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Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining: America's Toughest Family Court Judge Speaks Out

Don't Pee on My Leg and Tell Me It's Raining: America's Toughest Family Court Judge Speaks Out

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Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Draconic and Laconic
Review: "Judge Judy" Sheindlin is the sort of woman who commands respect. To her fans, she's a bastion of common sense, intent on restoring order to a system out of control. To her detractors, she is a menace to civil rights who would turn back the clock on family law. Both her regimen and her reputation are reminiscent of Maggie Thatcher's. Both women came from run-a-day, middle-class backgrounds. Both entered their careers at a time when women faced immense up-hill struggles. Both compensated by becoming "iron ladies," tougher than their male counterparts. Both write and speak clearly and effectively. Their messages are also similar: regress is progress. To improve the system, we've got to go "back to the future."

As an avid fan of her TV program, I was a little disappointed by the format of the book. The writing style is that of a U.S.A. Today editorial. That aside, I could not agree more with her agenda. However, it is crucial that readers understand how sharply her sentiments diverge from contemporary practice... and why.

Needless to say, criminal- and family-law professors are basically the exact opposite of Judge Judy. Most lawyers receive their training from left-wing defense attorneys obsessed with defendants' rights. Even conservative attorneys have been inculcated with a strong distaste for the 1950s justice system. So let me assure readers that the ideas in this book are NOT going to be well received by law's guiding voices. Of course, academics are not the audience this book intends to reach. Sheindlin wants to reach the masses of people who are fed up with a system that prefers the sensitive and the expensive over the draconic and the laconic.

So what are Judge Judy's proposals? Among other things, she recommends:

- Maximum sentences for first-time juvenile offenders. Judy is not afraid to send 14-year-olds to adult prisons. "You're no less dead if your murderer is fifteen or fifty."

- Punitive rather than therapeutic interventions. No more therapy for people who deserve punishment.

- A vast reduction in "handouts" such as welfare, social security disability, foster care grants, or just plain charity. "They are picking our pockets," says Sheindlin.

- If a middle class kid drops out of school, the $2,000 tax break their parents claim should be eliminated.

- Overturn confidentiality laws. Convicted rapists and child sex-offenders should be forced to get HIV-tested. Currently, courts do not have the power to side step the rapists' precious civil rights. Often these become plea-bargaining tools for defense lawyers. Essentially, the defendant agrees to consent to testing if his jail time is lessened. That's just wrong.

- Dead-beat dads should be forced not only to pay up... but also to work.

- Convicted prisoners should either be forced to forfeit their right to free speech, or else personally pay the costs of litigating their complaints. That would unclog the frivolous and often bizarre litigations they bring - like the gang leader who sued the prison over his right to display his "colors" in jail.

- Juvenile delinquents should be photographed and fingerprinted. Their records should not be held confidentially. That is currently illegal in order protect minors.

- The seemingly admirable goal of placing children with their mothers should be abandoned. Group homes show better results for troubled kids from dysfunctional homes and communities.

- Mothers who fraudulently claim that their estranged boyfriends and husbands committed child-abuse should lose their custody. If there's no evidence, it's likely a cooked-up story. Dad, not mom, should get the kids in such cases.

- America needs a national curfew for kids under eighteen. Sheindlin recommends 9 p.m. on weeknights and 12 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays.

- There should be a total elimination of the parole system. In its place, the rule should be one weekly check-in / drug-test at the nearest police precinct. Those who fail to meet this requirement go back to jail. No ifs, ands, or buts. The warrant should go out five minutes after the "parolee" failed to be there.

- Do away with Public Defenders. Everyone should have to pay. There should be no free rides. The day the defendant starts working is the day the government starts deducting his attorney's cost from his pay.

- Parents should pay the cost of juvenile delinquents' jail times. Why should society pay for their mistakes? Perhaps parents will take criminal delinquency more seriously when their purse is being hit.

- Juvenile courts should not be shielded from public scrutiny. If a judge keeps putting little monsters back on the street, the press should be available to complain about it.

However welcome these reforms might look to the average reader, be assured that there is army of contentious lawyers out there prepared to hack them to bits. To them, Sheindlin's smorgasbord of fixes are really just the fantasies of a harsh disciplinarian. It's important that readers see how unlikely all of her proposals are. Take getting rid of public defenders. I can already hear the chorus of ACLU lawyers chomping at the bit: What about the innocent? What about the poor? What about making sure we get paid on the public dollar - rather than having to collect from these deadbeats?

But don't despair, all you Judge Judy fans out there. It might happen someday... especially if the system keep's going the way it's been going. Keep your fingers crossed. Who knows? Things can always change.

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: She just plays one on television
Review: Consider the new lawyer in a trial court for the first time. After three years of legal study that consisted in large part of reading appellate case law written by learned and brilliant judges (or at least written by their learned and brilliant law clerks), the novice could not be faulted for expecting erudition and brilliance from the trial bench. Granted, most trial court judges are smart and work hard. They are, after all, in the trenches. But there is a significant minority who are neither. In jurisdictions that elect judges it is quite possible for a party hack with a law degree to be rewarded with a judgeship after years of loyal service to the party in power. In jurisdictions that appoint judges, connections are all and friendship and favor can trump qualifications. For some reason, the least qualified, the dumbest, and the laziest of this group seem to be the ones most susceptible to Black Robe Fever, a disease that afflicts its victims with delusions of grandeur and also instills the curious notion that their IQ has just doubled by dint of their ascension to the bench. The constitution and the rules of evidence are just so much excess baggage to these folks, since they are infallible, know what's right and holy, and have an unerring instinct for the "right" outcome of the case before them. Now consider our newly-minted lawyer in the courtroom of such a judge as she admonishes people not to [...] on her, abuses litigants, yuks it up with her toady of a bailiff, and generally squats on centuries of Anglo-American jurisprudence. Cruella DeVil with a gavel, only a lot homlier. Do you think the new lawyer, probably staggering under a mountain of student-loan debt, is wondering if it's too late to get into the family business?

Judge Judy is a joke and so is this book. Her prescription for the child who kills is to kill the child since "...it doesn't matter if your murderer is fifteen or fifty you're just as dead". Since public defenders, those selfless lawyers who don't view a law license as a license to print money, since public defenders, in their zeal to protect the constitutional rights of their clients, the downtrodden and the indigent, since these Defenders used to stand in Judge Judy's way-back when she was a real judge-they should be eliminated and poor people charged with a crime left to fend for themselves. What passes for discourse and logic in this screeching book with the excretory title never rises above this level but often sinks beneath it. Let's stick with the author's preferred imagery-bodily waste-and call this book what it is because it stinks to high heaven.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Whatever You Do, Don't Mess With This Lady!
Review: I don't normally read books that are ghostwritten. This one, however, was not only informative but wildly entertaining. See Judge Judy skewer self-proclaimed victims, lazy attorneys, callous bureaucrats, unwed teen mothers, craven foster parents, and in general anyone who while serving themselves degrades the lives we all lead in this land of ours.

The only negative I can think of is that, too often, points that need more detail end up as truncated sound bites. By making her points as succinctly as possible, Judge Judy has justifiably won for herself quite a following -- although the book's trenchant style is not dissimilar to her TV appearances, so I can't blame the ghost writer. I guess I'm just too much of a detail wonk to feel comfortable with short shrift on major subjects. Give me facts, footnotes, and all those other scholarly trappings that take me beyond the level of the merely anecdotal.

But this book is not meant for people like me, though I can enjoy it as much as anyone. Judge Judy's elevation of COMMON SENSE to a principle of jurisprudence is guaranteed to make you think, even if it doesn't satisfy all bases.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Real-Life Issues take a backseat
Review: I really enjoyed reading this book. At some points, it really sparked my emotions to think how people from all walks of life try their best to beat the system and take advantage of the innocent and hardworking people. She tells things like it is. She illustrates very well how people lack taking responsibility for thier actions, which is absolutely appalling to me. It was an eye-opening to learn how the court system is often seems an institution of "easy justice" causing it to lose respect by American citizens. I think more Judges like her should have a hard, tough attitude to tackle these issues to initiate changes that are much needed to bring back the moral and dignity of how our courts should be viewed and respected as.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: You Go Judy!
Review: I'm so happy Judge Judy came out with this book. Not only does it offer excellent pointers for our lacky government, she gives tips for new lawyers and judges. I'm in college waiting to go to law school, and this book should be required for every class. We can all learn from Judy on what's needed in our judicial system that other judges are lacking. Her suggestions to improve our system make a lot of sense. For example, she believes that once a foster care home is financially stable that we should cut off the money limit we send them. Instead of wasting tax payers money with counselors that aren't needed, let's make sure the housing situation is fine and then stop using our money for waste. If Judge Judy runs for president, she has my vote! YOU GO JUDY YOU ARE MY HERO!!!!!

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Judge Judy for President!
Review: Judge Judy, once again, tells it like it is. If you've seen her on TV then you know exactly that she's no pushover. A lot of "bleeding hearts" would never agree with her statements, but I was pleased to read that someone has the courage to stand up and say that things need to change. Being a family court judge, she's seen it all. Women abusing the welfare system by having numerous kids, men hiding from paying child support, people on welfare refusing to work on the basis that it is "below them" and so many other mini case studies fill this book.
I say "Judge Judy for President!!"

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Judge Judy for President!
Review: Judge Judy, once again, tells it like it is. If you've seen her on TV then you know exactly that she's no pushover. A lot of "bleeding hearts" would never agree with her statements, but I was pleased to read that someone has the courage to stand up and say that things need to change. Being a family court judge, she's seen it all. Women abusing the welfare system by having numerous kids, men hiding from paying child support, people on welfare refusing to work on the basis that it is "below them" and so many other mini case studies fill this book.
I say "Judge Judy for President!!"

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: Ah, Judy
Review: Kind of boring, despite the fact that the Judge is my idol. Of sorts. A very disjointed whiney book that should have been better.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Oh this book will fire up your blood for sure
Review: OK, for anyone out there who is tired of people who make excuses, people who can not take responsibility for their own actions, and people who use and abuse the system, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU!

Judy Sheindlin takes the same approach in this book as she does on her TV show. No punches are pulled and no one is spared as Judge Judy lashes out in a strong argument against the types of people mentioned in the above paragraph.

For instance, Judy insists that America's legal system must crack down on juvenile offenders, especially the repeat ones. Many Americans, myself included, are fed up with the way criminals have life easy, and people that make their living as parasites off of a welfare system that taxpayers fund.

This book may cause some readers to write to their Congressman and demand that as an American citizen, and honest, hard-working taxpayer, these criminals (I'm encompassing all the people in Judy's book) must be stopped and common sense must have a place in the life of government and society.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Common sense served on a platter
Review: People don't like Judge Judy because she's a "b" or a tyrant. As an ER doctor, I can tell you that what she really is: fed up. Both of us are tired of the vast amount of human garbage we deal with on a daily basis. What is the common factor amongst all these people?

The unwillingness to take *personal responsibility* for your own life.

Simple.

This book is a great collection of situations and solutions for those who cannot manage to wade through the mire of moral choices they are faced with. It's also immensely amusing and right on target.

You will find yourself nodding and laughing. Perhaps you will even wonder why this has to be written down in a book...when it's all just common sense. This is a great present and a quick read. Read her other books as well.


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