effective, it is used in counseling and ministerial training (Depending on your training) to name a couple of other uses, and is easy enough for anyone to put into practice assuming the reader is willing to make some changes. Gary Chapman articulates the little challenges in marriages that every couple in some shape or form have run into during the life of an ever maturing marriage relationship. The focus of his teaching is the understanding of your mates "love language" or the manner in which he or she says "I love you" or feels loved in tangable ways. Gary Chapman then addresses how our ability to recognize and respond to our spouse can dictate the success of our marriages. With application and consistent work, you will understand your mate and yourself in the mix of your relationship better than you ever thought. Some books in this genre may make a potential reader afraid, skeptical or intimidated to even consider. For reasons ranging from too abstract that you would need a Phd. to get any value from it, to just too theoretical coming across with all the warmth and sincerity of a text book, not so here! The beauty of this book is it's simplicity, light reading and success stories that inspire hope. Though it's light reading, you shouldn't under estimate the impact this teaching could have in your situation. A good example of this is the books teaching format and practical examples where these priciples have been applied and have worked. A great book with potentially great results.
Rating:
Summary: The Love in Your Marriage Can Be a Choice
Review: The author says love is a choice. He says that the infatuation that people experience in the beginning of the relationship is not real love. It is something else. Real love takes work while the infatuation period is instinctual and effortless. But isn't it the stuff we dream of and wish would last forever? Can we really accept that we will only get that chance at the beginning of the relationship and that thereafter, in order to remain monogamous, we must accept that it is not for us to feel ever again? It explains a lot. But I accept his theory with the angst of a romantic.
Yet anyone who is married and holds married life as a value that must be maintained must at some point consider the notion that making the marriage work after the honeymoon can be a matter of personal choice. And in so choosing, there are actions that communicate that willingness to different people psychologically. These are the five love languages that the author discusses: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch. I will not go into any details of what is meant by each of these here. The titles are somewhat self-explanatory, with the exception of the last one, which does not necessarily refer to sex. The author explains each love language along with the concept that most people are chiefly responsive to just one. He also discusses how to determine your own as well as your spouse's, and even provides some optimistic advice on how to practice the love languages with an unreciprocating partner. Despite the author's Christian underpinnings, as a non-Christian, to me this did not detract from the relevance of the author's ideas.
In fact, these "love languages" are not confined only to the marriage relationship, but may also serve to strengthen bonds with children - or perhaps any other person you need to communicate your love and support for. I especially found the chapter on children the most valuable because it not only expands the concept beyond the marriage relationship, but also drives home the point. We might have a choice as to whether we wish to stay married or not - but our children are ours forever.
And this brings me back to the point about marriage. Far from being ready to claim mastery of the ultimate male-female partnership, I have reflected upon it a great deal. In an age where the divorce rate challenges the age-old institution upon which the family is built, one must ask how marriages were ever successful in the past. Some may point out that they really weren't, but that society simply forced two people to be miserable by making it taboo to separate. And this then begs the question, why would the world's varied cultures and divinely inspired religions condone this relationship again and again? In fact, I would venture to point out that for the vast measure of our recorded history marriage has not only been a standard, but has also been traditionally arranged! What ancient wisdom allowed such "life-sentences" to form such a firm foundation for the basic building block of society?
I suspect the answer lies right here in this book. As hard as it may be to admit, the commonplace yearning for finding a new and exciting fling is quite likely an unfortunate addiction to a desire that in its very nature is meant to be only a temporary rush that pulls two people inexplicably together at the heart during their initial engagement. It is later, through maturity and insight into what makes the other person tick that we can choose to make each other perpetually happy and foster the bonds of enduring love. This book provides some valid insight into this process. It is light and easy reading that I think every couple should invest some time into, again and again.
Rating:
Summary: Practical advice that you can actually practice
Review: You will get a pretty good idea of what the book is about from the book's description/jacket and from the reviews. In short, Person A will feel love more effectively if someone else is "speaking" to Person A in their primary love language. And Person B usually finds it easier to demonstrate love using their primary love language. But if A and B have different primary love languages, the communication can break down.
Chapman does a great job of explaining this in more detail in the book and gives practical ways to use this information. That is what I think is the best part of the book and what makes it so valuable. He helps you to understand his ideas and then gives you ways that you can practice these ideas. And once you take some time to think about the concept, you realize that it isn't hard to do. It makes sense and can become something that is a regular part of your life.
It isn't necessarily easy because some of the things we currently do are almost instinctual but the new ideas really aren't too foreign. So, while it may be hard to actually do something new and different, at least this book makes it fairly easy to get the ideas going in your head. I have found myself reflecting on concepts from this book many, many times since I read it for the first time several years ago. And once it becomes something you can think about regularly, putting it into practice comes easier.
I can't think of too many things better than improving how I show love to other people, whether that is love in a friendship, to family, to my child, or to my wife. It is a different type of love for each and using different love languages helps me communicate that.
Rating:
Summary: A bible one must have...an incredible book..
Review: I strongly recommended this book, I had never read such a book, where one could describe throughly the languages of love in such simple words and great examples as Dr. Chapman did...the book is so easy to follow thru, very true examples to our everyday life, I believe this book not only help your relationship but also a valuable tool to pass on the generations..
Thankyou Dr Chapman, you're a wiseman..
Rating:
Summary: An incredible book .... highly recommend ...
Review: After many years as a marriage counselor, Gary Chapman began noticing patterns in the way couples interact with each other. Although one or both partners might be trying to please their mate and make their marriage better, somehow their efforts were falling short. He noticed that after the first blush of romantic love begins to fade, couples are often unsuccessful in keeping the loving and affectionate feelings alive in their marriage. He concluded that each of us has a "love language", which is based on a need within us which must be filled in order for us to feel loved. This love language is part of us early in life and seems to continue to adulthood. In order for us to effectively love our spouse, we must be tuned in to his/her "love language". The love languages include quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Often people intuitively know which is their love language but for those who don't, Gary Chapman provides a questionnaire which will help each person identify which one is primary for him/her. He has a chapter explaining each love language and how you can speak this language to your spouse. If both partners are committed to making their marriage better, Chapman's case studies show this is an effective way for them to minister to each other and improve their communication and interactions.
Rating:
Summary: How to get closer to your loved ones and SUCCEED!
Review: I read this book for a class that I'm taking called Human Relations. I found "The Five Love Languages" to be one of the most interesting and easy books to read. The author's premise is simple: there are 5 love languages that people communicate and express their version of Love. These languages are words of affirmation, quality time, physical love, acts of service, and recieving gifts. So Chapman theorizes that each of us has ONE and only one way that we express love and that for me meant physcial touch. After reading the book, I finally understood why some of my relationships did not work out and how and why obsessive emotion (falling in love) doesn't last. I learned that love is a choice based on emotion and reason. I wished that I had this book 10 years ago to save a relationship that didn't work out. Yet, now, I'm the wiser for it and utilize his theory in my other relationships: family and friends. This book has the power to turn the most difficult, trying relationship into bliss while understanding how to speak your mate's love language.
Rating:
Summary: almost magically...
Review: i learn to give in the language the other partner can best receive, this has made a lot of difference and improved my marriage satisfaction and intimacy.
I also suggest coupling it with that of Ariel and Shya Kane. It's called "Working on Your Relationship Doesn't Work". It, too, is a relief. Not only can I stop picking on myself, but I needn't pick on my partner nor pick apart my relationship with him. The Kanes, throughout their book, have examples of real life couples who, through simply being aware of or noticing without judging how they are operating in the world, find that their lives(almost magically... scratch "almost") become clearer without processing and churning through past and possible future misdeeds. The Kanes demonstrate clearly that: it's not "what we do". Its "who we are eing" that makes all the difference.
I highly recommend other book that save my life Sex and the perfect lover by Mabel Iam. I believe it can positively impact in any relationship! Buy it!!!
Rating:
Summary: Practicing Love and Perfecting It
Review: I had the opportunity to learn Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages in a seminar that I went to regarding the family. This is wonderful information that actually is practical and opens the door for both learning to give to each other 100%, not only that, but giving 100% to the others language of love.
Learing love languages is actually fun. Relating to each others language of love is even more exciting. Once you learn whether your spouse loves touch or gifts, or even loves conversation, you will open new avenues for intimacy and closeness.
I think Gary Chapman has found a solution to the problem of continued closeness in a marriage. Learn and apply the language of love and grow closer together.
Rating:
Summary: Love The One You're With
Review: I got this book after I saw the author on the Joyce Meyer show,
and what he said about the different ways that people feel loved
made so much sense. The book lays it out very clearly and in an
entertaining way, so that you really understand the concepts and
techniques. It was very well done, and almost as impactful for us
as the dvd "New Sex Now" was for our sexual advancement.
Together, these two really helped us gain a huge amount of
intimacy and strengthened our relationship.
Rating:
Summary: Clear and Useful Lessons for Expressing Love
Review: I read this book while single and with no one in mind. It is meant for couples so that they can better understand one another, but the ways of looking at relationships and how to express love in a way such that the other person will know is applicable to all relationships like friends etc.
The five love languages are; physical touch, gifts, words, acts of service, and quality time. The theory behind the book is that each person will have one or two primary love languages. When they want to express love to someone then they will do it in the way that most resonates with them. Likewise they will feel loved when someone else is "speaking" their love language.
The Five Love Languages was easy to read but at the same time had very good information. It is written by a marriage counsellor speaking from a christian perspective. He brings in examples of couples he has seen who loved one another but felt mutually unloved, because they were expressing that love in their primary love language and not their spouses. His way of working with them involves teaching each person to express love in their spouse's love language and to recognize when their spouse is expressing affection in a way that they may not notice.
Chapman spends one chapter on each love language and explains what he means by it. This is good information that one wouldn't neccessarily guess from the term he uses. For example if someone's love language is gifts then it is just recieving the gift that resonates with them and not the monetary value of the gift. So leaving notes or bringing home something small a few times a week would be more warm and fuzzy than buying one expensive gift and then doing nothing for a month. Understanding these love languages has helped me to see what others mean when they act and to better love those around me.
This is a really neat way of looking at love and it's expression. It is from a christian perspective and is for couples, but others would benefit too. If you are curious about this way of looking at love then this book is worth investigating.
|
