Rating: Summary: For Complete Wallflowers Only Review: I have a little trouble sometimes maintaining a conversation, and small talk really isn't my forte. I don't ordinarily buy self-help books, but I read the reviews of this one and I thought I'd give it a try. Well, the good news is that apparently I'm much more socially capable than I'd thought. The bad news, for me, is that this book has little to offer to anyone capable of even the most banal responses in social situations. Say, for example, that someone comes up to you at a party and happens to mention that they've just returned from France. Would you (a) ask what airline they took and whether they enjoyed the flight, (b) ask what parts of France they'd visited, (c) offer observations based on your own experience in France, (d) ask the person how, as an American, he or she was received in France given the recent international tensions between the two countries, or (e) offer up any one of a thousand other innocuous responses? According to Garner, you should ask the person "how did you manage to get hotel rooms over there?" or "in what way was the food there different from what we have here?" Well, you can probably imagine how much further the conversation is fated to go once your interlocutor realizes that he/she is talking to a complete ditz: "Well, I called and made a reservation." "It's, uh, French food." I can see these suggestions being of some help if your only other alternative was to stammer out some unintelligible response, or to say, "Ooh la la," or some such thing. Such examples are rife throughout the book, leading me to believe that it could only possibly help the most socially inept among us. Honestly, I'm not trying to be mean-spirited, and I can see how this book _might_ help someone who simply cannot think of a single thing to say. But even in that regard, Garner advances theories and then cuts them short without developing them. About five times I turned the page, expecting to continue reading whatever mildly interesting thesis Garner had put forth, only to find that the chapter had ended! The book is basically a powerpoint presentation for nerds. You're better off just having a little confidence in your own abilities.
Rating: Summary: For Complete Wallflowers Only Review: I have a little trouble sometimes maintaining a conversation, and small talk really isn't my forte. I don't ordinarily buy self-help books, but I read the reviews of this one and I thought I'd give it a try. Well, the good news is that apparently I'm much more socially capable than I'd thought. The bad news, for me, is that this book has little to offer to anyone capable of even the most banal responses in social situations. Say, for example, that someone comes up to you at a party and happens to mention that they've just returned from France. Would you (a) ask what airline they took and whether they enjoyed the flight, (b) ask what parts of France they'd visited, (c) offer observations based on your own experience in France, (d) ask the person how, as an American, he or she was received in France given the recent international tensions between the two countries, or (e) offer up any one of a thousand other innocuous responses? According to Garner, you should ask the person "how did you manage to get hotel rooms over there?" or "in what way was the food there different from what we have here?" Well, you can probably imagine how much further the conversation is fated to go once your interlocutor realizes that he/she is talking to a complete ditz: "Well, I called and made a reservation." "It's, uh, French food." I can see these suggestions being of some help if your only other alternative was to stammer out some unintelligible response, or to say, "Ooh la la," or some such thing. Such examples are rife throughout the book, leading me to believe that it could only possibly help the most socially inept among us. Honestly, I'm not trying to be mean-spirited, and I can see how this book _might_ help someone who simply cannot think of a single thing to say. But even in that regard, Garner advances theories and then cuts them short without developing them. About five times I turned the page, expecting to continue reading whatever mildly interesting thesis Garner had put forth, only to find that the chapter had ended! The book is basically a powerpoint presentation for nerds. You're better off just having a little confidence in your own abilities.
Rating: Summary: Social interaction explained Review: I have been shy most of my life and until I read this book I felt totally socially inept. I had no idea of what to say to people or how to say it upon first meeting them and I would let others take the risk of introducing themselves to me. Now my shyness is gone and I can approach anyone without any fear of rejection, this book has saved me from a life of abject loneliness and made me into a social STAR. By using the tools Alan Garner gives the reader, one is able to create deep meaningful relationships. Conversation is the fabric of human interaction and questions are the foundation of conversation. Through asking the correct type of questions one is able to discover exactly what type of person they are dealing with. I went from having non-discovery conversations lasting only a few minutes to deep meaningful conversations lasting all night. If you want to have friendships of value this book is for you. I am amazed at how much people reveal about themselves to me, people are no longer a mystery to me, they are a treasure chest of information and excitement. If you are shy as I was this book and Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers will help you become the person you were born to be.
Rating: Summary: Highly recommended Review: I highly recommend this book to people who feel either shy or awkward in social situations. I feel that I have gotten a great deal of useful information out of this book.
Rating: Summary: Highly recommended Review: I highly recommend this book to people who feel either shy or awkward in social situations. I feel that I have gotten a great deal of useful information out of this book.
Rating: Summary: Obvious points of consideration. Review: I often found the writer to be somewhat out of touch and frankly a little on the light loafer side.
Rating: Summary: It works!! Review: I read the book out of order (skipped around, etc.), according to the subjects that interested me most, and the book is really helping me in my social life! I just started summer school, and I made a good friend within 3 minutes of the class; oddly, I feel like the most "talkative" in class, I'm not afraid to approach anyone--I recommend this book because it has given me valuable perspective. Buy it!
Rating: Summary: Realistic, helpful, but flawed... Review: I read this book as a person interested in meeting other people: I wished to make my communication easier, especially when with handsome strangers and unfamiliar acquaintances! Without doubt this book has been a great help, however, be warned its focus is on Prolonging conversation, primarily by getting others to talk: The crucial issue of making conversation Stimulating is left vaguely in the subtext. The book may not help with specific problems of self-confidence; e.g. fear of asking personal questions, difficulties in taking issue with people (and solving issues) or trouble with putting personal problems into words (i.e. open forum), and it certainly won't provide you with a sense of humour. All of these, I believe, are the oxygen of close relationships and personal charisma. After reading this book you may find, like myself, that you are complimented by friends for being able to talk to people, and for Knowing lots of people, yet you may still hold up your hands and say "I have talked to many people but made few close friends". I would have also liked to see more specific ideas for conversational openings (for which you may like to investigate "The book of fabulous questions"). Whatever Conversationally Speaking has to teach, I believe that spontaneity; the ability to speak the impulsive thoughts in ones mind, is the key. What this means is that when issues are raised in your thoughts, instead of going away and trying to solve them by reading self-help books (which personally effective people don't read!) or by thinking it through on your own: Raise the issue immediately with the person you have it with! Your 'issues' (often issues of personal failing) are the seeds of what you have to talk about. To my mind, Conversationally Speaking operates as an analysis and expose of what happens when personal spontaneity is in effect. Its strength is that, if you Really have trouble meeting people, this book Will help you. Meantime: Speak your mind: "Admit" what you're thinking, and drop the Hesitation from your communication!
Rating: Summary: Perfect Topics - Average Content Review: I was looking for a book about "small talk" and found this one. It seemed to cover the same topics and that's why I bought it. The book has good stuff in it, but also things you can't use in real life. The good stuff can really help you, but I knew most of the things that were described. The book contains more syntax mistakes than any other I have seen, and that's why I don't rate it 4 stars. Moreover, the book seems a bit unprofessional, more like a diary or personal notes put together into a book. However, I still recommend this book because it's an intersting subject and everyone who doesn't feel comfortable with his communication skills should improve on them.
Rating: Summary: The Edge Review: I went on a date last night and happened to stumble across Garner's book today. It's been a good year or so since I read it. I was glad to find out that I applied a lot of Garner's suggestions throughout the date. Like any self-help book, there are those things that you've read before, but then there are those hidden treasures that can make all of the difference. I re-read a few pages today and that inspired me to call upon a person that has been on my mind to ask her out for a drink. She mentioned that she had been meaning to call me as well. We have plans for Friday night! I ordered and drop-shipped a copy of the book for a good friend of mine.
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