Rating: 
Summary: Very Informative and helpful
Review: Everyone of us has gone through difficult conversations, arguments that were leading no where or felt that we were unjustifiably being taken advantage of. The solution - read this book. The authors have done a remarkable work in presenting conversations (real examples) that we can relate to. They educate the reader with the pitfalls and means o avoid them.In difficult conversations the participants generally fall trap to the three common crippling assumptions which are:
1.The Truth assumption : I am right you are wrong
2.The Intention Invention : When the other persons intentions are unclear a common perception is
that they are bad
3.The Blame Frame : Blame the other produces disagreement, denial and little learning The authors map a path by showing how to avoid the pitfalls when facing a difficult conversation and come out as a winner. In our life we prepare for almost every thing, like schooling and college for career etc. it is somewhat surprising that conversations that truly are a means to progress we spend little time on; this is one of the books in this area. I highly recommend that you read it.
Rating: 
Summary: Difficult Conversions
Review: Stone, Patton and Bruce have written a very useful and critical work on the dynamics of all conversations - the ones we've had and regret; the ones we don't have, because they seem too risky; and the ones we need to have to enhance our personal and professional relationships. They argue that there are three categories of conversations, which encompass every aspect of what transpires in our daily exchanges. They are: (1) The "what happened?" conversation (2) The feelings conversation and (3) The identity conversation. We can become more skilled and efficient in our conversations, if we begin to check our often flawed assumptions about what happened, how we're feeling and how our self-perceptions impact our understanding of what others say. Typically, we assume we are right and others are wrong, we assume the intentions of others, we don't treat feelings as facts, and we associate our identities too closely with the contexts of specific conflicts. To have productive difficult conversations, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves and how we approach our communications with others. One can't help wondering, however, if the only people reading this book are already self-actualized or so well on their way that they are, in fact, the best communicators among us. The authors' failed to address the lingering doubt left with the critical, reflective reader: that most difficult conversations are the fruits of difficult people, who, unless they read this book, have little capacity or motivation to be anything but difficult. In any case, Difficult Conversations is mostly devoted to explaining and analyzing the three conversations and how one can use these categories to have more productive exchanges. The book has many useful graphic organizers, including a checklist and a roadmap for engaging in difficult conversations. In effect, Stone and his colleagues argue that we must shift from a perspective of "knowing" to "learning". Meaningful conversations can take place when we don't permit our assumptions to rule the moment, rather when we take control by being curious, open, and self-aware. To find out what happened, we need to explore each other's stories, separate intent from impact, abandon the blame framework, and to consider all conflicts as a system ("the contribution system"), to which every party has contributed in some way. They argue that the blame framework is a clue that feelings are playing a significant role in a conflict. Feelings often get translated into judgements, attributions, characterizations, or solutions. The key to managing feelings is to treat them as facts by acknowledging them, and considering how they are part of the problem and exploring them fully. All too often our feelings emerge from the sense that our identity is somehow at stake. Most of us frame our identities around one or all of three core themes: competence, virtue, or worthiness. When we feel any of these is questioned, we revert to fight or flight. We can best manage the identity issue by understanding ourselves as complex, by knowing we make mistakes, by acknowledging that our intentions are not simple, and by recognizing that all parties contribute to problems. The "learning" must begin within ourselves before we can understand issues or problems with others. We can affect our own conversational "learning" by engaging in "the third story" conversation, which requires us to consider how a third party would describe and analyze the situation. This sets up a process of internal dialogue, which is necessary to check our own perceptions, feelings, and interests. Further, the authors encourage listening from the inside out, speaking for yourself, and taking the initiative. While the book combines theory, examples, and description, it is also a very handy guide to improving one's communication style in the workplace or at home.
Rating:
Summary: A must have for anyone.
Review: The trend in business books on management and leadership is to reemphasize
the human component. These days, authors can back up what they write
with a decade or two of research. The really good ones do this without
wandering into the touchy-feely realm that makes them easily dismissible by
old-schoolers. "DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS" is one of the good ones. It is
readable, smart and thorough. It delves into the anatomy of problem
communications in a business-like manner (the authors are from Harvard,
after all), yet the humanity of it all shines through without a touch of the
maudlin and sappy stuff that would turn off a stern businessperson. Don¹t
be misled, though. "DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS" is about you and your entire
life and contains examples that span the entire gamut of that experience. The authors lay out the anatomy of and solutions to difficult conversations
so well that by the time they were done, I was excited. I had a whole new
set of tools and in-depth knowledge. Another book that has recently
rekindled my excitement for self-exploration is "WORKING ON YOUR
RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T WORK" by Ariel and Shya Kane. This is the authors'
second book (Their first is WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESN'T WORK") and in it,
they delve deeper into the principles of awareness and living in the moment.
I have been a fan of theirs for some time now and reading their books has
had a lasting impact on my life and also made it easier to apply the lessons of other books such as "DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS". I hope you enjoy both
books.
Rating:
Summary: This book could save countless marriages
Review: This is an exceptional book. Not since picking up Stephen Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" over 10 years ago have I come across a book that is destined to have great impact on both myself and millions of other readers. In essence "Difficult Conversations" is a practical everyday guide for living and breathing Stephen's fifth habit - "Seek first to understand then to be understood". It can be thought of as a "conversational handbook" - applicable in both your personal and business lives. Recently married couples, parents of teenage children and newly appointed managers will find the book especially powerful. The concepts are simple and if internalised could for eaxmple save the needless destruction of countless marriages. What excites me most is that it is so very readable and that its lessons are sufficiently simple that although it might take a life time to master - when applied you can see results in your own conversations and relationships immediately. Although I've yet to find any reference to the discipline of "dialogue" (as developed by the physicist David Bohm) in the book - it falls squarely within this subject area.
Rating:
Summary: Better Outcomes for Difficult Conversations
Review: "Delivering a difficult message is like throwing a hand grenade." For that matter, receiving a difficult message is like catching one. This book deals with the essential dilemma of communicating about unpleasant issues. The Harvard Negotiation Project's Doug Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen create an analytical framework by pointing out that each difficult conversation has three components: the factual narrative (least important), or the "What Happened?" Conversation, the Feelings Conversation, and the Identity Conversation. How each person perceives the Three Conversations will affect the course of the conversation. Insight after insight about how to turn a difficult conversation into a Learning Conversation unfold in this very solid book. I liked this book so much I bought a personal copy (now battered) after reading our public library's copy. Anyone who deals with clients, customers, friends or family can benefit from the structures in this book.
Rating:
Summary: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
Review: Stone and his coauthors, teachers at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project, present an informative, practical guide to the art of handling difficult conversationsÄe.g., firing an employee, ending a relationship, or discussing marital conflicts. The information is based on 15 years of research and thousands of personal interviews. The authors define a difficult conversation as "anything you find it hard to talk about." Each chapter recommends step-by-step techniques that can lead to a more constructive approach for dealing with distressing interactions, so that a difficult conversation can become a learning conversation. Examples of right and wrong conversations from everyday life are used throughout the book, which is extremely well organized and easy to follow. This will be appreciated by readers who wish to improve oral communication in all aspects of their daily lives. Recommended for self-help collections in public and academic libraries
Rating:
Summary: Foundational for discussing what matters most
Review: There were 3 aspects of this book that made a differecne for me: Thinking Differently, Making Shifts, and understanding the Structure found in all difficult conversations. If you understand these aspects it will significantly improve how well you handle difficult conversations. This is about Thinking Differently-- 1. This is an approach. 2. It's not about doing differently; it's about thinking differently. 3. It's about shifting from a message delivery stance to a learning stance. 4. All difficult conversations have the same structure. The structure is almost always "below the surface." It is hidden in what people are thinking and feeling, but not saying. Shifts (with this approach)-- We must shift our internal orientation: FROM: Certainty (I understand) TO: Curiosity (Help me understand); FROM: I am right TO: I am curious; FROM: I know what was intended TO:I know the impact; FROM: I know who is to blame TO: I know who contributed what; FROM: Debate TO: Exploration; FROM: Simplicity TO: Complexity; FROM: "Either/or" TO: "And". Understanding the Structure-- 1. All difficult conversations share a common structure. To make the structure visible, we not only need to understand what was said, but also what was not said. We need to understand what the people involved are thinking and feeling, but not saying to each other. This is usually where the real action is. 2. What makes a conversation difficult? The gap between what you are really thinking and what you are saying is part of it. 3. Our thoughts and feelings of all difficult conversations fall into the same three categories, or "conversations". 4. And, in each of the conversations, we make predictable errors that distort our thoughts and feelings and get us in trouble. 5. There predictable errors can be overcome this specific strategies that the authors suggest. I have developed workshops based on this material that we are finding very helpful in our hospital setting. Spend some time with this book - it will be worth your while.
Rating: 
Summary: Dangerous book in the hands of morons
Review: The other day a shipment of the book "Difficult Conversations" arrived at our office. Today someone pulled me aside and told me that 80% of all communication is not what's said but what is not said. They then proceeded to give me "constructive criticism" on my communication style and leadership methods. It was not pretty. Sure enough on Page 5, "we need to understand not only what is said but what is not said". Now I'm not sure where the 80% came from but I'm pretty sure it was plucked out of the air. Over the course of the conversation I made a Truth Assumption and quickly moved on to form an Intention Invention. The assumption I made was that the orator had read the book (although I can only confirm they got to page 5). The intention I perceived was that they wanted to change my behaviour. As I had already been assigned to the Blame Frame before entering the room that left me with some free time to think. I began conducting an Identity Conversation with my inner dialect. This continued until I disentangled Intent from Impact. The impact was I left the room feeling dejected, upset, under appreciated and demoralized. This had a trickle-down effect of upsetting my team who wondered why I was so frustrated. Over the course of the day I struggled with Framing out my Feelings but could not. I ultimately sought out council from my teammates. This confirmed my original Truth assumption: That the splinter in my eye is smaller than the plank in my confronter's. I write this note after completing another 12 hour day for this company but rest assured I am now rooted to the spot in a definite "AND" stance awaiting my performance review.
Rating:
Summary: Cogent, well-written, concise and very useful
Review: Having researched numerous books on this subject, I found this to be one of the best. The book is structured well: the introduction gives an apt overview, the writing is simple and to the point with excellent examples and an outline is provided to assist with a final review. One of the book's strongest points is its focus on some of the underlying problems that create situations where conversation becomes difficult. The temptation to digress and meander into a quagmire of various psychological/environmental/biological explainations can be great, but the writers seem to use only the most pertinent examples and explainations, keeping the book fairly short and to the point. Many books of this nature focus on superficial quick fixes. Some of those techniques do work, particularly for short term situations. The items covered in this book seriously question techniques that often contribute and prolong difficult conversations/situations. Although the recommended techniques hold great promise, using them requires quite a bit of work. Unlike quick fixes, there are no promises of immediate success, rather, many obstacles both from oneself and from others will come up. However, perserverance does pay off. I work in a law firm and situations and people can get very demanding. Currently, I see all of this in a slightly different angle. A better angle that helps me see more clearly and negotiate situations far better than before. But it takes time and patience. This book will offer solutions that require time and patience: and that combined solution should at the very least improve communication. Good communication can often lead to a more productive and healthy lifestyle.
Rating:
Summary: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
Review: Stone and his coauthors, teachers at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project, present an informative, practical guide to the art of handling difficult conversationsÄe.g., firing an employee, ending a relationship, or discussing marital conflicts. The information is based on 15 years of research and thousands of personal interviews. The authors define a difficult conversation as "anything you find it hard to talk about." Each chapter recommends step-by-step techniques that can lead to a more constructive approach for dealing with distressing interactions, so that a difficult conversation can become a learning conversation. Examples of right and wrong conversations from everyday life are used throughout the book, which is extremely well organized and easy to follow. This will be appreciated by readers who wish to improve oral communication in all aspects of their daily lives. Recommended for self-help collections in public and academic libraries
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