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Dealing With People You Can't Stand

Dealing With People You Can't Stand

List Price: $12.95
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Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: This Book Changed my career (for the better!)
Review: I'm a felony probation officer. I deal with difficult people. I applied the clear techniques provided with an offender described for years as "a real nasty guy...." by previous probation officers. The technique worked immediately, the man expressed appreciation saying "You are the first person in your department who ever understood me...I'll do exactly what you told me to do." I could relate scores of other times these techniques have helped over the years. Rick & Rick's set of tapes is also extremely helpful. You won't be sorry you learned this stuff.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: The best conflict book for managers PERIOD
Review: If you're a manager and have to deal with the day to day complaints and conflicts of a workplace, this is the best book I've read about it, without question.
I'm a leadership consultant and my firm spends a lot of time mediating conflicts and facilitating meetings where I have to get people on the same page. I have formal training in negotation, and mediation, and all that other more formal stuff. And a lot of it works. But the question I get asked over and over again is "what do I do when the conflict doesn't justify outside assistance? What about the DAY TO DAY conflicts - one of my people refuses to bend her schedule, another won't come in on time, another won't try to work with a sister department, my boss won't give me the resources I need." Well, this is that book. It lays out a simple concept of conflict (other people see things differently from you and therefore act differently), and then does something that SO FEW of the other books do: it tells you exactly what to say and how to say it. I have had my fill of books which tell me to "be nice" or "work towards a compromise". My response is, I know that, but how do I DO that? How do I keep the other person from popping off at me? THIS BOOK does that. It's simple - exactly right for line managers with DAY to DAY conflicts.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Negative Title: Extremely Positive, Empowering Book!
Review: More than any other book, this book has empowered me to understand and work effectively with people of all different personal behavioral/communication styles. Based on the DISC (though the authors change the names of the four poles slightly), it is a well written book that helps people who are having difficulty working or getting along with others understand their own needs and personal style as well as giving solid tips and examples of how to work effectively with those "difficult" people.

I have heartily recommended this book to other leaders that I have worked with over the years with very positive results! The book will make you a better leader, employee, spouse or friend!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: A very good guide for your psychology and career
Review: The authors have identified ten types of difficult people and provided respective action plans when dealing with them. To sum up, the general principle is that you need to be considerate and patient. When you are facing conflict, always remind yourselves: "100 years from now, what difference will it make?"

Although it is a short book, it offers useful advice plus many real-life examples to readers. While it is self-helping in nature, the methods outlined would likely boost your career. It should be used together with Andrew Dubrin's 'Winning Office Politics' for those interested in surviving in office politics.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Sorry, Can't Stand You
Review: The book is simply written, with very few if any difficult theories or ideas put forth. The theories presented should easily be understood by most any reader, as it mostly rehashes lessons taught to most people by their parents. That is pay attention to people and deal with them calmly and rationally. Brinkman and Kirschner do tend to fall into a lot of pop psychology, which I guess fits this type of book, but tended to annoy this reader.

From the very beginning the doctors failed to engage me, they did not give me a reason to care to use these strategies on very many people. Given their backgrounds in holistic healing and naturopathic medicine, it would seem logical that they would have informed us of the health benefits enjoyed by eliminating stressful people from our lives. Instead this reader found it difficult to relate to any of the proposed situations in anything more than a professional setting. Because of that, this book would make an excellent blueprint on how to manipulate people on your way up the ladder of success.

Each chapter was well organized, most beginning with a story that depicted that particular chapters theme. The authors then laid out a step-by-step guide to dealing with this type of difficult individual. It seems a bit naïve to think that one strategy will work for each of the personality types. Some may find it difficult to proceed with the given advice, and therefore it would have been nice to see some alternative strategies given. This would give the reader greater flexibility when dealing with his or her particular difficult person. Not only were the suggestions limited, often times they seemed quite simplistic, almost as though Brinkman and Kirschner believe that people are machines and simply by pushing the right buttons or saying the magic pop psychology phrase we can control anyone. Seldom does it work that way in real life. This tendency is clearly seen in the stories at the end of each chapter. Again Brinkman and Kirschner introduce us to some people in conflict. One character is a difficult person and the other employs the strategies spelled out by the authors. After the techniques are used, it is almost like magic that the difficult person begins to cooperate. Now this would be acceptable as a way to make your point, but often we are led to believe that each story is a recount of a real-life occurrence. So, unless the authors have found a real life magic bullet, they have lost a lot of credibility with this reader.

Another reason to look upon this book with suspicion is the fact that the authors apparently want us to believe that all of these ideas were somehow conceived, developed and born of their own brilliant minds. On only two occasions do the refer us to any other sources for the theories put forth in this book, and one of those is another book written by the same men. A book of this type should be able to direct us to other sources to back up the theories presented.

As stated earlier, this book is an excellent source for those who wish to manipulate co-workers and business associates, especially the first two-thirds of it. Towards the end though it does become a bit more personal and even more enjoyable to read. The last section of the book is certainly the freshest. Here we get some good advice on proper use and etiquette on the phone and using E-mail.

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Sorry, Can't Stand You
Review: The book is simply written, with very few if any difficult theories or ideas put forth. The theories presented should easily be understood by most any reader, as it mostly rehashes lessons taught to most people by their parents. That is pay attention to people and deal with them calmly and rationally. Brinkman and Kirschner do tend to fall into a lot of pop psychology, which I guess fits this type of book, but tended to annoy this reader.

From the very beginning the doctors failed to engage me, they did not give me a reason to care to use these strategies on very many people. Given their backgrounds in holistic healing and naturopathic medicine, it would seem logical that they would have informed us of the health benefits enjoyed by eliminating stressful people from our lives. Instead this reader found it difficult to relate to any of the proposed situations in anything more than a professional setting. Because of that, this book would make an excellent blueprint on how to manipulate people on your way up the ladder of success.

Each chapter was well organized, most beginning with a story that depicted that particular chapters theme. The authors then laid out a step-by-step guide to dealing with this type of difficult individual. It seems a bit naïve to think that one strategy will work for each of the personality types. Some may find it difficult to proceed with the given advice, and therefore it would have been nice to see some alternative strategies given. This would give the reader greater flexibility when dealing with his or her particular difficult person. Not only were the suggestions limited, often times they seemed quite simplistic, almost as though Brinkman and Kirschner believe that people are machines and simply by pushing the right buttons or saying the magic pop psychology phrase we can control anyone. Seldom does it work that way in real life. This tendency is clearly seen in the stories at the end of each chapter. Again Brinkman and Kirschner introduce us to some people in conflict. One character is a difficult person and the other employs the strategies spelled out by the authors. After the techniques are used, it is almost like magic that the difficult person begins to cooperate. Now this would be acceptable as a way to make your point, but often we are led to believe that each story is a recount of a real-life occurrence. So, unless the authors have found a real life magic bullet, they have lost a lot of credibility with this reader.

Another reason to look upon this book with suspicion is the fact that the authors apparently want us to believe that all of these ideas were somehow conceived, developed and born of their own brilliant minds. On only two occasions do the refer us to any other sources for the theories put forth in this book, and one of those is another book written by the same men. A book of this type should be able to direct us to other sources to back up the theories presented.

As stated earlier, this book is an excellent source for those who wish to manipulate co-workers and business associates, especially the first two-thirds of it. Towards the end though it does become a bit more personal and even more enjoyable to read. The last section of the book is certainly the freshest. Here we get some good advice on proper use and etiquette on the phone and using E-mail.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Liberate Yourself from Jerks.
Review: This book has an excellent premise: the only way to deal with difficult people is to change the way you respond to them. Think about it. Do any of us ever do what we want to do all the time? Of course not. How many New Year's resolutions have we broken? Well, if we can't control our own behavior for our own good, how can we control someone else's especially when that person's obnoxious ways satisfies some perverse need? Some books on interpersonal conflict recommend that the reader resort to planning biting comebacks or simply ignoring the offending party. Rick and Rick offer more positive and healthier solutions (such as being more empathetic without being a punching bag) that if implemented will help the reader stay sane when under attack and eventually learn to stay above the fray.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Liberate Yourself from Jerks.
Review: This book has an excellent premise: the only way to deal with difficult people is to change the way you respond to them. Think about it. Do any of us ever do what we want to do all the time? Of course not. How many New Year's resolutions have we broken? Well, if we can't control our own behavior for our own good, how can we control someone else's especially when that person's obnoxious ways satisfies some perverse need? Some books on interpersonal conflict recommend that the reader resort to planning biting comebacks or simply ignoring the offending party. Rick and Rick offer more positive and healthier solutions (such as being more empathetic without being a punching bag) that if implemented will help the reader stay sane when under attack and eventually learn to stay above the fray.

Rating: 3 stars
Summary: Not bad but there are other options out there
Review: This book is a good introduction to the major types of annoying people and basic techniques for dealing with them. It seems to be primarily aimsed at business people. I wouldn't recommend it for those who want to improve family relationships.
Other points: if you're looing for a detailed guide for dealing with difficult people in a wide variety of possible situations, this isn't a book I'd recommend. The focus is on identifying the ten most annoying people (whiners, know-it-alls, snipers, etc) along with some limited suggestions for maximizng positive communication. It is basically up to the reader to figure out how to do that in specific situations, althnougb a few examples are given throughout the book.
This isn't a terrible book but it is an introductory guide at best. There are better choices out there.


Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Excellent strategies.
Review: This book is an excellent source for those who wish to keep peace with friends, family, and co-workers without lowering yourself to their levels.

The book provides a clear understanding of how to interact with others who are socially immature of all types from the "Grenade" to the "Nothing" person.


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