Working on Your Relationship Doesn't Work: A Transformational Approach to Creating Magical Relationships

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Summary: Being Present and Appropriate In All Our Relationships
Review: Working On Your Relationship Doesn't Work takes the insights of the Kanes' earlier book to a deeper level. Written in a conversational, colloquial style, this book presents the Kanes' approach to bringing a transformed life into the context of relationships. The book discusses how our lives transform when we live fully in the present, this moment of now and when we become present and appropriate in all our relationships - those with ourselves and our co-workers, as well as those with intimate or romantic partners.

The Kanes teach through anecdote rather than analysis, citing interactions among people who are practicing living in the moment and whose lives have transformed in the process. Their approach is based on non-judgmental awareness of what is in any given moment, without application of a psychological theory or social standard. We become present as we learn to perceive our own hidden agendas and mechanical behaviors that have governed how we have described ourselves for decades (e.g. "I'm too ___ to attract a good partner" or "I can never do that because of what happened to me").

Many spiritual traditions and movements urge coherents to "become present" or "live in the moment" or something similar. While the Kanes' approach to transformation can dovetail with spiritual belief and practice, it is presented in a completely secular framework, making it easily accessible for anyone, regardless of their spiritual or religious beliefs. As a Christian I find it interesting to see how much spiritual life can be lived without reference to any specific context, how transformation and living in the present are completely available in a practical way, apart from any belief system.