7 Myths of Working Mothers: Why Children and Most Careers Just Don't Mix

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Summary: Not to be missed!
Review: "7Myths of Working Mothers" should be required reading for anyone considering having children. Before I read it, I felt guilty about my decision to quit my job and stay at home to raise my son. My college degrees and career aside, I felt like working and having children (simultaneously) was what society expected of me as a "modern woman."
Ms. Venker does not preach. She explains her views logically, and backs them up with research and evidence from a myriad of experts. That is not to say that she isn't passionate. "7 Myths of Working Mothers" made me cry sometimes, and laugh sometimes, but most of all, it made me stop second guessing myself about my decision to stay home and be a full-time mom.

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Summary: Giving dignity and affirmation to full-time mommies
Review: An excellent and informative book! The author packs a lot of valuable information into a relatively short 170 pages and writes in a very readable style that makes the book hard to put down (both essential qualities for a busy stay at home mom of toddlers!). Ms. Venker is not against working mothers across the board, but her premise is that a mother's work should take second place to her role as mother and be fit in around her children's schedule (for example, working while the children are home with Daddy).

This book is a breath of fresh air to me! I was an excellent student in college whose professors fully expected and encouraged me to plunge ahead in the academic and professional world. However, I knew that once I had children, they would become my first priority. Since that decision, I have felt the pressure and disdain of the media and of fellow mothers who believe that being a stay-at-home mom is a demeaning and foolish role. It's hard not to buy into the lie that your mind will atrophy and your professional abilities will shrivel and die while at home with your children!

Ms. Venker restores my sense of equilibrium with her book. She counters the myths that the media and "gender-feminists" have tried to feed us (many of whom never had children or had them but never even tried to stay home full-time with them):

1. "Men can have it all. Why shouldn't we?"
2. "I could never stay home full-time!"
3. "You're so lucky you can stay at home!" (which disregards the substantial financial sacrifices many of us have made to do so!)
4. "I could balance work and family if I had more support."
5. "I'm a better mom for working." (I hear this one in every major woman's magazine.)
6. "My children just love daycare." (One of my working friends used this one just last weekend.)
7. "I have it all planned out."

I wish every mother in America had the courage to read this book!




Rating:
Summary: sad state of affairs
Review: Checked this sad excuse for a book out at the library -- glad I didn't pay for it. Stay at home moms unite in our insecurities -- that is these authors' message loud and clear. (Hello, Dr. Laura is known for this muck, yet where is her family?) Ever notice the lack of books written by working moms who criticize stay at home moms? They're generally too busy applying themselves to better pursuits.
I'm a part-time working mom who is proud to set an example for my daughter. She won't be anyone's handmaiden in life. We should all have higher hopes for our daughters. They can and should do BOTH.

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Summary: What a stupid book!
Review: Don't waste your money on this book unless you want to be insulted. Just because women work does not mean they can't be great moms. Finding quality daycare is key! My children loved their daycare providers and they loved playing with other kids. I like working and being a mom! I think I'm pretty good at it too!

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Summary: Another viewpoint
Review: Has anyone tried working at home while your children are in the house - very difficult, even when Dad is there. Also, seems like Ms. Venker has a very fulfilling, albeit 'part-time' career for herself - wouldn't we all have the best of both worlds too if we could? Can someone please tell me where these part-time jobs are, and where I can find child care that will be less than the income I would make? Or in fact a career that I can leave for several years, then walk back into later on when my children no longer need me around full time. (We should learn these necessities in school). Some ridiculous suggestions as well as some solid basis for making the decision which weighs heavy on the minds of all working and stay at home moms.

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Summary: Do not read if you are a working Mom
Review: I do *not* recommend that anyone who is a working mother, either by choice or by necessity, read this book. The author is hyper critical of anyone who attempts to work and be a mother. She infers that if you work, you shouldn't call yourself a mother, because someone else is raising your children for you. I do not yet have children, but plan to stay home with them. I read this book thinking it might just reassure me that I am making the right decision, but it just succeeded in making my blood boil. The author has many valid points, but she will definitely not make a working Mom change her mind about working. I doubt any working Mom will make it through the whole book without burning it. I should have known the book would be horrible, since Dr. Laura wrote the forward. Please do not waste your time or money reading this book. Working moms do not need one more person to make them feel guilty about working.

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Summary: A Full-time mom's perspective
Review: I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It said in print all the thoughts I have had since becoming a full-time mom eleven years ago. Contrary to what I now read in the media, I do not believe the media is biased against working mothers. I believe the media goes out of its way to support working mothers and puts down what full-time moms do in the process. I agree whole-heartedly with many points in the book, including Mrs. Venker's observation that the media contends that working mothers have two jobs, raising a family and working outside the home when in fact their children are being raised for them the majority of their week. I also agree that it is a myth that the majority of working mothers have to work. This book is a wonderful breath of fresh air for full-time moms. Bravo!

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Summary: Where's "The Myth of Working Fathers"?
Review: The author's message, in essence, is that working mothers are not "real" mothers. I can only assume that in the sequel to this sexist, essentialist rant, she will reveal how working fathers are not "real" fathers, and how they should build *their* careers around parenthood, and how they are sadly mistaken to think they could possibly be successful both in the labor force and at home.

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Summary: In defense of mothers
Review: The thesis of this book is simple: women can have it all, but not necessarily at the same time. That is, a woman can choose to excel at motherhood, or she can choose to excel at a career, but she cannot do both simultaneously.

As such, this book attempts to burst the bubble of the super-mom myth, the idea that one can juggle both tasks, and succeed at both. Indeed, according to Venker, a working mother comes close to being a contradiction in terms.

Of course a mom can work part time, and some moms, especially single moms, may have no choice about full-time employment, but for the average woman, to think that one can excel in a fantastic career path, and produce great, well-developed kids at the same time is simply wishful thinking.

The first myth, "Men can have it all, so why can't we" is just that: a myth. Most men who work full time do not spend an equal amount of time with their children. In any set of relationships there are always trade-offs. Men in full time jobs trade off the privilege of having the lengthy, intimate moments with their children that a stay-at-home mother has. And it is the same if it is the mother who is working full time.

Indeed, the term "working mother" in this regard is misleading. If a mother chooses a full-time paid career, she is basically leaving the job of mothering to someone else. She is paying someone else to mother her children.

Another myth is that the roles of dads and moms are fully interchangeable. They are not, because men and women are not the same. There are inherent, biological differences. As Venker demonstrates, "fathers will never be parents in the same way mothers are". Thus the androgyny ideal is a furphy.

To speak about completely equal roles in marriage therefore is nonsense. There is never complete equality in marriage. Instead there is give and take. There are concessions and there is bargaining. Any good partnership requires a division of labor, and women seem hard-wired by nature to have more of a nurturing, caring and, well, maternal, disposition. It is not just breast-feeding that is the mother's distinctive.

Another myth is that day care is good for children. Quite the opposite is the case. The longer a child is in day care, and from an earlier age, the worse it is for the child. As one child expert has put it, "A home must be very bad before it can be bettered by a good institution". Yet we have abandoned our children in droves to strangers. Feminists have convinced many women that they can only be fulfilled and liberated if in the paid workplace. Totally absent from the debate is the needs of the child.

Then there is the myth that we can give our children quality time in place of quantity time. This is just plain false. Children need our undivided attention, and they need lots of it. They do not need a committee drifting in and out of their lives. They need a mother and a father, and especially a mother during the early years of life. "What children need - what children have always needed - is time and attention, and the undivided loyalty of one adult, preferably their mothers". Says Venker, "Anything less just isn't good enough."

Motherhood is the most noble and most important of occupations. We have allowed feminist ideology to rob us of this truth. We have allowed a market-driven economy to convince us that we are by nature working, not relational, beings. We have allowed the lure of materialism and consumerism to cause us to put wealth ahead of family.

This may all smack of chauvinistic doubletalk. But recall that our author is a woman. And as she rightly concludes, "the traditional family structure is not something that holds women down. The traditional family structure simply keeps women from having to worry about producing an income while they work on the most important job of their lives."


Rating:
Summary: Ideological rant
Review: This book is meant to make working mothers feel guilty while glorifying the stay-at-home mom. Numerous academic studies disprove their thesis--studies that the authors choose to ignore. Read this if you want to reinforce your pre-existing world view. Otherwise, don't bother. There's little factual basis to what they say.