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Summary: Passing on values - and thinking about them
Review: People of any religious background will find value in these suggestions for carrying out the Jewish tradition of leaving, in addition to a will that bequeaths material possessions, "a letter or will that attempts to sum up what parents have learned, what they want most for, and from, their loved ones."The examples are from a wide range of people in various times - immigrants to America, Holocaust victims, novelists, rabbis, ordinary men and women. They are poems, letters, legal-sounding documents, rambling notes often amended - some examples eloquent, some prosaic. Some parents give them as children are growing up, at marriage, or some other milestone in the life of the parents or the children, and then again at the parent's death. Some were written on a battlefield or in a concentration camp, with death imminent and little likelihood that the writing would get to the person addressed. The value of writing this kind of will is probably as much in the thought that goes into it and the changes that makes to one's life as in the benefit to those who read later. The Bible study group to which I talked about this idea were struck by the rabbi's saying that some people are reluctant to put these things on paper because thinking about the values they want to "bequeath" makes people aware of how far they have fallen short of what they wanted to be. How distressing it would be to have the children say, "I didn't realize that was important to him..." instead of "That's what I would have expected, since he said it all his life and we saw him live it." It's worthwhile, if painful, to think about this while there is time to do something about it. Many of the examples quoted scriptural reasons for the writing, such as David's charge to Solomon: "I go the way of all the earth; be thou strong therefore, and show thyself a man; and keep the charge of the Lord thy God, to walk in his ways, to keep His statutes...." Then the writer gives his own charge to his children. Their suggestions for topics are useful: formative events, background, important lessons I've learned, people who influenced me, stories behind possessions I value, Scriptural passages, causes that mean most to me, my definition of success, what I regret, how much I love you. Although the book would be most meaningful to someone with a Jewish background, it has value for anyone who is serious about passing one's values to the next generation, and is probably most useful for people to consider before a time of crisis arises. Another good book with similar intent is "Put Your Heart on Paper; Staying Connected in a Loose-Ends World" by Henriette Anne Klauser.
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