What Could He Be Thinking? : How a Man's Mind Really Works

Rating:
Summary: Enlightening and Informative
Review: I heard the author speak on a radio talk show a few months ago, and his book sounded good. I found it quite informative. Maybe I've missed something in my long marriage, but some of his revelations were new to me. I suspected many of the differences were true but didn't have the supported facts until now.

I particularly enjoyed such topics as intimate separateness, "earn this", the heart vs life journey, "wouldn't have war" remark (pg. 61), the current decades long dominance of the woman's view, and stages of marriage, among many others. One could quibble with the stages, but it is nevertheless food for thought and gives some good insight into most marriages. Don't miss chapter 7 on the male at home.

... Martin Gardner, a science writer of some considerable note and talent, put together something of a quack detection list of 10 or so items. I don't think the term quack has any place here. Gurian does at least give very specific material that one can go to for additional information on sex difference research. This or Gurian's interpretation of it doesn't look like quack information to me. If one can question something about the sex difference argument, it is some educators' views (I think female organiaztion driven) that girl's are equivalent of boys and should be treated as such. There seems to a view that nearly two million years of evolution has not produced brain and other differences between the sexes. That view comes a lot closer to quackery than anything else on this subject.

My biggest beef about the books is about some of the organization. Some of the last few chapters seem out of place, but still useful. I did find myself skimming a few sections of the book, since they really do not apply to me. Rearing children, for example. For some reason, he did not include any index. There are plenty of times when I wanted to refer back to info and an index would have been valuable--also for future reference. One saving point on this is that thankfully Amazon has a facility to search the entire book. There's also an abundance of brain terminology that would be served well in an appendix. I finally resorted to taking notes and found a good web site to get additional info ...

I'd suggest this book be required reading for men and women.

Rating:
Summary: What could he be thinking
Review: This book is not P/C. But even Newsweek says men and women are different so it must be okay to read heretical books like this.

If you are a feminist, or male in denial about what testosterone does to your brain when in utero, you will not enjoy the time reading this book. As a husband I am now at peace with myself on many issues, including why I can't ever load the dishwasher correctly.

As a father I am now far more able to parent my teenage sons because I realize how we are the same. Further, as a result of my confidence from this book, and insights from "Every Mans Battle' (stoker and arterburn) I am intervening and helping shape my teeneage sons lives on on issues of sexuality, pornography and other behaviour traps that face them daily.

As a husband I have better understanding of my wifes view of work, the home, and what she values in a elationship. There are countless communication and value styles, and day to day, head to head issues in our relationship where this book has helped me. This proves you are never too old, or too married to learn.

This book is chock full of "aha's" as you realize why things work the way they do, either in a male to female or female to male manner. Here are a few of mine. Why I seem to go blank, look for a quick summary or resolution, or am unable to concentrate and get frustrated when discussing complex relationship topics after 30-45 minutes (women have more parts of their brains dedicated to speech and cache information more quickly). Why my wife can remember staggering deatils about the times she's been hurt or happy (its not because I'm stupid its because of how womens memory is structured).

If you are a guy and thinking about reading this, buy it and quit wasting time.

If you are a women in a "relationship" buy it for your man and tell him it is only one of three books you'll ever ask him to read, even if you have to use sex to get it read. You already know the chances are slim he'll never buy a book like this (self help books are like directions - you don't buy them and you don't ask for them).

Rating:
Summary: Read it with a grain of salt...
Review: This book offers an insightful perspective on some of the "male" behaviors that are complexing to many women. In general, the author's assertions ring very true. I will certainly approach my relationships with men differently having read this book. However, the author makes strong suggestions that women avoid certain sexual activities when dating. This goes back to the old adage that a woman is solely responsible for chastity and I think that's archaic and demeaning to women and men. It implies that men have no control over their sexual urges and are not part of the process of deciding when and if they want to become intimate with someone. So, read this book with a grain of salt. It's always beneficial to relationships when you attempt to understand someone and respect their differences. This book gives some pointers on beginning that process.

Rating:
Summary: Nice Thinking --- Not Necessarily Constructive
Review: This book was clearly intended to attract a female audience and to cater to, or reinforce, some civilized-era female training. If you want to have quasi-traditional values reinforced, this is the book for you.

Mr. Gurian clearly has a handle on brain chemistry, but, I believe his attempts to interpret the brain chemistry of men and women in directly analogous terms are misguided; the same "chemical" reactions don't induce identical emotional experiences in both sexes --- and he proceeds through much of the book as if they are directly analogous. As reassuring confirmation of our likeness it's helpful to observe that we are of the same physical composition, however, it is not helpful to understanding to interpret male and female brain chemistry in identical emotional terms. One must engage in a bit more nuanced and seemingly exotic analysis than presented in this book to truly understand the symmetrical qualities of our emotional responses.

And while I am, sincerely, all for the maximization of feminine capabilities, I don't believe that leveraging our gifts against one another results in our flourishing together. It is through the reciprocal understanding of one another's strengths, weaknesses, desires, aversions, prowess and clumsiness that we truly become worthy and mighty partners for one another; not through promotion of power over one another. If there is anything inherently civilizing about the process of modernization that we endure then it is reaching toward, once again, restoring our respective, but specialized, peer statuses with one another.

Peers we should be; adversaries we should not be. Promoting "power" over one another is not constructive to our collective journey.

This offers some enlightenment about brain chemistry, but, I'd be very cautious about taking its guidance to seriously --- unless you've tried everything else and failed; in which case, anything's worth a stab.