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Rating: 
Summary: What Is Best for the Children?
Review: Most parents probably think long and hard about when and how to raise their children. Part of that process is to look at the latest research on the conditions under which children thrive. Having been a parent for almost 30 years, I am struck by how much the research results have shifted during that time. It reminds me of the latest research on which diets work best, and how to avoid disease. The latest research always seems to contradict what has been "learned" before. While I usually feel pretty skeptical about research concerning child rearing, my instinct tells me that Dr. Greenspan is probably onto something important in this book. He identifies six types of needs that children have to develop fully in an emotional and intellectual sense, that are imparted mostly during "rug time" with the same adult. Skip those attention-focusing experiences, peek-a-boo games and long discussions of cause-and-effect and some learning will be missed. As I read this book, I was reminded of what Dr. Jane Goodall had to say about what she learned about parenting champanzees in the wild, and how she applied those lessons to being very close to her own son during his first five years. Back in the Middle Ages (or before 1965), Mom usually stayed home while the children were little, and enjoyed playing with her children. Since then, the new ideal is for parents to both have great educations, demanding careers, and a nice family. The research in 1965 said that with "quality time" and love that all of this was possible. Now, Dr. Greenspan argues that until age five children need to have a lot of dedicated time from the same caregiver, ideally a parent, and not too much time in loosely supervised day care. The research in this book suggests that almost all day care is not "quality time" and such day care must be held to a minimum. The basic concept of how to deal with this is to first have the parents rethink their lives so that the children get the attention they need while under five, and use the best quality day care you can access the rest of the time. While the book's title suggests that each parent works two-thirds time and parents one-third time, in practice most families will adopt some other solution that creates at least two-thirds of one parent's time to be with the youngest children in the family. The book contains six examples of how this is accomplished (including one divorced couple splitting days and visiting briefly each day, one stay-at-home Dad, one "tag-team" couple who works adjacent shifts and covers for the family when off duty, one "working out of the home" Dad, a traditional family where Mom does the heavy parenting and Dad helps out when not working, and one couple who does the two-thirds, two-thirds part-time jobs solution suggested by the book's title). The book also provides ideas for how to select day care, how improve day care, and ways that government and employers can help. The book, as well intentioned as it is, has several weaknesses. First, it is very repetitive. You will keep wondering why the same points are covered again . . . and again. The author seems to think that readers have short memories. Second, although the conclusions feel right to me, I have to wonder what has not been tested that could undermine this research in the future. That point was not well addressed. Third, there's not enough advice on how to work out more flexible arrangements with employers, customers, and spouses. Fourth, although the book is very clear that putting these responsibilities on both parents is good for children and hard on marriages, there isn't much help with how to avoid undermining your marriage in the process. Creating a divorce or a separation will normally not be very good for the children, either. Fifth, the book acts as though the job of parenting is mostly over at five. I don't think so. Remember those teenage years? How should those be handled? Sixth, if this book is right, a lot of families would do well to wait quite a while before having children. That point is not addressed. What is hard to juggle at 24 can be easier and pleasant to deal with at 34. Seventh, although there's a lot of sympathy for single parents and those families on welfare who are affected by welfare reform, the suggested solutions here are hardly going to make any major changes for young children in these families in the near term. My guess is that it is these children who are most at risk for the issues described in this book. Explore all of the pleasures of parenthood, and enjoy the responsibilities as well!
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