Rating: 
Summary: Complementary schismogenesis
Review: This is a book of sociolinguistics and is also suitable for the general reader. What is more interesting than how men and women talk? Gender research is controversial. It is important because when all other cultural disparities are eliminated, issues of gender differences in communication styles remain. For men home may be a place where they are free to sit in silence because they do not have to compete. For women home may represent to them a place where they are able to speak freely. They may pursue intimacy. They don't necessarily have to play a supporting role, and they don't have to go to the trouble of claiming the stage and appearing self-involved and vain. Some men do not discuss their troubles with anyone. Women bond in pain. Still, women know that talk is risky. Among other things, the consequences of malicious gossip may ensue. Attention to details concerning a person is often a sign of romantic interest. Men and women have different habits for social talk and make different uses of it. Where women are expert and men are not, they may lose ground in conversations because men, for cultural reasons, may still be seeking dominant roles. Women lack experience in defending themselves against challenges and they may misinterpret challenges as personal attacks on their credibility. Typically, in writing and speaking men may seek to persuade in order to be respected and women may seek to be inoffensive in order to be liked. Experimental studies show that men are more comfortable than women giving opinions and speaking in an authoritative way to a group and women are more comfortable supporting others. Women engage in rapport-talk, emphasizing connection. Men engage in contests. Men may not want to listen at length because it frames them as subordinate. Men understand they do have to listen to fathers and superiors, bosses. Men may invoke the theme of aggression to meet affiliative ends. Different world views shape every aspect of talking. Women tell stories of community, men tell stories of contest. Female accomodation for the sake of harmony can take its toll in mounting resentment. Sometimes the result is divorce. Indirectness in and of itself does not signify powerlessness. Entire cultures operate on elaborate rules of indirect speech. The example of Japan comes to mind. There are cultures where the men use indirect speech, more stately, nore elaborate, possibly more formal and archaic, and the women use direct rough speech. Styles more typical of men are generally evaluated more positively. Women make more adjustments than men in mixed groups. Complementary schismogenesis, a mutually aggravating spiral, may set in where men and women have divergent sensitivities. The book is well-done, the case is well-argued, and the results are, in a sense, disheartening since none of us can leave our skins. Men are urged to acquire female characteristics of communicating, and women male styles, in order to have more skills and sensitivities at their disposal. I would guess that the disheartening aspect of the experience of reading this quite excellent book is encountering the case studies of misunderstandings which all too well reflect our own experiences in every day domestic and voacational life.
Rating:
Summary: Read this book
Review: This is the seminal work from which Men are from Mars was lifted. Dr. Tannen get's it - she's a linguist instead of a PBS beg-a-thon personality - and her integrity and seriousness contrast nicely with the psycho-babble normally attending discussion of male/female interplay. She's a hell of a writer - clear, interesting, fun to read. This is very good stuff.
Rating: 
Summary: worthwhile read
Review: Though I read this book about five years ago, it has stuck with me. Maybe because it was the first book I read on the subject, but it opened up my eyes to the various linguistic styles that I'd experienced previously but not actually recognized. For example, the girlfriend who poured out her problems to me but never took the "solutions" I offered frustrating me no end. It was classic "rapport-talk" -- she wasn't looking for analytical solutions, just the connection. Or the typical "report-talking" people I knew whose mission was to lecture you about something or other as oppose to conversing. I found it very eye-opening and didn't get caught up in the gender issues as other readers appear to have done. As for "lack of solutions" -- I don't know what kind of solutions people are looking for. Gaining the knowledge and ability to recognize such patterns which are the root of many misunderstandings offers a solution in and of itself. On the downside I do recall allusions to works of fiction giving the book a less authentic ring.
Rating:
Summary: Think Before You Speak
Review: Wow! This book is an eye opener not only for communication at work but in personal relationships as well. A worthwhile read for any man who has wondered just what he said wrong and for any woman who finds herself puzzled by the men who just don't "get it." Take the lessons to heart and your life will be running more smoothly in no time. Also check out Rat Race Relaxer: Your Potential & The Maze of Life by JoAnna Carey to help you communicate what you want in return for running the rat race.
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