Rating: Summary: Pretty close to perfect--for my purposes Review: After a painful and difficult series of conversations with my mom and brother over Christmas (read: angry, frustrating), before he left, my brother asked me to find a simple set of rules for conversation, because he knows I like to do little research projects.Several months earlier at work (a very hierarchical organization), I had a disagreement with a client and there was much internal company disagreement over how to handle it. I later realized that however justified I felt (or was), I made some mistakes and could have handled it better--just wasn't sure how. This may seem naive, but it takes some people time to get it--I'm one of them, though generally deferential. Now, with the prospect of another project with this client, I was anxious about how to salvage relationships and do better this time. To handle the family problems, I found some good books on conversation that had useful insights and techniques. But they were just Ok. When I looked for "negotiation techniques" to handle the relationship to my client better, I remembered a brief encounter with _Getting to Yes_. That led me to _Difficult Conversations_. All I did was read the summary/index at the end of the book, and I saw that it had what I needed right now for both my personal and work life. In fact, its general strength is not compartmentalizing. It's pragmatic, and focuses its systematic analysis on one's thinking, rather than laying out a formula of "quotations" and words to use. There's some of that, but it's a small part. Unlike some other similar books I read through in the bookstore, the book isn't written as a "yes-book" (like a "yes-man") for people that want their ego to be stroked (or that like to be told that they're a bad person, either)--it's honest, direct, balanced, and helpful. I just wish they would have cited their primary sources and gave more description of actual case studies, rather than fictional, composite case studies. I sent copies of relevant pages to my family members, and we're going to see how well it works when we get together in two weeks! We have multiple, individual issues, but I think this will help us move forward with respect and concern, without each of us falling into familiar traps.
Rating: Summary: Very Helpful! Review: I didn't think there was any help for my difficult conversatons, so I was surprised to find this informations so thorough and helpful. The material is very well organized. "Difficult Conversations" gave me real, practical strategies that have made a big difference in my ease in bringing up tricky conversations and working through them with positive results. Everyone in my family has agreed to listen to the audio program, which will be a big help in our communication. I highly recommend it.
Rating: Summary: Helpful, Detailed Information Review: In a practical yet detailed manner, this book helps you to understand the issues surrounding tense discussions. You will develop a better understanding of why disagreements happen and the dynamics involved. The authors do a nice job of applying scientific studies to everyday life. The book lays out the three issues surrounding any disagreement. These issues are: 1. People don't agree on what really happened. 2. People experience various feelings about the disagreement. 3. A person's identity may be affected by the outcome of the disagreement. This book can assist you in your work and personal relationships. Kenneth McGhee - Author Eleven Leadership Tips For Supervisors
Rating: Summary: Helpful, Detailed Information Review: In a practical just detailed manner, this book helps you to understand the issues surrounding tense discussions. You will develop a better understanding of why disagreements happen and the dynamics involved. The authors do a nice job of applying scientific studies to everyday life. The book lays out the three issues surrounding any disagreement. These issues are: 1. People don't agree on what really happened. 2. People experience various feelings about the disagreement. 3. A person's identity may be affected by the outcome of the disagreement. This book can assist you in your work and personal relationships. Kenneth McGhee Eleven Leadership Tips For Supervisors
Rating: Summary: practical and useful for personal and professional life Review: I read this together for a negotiations class in law school. The book provides good insight and useful guidelines for a range of situations in personal and professional life. And, I would tend to disagree with another reader's review that says the book doesn't cover the situation "where I'm correct and the other person is wrong." Actually, Chapter 2 is entitled, "Stop Arguing About Who's Right," and is devoted entirely to this situation.
Rating: Summary: Absolutely Essential! Review: This book is absolutely essential to anyone in business and a fabulous resource for everyone, period! I recommend it without qualification.
Rating: Summary: Smoothing it all out Review: I find that everything goes smoother, including those most difficult conversations, when I use what they teach in this book. It is surprising that these techniques work so well, but they do. I give it only three stars because the writing is not that compelling. Also very useful in dealing with intimate sommunications is the experience taught on the "New Sex Now" dvd.
Rating: Summary: Dealing with difficult people Review: My wife is volatile and I have a temper, so I have to walk on egg shells sometimes. I read this book and learned how to deal with my wife when she is angry and when we have different opinions. It really helped me. Another book that changed my life completely is Optimal Thinking; How to be your best self. Optimal Thinking showed me how to be my best amd make the most of any situation.
Rating: Summary: Well done Review: Like many of the other books resulting from the Harvard Negotiations Project - this is filled with very practical suggestions for dealing with difficult discussions - how to fire someone, how to break up with someone, how to deal with an arrogant opponent in a debate, etc. The book is divided into a series of sections that deal with specific situations. Again, like the negotiations books this is very well organized. Anyone who works with people or wants to be more effective in dealing with the tough discussions of everyday life including job situations should work through this. I used the Audio book (CD) which was great for two long drives. All three authors take time reading the text. I liked the CD so much I also bought the book!
Rating: Summary: Useful, but doesn't cover MY difficult conversations Review: The thesis of the book is fairly straightforward: often we "think" we know the motivations of someone we are having a hard time communicating with, but most of the time we don't. For example, when a spouse does something that the other spouse doesn't like, a likely thought by the offended spouse is "you are doing that just to bug me." The offended spouse thinks he or she KNOWS why his or her spouse does the irritating thing, but an in depth, thoughtful conversation makes the offended spouse realize that there is a non-offensive motivation involved. (I know, I know, "Say what?" Just read it again). If those are the types of difficult conversations you have -- i.e. you are either suspicious of the motives of someone you have trouble communicating with or you are convinced someone else thinks your motives are disrepectful, by all means, read this book. It is helpful in that respect. However, my difficult conversations take a slightly different turn, and the author devotes very little time to them. The conversations I need help with are the ones where I'm correct and the other person is wrong (just trust me here -- I'm sure you've had the same problem at one time or another). The only thing I found in the book that even touches this is where the author gives the example of a teenage daughter caught smoking. Clearly, the daughter is in the wrong and a parent trying to eliminate that behavior would be right. The book does little if anything for this. So, if you are a parent looking to better your conversations with a difficult child, an employer trying to motivate a low performing employee, or a professional trying to convince a client/patient that their way of doing things is dangerous, I'm afraid you will have to look elsewhere. A parent who has to deal with a lawbreaking child shouldn't be concerned with the child's motivation, nor should a doctor trying to counsel an obese person to live a healthier lifestyle. Yes, in those situations, a parent who is never home should realize the lawbreaking is only a symptom, and the doctor with "smokers breath" should understand he isn't going to have credibility unless he takes his own advice. But in both these situations (and hundreds of others) one person is right and the other is wrong. I found little in this book that shed light on those difficult conversations.
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