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Summary: Good Help Dealing With a Manipulative Ex
Review: After reading this book, my only complaint was that it spoke to those with an income who can afford an attorney and one to several therapists. This may be okay for those with such an income, but for the rest of us, that option is not approachable.
typically, it is the mother who is granted full legal and physical custody, and it is the father who is left to pay child support and medical expenses. Few of us fathers have the financial resources to hire a good attorney, let alone a therapist.The author does a good job of addressing the issue of alienation. Because visitation time is usually so limited, there is ample time for a vindictive ex, who spends the most amount of time with the children, to blatantly or subtly turn the children against the other parent. The author does a good job of giving the parent the skills to stop the process of alienation. This book is a must read.
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Summary: A must-read for people in high-conflict divorces
Review: As a child psychologist who conducts child custody evaluations, few situations are more painful than those in which alienation is going on. Unfortunately, most attorneys, courts, and parents are unfamiliar with the details and dynamics of alienation and too often, the children are the one's who lose. Those of us who do child custody evaluations have known about alienation for quite some time. Finally, there is a resource to help parents recognize and deal with these issues in a straight-forward manner. Alienation takes a tremendous toll on a child's life and parents on the receiving end of alienation feel totally powerless. Any mother or father who is caught up in a high conflict divorce must read this book. Parents I've recommended the book to tell me it reads like their biography. I can't stop recommending the book to parents and legal professionals. In terms of state-of-the-art books on divorce and child custody, this one must be read.
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Summary: If you only read one book this year, make it this one
Review: Divorce Poison If you only read one book this year, make it this one! "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak bucks conventional wisdom to say nothing to your children in the face of the other parent's "Bad-Mouthing, Bashing, and Brainwashing" otherwise known as "Divorce Poison" or Parental Alienation Syndrom-PAS. "Most books for divorced parents admonish them not to place children in the middle of their conflicts. But they provide little guidancce on when it is appropriate to crititcize a parent to a child and when it is destructive." He discusses "the systematic process of psychological manipulation and how to help children resist and reverse its influence" in a practical hands-on way. He explains why reasoning and telling children outright that they are being brainwashed don't work. He goes on to explain that there are varying degrees of alienation. That in most cases "does not sever the tie between parents and children, but it does taint the quality of their relationship. It creates unnecessary tension for the children and more conflict in their relationship with both parents. The tension and conflict may result in children who are more withdrawn and reluctant to discuss their thoughts and feelings, or children who have less respect for their parents' authority." I think he hit the nail right on the head with what MANY of us at SWC.COM are experiencing with that statement. He doesn't claim to have all the anwers, he considers the book a "work in progess" based on the many years of insights and experiences in his practice. Although full of practical explanations and advice, he does caution the reader that "You have the best chance of success if you follow this advice under the guidance of a competent therapist who understands the problems of alienated children" and goes on to offer lists of resources and how to chose a therapist. The only negative thing I can say about the book is that I thought in the beginning he listed more examples of cases where the PASing parent was the father instead of the BM. But half-way through the book, I was able to put that aside because the explanations and advice helped me make so much more sense out of my own situation. I thought he did an excellent job of explaining how to help your kid and not feel so helpless and frustrated. And for those extreme cases where salvaging the relationship with one's PAS'd children is just not possible, he talks about how to let go while leaving the door open to a future relationship. Review by: - secondwivesclub.com
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Summary: A Must Read for Divorced Parents!
Review: Dr. Warshak provides excellent insight to the problem of divorce poison. I've been battling this since I divorced fifteen years ago, and I found this book a huge help. I never fully understood what I was up against with my ex until I read this book. The biggest losers of divorce poison are children of divorce...Any parent contemplating divorce, or going through a divorce should read DIVORCE POISON.
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Summary: Divorce Poison
Review: February 14, 2002 There are few books that can claim to serve both the general public and professional/academic markets equally well. Dr Richard Warshak's,Divorce Poison is one of those. With many practical suggestions, the most important of which stresses the perils of doing nothing in the dealing with alienated children in the hope that time will make things better, Dr. Warshak, helps "target parents" counter "Divorce Poison" before it becomes lethal and often irreversible.
However, the books easy readability, should not serve to mask its' place as the definitive work on dealing with "Divorce Poison". Dr. Warshak's thoroughness, in addressing the methods of delivering the venom, as well as the appropriate antidotes, will serve all professionals; psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, court appointed counselors, or anyone caught up in the horrible arena of custody battles.
A must read for all parents with children going through a divorce, as well as the professionals who are relied on to help guide them. J. Dweck Tenafly NJ
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Summary: High Conflict Divorce Parents ...PLEASE READ THIS BOOK
Review: I bought this book before the store even unboxed it for their shelf. I have to say that I was totally amazed at how Dr. Warshak nailed the description of my experience with divorce poison, the personality profile of my vindictive ex, and the response and effects I've seen it have on my child. It was like Dr.Warshak had interviewed and observed my family personally. Divorce poison is a sick and serious issue. I don't wish it on any child or parent. If you feel like you are the target of parental alienation, educate yourself, your ex and anyone (lawyers, therapist, family, etc) who has any part in your custody matter. One of the hardest things about the recent outcome of my two year custody battle is to realize how ignorant the court, forensic psychologist, therapist, school system, and especially the father of my son, are about the power and damaging effects divorce poison has on a child. If you are recently separated and struggling with a vindictive ex, please do not assume things will blow over or die down. People whose personalities allow them to justify bad-mouthing, bashing or even brainwashing often become consumed by revenge and cannot let it go even when it is detrimental to the child. Read Dr. Warshak's book and take action appropriately. My lawyer made sure Divorce Poison was on our table in full view at all times during our three day custody trial. I just wish the judge could have read it before interviewing my son. I totally agree with the prior reviewer that said this book is a bible. Picking it up and reading it every time I feel the frustration reassures me that I am not the sick one here nor am I the bad parent. With Dr. Warshak's recommendations, I can continue to try to foster a healthy relationship with my child while trying to address the poison he is being given.
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Summary: This author has amazing insight into this problem
Review: I never thought it could happen to me, I was so close to my 3 boys, and they loved me. What happened? If I had read this, and heard about PAS earlier, maybe I would have been more insistant on getting my time with my kids. The ex has denied access so much, and now the kids are acting like I never thought they could. For the first time in his life, by boy won't look me in the eyes. And last week he said he did not want to see me. I read just the first 3 Chapters in this book so far, but am sure to read it all. Anyone who has an alienating ex needs this advice. I strongly urge you to read this book. Jeff
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Summary: Pro Custody Evaluator becomes victim of PAS
Review: I was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in private practice (specializing in custody evaluations)who 'retired' to become a full-time mom 12 years ago. I saw and identified cases of alienation but the phraseology and science wasn't even what it is today which is still fledging and controversial. When it happened to me, my mistake was not to fight poison with poison, but to silently "take the high road." I figured two wrongs didn't make a right but the damage worsened.
Finally one year ago, when I decided to fight back by "countering lies with truth," I appealed to my child's school, feeling the need for support and oversight so as not to go too far. Incredulously, the lower school principal and school counselor turned me into Child Protective Services, believing the "revised version of reality" presented by my child, the father and stepmother. I was advised by the school's counselor to "go read a book on stubborn children." Fortunately, CPS saw the situation for exactly what it is and our own custody evaluator had the clinical accuity to recognise that my child "has the attributes of alienation." However, she had NOTHING to offer except to suggest individual therapy for me and for the stepmother. Making dozens of calls, I learned there are no supports out there. When you are a target parent, you are truly alone.
I inadvertently came across Dr. Warshak's book at a friend's house, read it throughout the night and have been handing out copies ever since to friends, therapists, and attorneys. I wish I had had it a year ago; it might well have prevented the situation or at least stemmed the damage which will take years to reverse. Last week I renewed my Clinical Social Work license and in 6 weeks I will base my first Parenting Support Group on the solid foundation of Dr. Warshak's work. If that isn't a testimony in favor of this masterful piece of work, I don't know what is. The book sells itself. Sharon Marie Chester, LCSW, Metairie, LA
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Summary: Outstanding Book
Review: My granddaughter has alienated herself from our family under the influence of her mother. Before reading this excellent book, I suspected that she had been brainwashed, but knew little about the symptoms and effect of such malicious intent. I only wish I had read this book a year or two ago, so that we might have avoided the pitfalls which have led to such extreme alienation. Dr. Warshak writes in an easy-to-read style, and gives many helpful hints to ward off the effect of "divorce poison". He is right on target. It seemed as if he were writing about our situation. He is thorough, and leaves no question unanswered. I have written to him, and received a response. He is both compassionate and understanding, and the children are the focus of his concern. I would recommend this book to anyone divorced with kids, and not just those who are newly divorced. It took almost 12 years for this situation to manifest itself in our family.
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Summary: A Roadmap to Relief
Review: Not only will this book provide you with the tools to help your children and yourself, it will help you to understand why the alienating parent does the things they do. I have read many books and articles on alienation, Dr. Warshak's is far superior to anything I have seen thus far. The book is informative and based on his interaction with people suffering this devastating experience. It is not opinionated but honest and comforting. I went so far as to e-mail Dr. Warshak this last Saturday. We are relocating as soon as this custody nightmare is over and I wanted to find therapists that specialize in alienation issues near where we are moving. Dr. Warshak responded personally to my plea for help 3 hours later, not only giving me names of psychologists, but also giving me some reassuring advice. My husband and I have spent the last 4 months keeping quiet, on the advice of our attorney and family therapist, but we were wrong to do so. This book has taught us how to respond to our alienated children, while still taking the high road.
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