When The One You Love Wants To Leave

Rating:
Summary: An excellent, practical treatment to surviving an affair
Review: An excellent, practical treatment to surviving an affair or marital breakup. Written from the counselors point of view, Prof Harvey tells steps to helping each partner deal with one of them having an affair and wanting to leave. He establishes practical boundries and expectations for re-connecting. A very good treatment.

Rating:
Summary: Intellectual Excrement
Review: Dr. Harvey lives in a world that ceased to exist for most people more than an half a century ago. Reputable sociologists tell us that as men marched off to World War II, women were forced to fill the vacancies in the factories and other segments of the work force. As an unintended consequence, women found their own voices and the Women's Liberation Movements took on an impetus which earlier generations could only dream of. Despite retrenching and conservative dynamics during the 1950s, the rights, strengths, powers, and abilities of women have grown more-or-less steadily ever since. In Western culture, women have found their own voices, and they are no longer extensions of their fathers or husbands.

...unless you are Donald Harvey.

In Dr. Harvey's world, men are powerful actors, who initiate marital dissolutions (i.e.: pages 17, 19, 21, 25, 45, 133, and 187), and women are nothing more than helpless victims, who patiently endure their husbands' abuses (i.e.: pages 17, 55, 172 and 187). Moreover, some of Dr. Harvey's conclusions are intellectually questionable, such as when he labels alcoholism or drug abuse as a choice (i.e.: page 36), despite the inclusion of chemical dependency in the DSM IV, as a disease. Dr. Harvey paints with too wide a brush, indicating that an estranged father's love for his children is a form of manipulation (i.e.: page 141), and warning abandoned wives that their in-laws will always take the side of their missing partner (i.e.: pages 157-158).

Dr. Harvey's book appeals to a certain world-view that has not existed in reality since the 1930s, if it ever existed at all.

This book also follows the formula of man bashing, currently popular in pop-psychology, which may sell books and help to enrich Dr. Harvey, but which fails to meaningfully facilitate the dialogue between the genders.

This book is worse than useless. It is destructive. If you don't own it, don't purchase a copy. If you do own it, it might make good kindling for your fireplace.

Rating:
Summary: Intellectual Excrement
Review: Dr. Harvey lives in a world that ceased to exist for most people more than an half a century ago. Reputable sociologists tell us that as men marched off to World War II, women were forced to fill the vacancies in the factories and other segments of the work force. As an unintended consequence, women found their own voices and the Women's Liberation Movements took on an impetus which earlier generations could only dream of. Despite retrenching and conservative dynamics during the 1950s, the rights, strengths, powers, and abilities of women have grown more-or-less steadily ever since. In Western culture, women have found their own voices, and they are no longer extensions of their fathers or husbands.

...unless you are Donald Harvey.

In Dr. Harvey's world, men are powerful actors, who initiate marital dissolutions (i.e.: pages 17, 19, 21, 25, 45, 133, and 187), and women are nothing more than helpless victims, who patiently endure their husbands' abuses (i.e.: pages 17, 55, 172 and 187). Moreover, some of Dr. Harvey's conclusions are intellectually questionable, such as when he labels alcoholism or drug abuse as a choice (i.e.: page 36), despite the inclusion of chemical dependency in the DSM IV, as a disease. Dr. Harvey paints with too wide a brush, indicating that an estranged father's love for his children is a form of manipulation (i.e.: page 141), and warning abandoned wives that their in-laws will always take the side of their missing partner (i.e.: pages 157-158).

Dr. Harvey's book appeals to a certain world-view that has not existed in reality since the 1930s, if it ever existed at all.

This book also follows the formula of man bashing, currently popular in pop-psychology, which may sell books and help to enrich Dr. Harvey, but which fails to meaningfully facilitate the dialogue between the genders.

This book is worse than useless. It is destructive. If you don't own it, don't purchase a copy. If you do own it, it might make good kindling for your fireplace.

Rating:
Summary: A helpful guide to come up with a game plan
Review: I found Dr. Harvey's book to be helpful. In essence, Dr. Harvey explains the three basic reasons men leave women. My husband's departure seemed to fit neatly into one of those categories. Then Dr. Harvey explains that a woman's three options when her husband chooses to separate are to divorce him immediately, pursue him (often tempting, but rarely successful) or to give him his space with no contact beyond what's absolutely necessary. I'm currently trying the latter approach in the hope that my husband will realize that leaving our home for a studio apartment isn't as peachy as he thinks. I think I'm making a good decision, and this book helped to give me the framework and strength to make it.

Rating:
Summary: Best down to earth book on divorce
Review: I wished that I had had this book at the beginning of our problem! However, it has given me the wisdom and courage to continue through our marital challenge! The biblical scriptures were an added treasure! I wish that he had included more! My husband even "thumbed" through it and gleamed a few nuggets!
I truly appreciate this book and will continue to refer to it for guidance!

Jewell

Rating:
Summary: not what I expected
Review: The tone of the book is pretty defeatest from the outset. While there are quotations from the Bible, I found myself wondering if this was really a guide for committed Christians. The author seems to say that in relationships that aren't working, divorce is inevitable, not taking into account the sovereignty of God. If you are interested in saving your marriage, I would suggest Ed Wheat's "Love Life For Every Married Couple." It is firmly routed in Biblical teachings and has a section on how to save your marriage alone.

Rating:
Summary: Straight-From-The-Shoulder Advice to the Dumped
Review: When my husband told me he was having an affair I was devastated. My whole life was falling apart. Then I found this book and started reading. Unlike other books that explain a lot but don't give much practical advice on how to deal with your situation, this book actually gives real practical advice. I would call it a 'First Aid Kit'. It restored my sanity. It helped me a lot to deal with my emotions and to start taking control of my life again. Nothing can really take away the pain an unfaithful spouse inflicts on their mate, but after reading the book you will at least know that all the chaos and emotions you are experiencing are normal. Thank you, Donald Harvey!